Start to Finish and a Little Beyond
by youdontevenknowyo
Summary: Eleri of Clan Lavellan found herself at the Conclave, then with a mysterious green hand, and finally, at the head of a semi-religious organization that was to save the world. She'll rely heavily on those around her to help navigate the world she knows little of. Lavellan/Josie.
1. First Impressions - Leliana

Leliana regarded the elf in the middle of the room. The way her head lolled to her chest, the sporadic rise and fall of her breathing, her hands bound tightly. She focused on the details. The facts. It was that or focus on the different ways to kill the prisoner based on the rumors being whispered.

The entirety of the Conclave was destroyed. Every living being present was now dead. Except for this woman. A very simple, elven woman.

This elf had long, brown hair; shaved back on the sides. Some of it was slightly dreaded but Leliana couldn't decide if it was meant to be that way or it was a result of the explosion, or her time in the fade. Maker knows what goes on there. Her head dipped down to her chest forced her hair to fall across her face.

Leliana could only make out half of her vallaslin because of the hair but if Leliana's memory served her it was one of the variations of Mythal. Several thin branches shot out from the base that jutted from the tip of her nose. The branches framed her eyes, covered her forehead as inked roots grew from her chin. The former bard's days spent with the Dalish during the Blight was a long time ago but much of the information came readily when called upon. The First of that clan was welcoming of humans and was excited when Leliana showed interest in their culture.

It would have to be a sick joke that an elf with the markings of Mythal, the Dalish god of protection, would be to blame for the downfall of the Chantry. Leliana would laugh if she wasn't so focused on keeping her emotions in check. Which reminded her, she was supposed to be focusing on the young woman in front of her. Not the destruction of Leliana's life.

And she _did_ seem young. Much younger than Leliana's initial observation when the guards hauled her unconscious body in. If Leliana had to guess she would place the elf in her early 20s. Her face was free of wrinkles, the only marks were her vallaslin and a prominent scar jutting down from her right eye that curved with her high cheekbones. The bard's mind ran away from her with tales of how the scar got its home.

Cassandra barreling through the door pulled her out of the blissful distraction but she only kept walking past her towards the guard barracks to bark orders at some undeserving soldier. Leliana let her eyes follow the seeker but shifted once more to the elf when the barrack's door closed.

Her hand sparked green every few minutes which caused it to jump. It was an odd sight. Leliana was used to mages and Templars with magic but Solas had assured Cassandra that this elf had no magic. So if not magic, what?

A particularly large shock of green roused the elf. Her eyes fluttered open then locked onto her hand. She twisted it around, back and forth, to observe it. Leliana wondered what the sensation must feel like but another shock of green and a pained gasp told her enough.

Even in pain, Leliana had to admit the elf was beautiful; now that she could get a decent look at her face. She had a sharp chin and slender jaw, high cheekbones where two dark eyes sat nestled in thick eyelashes. They appeared green but Leliana couldn't decide if it was an effect of the mark's light or their actual color. The elf had a slim nose that was the trail for her vallaslin to connect to her chin. Her ears were long, big for any Dalish but, like all her features, they were slim. The only full thing about this elf were her pink lips. And even that was based on comparison.

Leliana's attention was demanded by Cassandra as the woman cleared her throat. She motioned the bard to follow her outside. Leliana in turn motioned the guards to attention. The scrap of swords drawn and a shiver followed her out.

"The guards do not know what to make of the elf. They blame her but they are saying the figure behind her was Andraste."

Her voice held a dangerous edge. This side of Cassandra was shown once before, a long time ago. The outcome was _not_ pleasant for anyone involved. Leliana knew she would have to monitor this interrogation so as not to lose their only connection to what happened to the Most Holy.

"Maybe so. All we can do is ask, Cassandra, but you need to calm down. She is no use to us if you kill her."

Cassandra grunted as she shoved past Leliana, who followed with a frustrated sigh.

The elf's head jerked up as the door opened. She schooled her features into indifference, maybe a little anger but Leliana saw the fear that was there seconds before. The hair on the back of Leliana's neck stood with the sound of metal on metal snaking through the room as the guards sheathed their swords. No matter how many years she was in this life, she would never get used to the sound.

The elf met Leliana's eyes as the left hand walked closer. Leliana could now confirm the deep green in her eyes and also the apprehension mixing with the color. This woman was Dalish and, through her anger, Leliana needed to remember that their people were stubborn and didn't trust easily, that intimidation wouldn't be the best tactic.

Before she could get out that suggestion, Cassandra had already circled the elf and leaned down over her shoulder.

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now." She straightened, "The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead." Cassandra continued circling. As she came side by side with Leliana she turned to finish, "Except for you."

As the seeker spoke, Leliana had studied the elf for a reaction. Slowly her face dropped the indifference. Leliana saw the shock seep in, followed by confusion and what could have been survivor's guilt but as Cassandra finished, all Leliana saw was stubborn anger. The elf didn't answer. She glared up at the two women. This only enraged Cassandra more.

The hotheaded woman darted down to grab the elf's wrist, jerking it up then throwing it back at the elf. As she did it sputtered green.

"Explain this."

Their prisoner looked down at her own hand. The mask was gone. Leliana saw the confusion and fear that was followed by the stuttered admission of no explanation.

Cassandra was much less observant of people's emotional or social ques. She missed that the elf was becoming compliant, that she wanted to help or at least to explain herself. That the elf was _scared._ The admission only seemed to fuel an already present anger.

"What do you mean you _can't_?!"

Leliana started her own circle. Her feet moving her slightly faster than the seeker. She knew what was bound to come next. She knew she needed to be closer to Cassandra to stop it as subtly as possible so there was no shift in command.

"I don't know what that is, or how it got there." The elf rushed to answer, panic joining her emotions.

"You're lying!"

Cassandra grabbed the elf by her shoulders then her dominant hand reached for the hilt of her sword. Leliana moved quickly. She grabbed Cassandra and pushed her backwards. When the seeker's eyes met Leliana's they were fire and anger but she complied with the warning. Leliana turned as the elf spoke, her voice without any hint of the fear from before.

"What happens now?"

"Do you remember what happened? How this began?" Leliana's questions ran together and she had to cut off a third to actually get an answer at all. The elf avoided her eyes as she answered.

"I remember running. _Things_ were chasing me, and then…a woman?"

Green eyes found Leliana's with her question. The elf seemed unsure and the fear was back. Leliana met Cassandra's pointed stare. The seeker raised an eyebrow as if to say 'see? It is true.'

"A woman?"

The elf slowly nodded her head. "She reached out to me, but then…"

Cassandra cut her off. It didn't seem as though she was going to continue anyways. Cassandra issued her orders and Leliana quickly complied. There was a plan forming in Cassandra's head, the cogs turning were visible if you knew what to look for like Leliana did. "I will take her to the rift" Cassandra announced. And there it was.

Leliana spared the elf a lingering look over her shoulder as she left the barracks. Her slight shoulders sank. She looked broken and tired.

The forward camp was little else than tables and tents set up on a bridge. The gateway between the Temple of Sacred Ashes and Haven. Leliana looked out over what she could see of the land while Chancellor Roderick droned on, quite passionately, about how the elf needed to be 'put down.' It was all Leliana could do to not put the man down herself. Her modest upbringing in Orlais made this a sensitive argument. Not to mention the hospitality she was shown from the Dalish during the Blight. Was their First corrupt? Yes. Was his Second and the rest of the clan privy to his deception or anything less than amiable? No. They were good people. They deserve respect. Something Roderick was denying them. Leliana subtly bit the inside of her lip as another derogatory term landed on her ears.

Guards yelling and the creak of giant hinges brought Leliana's focus from the surrounding area to the front of camp. A silent sigh of relief from the left hand accompanied the incoming party.

"Here they come." Leliana announced. She watched as a wave of disapproval sunk down Roderick's face as his eyes lingered on the free elf. "You made it. Chancellor Roderick, this is "

"I know who she is." The man spat, cutting Leliana off. He continued, in an overextended pompous tone, "As grand chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution."

Leliana watched the elf. She knew this was coming. She needed to know how the elf would react when faced with outright prejudice. The small woman's eyebrows raised but her mouth became hard. She held herself a little taller and a hand found its way to the hilt of her daggers, the ones Leliana didn't notice until now. The elf said nothing, but Cassandra did. A scoff left the dark haired woman.

"' _Order_ me?' You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!"

"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!"

Leliana stepped in as the two more passionate believers heated.

"We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know." She aimed to be as polite as possible in hopes to distinguish the fire Cassandra was stoking.

Roderick rolled his eyes and let out a scoff of his own. His hands came up to frame what he was about to say, as if he were talking to children.

"Justinia is dead! We must reelect a replacement, and obey _her_ orders on the matter!"

Their new friend decided to speak up then. Leliana had to suppress a groan and a chuckle.

"So none of you are actually in charge here?" She asked in a bored yet berating tone. The fire that was dwindling into a smolder now flared to life in the chancellor.

"You _killed_ everyone who was in charge!" He yelled, an accusatory finger flung in the elf's direction. Cassandra moved into his line of sight of the elf. Leliana noted this for discussion later. Something seemed to change from her previous aversion to the woman.

"Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position here is hopeless."

"We can stop this before it's too late."

"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple. Even with all your soldiers."

The three Chantry officials debated their route to the temple. Leliana was in favor for the mountain pass. She had lost many soldiers there and half hoped that if Cassandra took it she would find them. More than her worry, the pass was the safest. Soldiers could charge as a distraction as the party sneaks through. There would be causalities but if this elf can close the rift then it'd be worth it. Leliana would charge with them, lead them even, if it meant the rift would close. But Cassandra did not leave it up to her. Surprisingly, she left it up to the elf. The same elf who almost missed the question as her hand flared green with the pulsing rift in the sky. Leliana observed how her face contorted with pain.

"You're asking _me_ what _I_ think?"

"You have the mark." Solas offered as Varric chuckled, at the marked elf's reaction or Solas's unhelpful comment Leliana wasn't sure.

"You are the one we must keep alive, and since we can't agree on our own…"

The answer came quick, sure. Varric grinned in approval as Cassandra's scowl was barely concealed. Leliana kept her own approval hidden. Her eyes met those of the prisoner and held.

"Leliana," Cassandra began. The left hand was jolted out of the staring contest. "Bring everyone left to the valley. Everyone."

As they separated, Roderick issued his last threat.

"On your head be the consequences, Seeker."

Leliana bit her lip again and took the effort to keep her feet moving. Her and Cassandra may not always agree or have much in common but the women have worked together for years now. She respected the seeker, cared for her; if anyone else had uttered the threat they would have a dagger at their throat. Instead Leliana bottled that anger to unleash on the demons they were sure to meet in the valley.

The path to the valley was littered with bodies. Human, dwarf, elf, and demon. Leliana wished she could keep her eyes trained ahead but knew that a detailed report of the battle would be much more useful. She didn't sleep enough for the sight to plague her dreams anyway.

After explaining the plan to Cullen, Leliana waited at the back of the company with a handful of her scouts. 'Everyone left' meant that Haven would be temporarily unguarded. They needed to be sure that all immediate danger was taken care of.

The breach in the sky pulsed, jerking her attention away from the scene in front of her. Leliana scanned the field once again and saw Cullen striding towards her.

"Leliana, you need to go. I'll stay back with a small guard; I don't feel comfortable leaving Haven. We don't understand this breach enough to trust these people will be safe. The way that thing keeps flashing is unsettling." His quick command and sure tone left no room for argument. Truth be told, Leliana was getting antsy waiting as she was. She gave the man a quick nod and addressed her own guard before setting off.

The temple wasn't far from their position and the pace Leliana forced her company into was break neck. She knew they wasted too much time. It was time well wasted to protect Haven but if she was too late…one village was not worth all of Thedas.

The sight of what was left of the Conclave stopped the left hand in her tracks. She heard someone behind her empty their stomachs. Leliana closed her eyes to collect herself, allowing the smell to hit her unhindered. Luckily she didn't have anything in her stomach to fear losing.

The Temple of Scared Ashes was no more than broken walls and scorched earth. The bodies that were left didn't even look human except for the pain still obvious in what was left of them. And all that was left was bone and muscle, few had teeth visible from their mouths still stretched in screams. Once again Leliana forced herself to note every detail around her. _This_ would find its way into whatever little sleep she found. As she turned the corner into the heart of the temple she saw Cassandra and her party.

"You're here. Thank the Maker."

The elf cast a sidelong glance at Leliana before focusing back on the rift. The left hand had little time to register this as Cassandra issued her orders. With a nod and a glance of her own at the elf over Cassandra's shoulder, Leliana turned back to her company then made her way into position.

Leliana froze as she readied her bow. The voice that was ringing through the temple she never thought she would hear again. That was Divine Justinia. She whipped around to find the source. Then she heard the elf. Her eyes dropped to the center of the temple as the elf's hand flared to life. Blue eyes didn't linger long as the sky erupted in light, not the green they have come to expect but a vison of some sort. It showed the Divine being held, the elf rushing in. Then a shadow with a voice. It sent not a shiver but, something extremely more uncomfortable that the Orlesian couldn't explain. It was deep, gravelly, and _old_. Not the old and wise or old and condescending that came with age but the old that stretched through history.

Leliana watched in rapt horror at her mentor's final minutes before the image burned out.

Her eyes darted back down to Cassandra. Leliana could hear the seeker's shouted questions, the same ones she had. The elf's answer was lost in the distance but the two women stood in a face off, the tension visible. They both turned toward Solas. Again, Leliana was left without answers as she watched them.

"That means demons. Stand ready!" Cassandra called out. Leliana ignored the angry confusion and raised her bow, signaling to those around her to do the same. A motion of the right hand's head brought Leliana down from her perch. The left hand motioned to a few of her warriors to step in closer as well. Then they all watched the small elf step up to the pulsating rift. The green that immediately found the elf twitched manically as if trying to escape to anything around it.

Then it did. It shot green at the small woman then blasted out across the ruined temple. A pride demon emerged from the light. Leliana spared the elf a passing glance to assess the damage. Nothing more than a pained expression as she drew her daggers. Demons began to pour out of the rift. Shades of every kind.

Then arrows were flying and swords were slashing, stabbing, swinging in any manner that would ensure victory.

After every demon she cut down, the elf would turn back to the rift. When the wisps of green that bled from it tightened into what looked to be emeralds she would step up to dissolve it once more. And each time Leliana would move to protect her. The elf was defenseless when the rift leeched onto her. The pain on her face clear.

"Every time the rift is disrupted the demons stop."

Leliana turned toward the comment given through gritted teeth after what must have been the third disruption. The elf was rising from a single knee with her hand glowing green. It was a sight that sent the former bard's mind spinning with new tales. But, she pushed those to the back as she turned towards the battle. It was true. The demons seemed to be frozen.

The elf didn't wait for a comment. She dashed back into the fray with a snarl. Leliana watched the woman fight as her bow followed in the bloody wake, shooting arrows at anything still moving. The elf was deadly. She seemed to glide from demon to demon. The red that followed was an accent to her deadly dance. It was beautiful in a way only a warrior would appreciate.

It was almost mesmerizing to watch her fight. Shocking too. Most shocking being her strength. The speed was impressive but expected of a Dalish hunter. The strength would make even Cullen jealous. She cut through demons in single strokes, blocked claws with what looked to be little effort, and ran them through with ease. Her daggers catching the green light as they sailed through the air.

Then, the pride demon fell. Too many soldiers were attacking to know which single blow was the final.

Leliana watched the elf trudge back towards her. Their eyes met before the woman slipped behind Leliana. There was a gasp then the unmistakable buzz of the rift. Leliana turned to watch. The glowing arm of light that shot out to meet the elf's hand was duller but the pain on her face showed that it had only doubled in strength. It held on longer, pushing the elf's hand back. She met the force with her own and shoved back.

The gem now looked like molten emerald before it imploded into the sky. They had seconds to watch as it fizzled upward before a bright light flooded from the breach. Leliana threw her arm up to cover her eyes. When it was gone and they could focus again, her eyes found the elf's unconscious body on the ground; her hand still throbbing green.

Cassandra stood stuck, staring at what was left of the rift. Green tendrils that drifted as if the wind blew through it. Only there was no wind. Leliana waited for the right hand to take charge. When that didn't happen she took in the woman's body language. The sword and shield she favored hung limply in her hands, her eyes were out of focus, and her lips were drawn in a firm line. The loss of the Divine was firmly setting in for Cassandra. Or the emotional overload of the day was taking effect. Whatever it was, Cassandra would not be taking charge.

"You there, get the elf up and back to Haven. She is to be treated with the same care you would Seeker Pentaghast or myself." Leliana waited as the soldiers gently picked the elf up onto their shields before addressing the next task. "The demon carcasses need to be burned and the bodies of those at the Conclave need to be put to rest. Either burial or pyre. The decision is up to you but it will not be the same fire that the demons are burned in. Show them respect.

"Cassandra." Leliana waited for the woman to respond. Seconds ticked by before she slowly turned. "You need to get back to Haven as well. Take Varric and Solas with you. Roderick will be waiting. He never listens to me but you intimidate him enough to stall for time."

The seeker nodded. The fire that always lit up her eyes was still there but dim. Leliana added, softer, "Give him something that will put him off until tomorrow. Even he will understand the need to rest. Send Varric after him. Whatever it takes but you need rest, Cassandra."

Another nod before the dark haired woman headed out of the temple. Varric, who was close enough to overhear, sent Leliana a knowing look then followed.

"I would like to stay and study the rift." Solas spoke up from behind Leliana. "I will stay out of your soldiers' way and even help with the Conclave causalities but I believe we could learn much from this site."

"Very well." Leliana ran a hand down her face. The day had been long. "My in-command will know to give you any assistance you may need and I will also let him know of your offer to help. A small guard will be made available to you if you wish to stay overnight. Use it or don't, that is up to you."

Another nod from a companion and Leliana moved for her scouts. She placed McCown in charge, issued commands, then struck her own path back to Haven. A longer, less traveled path that allowed the former left hand plenty of privacy to mourn her beloved Divine.


	2. A Seeker's Worry - Cassandra

Cassandra studied the young elf, Eleri of the Lavellan clan, as she made her way up the dirt path towards the Chantry building. The sporadic glow of her hand was gone, controlled now that the original rift was taken care of. The girl looked tired and confused, her head swiveling every few steps to take in the surrounding village of Haven. She seemed wary of the villagers as any Dalish elf would be. Their first encounter, with Eleri waking in chains, probably did not help her instinctual distrust. The former right hand motioned inside the Chantry building once the young elf reached her. They walked inside in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence but held the awkward air between two people who barely knew each other. The herald of Andraste, as many called her, started to twist her wrist, flex her hand and eventually moved to crack her knuckles. She was clearly uncomfortable, or in pain.

"Does it trouble you?"

The herald stopped and looked down at her hand as if she was the hand itself what its condition was. She flexed the fingers and turned it over from palm to backhand. Finally, her eyes lifted to meet Cassandra's; jaw set and stubborn written clearly across her face.

"I'll be fine." The lilting voice left no room for discussion. Cassandra gave a curt nod in understanding, noting that Eleri didn't actually answer the question, then started walking again. There would be time for concern later. Now, Eleri needed prepped for the meeting, and the bickering, they were walking into. The advisors were scrambling to obtain allies, soothe any conflict they could, and gain numbers. Not to mention, save the world from the unknown threat that destroyed the conclave. Nerves were burned to the quick and tempers were shot for all who stood daily around the war table.

"What's important is that your mark is now stable, as is the breach. You've given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed – provided the mark has more power." Cassandra paused again to look at Eleri, to make sure she understood the importance. This was no easy task they were placing on the young elf's shoulders. She needed to grasp the weight in order to carry them all to peaceful, rift-less world. "The same level of power used to open the breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by."

"Yes, because that makes sense. Super-charge this thing to the same level that tore a hole in the sky. Nothing bad could possibly happen." The elf's lips curved upward as the words, dripping in sarcasm, left them. Cassandra shook her head with a chuckle.

"Hold on to that sense of humor. How to gain that level of power is what the advisors have been discussing since Solas came up with the theory." Cassandra huffed, "A decision has not been reached."

"Why not?"

"There are vastly different opinions within the advisors. I believe they intend for you to be the tiebreaker."

Eleri nodded and walked into the Chantry's back office in front of Cassandra. The seeker followed instead of leading the way, wishing to observe the elf's reaction to the waiting advisors. Eleri was harder than most to read and her opinion of the advisors could greatly affect the inquisition's progress throughout their journey.

Eleri's shoulders tensed and her right hand, which rested comfortably on the hilt of a short sword during their walk, tightened its grip. The small elf seemed to straighten, trying to make herself seem taller. From the advisor's expressions, Leliana's reserved, Cullen's polite, and Josephine's eager, there was no change to her own expression. If there was it was erased by the time Cassandra was facing Eleri again. No time was wasted with the introductions.

"May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces."

The commander gave a small smile and nodded his head. "Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through. We can discuss that issue further at a later time though. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Eleri looked back as Cullen finished speaking for Cassandra to continue.

"This is lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat."

The ambassador's smile was shy but her response sure.

"Andaran Atish'an"

That caught the Dalish elf's attention. Cassandra swore she saw Eleri try to tame the corners of her mouth as they attempted to glide into a smile. As it was, the surprise was still evident. Her eyebrows rose and her shoulder's relaxed slightly. The seeker would bet money, if she were a gambling woman, that the elf herself didn't even realize the effect those words had on her.

"You speak Elven?"

"You've just heard the entirety of it, I'm afraid." Lady Montilyet looked down at her clipboard as a small flush darkened her cheeks. A small laugh, no more than a short huff of air through her nose, escaped Eleri. She was still looking at the ambassador, eyes crinkled with an invisible smile, as Cassandra began her final introduction, green eyes slow to follow the direction the words were leading them.

"And of course, you know Sister Leliana."

"It is nice to see you again, Eleri, and to see that your hand is not glowing as much." She smiled, "as for my position with the Inquisition, it involves a degree of – "

"She is our spymaster." Cassandra interjected. There was no time for this; decisions needed to be made. They had wasted enough time arguing.

"Yes, tactfully put, Cassandra." Leliana shook her head. Her tone was exasperated but her expression was fond. A combination Cassandra was used to after all these years.

"A pleasure to meet you all." Cassandra turned to the elf, surprised. She hadn't expected Eleri to be polite. Not that the young woman was rude per say but she was _young_ and in a difficult position surrounded by those she was unaccustomed to. Add that to the storied distrust and distaste Dalish had for any outside their culture, including elves who were merely born differently than them. Cassandra watched as Eleri turned to each advisor and nodded to them, a smile sent to the ambassador.

"Before, as we were walking in, I mentioned that the mark needed more power to close the breach for good."

"Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help." Leliana interrupted. Whatever discussion that was had before the seeker and herald walked in was still heated. Cullen solidified that assumption for Cassandra as he answered on the heels of Leliana.

"And I still disagree. The Templars could serve just as well."

Cassandra sighed and glanced at Eleri. The elf was quietly watching the discussion, eyes flitting back and forth between speakers.

"We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark – "

"Might destroy us all." Cullen countered quickly. "Templars could suppress the breach, weaken it so – "

"Pure speculation." Leliana's words were condescending. Cassandra sent a look to her former partner. A look that was just as familiar as the one shared earlier and warned of the cutting tone the spymaster slipped into when arguing. An unwanted souvenir from time spent debating in the Orlesian courts. Leliana ignored it. Stubborn as always.

" _I_ was a Templar. I know what they're capable of."

Lady Montilyet, who from the stories Cassandra has heard is just as familiar with Leliana, interjected before the spymaster could counter.

"Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet." She began. Cassandra had to admit that the smooth Antivan accent was soothing, an obvious advantage for the ambassador. "The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition – and you," she pointed at Eleri with an ink dripping quill, "specifically."

"Well that didn't take long." Eleri's face was a mask. There was no humor like her comment suggested other than a smirk that sat under green eyes. Those eyes gave nothing away, her body language had relaxed since first entering but even that was still guarded: left hand resting on a sword hilt, the other hanging at her side, holding onto the end of her jerkin.

"Shouldn't they be busy arguing over who should become Divine?" Cullen asked.

Cassandra stiffened but coaxed herself out of it. The memories of her lost Divine were still fresh and sensitive to any mention. Cullen was lost to her reaction in his disdain toward the Chantry and question directed at the ambassador. She shared a sidelong glance with Leliana.

Lady Montilyet ignored Cullen, a wise decision in Cassandra's opinion, and spoke to Eleri.

"Some are calling you –a Dalish elf – the 'Herald of Andraste.' That frightens the Chantry. The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemous, and we," she motioned around the table with the quill, "heretics for harboring you."

Cassandra's lip curled in disgust. "Chancellor Roderick's doing no doubt." That bureaucrat was lucky he was nowhere near Haven.

"It limits our options." Lady Montilyet pushed on, again ignoring the more aggressive comments from the warriors. "Approaching the mages _or_ Templars," she gave Cullen a pointed look as he began to protest, "for help is currently out of the question."

"Wait." Eleri shook her head, "Wait. Just how am _I_ the 'Herald of Andraste?'"

Cassandra had been waiting for this question, it was a few beats off when she expected it but it still came nonetheless. She had done her best to keep the young elf from finding out prior to this meeting so she could be the one to explain. The Dalish held very different beliefs to those of the Chantry. Cassandra wasn't sure how she would react and thought it better if it happened within the confines of the meeting. Eleri's image was something they could not stand to tarnish before even creating. Her reputation would proceed her and needed to be positive.

"People saw what you did at the Temple, how you stopped the breach from growing. They have also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you." She stopped to let the information sink in. Green eyes stared passively at Cassandra, waiting. "They believe that was Andraste."

"Even if we tried to stop that view from spreading – "

"Which we have not." Cassandra nodded at Leliana in apology for interrupting.

"The point is; everyone is talking about you."

"It's quite the title, isn't it? How do you feel about that?" Cullen asked, genuinely curious. Cassandra listened closely. Cullen saved her from asking the very same question, but in a less tactful manner. The room seemed to lose all sound as the three advisors waited for her answer. If Eleri chose to walk out on this inquisition so early than they were doomed. The mysterious green mark on her hand demanded that Eleri be the face of their cause.

Eleri looked down at her hand, her thumb ran the length of her index finger and back down, repeating the gesture over and over. She glanced at Cassandra then. Her eyes dropped the mask and were asking a question; one Cassandra didn't have the answer to.

"I don't know." Eleri answered, looking back at Cullen to address his question. It was short, simply, and painfully honest. A combination Cassandra had the feeling summed up how the elf dealt with most things. She looked from Cullen to the other advisors. Leliana began some semblance of an answer to the elf's silent question that Cassandra could not answer. Her tone was comforting tone but what she said was far from it.

"People are desperate for a sign of hope. For some, _you_ are that sign."

"And to others, a symbol of everything that's gone wrong." Lady Montilyet warned, guilt plain in her eyes. They flicked to Cassandra as well, in the same boat of not knowing how much their new Herald could take in that moment, and worried that they may be giving too much up at once.

It all came back to the facts. Eleri had been unconscious for days. After being convicted, and almost executed, for destroying the Conclave and the world. She was being thrust into a world vastly different than her own. There were no green forests or the nomad lifestyle. There was snow and mountains and humans. Many humans. And she was young. Early twenties at most. A child in Cassandra's eyes. There was only so much she could take and that was nothing against the elf, just a fact of life.

Eleri looked down again. Cassandra was starting to notice the trend: anytime Eleri needed time to think she avoided eye contact as if she was ashamed of the length of time it took her. A habit the former right hand did not understand. Never had it taken Eleri too long to come up with an answer nor has an answer been inadequate in the time the seeker had known her. But all the same, the advisors waited patiently for the girl to speak.

"Could we be attacked?" She asked, voice low. Cullen began to answer but was cut off as Eleri expanded her question. "Because I'm here, could these people be attacked?"

Eleri lifted her eyes for a heartbeat but dropped them again and so missed the pleased smile Cullen sent her, his attempt at humor diffusing Josephine's apparent worry that had grew with the elf's question. "With what? They have only words at their disposal."

"And yet, they may bury us with them." She quipped.

"If you are worried for Haven's safety, there is something you can do." Leliana jumped in, not one to let a chance for advancement pass her by. "A Chantry cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked to speak to you. She is not far, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable."

Leliana did not have to wait long for an answer. Eleri gave it immediately with a quick nod.

"I'll see what she has to say."

"You'll find her tending the wounded in the Hinterlands, near Redcliff. Do you know the area?"

"No."

"I do and I will be accompanying you, as will Solas and Varric. You will always travel in a party, a pack of sorts, to ensure your safety and the success of various missions." Cassandra half ordered, half informed.

Cullen nodded along and then gave his own advice.

"Look for other opportunities to expand our influence when you are out in the world. If you can help the native people, anyone at all, word will spread and our power will grow. It is imperative that the people view you positively if we wish to be successful. From what I can tell from this meeting, just act normally and you'll be fine."

The commander gave a warm, encouraging smile with his words. He was much better with the inquisition's new members than Cassandra was. While he had mastered the balance between a firm command and soft words, Cassandra was all passion and fiery actions. A large reason she opted not to command.

"We will need agents to extend our reach beyond this valley, and you are much better suited than anyone to recruit them." Lady Montilyet added. Eleri's eyes followed from advisor to advisor taking in the information. Cassandra thought she looked shell shocked but also seemed to be taking everything in. Had their matters been not as pressing, she might slow things down for the young elf. Unfortunately, Eleri would have to learn on the fly.

"In the meantime, let's think of other options. I won't leave this all to the Herald." Cassandra wrapped up the meeting and the advisors watched Eleri quickly leave the room. She had asked few questions, as needed, and was polite in her farewells but it was clear the small elf was uncomfortable surrounded by the advisors at the war table.

"She is interesting, no?" Leliana questioned once the door shut behind the retreating herald. Icy blue eyes lingered on the door before meeting Josephine's and Cullen's as they answered.

Cassandra huffed and looked to the other advisors. Cullen had an amused smile while Josephine seemed to fully consider the question. The ambassador never answered quickly if she was allotted the time. A clear sign of a diplomat.

"I like her." Cullen decided. "She _is_ odd but I haven't spent much time around the Dalish, that could explain it. Her heart seems in the right place."

"More like you've heard stories of her in battle." Leliana teased the commander.

"Well, they are impressive! I've heard she _charges_ , as in not a one-time mishap but an informed decision to _charge, at_ fully armed Templar shield-knights when they rush. The ones with the big shields." He added for Josephine as he animatedly talked about the elf's fighting style. "I trained with those men. That is no easy task. Their sheer size and equipment give most pause."

Cassandra chuckled. They had encountered a few rouge Templars who refused to yield to Cassandra's order, that Solas was on official Chantry business. Eleri had made short work of the men. Cassandra was barely needed and Varric was completely useless as Solas merely stood back, observing. Varric stood dumbfounded at the time but began spinning a story to tell at his first opportunity. Eleri answered his questions cautiously, unsure of what was happening. She remained wary of the stout dwarf but with each brash compliment he gave her in battle she began to warm up to him.

"She is impressive fighter, Commander," Leliana relented, "and watching her fight is pleasing too."

The wink and resulting red exploding across Cullen's face was too much for Cassandra. The blonde haired man sputtered for a response. The seeker let out a harsh bark of laughter as Josephine chuckled behind a raised hand. The polite demeanor never lifting from her actions.

"What? No – that is not what, I didn't mean it like that!"

"I am only teasing!"

"Lady Montilyet, what do you think?" Cassandra asked, an attempt to keep the advisors on task. There was no time for jokes. Not yet. At least that was what Cassandra thought but Josephine's own tinted cheeks and the hesitation proved otherwise. "Not like that!" Cassandra barked.

"Well, I believe, if she works at it, she could be the leader we need. She seems an interesting mix of bold and shy. Polite yet stubborn. I am also under the impression that she does not know much about Thedas outside of her clan and maybe the Free Marches. She will need help in the politics side but she seems intelligent so I see no pressing issues."

"A very diplomatic answer, Josie." Leliana seemed to be in a teasing mood. Cassandra sent her a quick glare, one the spymaster simply shrugged off with a smile.


	3. Diplomatic Dealings - Josie

Josie tried her best to keep her voice neutral as she spoke but this was the third time she had tried explaining their situation to the masked man in front of her. Not to mention that the Marquis's nasally Orlesian accent was beginning to fray her nerves. It was too amplified and pinched by his ego; not the smooth, attractive cadence that Leliana spoke with.

"The Inquisition _cannot_ remain, Ambassador, if you cannot prove it was founded on Justinia's orders." He funneled back to her. Again.

At the same moment, Eleri walked into her office. Hesitantly pushing the door open and poking her head around, eyebrows drawn up and eyes wide as a way of asking Josie if it was a bad time. The ambassador shook her head, eyes meeting the elf's, as she answered the man. Eleri slipped into the room, pushing the door closed with her hands behind her back. Josie attempted to focus on the man in front of her instead of the object of her newest crush. Luckily, Josie was nothing if not professional, not missing a beat.

"This is an inopportune time, Marquis. More of the faithful flock her each day." As Eleri walked farther into the room, Josie swiftly changed the subject. She hoped the Marquis would be star struck enough to let the matter at hand go. "But allow me to introduce you to the brave soul who _risked her life_ to slow the magic of the breach." Josie allowed her annoyance to emphasis her words then paused to give them weight. "Mistress Lavellan, this is Marquis DuRellion, one of Divine Justinia's greatest supporters."

The Marquis spoke right on the heels of Josie's introduction, _not_ taking the bait of meeting the Herald of Andraste. Josie noted the anger that flashed quickly through Eleri's eyes but could not think why it would be there since the man said nothing offensive to the elf.

"And rightful owner of Haven. House DuRellion lent Justinia these lands for a pilgrimage. This 'Inquisition' is not a beneficiary of this arrangement." The man spoke wildly with his hands, as most Orlesians do, and Josie chalked up the anger to Eleri's annoyance of the man. It was the only reason that made sense to her.

"This is the first I've heard of Haven having an owner outside of the Chantry." It wasn't a question, not really, but Eleri looked to Josie for confirmation. But as before, the Marquis spoke on the heels of the comment.

"My wife, Lady Machen of Denerim, has claim to Haven by ancient treaty with the monarchs of Ferelden. We were _honored_ to lend its use to Divine Justinia. She is…she was a woman of supreme merit." The Marquis grew quiet as he complimented the late Divine but quickly rallied, giving Eleri more reason to prickle. "I will _not_ let an upstart order remain on her holy grounds."

Before Josie had time to intervene, knowing the elf did not particularly excel in verbal confrontation, Eleri retorted in a chilling tone. "Interesting, considering the Inquisition was begun by the left and right hands of the Divine."

Josie internally raised an impressed eyebrow at Eleri's comment but kept her features neutral for the sake of appearances. The Marquis was relentless though. It was infuriating. Josie had tried a similar line of reasoning but he saw no merit in it. To the Marquis, unless it had Justinia's seal then it was null and void.

"I've seen no written records from Sister Leliana _or_ Seeker Pentaghast that Justinia approved the Inquisition." As the man spoke, a new course of action dawned on Josie. She stifled a smile as she prepared to reveal it. She turned to Eleri and put on her best defeated expression.

"If he won't take her at her word, I'm afraid Seeker Pentaghast must challenge him to a duel."

And just as Josie had hoped, the Marquis paled at the suggestion. What little that could be seen of his face grew white and he jerked back as if the words slapped him.

" _What_?" He spat out.

It was Josie's turn to turn up the righteousness. "It is a matter of honor among the Nevarrans." Then she added innocently, "Shall I arrange the bout for tonight?" Josie flicked her left wrist out, quill in hand, as she looked down at her clipboard as if to check her schedule then to the Marquis as she waited for his answer, an eyebrow raised.

"No! No. Perhaps my reaction to the Inquisition's presence was somewhat hasty." The man sighed heavily, defeated. He began to pace the room with his first steps turning his back on the two women. Josie took the split second to send a wink to Eleri before leveling out her voice. The elf grinned back.

"We face a dark time, Your Grace. Divine Justinia would not want her passing to divide us. She would, in fact, trust us to forge new allegiances to the benefit of all, no matter how strange they may seem." Tense seconds ticked by as the Marquis turned to face Josie, and took a few steps before answering. His tone, and body language, were much more agreeable when he finally spoke.

"I will think on it, Lady Montilyet. The Inquisition might stay in the meantime."

With that, the man strode out of her office. Josie and Eleri watched him go in silence. The only movement was Eleri stepping to close the door again.

" _Does_ the Marquis own Haven?" Her green eyes seemed worried, as if it was something that would throw off the Inquisition's efforts. It made Josie want to laugh at how adorable such a small worry was but she feared the elf would take it wrong. Instead, she answered truthfully.

"The Grace's position is not as strong as he presents it. Despite their Ferelden relations, the Durellions are Orlesian." At the widening of those green eyes, Josie continued. "If the Marquis wishes to claim Haven, Empress Celene must negotiate with Ferelden on his behalf. Her current concerns are a bit larger than minor property disputes."

"Well, I'm glad we aren't getting tossed out into the cold. You handled him with ease. At least I think." Eleri smiled at Josie, flashing white teeth and causing the green eyes Josie was infatuated with to crinkle. She smiled down at her clipboard, pretending to check something, instead of at the elf. She hoped it hid the red creeping into her cheeks. She fell back on work, her safety net.

"Thank you but His Grace is only the first of many dignitaries we must contend with."

"You expect more people…in Haven?"

"Undoubtedly. And each visitor will spread the story of the Inquisition after they depart."

Again, Eleri's eyes widened. The elf had admitted that there was much she didn't understand about the world around her and that she didn't quite grasp the situation she was in. Obviously, she hadn't thought about the impact she and the Inquisition had on each person they came across. Josie gave her time to process the information, pausing the conversation to walk behind her desk and sit down, motioning with a wave of her hand for Eleri to take one of the seats across from her. Once they were both seated she began again.

"An ambassador should ensure the tale is as complementary as possible."

Eleri nodded along with Josie's words. "May I ask what brought you to work for the Inquisition?"

"Sister Leliana approached me. We've been…acquainted for quite some time." Josie smiled as she thought about how long she and Leliana had been friends. "For better or worse, being the Inquisition's diplomat has become as interesting as she promised."

The two shared a smile before Eleri asked another question. Josie was beginning to understand that the elf was not shy about asking things of people. She once asked Eleri why she did it and the answer was simple: it was how she learned. Eleri learned who to trust that way and how the world worked. The answer was given with a shy smile, downcast eyes, and a faint coloring of high cheek bones that left Josie with butterflies.

"What sort of, uh, dealings," Eleri scrunched her face at her word choice which prompted Josie into an encouraging nod, "have you had with nobility?"

This was a question that Josie could answer in her sleep. Her many interviews with potential employers and with those that doubted her ability because of her age had sculpted the answer into a concise, accurate, and almost automatic response. But, she cut some and added more for the Dalish elf across from her.

"For some years, I was the royally appointed court ambassador from Antiva to Orlais. I know of all noble families in Antiva, almost all in Orlais, and many in each of the other countries. The nobility of Thedas is a rather singular sphere. Those I'm not personally acquainted with; I know through reputation."

"The Inquisition is lucky to have you as an advocate, Lady Montilyet." Eleri complimented as she stood up then gave a slight bow. A smile playing at her lips. Josie nodded back from her seat.

"Thank you. Let us hope so. Thedas's politics have become…agitated as of late. I hope to guide us down smoother paths. But please excuse me, I've much work to do before the day is done and it seems you do as well."

Much work to be done was an understatement. Several weeks passed before Josie and Eleri were able to sit down together in Josie's office again to talk. That didn't stop the younger elf from popping in with questions about Josie's past and opinions from time to time, in between trips and meetings, but they weren't the same, long conversations the two had grown used to. A few minutes after Eleri handed over the samples to the specialist who shared Josie's office or after a council meeting, once Eleri spotted Josie walking from her office to the training grounds and walked the ambassador there on her way to the stables before a mission.

Finally, Eleri's party made their way back to Haven and Josie was determined to speak with the elf before the next mission. Things were beginning to die down in terms of work but also in Eleri's efforts to seek Josie out; the questions had slowed and the talks after meetings were gone. Josie wasn't sure what was going on but she would use her position as ambassador to fix it. Luckily, it didn't take long for that plan to come to fruition. Hours after the initial debrief in the war room, Eleri walked into Josie's office with samples in hand for the specialist and a smile for the ambassador.

"Here you go." Josie heard as Eleri laid out the different pelts, claws, and other creature matter out on the table. A few more words were exchanged then that smile was turned once more to Josie. "Ambassador."

"Mistress Lavellan." Josie replied with a small smile of her own and a tip of her head. "How was your trip?"

"Haven't we been through this?" Eleri quirked an eyebrow as her nose scrunched, confused at the direction the conversation was going. Josie reminded herself that the elf still saw her as ambassador at the moment; not a friend asking after her well-being.

"I meant how was the trip for you personally. Was the weather favorable? Or did you see anything interesting?"

"Oh." She answered. Eleri seemed to think a moment, pulling her lips to the left as her eyes focused on an indiscernible spot on the ambassador's desk, the skin between her eyebrows crinkling the slightest bit. "The weather was fine, yea…nothing exciting happened outside of what I told you." The elf shrugged, easy smile back in place. "I got a few drawings. I guess that is exciting."

"You draw?" It was Josie's turn to be confused. It had been several months since Eleri had joined the Inquisition, many months since she and Josie had become acquaintances. Surely an affinity for art would have come up at some point. But the more Josie thought about it, the more she realized their conversations were seldom personal. Only recently had that turn been taken and mostly by Eleri.

"I do. I was training to be _Ghil-Vallen_ for my clan before…everything happened." The smile was still in place but Josie could see it was no longer easy, the hurt in her eyes visible. No matter how much time passed the horrors of the Conclave were still hard on the young elf's heart. She refused to talk about it directly but any comment made, regardless of how small, showed Josie that Eleri somehow felt responsible. A classic case of survivor's guilt Cullen always said.

"Do you have a moment to stay and talk?"

"I do." But, instead of staying, Eleri walked out of Josie's office. The ambassador sat with eyebrows furrowed while staring after the elf. Moments later she came back in, carrying a chair. "I hope this is okay. Yours are gone and I figured it has been a while since we have been able to talk. I assume you want to know more about what I just said."

Josie smiled. Eleri had thought she overstepped but in reality it was a kind gesture. She was taking the time to share a piece of herself with Josie. It also didn't hurt that Josie took the addition of the chair to mean that Eleri was planning on staying longer than usual. Even longer than their past conversations. Red flushed her cheeks as she admitted to herself that she would quite like having more time to enjoy the view of the woman in front of her.

"Of course." Josie plowed through her thoughts, begging her mind to play nice. Once Eleri was seated, she started again, "What were you in training to be? Geel vol…please repeat it."

" _Ghil-Vallen."_ Eleri smiled as she listened to Josie attempt the pronunciation, coaching her through it slowly when the ambassador misspoke. The smile was different than the many others Josie had seen even just today. The young elf seemed to have a smile for every occasion but this one was new and it pulled at Josie's chest. She ducked her head down as she pronounced the title right, avoiding the green eyes that were watching.

It means," Josie's gaze was brought back to the conversation, manners remembered. She watched the pull to her lips, the slight crinkle to her brows come back as Eleri attempted to find an appropriate translation. "It means that I would be responsible for keeping note of the different plants, animals, and anything else in the wild that my clan came across through pictures. I don't know how to tell you what the title actually means."

"No need. I think your description works just as well. But, I thought the Dalish relied on oral traditions to keep record of their past and present."

"We do but Keepers and their firsts have access to two books that hold the most vital information to each clan. One is on our lore and traditions, ancient stories. No one is allowed to touch or see it except for the Keepers. The other book is- We use it as a…" Again, Eleri paused as she searched for the right words in the common tongue.

"A reference book of sorts?" Josie offered. A further crinkle of the brow and narrow of green eyes prompted Josie to explain, "A book used to look up information that may not be a must know or has too many details to remember."

It often escaped her that there were gaps in Eleri's knowledge of the common tongue. The young elf seemed flawlessly fluent in the language but her gaps were small and she was always sure to hide them well. Only recently had she started asking Josie whispered clarifications during council meetings in the war room.

"Yea, like that." Another smile given. "We rely on oral traditions to teach our clans but records are kept. It is a newer practice, or a rebirth of an old practice. The original Elvhenan kept similar records, at least we're told, but none have survived."

Uncertainty crossed Eleri as she focused on a thread that came loose on her leather greaves. Josie remained silent, letting her think through whatever had derailed their conversation.

"It is… _interesting_ speaking with Master Solas about these things."

The comment was not surprising to Josie. Solas was quite vocal on his disdain for the Dalish. Surely it would have come up between the two elves early in their meetings.

"He believes that we are too proud, ignorant and arrogant." A pause. "Which is true but so is every other race."

Josie again let silence settle between them as she thought through how she would respond. The subject was touchy for Eleri, it was written all over her face and in her body language as she avoided Josie's eyes and focused still on the wild thread.

"I think that Solas has a different prospective of your people than you, Your Worship. He sees only the negative while you see both and find that the positive redeems, to some extent, the negative. From what I know of Solas, he has not spent time with the Dalish in a long time. Perhaps things are different from his experiences and you can show him that."

Finally, green eyes lifted to meet brown. A small smile, somehow guilty, pulled at Eleri's lips.

"You really are good at your job, Ambassador."

"Yes, well. I do my best. Now I have another question if you wouldn't mind." An uneasiness settled in Josie's stomach. She needed to know, had been meaning to ask but now that she had the opportunity she couldn't shake the feeling that it would somehow upset Eleri. The elf nodded for Josie to continue. "I should like to know if anyone here has treated you unkindly, Herald. For being an elf."

"Ah," Eleri gave a slow nod as she sat back in her chair. Her eyes darted from Josie's as she spoke but the attempt to maintain contact was there. That spoke more than her answer. "I can deal with a few whispers and sideways looks, Ambassador."

A huff sounded much louder than Josie meant, prompting an amused raise of an eyebrow from Eleri. "I shall talk to the staff regarding such conduct. If we're to convince the world that Andraste's Herald is an elf, the Inquisition must give you its utmost support. Stories of "wild Dalish elves," Josie could hear the contempt for the ridiculous stories in her voice as she spoke but couldn't seem to remain passive, "have grown even more outrageous as people learn of you."

"How have the rumors gotten _worse_? They weren't exactly tame to begin with." Eleri laughed. The thought of saying such things to her, even just relying what was said, put Josie on edge.

"I would prefer not to repeat them."

"Come on, Ambassador. Give me something." The smile and entertained look was in place but her eyes said something else. Josie couldn't place it; somewhere along the lines of angry acceptance maybe? Whatever it was, the ambassador did not like that Eleri had to feel it. Anger gripped her chest as she realized how many times it must have taken for Eleri to be able to handle whispers and looks. Instead of anger, Josie took on an air of nonchalance for her answer. If that was what Eleri was fishing for; she'd give it to her.

"Stealing children, selling peasants to slavers, burning down villages, using infants for blood magic…" While nonchalant was the goal, Josie herself heard how far her voice was at reaching it. "Those are the stories about your fellow Dalish. I _won't_ repeat what they've said about you."

Dealing with Eleri made Josie more appreciative of her rule concerning eye contact as the Herald always tried to hide what she was feeling. A fool's errand since the _young_ elf wore her heart on her sleeve. Another indiscernible emotion swept behind green eyes but was gone just as quickly. A smile replaced the look but still her eyes spoke differently.

"Those aren't new, Ambassador. I assure you I have been accused of blood magic countless times even without a drop of magic in my blood." A wink followed that had Josie momentarily forgetting herself. "Those stories are nonsense. Why not claim the Dalish can steal your breath and turn into dragons while we're at it? …Now that I say that out loud, someone probably _has_."

The women laughed. "Very likely. I will see what the Inquisition can do to contain the slander." Josie paused. They had conversations before, personal ones, but now this direction seemed out of step. Her own uncertainty must have been clear because Eleri smiled comfortingly and waited. "It may help if I knew more about you…and your clan."

"Of course. What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me. I understand that Dalish culture has parts that are meant to be kept secret. I do not wish to pry, tell me only what you wish to share. What was your life like?"

Eleri scooted to the edge of her seat, resting an elbow on her knee and chin on her knuckles. "I always loved the forests. We travelled some plains, sometimes mountains, countryside of course but the forests were my favorite. The trees surrounding you for as far as you could see once you got to the middle was calming, you could climb to the top of a tree and for miles green would surround you; and there was always so much to draw."

The look of calm on Eleri's face now showed Josie just how much she loved the area. Josie listened as she spoke, imagining what those forests would look like and what Eleri would look like in them. As she sketched plants and animals, her face once she reached the top of that tree to look at the sea of green around her.

"The best part was when the aravel- our wagons- turned from the plains to the woods. The plains were so boring. Grass, grass, and more grass. Not many animals, nothing to explore that you couldn't already see from a distance. The excitement of the forest after that…I used to spend weeks exploring the forest."

"You make it sound idyllic." Josie smiled at the Herald. She spoke with such joy and passion. Josie sighed as it set in what it must mean for Eleri. "Haven is so far away from home. You must miss the people of your clan."

Eleri gave a nervous smirk, a combination Josie would not think possible if she hadn't seen it herself, as she spoke, "If I'd never left home, Josephine, I never would have met you." Eleri had never used Josie's name to address her before. The elf kept to the respectful titles of ambassador or Lady Montilyet, Josie almost missed the context in which it was used because of it. "That would be the greater tragedy."

"What? Really, there is more to this, Mistress Lavellan." Words tumbled before Josie could artfully put them together. She flushed when she thought about what she had just said. Again, she turned to her role for stability. "Though, I am happy to have met you too. Whatever comes, your role as Andraste's Herald will mark your clan in history. They will be proud."

That must have been the wrong thing to say. The joy, passion, and playfulness that Eleri just projected dropped. In its place: unease, insecurity, and disappointment.

"They won't want a 'Herald.'" It was said so quietly that Josie almost missed it. She continued, louder, "They still worship the gods of our ancestors. When they hear me called the 'Herald of Andraste' it may stir up anger."

"The moment of understanding can be painful but your clan will see in time that you were chosen to help save Thedas. Be it by Andraste or your eleven gods or even simple coincidence."

Silence once again. Eleri's eyes stayed fixed to Josie's, thinking. Josie maintained the contact for a time as well. In hopes that it provided the elf with some sort of comfort. Then Josie simply returned to her work. Eleri stayed, still lost in thought or content to watch the work of an ambassador, Josie didn't know but she was enjoying the quiet company. They stayed like that, for how long? Josie wasn't sure. She had gotten through missive after missive. A warm sensation sitting lightly in her chest. The few times she did glance up, Eleri met her eyes with that same mystery smile Josie noticed before. No words were said and Josie returned to her work.

"Ambassador." So lost in her work, Josie almost missed Eleri's exit. She looked up in time to watch the retreating elf get blocked out by the shutting door. As her gaze drifted back to her work, the chair Eleri was sitting in caught her eye. Hopefully, Josie would find the elf seated there more often in the future to come.


	4. In Hushed Whispers - Eleri 1

_**A/N: I wrote/edited this in about 24 hours. Sorry if I missed any errors!**_

"I want to help the mages."

All eyes jumped to Eleri once the words were uttered. Her council had been bickering about where the Inquisition would be most effective in Thedas. Leliana believed that their focus should remain on the Hinterlands since it was in such disarray. Cullen thought the Storm Coast would be promising. Cassandra argued that Crestwood was in dire need of assistance while Josephine gave pros and cons to each possibility. The definite decision was the first thing to raise the advisors' brows but the decision to help the mages, and at a time when it wasn't being discussed, was what bewildered them.

"Come again?" Cullen asked, an edge to his voice. The commander tensed; the hand that held his weight against the war table whitened at the knuckles as his grip tightened. It was no secret where the former Templar's allegiance was.

"Commander, please. Allow her to explain before you voice your opinions." Josephine warned, noting that he was visibly upset. The last thing the council needed was another wasted hour arguing about which side was better suited for the inquisition. Leliana argued mages because she had seen firsthand their mistreatment by the Templars while Cullen sided with the Templars for obvious reasons as well as his experience in Kirkwall. Neither took the time to think of their current situation.

"As if we all do not know what those opinions are." Leliana scoffed. Both Josephine and Cassandra rolled their eyes, though the ambassador's was far subtler.

"Enough." Cassandra cut through whatever argument Cullen was going to start. "Herald, go on. I'm not sure I heard you correctly. Did you say you want to help the _mages_?"

Eleri nodded as she repeated herself, "I want to help the mages. I know that it isn't the popular opinion but after meeting with some of the mages in the Hinterlands and speaking with Fiona in Val Royeaux, seeing the defeat in her eyes- they need our help most. The Templars, they…something doesn't feel right." Eleri held up a hand, a plead in her eyes as Cullen tried to argue again. "I'm not trying to put them down, Commander. Really. If it were up to me, I'd have both sides behind us and I will still welcome any Templar that will civilly work side by side with mages, but the mages _need_ the Inquisition. Without proper support, things could go very wrong."

The room was silent. Josephine looked at Eleri in surprise. The elf had never shown that such thought went behind her decisions. Up to this point she mostly went along with the majority vote among the council. Leliana met Josephine's eye as she finally looked away from Eleri. The spymaster raised her brows, impressed as well. Cassandra was nodding along after Eleri finished as if she was running over the stance in her head, still agreeing. Before long all eyes went to the commander. Cullen had his head bowed with fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Many more silent moments passed before he sighed then met the herald's eyes.

"I still do not agree but I see your reasoning." Cullen shook his head, like he couldn't believe what he was saying. "I did not think about the outcome if the mages feel as though they are backed into a corner, what they might do if they felt they had nothing to lose. I am also in the minority if this were to go to a vote so for sake of solidarity, I agree but I demand that we take precautions."

"I don't want it like the circles. I don't know much of them, just that it was like a prison." Eleri said quietly. She wasn't comfortable sharing just how much she didn't know about the world outside her Dalish upbringing, a topic she usually only brought up with Josephine but the mages she had spoken with in the Hinterlands and also those in Haven shared horrible stories of the circles. Some allowed that it wasn't all bad, their time spent there, but it was enough for Eleri.

"It won't be." Cassandra agreed, she looked around the room to be sure that a decision had been made. "Then we are agreed. Fiona asked to meet you in Redcliffe correct?"

"Yes, I thought we should meet with her sooner rather than later."

"Let us gather a party and be off."

Eleri gave a quick nod and turned to leave but stopped at the sound of her name and a request of just a moment of her time. Eleri stood to the side of the door as the rest of her council filed out of the war room, leaving her alone with Josephine. She pulled the door shut gently then turned to face the ambassador.

"Yes, Lady Montilyet?" Eleri smiled as she addressed the woman. She was beginning to enjoy her time with Josephine, even going out of her way to increase their interaction.

"I wanted to commend you on your decision. We will see if it is the right one but the thought behind it was admirable and the type of thinking you will need as the Herald of Andraste." Josephine smiled and her tone lightened as she added, "And the first one you made on you own!"

Eleri laughed at that. The ambassador had been on her to start being more decisive. "Yes, well, someone told me I should start."

"I'm pleased to see that my advice does not fall on deaf ears. It often feels as so since it is usually Leliana, Cassandra, or Cullen who hears it."

"I don't think you four could have gathered a more stubborn council."

"Oh, there are a few names that come to mind. Like Master Tethras for one, or Madame de Fer would be another." Eleri focused on Josephine's playful smile, the way she dipped her head to hide it.

"Why do you do that?"

"Pardon?" Josephine's head came back up, tilted to the side as she waited for Eleri's answer.

"When you smile and it isn't- it isn't planned, I guess, you hide it. Why?"

Eleri watched as dark eyebrows rose. It wasn't until several silent moments passed that she realized this was probably something she shouldn't have asked. A habit picked up from speaking freely with her clan that isn't always appreciated in the human world.

"Was that too forward?" She asked, cringing slightly at the thought of upsetting the woman in front of her.

"No. Well, maybe if you were speaking with someone else, definitely if you were speaking with an Inquisition visitor but I do not mind. But to answer your question, I did not realize I did it."

"You do." Eleri nodded then added after a thought, hoping she didn't cross another line, "You shouldn't though; you have a beautiful smile, Lady Montilyet."

"Thank you, Your Worship. I…appreciate the compliment." Josephine smiled but didn't say anything more. Eleri was beginning to feel awkward, she had nothing else to say really. She hadn't expected that to be the end of the conversation.

"I should probably go find Cassandra before she sends a search party out."

"Yes, that would be bad. Be safe, Herald."

"I make no promises, Lady Montilyet." Eleri winked. "But I will try my best."

The elf didn't linger longer. She was anxious to get out of the war room. Her comment did not go as planned but, she really could look at it as a positive. Her compliments were no longer unsettling the ambassador. Which _could_ be a good thing. Or it could be bad.

So lost in her inner debate that Eleri didn't notice Leliana walk by her. The spymaster took in the red cheeks, furrowed brow but said nothing. She simply kept walking toward the war room. It wasn't until Eleri walked out of the Chantry doors that she stopped to take in her surroundings. It was cold out, unusually so which would make the first leg of their travels hard but once they escaped the mountains it would warm quickly. The sun was high in the sky as well, signaling midday. Cassandra wanted to leave at once, meaning they would be traveling at night, more chill in the air. Eleri turned herself in the direction of her cabin to pack. She would need extra layers.

Cassandra huffed at Eleri when the elf finally showed up to the stables. She threw an apologetic smile at the woman as she saddled her horse and secured her things. Vivienne sat regally on some hay, how she managed regal in a stable Eleri would never understand, and their newest addition to the Inquisition, Iron Bull, stood to the right of a massive beast Eleri had never seen before. She stopped what she was doing as she finally registered the animal.

"What in the name of the gods is that?" She stared wide eyed at the beast, then slowly looked to Bull.

" _That_ is my baby. Meet Demolisher." Bull proudly announced as he patted the giant animal's side. Eleri looked from the giant Qunari to the giant…horse? It had to be a horse. Whatever it was, it only made sense that Bull would need something as massive as him for a mount.

"Your baby? Dear, its leg is bigger than I am." Vivienne quipped from her hay throne.

"Just because she's a little hefty doesn't mean she's any less than that tiny animal you ride."

"What is…she?" Eleri asked. With the shock fading, awe was slowing replacing it.

"A battle nug!"

"That's not a nug." She almost laughed at the ridiculous comparison. The animal was taller than Bull's shoulders which Eleri didn't even reach on her tip-toes. It loomed over her. Its dark grey hide shadowed the animal, giving off an eerie feeling. The antlers…horns maybe? Curled back from its ears and ended at a sharp point near its eyes.

"Enough." Cassandra cut in. "We do not have time to discuss whether or not that monstrosity is a nug. If we want to get to Redcliffe before it is too late we must go now."

"What do you mean 'too late?' Fiona never told me when to meet her."

"She will not wait forever, Herald. Let us be off."

Eleri knew better than to argue. A lesson she learned the hard way several times growing up with her clan. She gave a nod as she swung herself onto her horse. The others followed suit and they were on their way.

The best part about leaving Haven, other than knowing she was going somewhere warmer, was watching the village fade into the scenery. The council always saw them off, standing near Cullen's outpost near the training grounds. Eleri lifted a hand in farewell, smiling and knowing that was what her advisors were waiting for. Leliana gave a nod then stalked off. Cullen raised a closed fist to his chest in a salute that Eleri didn't understand but knew it was a sign of respect. Josephine waved her own farewell, staying longer than the others. Eleri watched as Leliana trudged back and took Josephine by the arm to lead back to camp. Eleri turned back in her saddle, unfortunately back into the wind. Her smile quickly dropped as icy drafts lifted her collar.

"Not even puppy love can outlast cold wind, huh, Boss?"

Eleri gaped at Bull, her ears heating up despite the cold wind. She was not ashamed of her growing feelings or even that shy about them but she was worried what Josephine would think, making secrecy a top priority for the young elf.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She focused her eyes on the horizon and attempted to ignore the heat.

"Yes, Bull. It's much too early to call it puppy love. Merely a crush at this stage. One that our Herald here is desperate to hide."

Again. Eleri focused on their path. Vivienne's addition to the conversation only prompting the red to travel down to her cheeks.

"Ah, I get it. No worries, Boss. Your secret is safe with me! But, if you wanted I could talk to the lady for you? Me and Josie know each other from my time in Antiva."

"No!" Faked indifference forgotten, Eleri all but fell out of her saddle as she turned quickly to face Bull.

"Careful, Darling. We don't need an injury this early in the trip." Vivienne chuckled from her mount. Eleri glanced at her, ears burning still, before addressing Bull again.

"Don't say anything. I don't want her to know."

"Who know what?" Cassandra had slowed her horse down, falling in step with the rest of the party, after hearing all the commotion.

"Boss here has a big ol' crush on the Inquisition's very own ambassador."

"Really? Hm, I never would have guessed." Cassandra regarded Eleri, putting the elf on edge as her eyes went up and down the small frame.

"I don't know _how_ it escaped you, Cassandra. This one is smitten. I don't even attend the war table meetings and I can tell." Vivienne scoffed. "The poor thing goes out of her way for creature samples every trip. Haven't you ever wondered why?"

"They are crucial to our research of each area. What other reason could there be?"

"You really are dense sometimes, my dear. Who's office is shared with our specialists?"

"Lady Montil- oh." Cassandra smirked at Eleri. "You _do_ have it bad."

Thankfully, the teasing and Josephine talk only lasted several more hours into the trip. Bull, Vivienne, and Cassandra taking pity on Eleri and letting it drop before the elf burned to a crisp from how red she had become. _Hours_ later.

Travel was just as cold as Eleri thought it would be but it seemed to go quicker than usual. She hated to admit it but it seemed that her companions had bonded over her embarrassment, making the trip less awkward and quiet than it usually was. And honestly, Vivienne gave great advice as did Cassandra and while Bull's was weird and mostly sex-centered it was nice that he tried to help out.

The four set up camp about a half day's ride from Redcliffe in the Hinterlands. It was the same set up as always. Four tents around a small fire. Vivienne spent the majority of camp time cooking because the rest of the group was, quote, "atrocious at cooking in even the best of circumstances let alone in the wilderness." Cassandra poured over notes and maps, planning the next day. Bull drank. He brought his own supply of some drink Eleri was not familiar with, often the case since Dalish barely drink and when they do it is mostly wine. Eleri spent her time in camp on a rigid schedule. She wrote reports of what happened for Leliana and Josephine first, sparred if the party had enough energy, tended to her equipment then, time willing, she found something to draw.

Vivienne walked over with dinner, finding Eleri sketching a few Crystal Grace flowers that clung to a rock near their camp. Eleri thanked the mage as she accepted the bowl.

"I wanted to ask you about your feelings for Josephine."

Eleri chewed and swallowed before answering, taking the time to gather her thoughts so she didn't make a fool of herself during conversation.

"Okay."

"I don't know much of the Dalish, picking up only what was given from the few Dalish mages at my circle but to my knowledge they are not very accepting of two women together. Am I correct?"

"In part." Eleri nodded. "The Dalish are basic in terms of what is right and what is wrong. Survival is what we concern ourselves with and what drives our society. Two women can't have children together. So two women don't help the clan survive. They do not care for others but within the clan, no, they aren't very accepting."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Why should it?"

"Your clan teaches you that your feelings are wrong."

"I'm not part of my clan anymore, Vivienne. They don't care what I do." Eleri returned her focus to the food in front of her. She hadn't admitted what it meant to join the Inquisition to anyone, except Josephine and she had only mentioned what her clan would think of her new title.

"Then it is a good thing you found a new clan." Vivienne placed a hand on Eleri's shoulder as she stood, giving it a squeeze before she walked away. The mage was odd and very opinionated but she was kind to Eleri, something the elf knew would not always be the case in the human world.

…

Eleri's hand sparked painfully as the group walked toward Redcliffe. She looked up and sure enough, farther up the path was the green hue that signaled a an active rift.

"Prepare yourselves. Up ahead." She nodded toward the green as she unsheathed her axe and dagger, deciding to leave the shield on her back. Eleri intended for it to be a quick fight. She charged after glancing at her companions to assure herself they were ready.

A solider approached as the green in her hand faded from closing the rift, Eleri ignored her at first to survey the party. Quick, as she had hoped, was not the best descriptor of the fight. It felt like it had taken forever, more demons than Eleri had encountered from a rift before. Bull took heavy hits but suffered no real injury. Vivienne remained untouched thanks to her ranged attacks and Cassandra taking care of any demon that even looked in the mage's direction. Eleri collected a few scratches and bruises but all in all, the companions were fine. Just exhausted from the fight.

"What was that?" She asked.

"We don't know what these rifts can do. That one appeared to alter the time around it." Cassandra answered, a terrified awe in her voice.

"Maybe Fiona will know." Eleri commented as she walked toward the soldier.

"Maker have mercy! It's over?" She asked, eyeing Eleri then yelled, "Open the gates!"

Once inside the gates an Inquisition agent approached the party. Eleri knew that these individuals were on their side, that they were good people but many of them gave her the creeps. Too much time spent in the shadows she always assumed but it was also in their eyes, she could see the willingness to do whatever was required of them. The man bowed before addressing Eleri.

"We've spread word the Inquisition is coming, but you should know that no one here was expecting us."

This confused Eleri. Fiona had asked her to meet at Redcliffe. They were showing up a little unannounced but still with an invitation. "No one? Not even Grand Enchanter Fiona?"

The agent shrugged. "If she was, she hasn't told anyone. We've arranged use of the tavern for the negotiations."

Before the agent could give directions or even give Eleri the name of the tavern, an elf in odd clothing rushed up to them.

"Agents of the Inquisition, my apologies! Magister Alexius is in charge now, but hasn't arrived. He's expected shortly. You can speak with the former Grand Enchanter in the meantime."

Eleri shared a look with Cassandra before following the retreating elf. Former? When did that happen? Only a short month ago, Fiona had been asking for Eleri to meet with her. There was nothing former about her title then.

The Tavern, the Gull and the Lantern as it turned out to be called, was dark on the inside, much different than the sunny day it turned out to be outside. The elf lead the party farther in, to stand in front of Fiona.

"Welcome, Agents of the Inquisition." Eleri nodded in response, unsure how to react in the situation and deciding that keeping her mouth shut was the best option so far. Fiona continued her greetings. "First Enchanter Vivienne."

"My dear Fiona. It's been so long since we last spoke. You look dreadful! Are you sleeping well?" Eleri managed to hide her laugh at Vivienne who always managed to insult someone but sound sincere about it. Fiona ignored it.

"What has brought you to Redcliffe?"

"We came because you invited us, Grand Enchanter. Back in Val Royeaux."

"You must be mistaken. I haven't been to Val Royeaux since before the Conclave." Eleri bristled at the mention of the Conclave, still sensitive to it. She did her best to hide it but a glance from Cassandra noticed from her peripherals told Eleri she wasn't successful.

"Well, that's strange because someone who looked exactly like you, and sounded like you, spoke to me in Val Royeaux. She also introduced herself as Fiona."

This seemed to offset Fiona. She looked to her companion to her left, then down at the floor. Her brows furrowed in thought.

"Exactly like me? I suppose it could be magic at work, but why would anyone…" she mumbled to herself. "Whoever…or whatever brought you here, the situation has changed." She drew herself up to full height as she continued, "The free mages have already…pledged themselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium."

"Fiona, dear, your dementia is showing." Vivienne commented casually.

"An alliance with Tevinter? Do you not fear all of Thedas turning against you?" Came Cassandra's anything but casual question. Bull kept his comments to himself but Eleri knew of the Qunari's distrust of the Imperium. Surely Bull shared some of his people's views.

"As one indentrued to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you." Fiona dejectedly responded. Eleri looked to her companions, unsure what to do, not knowing enough about the Imperium, only stories and rumors but their reactions were enough for her. She decided to trust in the people she surrounded herself with.

"You agreed to become slaves." Eleri began, "An alliance with Tevinter is a mistake."

"All hope of peace died with Justinia. This…baragin with Tevinter would not have been my first choice, but we had _no_ choice. We are losing this war. I needed to save as many of my people as I could."

"There is always a choice." Eleri threw back as the tavern door opened, announcing another visitor. A man in _odd_ clothing walked in with a wide, cocky smile. Eleri immediately felt her defenses sound and ready themselves.

"Welcome, my friends! I apologize for not greeting you earlier." A younger man, less flamboyant with himself, walked behind the one addressing them. Fiona took up the introductions for him.

"Agents of the Inquisition, allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius." As his title was announced the man stepped in between Fiona and Eleri, establishing his dominance over the former grand enchanter. A pompous action that annoyed Eleri.

"The southern mages are under my command. And you are the survivor, yes? The one from the fade? Interesting." The magister's eyes traveled Eleri's body, another smug act of someone who thought he owned it all. She ground her teeth and forced herself not to react.

Cassandra jumped in and asked the magister a series of questions Eleri was grateful for. What the terms of the alliance were, what the mages would be used for, where the Arl of Redcliffe was. The amount of information swirling in Eleri's head by the end of it was beginning to cause her pain. After Alexius explained why Arl Teagan left, Eleri directed the conversation in a direction that would hopefully soon end it.

"If you're leading the mages now, then we should talk. I'm sure we can come to an arrangement." Eleri locked eyes with Fiona over Alexius's shoulder as she spoke. She sent a prayer to her gods for forgiveness for speaking of another life as if it were a possession.

"it is always a pleasure to meet a reasonable woman." Alexius waved for Eleri to follow him, walking toward a back table and giving Eleri an unrestricted view of a defeated Fiona bowing her head in shame. The sight tore at Eleri, disgusting herself that she even had to put on this appearance.

As they sat, Alexius called out, "Felix, would you send for a scribe. Pardon my manners, My son Felix, friends." The young man who entered with Alexius walked over to the table and bowed in greeting. Alexius waited until Felix walked away before starting again. "I'm not surprised you're here. Containing the breach is not a feat many could even attempt. There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor. Ambitious, indeed."

Everything about this man screamed contempt, overconfidence in his station, and an unwavering belief that he held the upper hand. Eleri wished Josephine was with her to coach her through how to handle the man. Instead she channeled her best imitation of the ambassador.

"When fighting a massive tear in the sky, one can hardly afford to think small."

"There will have to be-" Alexius began but quickly stopped as Felix stumbled back to the table. He looked pale with a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. His eyes were unfocused. Eleri stood as she watched Felix's shaky legs carry him closer to the table. She had just the time to get her hands out before he collapsed on her. Eleri staggered to hold his weight but he was larger than she was, and coupled with his armor she barely managed to keep them both upright. She turned her body and leaned to let Felix fall into her now open chair.

"Felix!" Alexius exclaimed as he stepped closer to his son.

"My lady, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Felix addressed Eleri. She nodded but let the father and son have their time.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Father." Alexius barely let Felix answer before he was off to fetch the young man's medicine, apologizing and asking Eleri to meet another time. Felix looked over his shoulder at Eleri as he followed his father out of the door, flicking his eyes down at her pocket and back to her eyes then at her pocket again. Then he was gone. Eleri subtly put her hands in her pockets as she motioned with a nod of her head for her companions to follow her out. At first she felt silly for checking, until her fingers closed around paper. A paper she waited to look at until her party had turned a corner from the Tavern.

"Hold on." She commanded as she pulled the paper out.

"What is that?" Bull asked.

"Felix put it in my pocket when he fell on me. 'Go to the Chantry.'" Eleri shrugged and looked around them for any signs of where the Redcliffe Chantry was. Cassandra pointed behind Eleri. "Might as well go check it out."

"Or not. It could be a trap."

"And if it is, we're prepared for it."

Cassandra huffed but followed dutifully.

Trap wasn't far off as the four were met with an open rift upon entering the Chantry. A lone mage was fighting off the demons. "Good!" He called out, facing the group instead of the demon he just downed. "You're finally here! Now help me close this, would you?"

Then the man was turning back to the demons, sending spell after spell into the horde. Eleri shook her head as she thought about the day she was having and pulling her shield from her back. Their previous rift closing still fresh in her mind as she opted for protection over speed. She charged into the fray, axe overhead and war cry bellowed.

Her shield, while never a bad idea, would have been easily left on her back as this rift was quickly closed, their new mage friend doing most of the work before Eleri and her party got there. As she hefted the metal onto her back, Eleri scolded herself on another poor decision made as she shook out her sore arm. She was brought out of her mental lecture by the mage.

"Fascinating. How does that work, exactly?" Eleri took in his odd clothes as he spoke. The over exaggerated collar, many layers. Together with his neatly kept hair and perfectly stylized mustache and Eleri wasn't sure what to make of the man in front of her. "You don't even know, do you? You just wiggle your fingers, and boom! Rift closes."

He laughed at his comparison and Eleri again wasn't sure what to make of him. She felt as though she should be offended but something about him made her feel comfortable.

"Who are you?" She asked, not unkindly but her tone left much to be desired in the realm of manners. An Antivan accent reminded her 'politeness over knives' in the back of her head. She pushed the smile and phrase farther back. Now was not the time to be distracted.

"Ah! Getting ahead of myself again, I see. Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous. How do you do?" The mage introduced himself with a flourish of his hands and a slight bow.

"Another Tevinter. Be careful with this one." Cassandra advised quietly. But not so much so for Dorian to miss.

"Suspicious friends you have here." With that comment, Eleri was beginning to like Dorian. Too often in the human world, no one said what they thought or were truthful. Dorian seemed to be blunt to a fault. Though nowhere close to Leliana and for that Eleri liked him even more. "Magister Alexius was once my mentor, so my assistance should be valuable- as I'm sure you can imagine."

"I was expecting Felix to be here." Eleri commented, giving the destroyed Chantry a sweep to be sure she didn't miss him.

"I'm sure he's on his way. He was to give you the note, then meet us here after ditching his father." Dorian answered. A note of worry poorly hidden.

"When Felix pretended to faint, to get me the note, Alexius couldn't get to his side fast enough. Like that was something that happened often. Is Felix sick?"

"He's had some lingering illness for months. Felix is an only child, and Alexius is being a mother hen, most likely."

Eleri nodded. She took her time in planning what to say next and again, wished that Josephine was there. She would simply ask the ambassador her question and not risk offending Dorian or embarrassing herself. Unfortunately, that was not an option at the moment.

"Are you a magister?" She asked shyly. The annoyance was clear in Dorian's voice as he answered.

"All right, let's say this once. I'm a mage from Tevinter, but not a member of the Magisterium. I know Southerners use the terms interchangeably, but that only makes you sound like barbarians."

"Oh. My apologies." Eleri said quietly.

"Hey, be nice, mage. Boss was only asking a question." Bull barked at Dorian. Vivienne put a hand on his arm to silently advise him to be quiet. Dorian's eyes returned to Eleri's. His flicked back and forth between hers, then seemed to take in her vallaslin before he spoke again.

"You're Dalish?" Eleri nodded. "Do you know much of the world outside of your own?" A slightly embarrassed shake of a brunette head. "Then it seems my apologies are in order instead."

Eleri opted to forge on from their current point and back to matters at hand. "So, you're betraying you mentor because…?"

"Alexius _was_ my mentor. Meaning he's not any longer, not for some time. Look," Dorian turned serious, dark even, "you must know there's danger. That should be obvious even without the note. Let's start with Alexius claiming the allegiance of the mage rebels out from under you. As if by magic, yes? Which is exactly right. To reach Redcliffe before the Inquisition, Alexius distorted time itself."

Dorian let the accusation hang in the air. Cassandra gave an outraged "what?!" While Vivienne merely rose a confused eyebrow. Bull remained quiet but crossed his massive arms across his chest, an action Eleri was beginning to notice happened when Bull was upset or confused. Eleri herself tried to recall all she knew of magic. It wasn't extensive, just the basic understanding all Dalish were taught, but as far as she knew tampering with time wasn't a possibility.

"He arranged it so he could arrive here just after the Divine died? How? I didn't know magic could alter time."

"You catch on quick." Before Dorian could answer Eleri's second question, Vivienne cut in.

"Manipulating time itself? Many have attempted over the ages, but never once succeeded."

"The rift we closed? You saw how it twisted time around itself, sped some things up and slowed others. Soon there will be more like it, and they'll appear further and further away from Redcliffe. The magic Alexius is using is _wildly_ unstable, and its unraveling the world.

"All you're going to give me is 'magical time control! Go with it!' to start messing with things I don't understand? I need more, Dorian."

"I know what I'm talking about." Dorian's tone dropped to a dangerous level. Eleri had to stop herself from putting a hand on the pommel of her axe in response. "I helped develop this magic. When I was still his apprentice, it was pure theory. Alexius could never get it to work. What I don't understand is why he's doing it? Ripping time to shreds just to gain a few hundred lackeys?"

"He didn't do it for them." Eleri jumped at the addition of another voice, one so close to her. She turned to find Felix taking the last few steps toward herself and Dorian.

"Took you long enough. Is he getting suspicious"?"

"No, but I shouldn't have played the illness card. I thought he'd be fussing over me all day." Felix turned his attention to Eleri, explained further what was going on with his father. "My father's joined a cult, Tevinter supremacists. They call themselves 'Venatori.' And I can tell you one thing: whatever he's done for them, he's done it to get to you."

Eleri's defenses rose once again. Much like they did when she first met Alexius. The idea that this man she didn't know was so focused on reaching her was unsettling. She needed more information. And to start, why a son would go against his own father.

"Why are you working against your father? I thought humans were fond of the phrase 'blood is thicker than water' or whatever it is."

"For the same reason Dorian works against him." Felix sighed and looked to Dorian for support. "I love my father, and I love my country, but this? Cults? Time magic? What he's doing now is madness. For his own sake, you have to stop him."

"It would also be nice if he didn't rip a hole in time. There's already a hole in the sky." Dorian added. The clever remark brought a smile to Eleri's face, one she didn't bother hiding.

"But why would he alter time and take the rebel mages as slaves just to get to me?"

"They're obsessed with you." Felix commented as if it was obvious. As if it wasn't something that put Eleri on edge again, right as she was stepping away from it. "But I don't know why. Perhaps because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?"

"You _can_ close the rifts. Maybe there's a connection? Or, maybe they see you as a threat." Dorian mused.

"If the Venatori are behind those rifts, or the breach in the sky, they're even worse than I thought."

What all of these thoughts and possibilities meant were adding to the headache Eleri felt building in the tavern. She took a deep breath, deciding that this was enough for one day. "All this for me? I didn't even think to get Alexius anything."

The joke fell on unamused ears all around except for Bull who always laughed at Eleri's ill-timed jokes and Dorian who retorted back, another reason Eleri decided she liked the mage.

"Send him a fruit basket. Everyone loves those." The two shared a smile as Cassandra groaned and Vivienne shook her head in exasperation. The joke, and reprieve from the messed up situation was short lived as Dorian continued. "You know you're his target. Expecting the trap is the first step in turning it to you advantage. I won't be staying in Redcliffe, Alexius doesn't know I'm here and I'd like to keep it that way for now. But whenever you're ready to deal with him, I want to be there. I'll be in touch." With that Dorian turned to exit through some back way in the Chantry, stopping just short of an arch to address his friend. "And Felix? Try not to get yourself killed, hm?"

"There are worse things than dying, Dorian." Felix replied quietly. His eyes followed Dorian out but the other Tevinter was unaware of his gaze or his answer. "Inquisition agents, my help will be limited from here on out. My father keeps me close to his side. It will be too risky for me to do much else. I wish you luck."

"We should get back to Haven. Discuss our next move with the council." Cassandra suggested as she stepped up to Eleri's side. "This was a lot of information to take in and it would be best to have a clear head before making any decisions."


	5. In Hushed Whispers - Eleri 2

"We don't have the man power to take the castle! Either we find another way in, or give up this nonsense and go get the Templars!" Cullen angrily countered to Cassandra's plan.

"Redcliffe is in the hands of a magister. This cannot be allowed to stand." She threw back.

Eleri watched, bored of the bickering but knew she needed to pay attention. Her headache, created days ago in the Redcliffe tavern, had not gotten any better. No amount of elfroot tea, potions, or even wine seemed to help. Eleri reached a hand up to massage her temple as Josephine cut in on the conversation's momentary pause.

"The letter from Alexius asked for the Herald of Andraste by name. It's an obvious trap."

"Nice of him to remember his manners. What exactly did he say? Did he get my fruit basket?" Eleri joked, trying to ease the tension. It was making her neck sore just being around it. Cassandra rolled her eyes as Cullen and Josephine looked confused. Josephine flipped pages on her clipboard, checking something. Eleri guessed to see if they had actually sent a fruit basket. The elf chuckled quietly to herself as Leliana followed suit but in a darker manner.

"He's so complimentary that we are certain he wants to kill you."

The blunt comment wasn't so much a joke as the spymaster's tone was jovial. Eleri blinked a few times as if the words had struck her; she was not prepared for it.

"Not this again." Josephine muttered, very un-ambassador-like.

Cullen resumed his old argument, not caring that the council had moved on from it. "Redcliffe Castle is one of the most defensible fortresses in Ferelden. It has repelled thousands of assaults. If you go in there, you'll die. And we'll lose the only means we have of closing the rifts. I won't allow it."

"And if we don't even try to meet Alexius, we lose the mages and leave a hostel foreign power on our doorstep!" Leliana cut back.

"Even if we could assault the keep, it would be for naught." Josephine began. "An 'Orlesian' Inquisition's army marching into Ferelden would provoke a war. Our hands are tied."

"The Magister-" Cassandra tried to retort but Cullen cut her off, "Has outplayed us."

"Felix, Alexius's son, told me he is in a cult that's obsessed with me." Eleri commented, unease coloring her voice. She was not a fan of being the center of a cult. She wasn't entirely sure what a cult was other than they were bad. "I doubt they'll graciously receive our apologies and go about their business. I have to go."

Leliana nodded her agreement. "They will remain a threat, and a powerful one, unless we act."

"We cannot accept defeat now. There must be a solution." Cassandra muttered to herself, staring down the map as if it would give her the answers. Eleri looked to Josephine, weighing her options.

"Where is the Arl of Redcliffe? He'd help get his castle back. Right?"

"After he was displaced, Arl Teagan rode straight for Denerim to petition the crown for help." Josephine replied with an annoyed sigh. Clearly as frustrated as the other advisors that no solution seemed to be working. "I doubt he'll want our assistance once the Ferelden army lays siege to his castle."

"Wait." Leliana interjected, looking to Josephine. "There is a secret passage into the castle, an escape route for the family. It's too narrow for our troops, but we could send agents through."

Eleri's thoughts wandered to how Leliana would know something like that but was brought back to reality as Cullen gave his opinion.

"Too risky. Those agents will be discovered well before they reach the magister."

"That's why we need a distraction. Perhaps the envoy Alexius wants so badly?"

"Focus their attention on Lavellan while we take out the Tevinters. It's risky, but it could work."

Cullen and Leliana's back and forth was interrupted as Dorian pushed loudly through the war room door. One of Leliana's agents scrambling after him. Dorian strutted in, announcing, "Fortunately, you'll have help."

"This man says he has information about the magister and his methods, Spymaster." The agent addressed solely Leliana then retreated, closing the door behind him. Dorian faced Eleri, smirked and raised an eyebrow before he spoke to the rest of the room.

"Your spies will never get past Alexius's magic without my help. So, if you're going after him, I'm coming along."

The council looked at the man, dumbfounded. Eleri realized that the majority of the people had no idea who he was. She quickly rectified that with an introduction. "Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, this is Dorian Pavus. The mage I told you about from Redcliffe. Dorian, this is Cullen, our military commander, Leliana, our spymaster, and Josephine, our ambassador."

"Pleased to meet you all." The council returned the sentiment before Cullen turned to Eleri.

"The plan puts you in the most danger. We can't, in good conscience, order you to do this." Eleri thought it sweet of the man to say but quickly rolled her eyes at him. "We can still go after the Templars if you'd rather not play the bait. It's up to you."

"Cullen, we've been over this. I want to help the mages. Especially now that I know what a mess they are in."

I know, Herald. I know. Just wishful thinking is all." Cullen replied with a sheepish smile.

The rest of the day was spent pouring over the map, planning their assault. It was all where to place which company, which of Leliana's agents will work best together, what nobles needed to be notified or could help house Inquisition forces if shelter was needed. It was outside of Eleri's specialties, as a warrior and as leader, but she wanted to help. So dutifully, she stood at the table with her advisors and Dorian, weighing the different options and putting in her thoughts when she could. Countless times Josephine caught Eleri massaging her temples or rolling her neck, looking to ease the stiff muscles. Eleri would catch brown eyes watching her, concern evident, before dropping her hands or righting her head and acting as if nothing was wrong.

As dark was starting to settle on Haven, Leliana and Cullen were debating how best to secure the castle. Dorian listened intently and Cassandra butted in when needed. Josephine, the only one not actively in the conversation besides Eleri, took the elf by the arm and led her toward the door.

"You should get some rest, Your Worship." She began, searching Eleri's face. "You have traveled much the past days and this upcoming journey will not be kind to you if you are not prepared for it."

"Think I'll fail, Lady Montilyet?" Eleri joked, very much aware of Josephine's hand still resting on her arm.

"Of course not! I only meant that you should rest." Josephine gave Eleri a worried look but she had sucked in the corner of her lip, effectively distracting the elf from anything she said after that. "Herald, are you okay?"

"Hm?" Eleri's eyes darted back up to Josephine's. She felt the tips of her ears heat up, knowing they were red and most likely her cheeks were too. "Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just tired. I really should probably rest."

"We will have everything ready for your departure tomorrow. Rest assured." Josephine smiled and Eleri returned it, her cheeks and ears still warm.

"Yes, well. Goodnight." Eleri caught Cassandra's eye as she turned for the door. An unbearably smug smirk on the seeker's face that only added to the heat in Eleri's face. The herald set a brisk pace out of the Chantry, down the path that lead to her cabin. She shut the door behind her, leaning against it for a few moments as she let the warmth seep into her body after her walk in the night air. Unceremoniously, Eleri crossed the room and flopped on her bed. She laid face down thinking of what an idiot she had been getting caught staring of all things.

Eleri started drifting to sleep, light armor and heavy wool still on, booted feet hanging off the edge of her bed, when a knock at her door jolted her awake. She opened it to find Dorian standing outside.

"I was told to stay with you as there are no open rooms at the Inn."

Eleri stared at the man, brows furrowed as her groggy mind fought to catch up.

"I may have also told them that you offered." He smiled at the elf, a display of white teeth that stood out from his dark complexion and dark mustache.

"Why would you tell them that?"

"I can't stand sleeping in Chantry's! And this way we can gossip all night long." His smiled turned to a smirk as he walked past Eleri into her cabin. "Hm, this is not what I imagined you would live in but it will do. Lady Montilyet said she would have a cot brought down. She seemed less than thrilled that you offered to let me stay with you."

"I didn't offer…wait, she wasn't happy? Why?"

"Oh, I don't know." Dorian winked at Eleri who narrowed her eyes in confusion. The man was odd and didn't make sense. "Why don't you tell me all about your little crush on her instead."

Eleri's flushed cheeks and burning ears were back in full force, it seemed to be the Inquisition's favorite past time to see how flustered they could get her. The more people who knew the more likely Josephine would find out and that was unacceptable. Eleri stumbled through an incoherent sentence before she slowed herself down enough to make sense.

"You can't say anything."

"I won't, my dear friend. Now, tell me." Dorian sat on the edge of her bed, looking expectantly at the elf. Fortunately, another knock saved the day. This time it was a worker with Dorian's cot. "Ah. It looks as though you are off the hook. Time for bed!"

The next morning, after an interesting wake up from Dorian, Eleri trudged up to the Chantry to meet with her council once more before she headed back to Redcliffe. Just thinking of the journey down the mountain, again, caused knots to form in her back. It had been so much travel lately. But the travel was not the issue, Dalish survive due to travel; it was lack of resting time between trips that wore on Eleri. It seemed as though she had just arrived back in Haven. Which she had. Two days ago.

"Your worship, a moment?" Josephine called from her desk. Her office door was open and Eleri redirected herself from the war room to her seat across from the ambassador. "Did you…rest well last night?"

Josephine's tone was pinched, uncomfortable as she asked. Eleri wondered why until she remembered Dorian telling her that Josephine was not fond of the idea of him staying with her.

"Fine, Lady Montilyet. Weird to share my cabin but once Dorian was asleep across the room I almost completely forgot he was there. An odd man, Dorian. But nice. I like him."

"Definitely odd, though I do not know enough of him to make my own opinions as of yet but if you like him than I am sure he is a wonderful man."

The idea that Josephine trusted Eleri's judge of character enough to accept her opinions without question was warming. Eleri smiled and waited for Josephine to continue. The ambassador wouldn't invite her in solely to inquire about how she slept.

"I wanted to wish you luck on your mission." Josephine began. "I have a feeling that it will be the most trying you have encountered yet. Be sure to make it back safely."

"Of course, Lady Montilyet. I promise I always do my best to come back. If not, I'll make sure my marked hand does!" Eleri laughed but at the disgusted look on Josephine's face she quickly apologized. "I've been spending too much time with Bull, my lady. My apologies if I offended you."

"It's quite all right, Herald. At times I forget that you are a warrior and with Bull's influence I can only imagine what types of jokes are shared." Josephine glanced down at her work before meeting Eleri's eyes again. "You should speak with Leliana and Cullen then be off. You have a long day ahead of you."

"See you when I return, Lady Montilyet."

Cullen and Leliana were waiting in the war room and for once not arguing. They laid out the plan, walking each member of the party through it. Dorian, Cassandra, and Vivienne were to accompany Eleri. Dorian because he wanted to go, and proved he had inside information that would be invaluable to the mission; Cassandra because her fighting style complimented Eleri's and she added a guiding hand to the young elf's decision making in the field; and Vivienne because her regeneration magic was unmatched, even by Solas.

Usually, Eleri preferred to bring Bull along as well. Add another offensive piece to their party but Cullen was adamant that only four should venture out at a time. It allowed the party to be a force on the battle field but also slip by unnoticed if needed.

Once plans were laid out, saddles packed, and preparations taken care of, the party was set to head for Redcliffe once again. Eleri sat heavily in her saddle, dreading the journey ahead of them. "I wish there was such a thing as fast travel. Simply set a marker of where you have already been that allows you to be transported there. There's not something like that in magic, is there, Dorian?"

"I'm afraid not." Eleri looked to Vivienne next, ignoring the amused look on the enchanter's face as she shook her head in agreement with Dorian. The elf groaned as she spurred her horse from Haven's stable. Once Eleri faced forward in her saddle, after waving goodbye to her advisors and feeling like a child leaving home for the first time, Dorian addressed the party.

"So who else knows about our young friend's infatuation with Lady Montilyet?" Cassandra and Vivienne both jumped in the conversation excitedly. Eleri groaned again as she nuzzled her chin into her jacket collar to fight off the cold and her growing blush, hoping they'd let it drop faster than last trip.


	6. In Hushed Whispers - Eleri 3

The four walked into a dark hall, the only light coming from intermittingly lit braziers mounted on stone pillars. Eleri headed the group but Cassandra was but a step behind. Vivienne trailed a few steps farther, keeping the distance she would need from the mages at their destination if things resulted in a battle so early. Dorian opted to sneak himself in, as per the plan laid out, to keep the element of surprise on their side.

As Eleri stepped up to one of the Tevinter guards she ordered him to announce them. A man, she couldn't tell if he was a newly acquired rebel mage, Tevinter, or merely a Redcliffe steward having no other option than to serve Alexius, approached.

"The Magister's invitation was for Mistress Lavellan alone. The rest will wait here."

"Where I go, they go. I'm sure Magister Alexius will not mind accommodating my companions. We've traveled quite a way to meet with him."

The man looked at Cassandra and Vivienne, probably weighing the dangers of bringing them in. He glanced back at Eleri who held his eye unwaveringly, attempting to intimidate the man into doing as she wanted. A trick Bull had been trying to teach her. He nodded then lead them into the throne room.

Alexius lounged on a throne, one leg crossed over the other with a massive fire crackling behind him, Felix was to his right on the raised platform and Fiona was down the steps to his left. Eleri couldn't imagine how they were in full armor so close to the fire. She felt the heat uncomfortably from where she stood, several feet away.

"My lord magister, the agents of the Inquisition have arrived." The man announced. Alexius stood as he greeted Eleri.

"My friend! It's so good to see you again." His warm tone seemed force, bringing to mind Leliana's assurance of Alexius's plans. His voice wavered as he took in Cassandra and Vivienne. "And your associates, of course."

"Alexius." Eleri nodded to the man, his overconfidence that he exuded still irking Eleri, and in turn to his son. "Felix. Thank you for seeing us again so soon."

"Yes, yes. Of course. I'm sure we can work out some arrangement that is equitable to all parties."

"Are we mages to have no voice in deciding our fate?" Fiona stepped up from her position at the side of the room, quiet anger in her voice.

"Fiona, you would not have turned your followers over to my care if you did not trust me with their lives." Alexius countered.

"If the grand enchanter wants to be part of these talks, then I welcome her as a guest of the Inquisition." Eleri internally patted herself on the back. Her comment ruffled Alexius's feathers. It was obvious in his lack of response.

"Thank you." Fiona turned to Eleri, something across her face that the younger elf couldn't read.

Alexius had walked back to his throne, his back turned to Eleri. She waited for his next words. As he sat, he ignored the invite to Fiona and pushed on with their haggling.

"The Inquisition needs mages to close the breach, and I have them. So, what shall you offer in exchange?"

His cold confidence pushed Eleri in one direction. She decided to stop the charade and just get to the point. It had gone on longer than it needed to since she was now standing in front of the man.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I'm going to take the mages and leave."

"And _how_ do you imagine you'll accomplish such a feat?" Alexius sneered at her. He was almost laughing at how ridiculous the notion was to him. Until Felix turned and dropped a bomb into Alexius's lap.

"She knowns everything, Father." The man seemed almost ashamed to say it.

"Felix, what have you done?"

"Felix didn't do anything but show concern for his father. But you wanted me here, why?" Eleri was hoping to take the heat off of Felix, unsure of what Alexius might do. It was clear that even from just a few weeks ago he had changed for the worse. His skin seemed to droop and his eyes were sunken in.

Alexius regarded Eleri, sitting back and crossing his leg other the other again. One hand rested the length of the arm rest while the other sat propped up by his elbow, gesturing as he spoke.

"Do you know what you are?" He asked slowly. A calm that was soon forgotten as his words got more animated and he stood, caught up in his own passion. "You walk into my stronghold with your stolen mark- a gift you don't even understand- and think you're in control?"

He took two aggressive steps toward Eleri, her hand moving to the pommel of her axe. He looked at her again, relaxing. "You're nothing but a mistake."

The inconsistency of Alexius's actions and emotions was unnerving. Eleri wasn't sure how to handle the situation. She regarded the man, waiting for his move. When he didn't provide one she acted.

"If I'm a mistake, what exactly was the breach supposed to accomplish?" The question boiled Eleri's blood. The creation of the breach had killed so many and if it was a mistake, a mistake by the kind of people like Alexius, that meant it should have been much worse. Alexius's voice became reverent, awe glazed over his eyes.

"It was to be a triumphant moment for the Elder One, for this world!"

"Father, listen to yourself!" Felix stepped forward. "Do you know what you sound like?!"

Dorian chose that moment to walk out of the shadows, a perfectly timed quip on his lips. "He sounds exactly like the sort of villainous cliché everyone expects us to be."

"Dorian. I gave you a chance to be a part of this. You turned me down. The Elder One has power you would not believe. He will raise the Imperium from its own ashes."

"Who is this Elder One you keep talking about?" Eleri asked, questions swirling but that one standing out among the confusion.

"Do not concern yourself with who he is, elf. He will make the world bow to mages once more. We will rule from the Boeric Ocean to the Frozen Seas."

"You can't involve my people in this!" Fiona shouted, outraged.

"Alexius," Dorian stepped up. "This is exactly what you and I talked about _never_ wanting to happen! Why would you support this?"

Eleri was aware of the sound of arrows being fired. A subtle twang in the air that only those who grew up around the sound would notice. The only telltale that she heard anything was a twitch to her ears with each shot. Alexius was so wrapped up in the argument that he failed to notice his guards dropping one by one. His head was bowed as Dorian and Felix begged him to stop, Felix's mention of home brought the man out of his trance.

"No! It's the only way, Felix. He can save you!"

"Save me?"

"There _is_ a way. The Elder One promised. If I undo the mistake at the temple…"

"I'm going to die," Felix cut in. Eleri's mind blanked as he admitted it. She was lost in whatever backstory prompted current events. "You need to accept that."

"Seize them, Venatori! The Elder One demands this woman's life!"

As if on que, the shadowed agents Leliana had sent stepped up and slit the remaining guards' throats in harmony.

"Your men are dead, Alexius. There's no sense in fighting anymore."

"You…are a _mistake_! You never should have existed!" He bit out, raising a hand from which a square shaped, and glowing, amulet hovered above his palm. Eleri stared at the object, unsure what it would do. Dorian had a sense though. A strangled "no" escaped him as he threw a spell of his own toward Alexius. The spell hit soundly, stopping Alexius but a flash of green was all Eleri saw before things went black.

Before she knew what was happening, Eleri was dropped into black water. The smell alone was enough to gag her but the water, at least she assumed it was water, felt thick and greasy. A red glow illuminated wherever they were as well as the guards who stormed in. They were speaking, Eleri could hear them but their voices were muddled. Nothing made sense and everything seemed to be spinning around her. She reached a hand out to steady herself, almost slipping under the water as she misjudged the depth. Dorian quickly pulled her up then shoved her to the side as a guard launched himself at her.

"Time to get up, Herald. This is no place to take a nap!" He said as he shot spell after spell at the farthest enemy. Eleri nodded shakily, turning her focus the man lifting himself from the water. He seemed equally as disgusted with the substance as he took the time to yank his helmet off, letting the water trapped inside pour out. He tossed the item aside as he faced her once more.

Eleri quickly pulled her axe and dagger from their holsters. She held them up and away from herself, hoping to trick the man into thinking that she was preparing herself to block. In reality she was baiting him and he took it. As he lunged forward, sword high above his head, Eleri quick stepped into his guard, running him through with her dagger. A spin dislodged the weapon and a hit to the man's back with her axe assured he was no longer a threat.

Dorian had dealt with his prey and was searching the man for valuables while Eleri sheathed her weapons. It gave her the time to take a better look around. They seemed to be in a dungeon. A flooded dungeon with very little light except for the red light that faintly shown off the large red crystals ingrown on the walls and floors. She heard Dorian start muttering to himself.

"Displacement? Interesting." He looked up as Eleri walked over to him. "It's probably not what Alexius intended. The rift must have moved us…to what? The closest confluence of arcane energy?"

"I don't speak mage, Dorian. Please speak so I can understand. The last thing I remember; we were in the castle hall."

"It means that we were moved with magic. And the closest confluence of arcane energy is a fancy way of saying the nearest burst of magic. More or less." He paused, kneeling to inspect a few items on a soaked step. "Let's see, if we're still in the castle, it isn't…oh! Of course! It's not simply where- it's when! Alexius used the amulet as a focus. It moved us through time!"

The joyful tone Dorian used did not go with what he was saying. The hairs on Eleri's neck stood on end as she thought about being transported to the future. It was wrong, against everything in nature.

"Can…can we go back?" Dorian looked at Eleri as she asked that, really took her in. He must have noticed the shake in her voice which lead to note of her worried eyes and the tight grip she had on her axe hilt. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"We will get back, Eleri. I promise." The use of her name was a comfort she had forgotten. So many in the Inquisition took to calling her 'herald' or 'your worship.' Eleri nodded. "Let's take a look around, see if we can figure out when we are."

As they walked, Dorian spoke of what this all meant. How Alexius had managed time travel, who the Elder One could be. Eleri listened but kept her focus on her surroundings. Her guard up and secure, she would not allow herself to take a misstep in the future. She had made a promise to a pretty ambassador and she would keep it. Regardless of how silly it was to think of in her situation.

Most of the dungeon was submerged in water. Her boots were soaked through, as were her greaves. The metal the covered the leather became slick and the leather rubbed uncomfortably on the backs of her knees. The low visibility was a not a problem for her. Eleri was used to exploring at night, or drawing by moonlight during her training as _Ghil-Vallen_ but Dorian would not stop complaining. When Eleri suggested he use his staff as a torch, he shot that down with a look of disgust and a "Did you want to get caught?"

When they finally found a staircase, Eleri was relieved to be out of the murky water. The pair took a moment to wring out whatever clothing they could before moving on. There were more red crystals on this level, improving the light but it added to the feeling that things were wrong and getting worse.

The first living prisoner they found in one of the cells was the elf that greeted Eleri the first time she came to Redcliffe. He had worked for Alexius, adding to the shock of finding him in such a state. He seemed in relatively good shape but he muttered, off key, some chantry song about Andraste. Eleri tried to speak with him but he continued with his song like she wasn't there.

"Come." Dorian said quietly, "There's nothing we can do for him."

Eleri glanced behind her shoulder as they walked away, unsure of what to make of their new present. There was something off about the elf. He had no idea they were there, let alone trying to speak with him; and the red glint to his eyes was more than just the light of the crystals in his cell reflecting off them.

The next room opened to a cavernous pit with a hanging bridge. The pair dealt with two guards. The only mishap when one caught Eleri off guard, almost shoving her off the side but Dorian was there with a strong hand to steady her and a swift kick toppling the guard off the other side.

As they descended stairs found through the door on their left, Eleri heard a voice she recognized. "That's…" She started, eyes darting to Dorian's and praying it wasn't who she thought. "It can't be. Not down here."

Through a small room and behind another door was exactly who Eleri thought it was, reciting a chant and looking far worse for wear. Eleri slowly approached the cell, not believing what was right in front of her. Cassandra sat on the dirty floor of her cramped cell forcefully reciting a chant. A red glow seemed to radiate off of her. Her clothes were torn and tattered, her hair filthy as was the rest of her.

When the woman looked up to meet Eleri's eyes, the elf could see the same red hue to them that the other prisoner had. Cassandra's eyes were tired, almost defeated but a soft spark seemed to light them up as she registered who was standing in front of her.

"You've come back to us! Can it be?" She sounded as if she was talking to herself. "Has Andraste given us another chance? Maker forgive me! I failed you, I failed everyone. The end must truly be upon us if the dead return to life."

Shivers ran the length of Eleri's spine as she listened to her advisor. Her voice was layered, as if not entirely her own anymore.

"I'm not back from the dead, Cassandra. I never died. We just got…" She looked to Dorian to help her with the wording, "it's hard to explain but I didn't die."

"I was there! The magister obliterated you with a gesture."

"Alexius sent us forward in time." Dorian explained. "If we find him, we may be able to return to the present."

At this possibility, Cassandra stood. Shaky at first but she seemed to gather strength from the movement. "Go back in time? Can you make it so that none of this ever took place?"

"That's what we're hoping. Dorian says we should be able to and I'll be sure Alexius answers for this."

"Alexius's master. After you died, we could not stop the Elder one from rising. Empress Celene was murdered, the army that swept in afterwards…it was a horde of demons. Nothing stopped them. Nothing." Cassandra's voice was broken as she admitted the Inquisition's failures. It tore at Eleri to see the proud woman reduced to such a state. It felt like the Conclave all over again.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"For what? There was nothing you could have done. You are here now and we will fix this. We will return this world to what it should be."

Eleri allowed Cassandra time to ready herself but the woman took only seconds.

"Vivienne is here also. Follow me." As Cassandra made to walk away, Eleri stopped her.

"What about a weapon? Here, take this." Eleri unsheathed her dagger and held it out to her companion. The seeker refused it.

"I will pick something up from a guard when we come across one. You need not worry, Herald. Now come, I wish for this reality to be over."

The pair from the past followed the future seeker as she climbed the steps back to the caverned bridge and through the door across the way. It was identical to where they had just been but in this room they found Vivienne.

The First Enchanter faced the wall of her cell but turned when she heard the trio enter. Her face was drawn, anger etched into each crease. She seemed to fair physically better than Cassandra but mentally…Everything about the woman's personality seemed off. Eleri could see it in her eyes. They had once been comforting, judging of course but kind when set on Eleri. Now they were cold and untrusting.

"What is this supposed to be? A pretend rescue to gain my trust?" Her voice held the same layer to it that Cassandra's did and her body glowed the same red, but brighter. "You think I'd fall for that?"

"It's really me, Vivienne." Eleri pleaded. "This is no trick. I'm here to help."

"You were obliterated. I was there." Vivienne spat back. The venom she spoke with was not something Eleri was used to. "You can drop this pathetic ruse."

Dorian seemed to sense Eleri's unease and stepped in, taking some of the heat off the young elf. "No trick, I'm afraid. Alexius accidently sent us through time."

It worked, though slightly. The hard set of Vivienne's jaw gave the smallest amount as she looked up in confusion. "He sent you to this time? Was that meant to be a fate worse than death?"

"What it was, was a mistake that we're going to correct. He will pay for this present but we need to get back to our own time to do it."

Vivienne shook her head as she walked out of the cell. "Confidence? We'll see how long that lasts. So, lead on. Anywhere is better than this place." Vivienne looked to the seeker for the first time since she walked in. "Cassandra."

"Vivienne."

And with that the two fell silent. Eleri took the lead as the small group made their way through the dungeon and up toward the castle's main floors. Dorian tenaciously reminded Eleri that they needed to find Alexius and fast. A fact she was well aware of without being reminded every twenty steps. His reminders combined with her companions' icy silence and the countless enemies they encountered, their numbers growing as the group continued forward, put Eleri in a foul mood. Finding Fiona unsettled the young elf further. Pushing her into a trance-like state. She did everything as if void of emotion. The sight of the mage, half encased in what she identified, and Eleri finally recognized, as red lyrium and begging for death was too much. Instead, Eleri focused on her steps and her surroundings.

Farther into the labyrinth of cells, she smacked Dorian's arm as they neared a door which from behind came loud voices. Eleri was almost thankful for the fight ahead if it meant Dorian would stop fretting. Then another familiar voice met her ears and she froze. Until she heard the men's voices threaten to violate the woman. Eleri kicked open the door and threw her dagger at the first stranger she saw. The weapon found its home up to its hilt. Eleri didn't spare it a passing glance as she lunged for the other guard but Leliana, the voice she hoped she misheard, just like Cassandra's, beat her to it. Eleri watched as muscular legs tightened around the man's neck, cutting off his air supply.

"Are you just going to stare or get me down?" The voice was harsh, much harsher than she remembered but it was definitely Leliana. Something just looking at her, Eleri wasn't sure of. Her once perfect and ivory skin was ridiculously scarred, pasty and looked like wax. It scared Eleri if she was being honest.

Leliana was the image of power to the young elf. She knew everything and everyone, had a solution to almost everything and never seemed to be phased by anything. Seeing her so beaten down left Eleri in shock. Thankfully, Dorian moved her to the side so Cassandra could cut the woman down.

"Not what you expected, I see."

Eleri gapped at the woman before turning and exiting the room. She shut the door and let herself lean heavily on her shoulder against the cold stone wall. Eleri attempted to control her breathing. She sucked in sharp, short breaths that came out shakily.

"We do not have time for you to fall apart, Lavellan." Came an Orlesian accent from behind the elf. She jumped and spun to face its owner. Leliana's appearance was still shocking but it was wearing off, allowing Eleri to look her in the eyes. Eleri quickly reached up to rub the tears that threatened to fall. "The magister is probably in his chambers. We need to get to him," She paused and added in a somewhat warmer tone, "so you can go home."

With that Leliana walked back into the torture room to gather her own things. Dorian watched her search a nearby chest. "You…aren't curious how we got here?"

"No."

The answer didn't seem to deter Dorian. If anything it confused him more and Eleri was starting to realize that meant he talked more.

"Alexius sent us into the future. This, his victory, his Elder One- it was never meant to be."

Leliana, having got what she needed, stood in front of them. Eleri watched the woman and felt her guilt multiple.

"I'm sorry…for everything you suffered." She said quietly.

"We have to reverse this spell." Dorian spoke on the heels of her apology, almost over it. She wasn't sure if the spymaster heard her but icy blue eyes lingered on her before moving back to Dorian. Eleri needed to believe that meant she was forgiven…or at least heard. "If we can get back to our present time, we can prevent this future from ever happening."

"And mages always wonder why people fear them…" Leliana barely held back the disgust in her voice. "No one should have this power."

"It's dangerous and unpredictable. Before the breach, nothing we did-"

"Enough!" Dorian immediately stopped, the anger behind Leliana's words was almost palpable. "This is all pretend to you, some future you hope will never exist. I suffered. The whole word suffered. It was _real_."

Dorian stayed quiet, and her other companions hadn't spoken yet. Eleri wanted to say something, felt she needed to but how could she comfort someone who was beyond the feeling. Leliana was beyond _any_ feelings other than vengeance and wraith. So instead, Eleri silently vowed to make sure this variation of the future never came to be and to protect her Inquisition to the best of her ability when she got back.

As the group ventured back into the castle, Dorian attempted conversation.

"What happened while we were gone?"

"Stop talking."

"I'm only asking for information."

"No." Leliana spat back. "You are talking to fill silence. Nothing happened that you want to hear."

Eleri shuddered. Leliana was right. Nothing good would have happened in this reality. She turned to the spymaster, a question on the tip of her tongue but the older woman shook her head and Eleri respected it because there really wasn't anything she wanted to hear about a pretty ambassador in this reality.

As they passed through a series of doors, Eleri's hand sparked, sending shocks up her arm. She flexed her fingers quickly as she reached for her weapons. Her lyrium-touched companions lurched out ahead of her. They fought with no worries for their well-being, little care to the injuries they sustained but it seemed that they didn't feel pain as they used to. Once the rift was sealed, Cassandra, Vivienne and Leliana all had wounds that blood flowed freely from but none of the women noticed or cared.

And so was the trend throughout the castle. Cassandra and Leliana would charge as Vivienne put wards around Dorian and Eleri before charging in herself. If there were not so many demons, Dorian and Eleri wouldn't have even been needed. As it were, the castle was massive and crawling with demons and Venatori, pocketed with rifts. Outside was the most unnerving of it all. The breach was…the entire sky. It was everything one saw when looking up. Eleri had begun another melt down when she saw it. A firm hand on her elbow as Leliana passed reminded her that this was not _the_ future, only _a_ future that happened if she didn't get home. A future Eleri would not let come to be.

Dorian seemed intrigued with shards of red lyrium that Eleri found on some of the demons and Venatori they encountered. He was adamant that she keep them. She agreed but made sure to wrap them in spare bandages so she had extra padding between her and the living stone.

"It looks like those shards you saved will be helpful in getting this door open." Leliana mused as Eleri wiped the blood from her weapons onto her armor. It mostly just smeared the red instead of cleaning it. She was covered in it. Her own, her companions' but mostly the enemies' she had killed.

"What's behind it?"

"Alexius." Leliana ran her hand across the stone carvings, counting the holes. "How many shards do you have?"

"Five or so."

"Slide them in." Leliana moved from in front of the door to let Eleri step closer. The elf pulled the shards from their wrappings and carefully put them in their home. As the pieces slid into place, they clicked and begun to glow the same green as her hand; which began to ache with each movement, sparks jumping across her knuckles and along her fingers.

The door glowed brightly before swinging open on its own. The party took cautious steps into the throne room. Alexius stood, in much the same spot as Eleri had last seen him, but facing the massive fire that seemed to be burning down to embers. Eleri heard the door shut behind them. She willed herself not to look back, to focus on the task at hand and not the feeling of being trapped.

"Alexius," Eleri's voice shook in anger as she spoke. The anxiousness forgotten as she finally faced the man who was responsible for so many deaths and the mistreatment of those closest to her, her new clan. "It's time you answered for what you've done."

He seemed oblivious to what was said. Instead, he spoke calmly. "And here you are. Finally. I knew you would appear again. Not that it would be now, but I knew I hadn't destroyed you. My final failure."

"Was it worth it? Everything you did to the world? To yourself?" Dorian's own anger was quiet, building.

"It doesn't matter now. All we can do is wait for the end."

"What do you mean? What's ending? You owe me answers and then you owe me your life." The comment would have surprised Eleri had she not been so focused. It would have surprised her companions too if they hadn't been hardened through torture and suffering.

"The irony that you should appear _now,_ of all the possibilities. All that I fought for, all that I betrayed, and what have I wrought? Ruin and death. There is nothing more. The Elder One comes for me, for you, for us all."

Through Alexius's pitiful speech of defeat, no one noticed Leliana slip up the stairs and behind Felix until she had a dagger to his throat.

"That's Felix?! Maker's breath, Alexius, what have you done?" The pain in Dorian's voice was clear.

"He would have died, Dorian! I _saved_ him!" Alexius outstretched a hand toward his son. "Please, don't hurt him. I'll do anything you ask."

"Hand over the amulet and we'll let him go." Eleri wanted to tell Leliana to do it, to give Felix a merciful death but they needed the amulet to get home. This Felix could hold on a bit more so her Felix could lead a happier life.

"Let him go, and I swear you'll get what you want."

" _I_ want the world back." Leliana drawled as she slid the dagger across Felix's neck. She shoved the young man's body away from her and assumed a defensive stance. Alexius bellowed then threw a spell toward the spymaster. Regardless of her stance, the spell hit its home and sent Leliana crashing into a wall. She smacked into the stones then fell to a heap below.

Eleri took a step toward her but Dorian pulled the elf back right as a fire ball hit no more than five feet in front of her. "She'll be fine!" and sure enough, Leliana was getting to her feet on her own, notching an arrow and aiming it toward Alexius.


	7. In Hushed Whispers - Eleri 4

The battle was long. Mages, Eleri decided, were her least favorite enemy. Their ability to transport themselves around the battle was annoying and their wards, traps, and triggers were worse. Eleri had been thrown into walls, caught on fire, zapped, and plagued by the demons Alexius had summoned while he sat recuperating behind a barrier without a reprieve of her own for what felt like days. His ability to mess with time warping her sense of how much had actually gone by even more. Her lyrium-touched companions had fared worse when looking at them but seemed unaffected by their wounds. The loss of blood alone should have slowed them.

Eleri fell to a knee as Cassandra struck the final blow, cleaving Alexius from shoulder to chest. Her breathing was ragged and sweat stung as it seeped into scratches that littered her face. Dorian knelt beside her. She looked at the man and her heart went out to him. Regardless of what Alexius turned out to be, he had meant something to Dorian; and Felix obviously meant a great deal more.

"He wanted to die, didn't he?" Dorian began. "All those lies he told himself, the justifications…he lost Felix long ago and didn't even notice. Oh, Alexius…"

Eleri stood and hauled Dorian up with her, keeping her hand clasped on his forearm as she spoke. "This Alexius was too far gone, but the Alexius in our time may still be reasoned with. We can try, Dorian."

"I supposed that's true." Dorian smiled, squeezing Eleri's arm before he broke the contact to examine the necklace. "This is the same amulet he used before. I think it's the same one we made in Minrathous. That's a relief. Give me an hour to work out the spell he used, and I should be able to reopen the rift."

"An hour?! That's impossible! You must go now!" Leliana stormed up to them, blood dripped from a cut in her forehead and oozed from many others all over her body. The castle shook, sending debris down from the ceiling. The three looked toward the door where a screeching sounded, a chorus of other sounds accompanied it. The noises persisted for several minutes. "The Elder One." Leliana announced.

Cassandra and Vivienne shared a look behind Leliana. Eleri saw the intent, knew what was coming but hoped the words wouldn't follow. Hopes that were crushed when Cassandra spoke.

"We will head out to the front, give you more time to get the spell working."

"No! You aren't going out there. There's no way you survive that!"

"That's the point, my dear." Vivienne gave Eleri a sympathetic look as if Eleri was the one giving her life to buy just a few more minutes.

"Look at us." Leliana pulled back her hood as she spoke, demanding Eleri's attention. "We're already dead. The only way we live is if this day never comes."

Cassandra and Vivienne made their way to the door without a look back. Leliana backpedaled a few feet, "Cast your spell. You have as much time as I have arrows."

The door banged closed behind the seeker and enchanter, making Eleri flinch at the finality of it. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling, pacing the platform near Dorian but eventually the mage shooed her away, claiming she was a distraction.

She kept her distance from Leliana for a time but eventually ventured closer. She needed to talk to the woman, be sure she understood that Eleri never meant for any of this.

"You are not at fault." The spymaster said as soon as Eleri stopped in front of her. Before she could ask, Leliana continued, "I knew because you have the same look as you did when I told you you were they only survivor of the Conclave. You are fairly easy to read, Lavellan."

It almost sounded like the woman chuckled as she spoke and Eleri would bet that there was a ghost of a smile on her face. The only variations of those emotions Leliana was capable of anymore.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"No. I do not think so but you should keep your heart in your pocket when politicians are around, especially the ones from Orlais. They love gossip and a good rumor. Though, there is one politician you can be honest with." A ghost of a smirk this time that lit Eleri's ears up. "She was unaware, do not worry, but you should think about telling her when you are back in your time."

Eleri remembered the look Leliana gave her earlier, she remembered not wanting to know but she needed to ask, "What happened to her…and Cullen?"

The ghost of good emotions was gone. A shadow replaced them as whatever happened replayed behind Leliana's eyes. "You do not want to know."

"I do. I _need_ to-"

"No. You do _not_. The only thing you need to know is that you can stop this from becoming a reality, that those things never need happen. You have the power to stop this and you _can_. What happened here…it is not something you want to know. Ever."

The door shook as something banged against it. Screams and fighting could be heard, louder than they were seconds ago. "You need to get back."

Leliana stepped in front of Eleri, raising her bow with an arrow notched. Eleri back stepped to where Dorian stood. She watched as Leliana faced what was to come. She heard the faint whisper of a chant being recited.

"Though darkness closes, I am shielded by flame." The door exploded open in a rain of splinters. Demons and Venatori spilled through and straight into Leliana's arrows. "Andraste guide me. Maker, take me to your side."

Enemy after enemy was taken down with single arrows but still more poured through. Eleri caught sight of the limp bodies of Cassandra and Vivienne. She ripped her eyes away quickly, not wanting to think of their sacrifice. Instead she focused on Leliana's fighting. She had never seen the older woman in combat. Even in a weakened state, or whatever one would call the state she was in, Leliana was a force not to be toyed with.

An enemy arrow found its home in Leliana's shoulder, pulling Eleri closer. The elf took a step toward her spymaster but Dorian's voice stopped her.

"You move, and we all die!" He grabbed her arm and pulled Eleri back. She knew what going back meant, that these people weren't actually dying but seeing this reality and thinking of the other was warping Eleri's grasp of what was real. She stayed where she was but looked back to find Leliana surrounded. The spymaster using her bow as a blunt weapon and beating back her enemies.

The rift opened behind her and Dorian dragged her back farther, pulling her focus from the fight. But not for long as she heard a strangled scream. Eleri looked back to find a Venatori holding Leliana from behind, a terror drawing its claw back to deal a fatal blow. Green eyes met icy blue and that was all it took to spur Eleri into motion. She took one step, then two but was yanked back and into the rift before any action could be made. The last thing Eleri saw before green bled through her vision and everything went black was a swinging claw.

Then, in a puff of smoke and the same dizzying disorientation, Eleri found herself in the Redcliffe throne room with Alexius and her companions, the not lyrium-touched ones. She stormed up to Alexius, vaguely aware of Dorian telling him to do better, and threw an armored fist at his face. It connected with a sickening crunch. The magister hit his knees, blood spewing down his face.

Eleri moved to hit him again but Cassandra was there, holding her back as Inquisition guards stepped up to take Alexius into custody. Eleri shrugged Cassandra off, giving the seeker a sheepish look, and Dorian commented, "Well, I'm glad that's over with!"

"Always with the good timing." Eleri groaned as soldiers marched into the hall. A blonde man and woman followed the company in. Cassandra straightened as Vivienne followed suit but Eleri had no idea who they were so she made no move at all.

"Grand Enchanter, we'd like to discuss your abuse of our hospitality."

Eleri leaned toward Cassandra and quietly asked who they were dealing with now. To her surprise, not that it should have been at that point, the man and woman in front of them was King Alistair and his wife, Queen Anora.

Fiona stepped up to the monarchs. And the queen, in a much harsher tone than her husband, addressed the woman.

"When we offered the mages sanctuary, we did not give them the right to drive our people from their homes."

"King Alistair, Queen Anora, I assure you, we never intended…"

"In light of your actions, good intentions are no longer enough." The woman attacked again. Her tone riled an already agitated Eleri further. Her husband, who seemed to take his ques from her, began in the same tone, banishing the mages.

"But…we have hundreds who need protection! Where will we go?"

"You'll be leaving here with the Inquisition." Eleri stepped up and offered.

"And what are the terms of this arrangement?" Fiona was clearly weary of accepting any help after what Alexius just put her through.

"No terms. Well, other than helping to close the breach, stop the Elder One, and not do anything that should unsettle the rest of our forces. You'll fight by our side as allies."

"After Alexius, I think this should be an easy decision to make. The Inquisition is better than that, right, Grand Enchanter?" Dorian asked from his seat on the steps.

"It seems we have little choice but to accept; and your offer is generous. Thank you."

"If the Inquisition wants the mages, it can have them. We want them gone by sundown tomorrow." King Alistair commanded. Eleri kept her scowl barely hidden as she watched the couple go.

"It won't be like the circles; I won't let that happen but your people must show restraint. Mages have a bad reputation, as do Dalish elves," she gave the woman a knowing look in hopes that she knew Eleri understood, "and while that is unfair, it can also lead to unrest which is unacceptable at a time like this. You are free until I have reason not to trust you." Eleri ordered. Cullen would have a fit about it but hopefully, Josephine and Leliana will support the decision. Either way, it was too late be undone after she offered it.

"We will discuss this later." Cassandra quietly commanded as she passed Eleri toward the exit. Dorian suggested, as the group headed out, that they spend the night in the Inn, rest before they traveled back to Haven but Eleri shook her head. They had been gone too long. She wanted to be back sooner rather than later. So instead of a warm bed, Eleri found herself on horseback in the middle of a cold night, shivering and pulling her surcoat tighter around her.

"Maybe we should have stopped like Ser Pavus suggested."

Eleri turned to Cassandra as the seeker's horse fell into step with her own. The woman kept her eyes forward, sweeping their surroundings every so often. It was impressive how relaxed yet alert she could be.

"We need to talk about what happened at the castle." She continued.

"I should have discussed my plan for the mages with you before I offered, I know. I'm sorry but the way those monarchs were-"

"That is not what I mean." Cassandra stated then fell silent.

"Oh." Eleri wasn't sure what to say or if she should even say anything at all but the silence was getting to her. It felt empty and awkward. Right as Eleri was going to break it, Cassandra spoke again.

"Your reaction to Alexius, when you reappeared, was unacceptable. You cannot go around hitting people whenever it pleases you." Eleri bowed her head, hating the feeling of being scolded and feeling ashamed but also the pricks of anger. Cassandra had no idea what Alexius had done. He deserved far worse than a broken nose. Silence stretched for several moments again. "What happened…wherever you went?"

"Not where, Cassandra, _when_. We never left Redcliffe Castle. Alexius took us a year into the future and I would rather not think about that future again."

Cassandra nodded, her years allowing her to assume what transpired without needing to know the details of a future without the Herald and her mark. "You will have to talk about it eventually, at the very least write a report on it, but I will not pry tonight. It has been a trying day for us all and, I believe, for you most of all." More silence. "We should be coming up on an Inquisition camp shortly."

With that the older woman urged her horse forward. Effectively leaving Eleri with the thoughts and images she had been pushing away since she tumbled out of the second time rift. Flashes of red rimmed and red touched eyes, images of unfelt gashes pouring blood danced across Eleri's eyes in the dark. She shuddered and clamped her eyes closed, thinking that it would somehow stop but in reality, she wasn't so lucky.

As Cassandra promised, they reached a camp within the hour. Vivienne, Dorian, and Cassandra remained awake only long enough to slid off their horses and take off enough equipment to sleep as comfortably as possible. Eleri on the other hand refused to sleep. If she could not get the images out of her head, then she would make use of the memories and start on Josephine's report.

It was slow going. Her skill in sketching aiding her in the arduous task of learning to read and write in the common language the Inquisition used but she knew enough to create an adequate recount. If she came across something she did not know how to describe she wrote in her own language but even her knowledge in that was basic, enough to jot notes down on the different drawings she added to her book for the Keeper.

"Do you need anything, Herald?" A requisition officer appeared at her side, voice filled with worry that Eleri couldn't justify until she came out of her reverie enough to notice her hand shaking and her eyes itched with unshed tears.

"I'm fine." She offered her best smile and hoped it wasn't too watery. "Just tired but you know how Ambassador Montilyet is with these reports."

"Aye, Herald. That I do. I am going off watch soon but if you have need of anything, Revus will take my place. He'll be happy as I to help."

Eleri thanked the officer then returned to her work. Her script was worse than normal, a side effect of the shaking she assumed. More hours passed before Eleri was disturbed again. This time by Cassandra. Luckily, she found the elf dry eyed and with only small tremors plaguing her hands.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Huh?" The itch Eleri felt in her eyes was now from lack of sleep. She looked around and found the sun was rising behind the seeker. She had been so absorbed that she hadn't realized.

"Did you _sleep_?" Cassandra repeated.

"No. I didn't realize it was already morning."

Cassandra eyed the elf, worry and suspicion playing in her expression. She nodded once. "We leave after we eat. You should lay down. I will come get you when there is food."

"No." Eleri shook her head. "I'm fine. I'm almost finished with this so I'll just keep working."

Cassandra switched her scrutiny to the pile of scribbled on paper sitting under a rock to Eleri's left. Elven pocketed the common language but Eleri doubted the woman could read the writing without a closer look. Josephine praised Eleri for the progress she made with her penmanship but she knew it was horrible and difficult to read.

"You really should rest, Herald. The next few days will be hard travel. The cold will worsen, snow will be everywhere making camp difficult if even possible. You will not have an undisturbed moment to sleep or even a comfortable place to rest for days."

"Cassandra, I'll be _fine_. Now leave me to finish this report." The bite in Eleri's words surprised her but she kept that from her expression. Instead she locked eyes with Cassandra and hoped the woman would do what she asked. She was much too tired for the concern.

"Fine. We leave after we eat. I will bring you your food." And with that the seeker stomped away toward the fire. Vivienne and Dorian watched the exchange and their eyes lingered even after Eleri caught them. Only when Cassandra reached them did they turn their attention to her, obviously asking how the conversation went.

Eleri sighed and turned back to her paper. She was at the end, at the part she punched Alexius. She could feel the disappointment that would come from Josephine. Even this far away and even though the ambassador had no idea that she would feel as such. As she put the finishing touches on the report, a bowl of mushy porridge was dropped next to her. The sound caused Eleri to jump, looking up to find the retreating form of Cassandra. The elf called out a thanks but got no response. But this was better. She had time to ignore her thoughts instead of Cassandra trying to bring them to light.

As was promised, the party left after they ate. And as promised, travel was _hard_. The temperatures were dropping and the coldest months of Haven's year were approaching. Despite this, Eleri found herself drifting off in the saddle. She jolted awake each time she started to slip one way or the other from her saddle. Having notice this, Cassandra rode closely to her right as Dorian took up her left; each ready to catch their Herald if she truly did fall. Vivienne rode at the front, keeping a small barrier around them to help fight the cold and snow but it did little to relieve the harsh conditions. A little that was greatly appreciated.

...

"Alert the council that we are back." Eleri was vaguely aware of conversation around her. It was muffled and far away. "Go get Iron Bull. I am taking the Herald to her cabin. She is not to be disturbed unless by my command."

She had slept little. The weather, the rough terrain, and her nightmares kept Eleri up. She had been awake, more or less actively so, for the past eight days. Her focus had been off, resulting in minor injuries like cuts and scrapes as she misplaced a step or two in the rocky patches that were too rough to ride through. Her horse, if not better trained, would have bolted from her with each slip of her hold on its reigns.

As affirmatives were given and another voice joined the conversation, Eleri felt herself pulled from her saddle.

"Hey, Boss. Nice and easy now."

Her eyes opened, blurry and out of focus, to find herself much closer to Bull's face than she normally would be. Her head swiveled to see what was happening but her view was partially blocked by a massive shoulder, the rest she couldn't make out.

"Just lay back down. I've got you." He murmured, voice much quieter than Eleri had ever heard it. It was soothing and she wanted to tell Bull he had a nice voice when he wasn't yelling. Instead she heard Cassandra beside them.

"Herald, you are back in Haven and we are taking you to your cabin where you _will rest_. I have your report and will give it to the council. Dorian will give the firsthand account of what happened to you both. There is nothing you need worry about except your own well-being."

She tried to protest, say something that would get them to stop making her try to sleep but all that came out was groan. Bull chuckled at her and she scrunched her brow in annoyance but laid her head on his shoulder. It seemed it didn't matter what she wanted, her body wanted sleep.

 _Demons. Terrors, shades, rage demons. Wraiths. Waves of red lyrium-touched Venatori. All surrounding her, all brandishing claws, teeth, weapons that glinted sharply in the red light. She heard their growls and war cries but above all she heard her companions calling for help or screaming in pain._

 _The castle shook, dropping heavy debris around her. It blocked the passages to her companions. Further trapping her. Not that she could have gotten through the sea of enemies around her._

 _And above all, she heard Alexius laugh and the laugh of another. A shadowed figure far on the other end of the hall, a seemingly unending distance away. The seas converged on her and as she reached for her weapons, she found they were gone. Even the shield always on her back had disappeared. She screamed as red eyes consumed her vision and she suffocated under their numbers._

Eleri jolted awake, shoulders shaking in the cold air as her blanket pooled around her waist. Her throat scratched as she sucked in air. She looked around the room, dimly lit by a fire across the room and empty. A knock thumped against her door, startling the young elf, as a muffled voice called out. "Herald? Herald are you okay?" The voice was wary, unsure on what to do. "I heard a scream. Seeker Pentaghast said not to disturb you but I feel as though I will lose my job if I don't check on you and something is wrong."

Eleri didn't answer. Nightmares weren't supposed to effect warriors like this. She wasn't supposed to wake up screaming, weak. The knock came again but soon, she heard footsteps that were headed away from her door.

A slow breath left her and Eleri buried her face in her hands, pulling her fingers as far as they would go through her semi-dreaded hair. Images of what she had dreamed clashed with her memories of what actually happened and Eleri quickly clambered out of bed. Desperate for something to distract her.

She splashed water on her face, it was chilled from the temperature in the room and being so far from the fire but not cold. It had been here without change for some time and for the first time, Eleri questioned how long she had been asleep. As she dressed another knock came but instead of waiting for an answer, the visitor stormed in. Cassandra stopped in the middle of the room, hands on her hips. Eleri slowly turned to face her as the elf finished buttoning her surcoat.

"Cassandra." Eleri nodded. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Not nearly long enough." The seeker huffed out, annoyance written all over her stance.

"I cannot stay in bed any longer."

Eleri self-consciously shifted as Cassandra examined her. She was aware of how tired her eyes felt, the tight feeling of her face, and still felt the pinpricks of fear that tingled in her hands and could only imagine what she looked like.

"A guard said he heard you scream."

"I…did not."

"Do not lie. He is one of my most trusted men, he would not lie about this."

Eleri sighed. She would not admit this. So what if she did scream, there was nothing Cassandra could do about it. Admitting it would only heighten Eleri's embarrassment.

"You never answered me, how long was I out?"

"And you didn't answer me. I am not unaware of your subject change, Herald but as you wish." A flourish of Cassandra's hands followed her words, a frustrated shrug and finally, Eleri got her answer. In form of a question. Her own frustration flaring but soon deflated as she realized it was harder to answer than she thought it would be. "What do you remember?"

"Uh, I remember…traveling in the mountains. I tripped and Dorian laughed and you yelled at him." Cassandra nodded along as Eleri thought, concern coloring her eyes. "Then…then I'm not sure."

"That was three days ago. We arrived the day after that and you have been sleeping since." She let the information sink in, watching Eleri for her reaction. Green eyes widened as she looked down. Eleri tried to remember more but found only blurry fragments that could have been dreams. She wasn't sure. "You have not rested enough. You should sleep more."

"No." Her eyes shot back to Cassandra's. "I don't want to sleep. I'll take it easy, I promise but I need a break from the dre…from sleeping."

The woman thought, keeping eye contact that Eleri was afraid to break. She thought it would show a weakness of some kind that Cassandra would think meant she was not well enough to be up and about. A silly notion but it felt true enough.

"Leliana did wish to speak with you." Eleri's blood chilled. She wanted to be up but not to speak with the spymaster. She would only want to talk about what happened. "I guess that is acceptable. Lady Montilyet has also inquired after you. I think it prudent if you paid her a visit as well."

At that suggestion, Cassandra gave Eleri a knowing smile. One that the elf had a hard time not returning but she didn't want to see Josephine yet. Not like this. She felt broken and that shamed her.

"I'll speak with Leliana but she'll want to speak of what happened, I'm sure of it. After that I'd like to get something to eat then maybe retire for the day."

"Of course, Herald. Do as you wish. Your other companions have been asking after you as well. Bull especially, maybe a short conversation with them would help to raise morale. They are worried."

Eleri nodded. She took some time to herself before following Cassandra out into Haven. She thought it would be better to be seen getting around on her own, show the forces that she was okay and capable after disappearing for so long.

She avoided Leliana's tent at first. Deciding to walk down and see Bull. The Qunari bellowed when he saw her, lifting her into a crushing hug that he quickly apologized for. Eleri hadn't noticed how sore her body was until so much pressure was applied to so much of her. She laughed, grimacing as Bull placed her on the ground.

"Boss! You're alive!" He laughed. "I was beginning to think a little sleep loss would do you in but no, you're much tougher than that!" He 'lightly' punched her shoulder, staggering the much smaller elf. Another quick apology was given as she grabbed the body part.

"I'm fine, Bull. I just wanted a little break."

The two stood passing time and joking, catching up on all that had happened since Eleri left for Redcliffe. They focused on Bull and Eleri was grateful for that. Something told her that he knew not to bring her experiences up. After a time, Eleri bid him goodbye and made her way to Varric.

"Herald! You live!" She laughed at the similar greeting that reached her ears as she climbed the last steps to where Varric's tent was.

"As are you. Bull told me what happened in Fallow Mire, I thought to find a holely dwarf."

"Don't let the Chantry hear you say that; they'll think us stone-dwellers are coming for their titles!" The two laughed and again, Eleri listened to Varric retell Bull's story. In much more detail and embellishment of course. She had to admit, Varric was good at what he did. They moved on to rumors that were floating around Haven. Whimsical things that made Eleri laugh, nothing too serious like what the villagers thought of her condition or what happened at Redcliffe.

Eleri's eyes drifted often to what she could see of Leliana's tent on the level above them. Varric seemed to notice, his expression turning soft.

"The sooner you go, the sooner it's over, Eleri." Like before, when Dorian did it in the messed up future, Eleri was caught off guard by the use of her first name. The comfort spreading through her chest, down her finger tips and finally, _finally_ expelling the pricks of fear that still lingered from her dream. "Go on, kid."

He nodded in Leliana's direction with his head and shooed her with a wave of his hand, the only encouragement Eleri needed to start toward the spymaster. But, as she neared the entrance to the tent, Eleri's steps faltered. Leliana leaned against her table, focused on the papers that were scattered across it. Just as Eleri thought better of her destination, Leliana looked up and locked eyes with her.

"Lavellan. I heard you were awake. Do you have a moment?" Eleri gave a timid nod and stepped fully into the tent. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"Are you lying?" A smirk played on Leliana's lips as she asked.

"Maybe but it doesn't really matter."

"According to what happened, your well-being is the only thing that does matter."

And there it was. The purpose of their conversation. Eleri remained quiet. Leliana would steer the conversation where she wanted anyway.

"Your report was…detailed but I had some questions about things you decided not to clarify. The sacrifices you mentioned. Who were they?"

"Does it matter?" Eleri couldn't meet her eyes, the icy blue was softer than the ones that haunted her but still brought up painful memories. Instead, she focused on one of Leliana's birds that was perched on a crate behind the woman.

"It obviously does to you."

Silence filled the tent. Eleri debating if she wanted to admit to that and Leliana waiting, confident that Eleri would. Knowing that Leliana knew she would tell her almost made Eleri deny it, just to spite her but that was childish. She wasn't allowed to do such things anymore.

"Everyone died. Cassandra and Vivienne survived whatever they did to them and sacrificed themselves for Dorian and I…you did too."

Leliana nodded, as if she remembered doing it. She waited, again knowing that Eleri would continue and again, the young elf did so begrudgingly.

"I couldn't help you and you so readily made the decision."

"Of course I did." Leliana answered easily. "And I would do so in this reality. _You_ are the key to our victory, Lavellan. My life is expandable in comparison."

"No, it isn't!" Eleri's voice rose and she quickly shut her mouth with a click of teeth. Leliana raised a brow at her, shocked at the emotion. "No one's life is expandable. That's not how life works."

"You are right but in the scheme of this battle, my life is worth less. I am not saying I do not value my life; only that if you were to die when I could have saved you then our cause would be lost since I do not have the ability to close rifts."

Eleri tried to control her emotions. Too much was mixing together. Anger, fear, the loss of her friends in a different reality. No matter that they stood in front of her, their loss still felt real. She closed her eyes to get a grip on herself. Leliana took a step closer, placed a hand on her shoulder.

"This is not easy and I do not pretend to know what you went through at Redcliffe but you must push forward. We do not have time for you to fall apart, Lavellan."

Leliana thought she was being comforting but the reminder of what was said in the dungeons of Redcliffe, in a different time by a different spymaster only sent a shard of ice down Eleri's spine. But she pushed the unease away, ignored the feeling that the same fate waited for them all; the advice was still sound. Eleri took an awkward step back. She was not used to Leliana showing any signs of humanity.

They talked for a time about Eleri's report but nothing as trying as the sacrifices she was forced to stand by and allow. They focused on the types of rifts, the names she could remember and that Leliana should be on the lookout for.

"Josephine has been wanting to see you." Leliana threw in as she shuffled papers on her desk, seemingly not paying attention but Eleri knew enough about the spymaster to know she was being watched.

"Oh, um, really? Does she have a question about the report? I tried to write as neatly as I could."

"No other question than asking after how you are faring."

"Oh."

"Mhm."

"I still need to speak with Vivienne and I should probably meet with Dorian as well. And, Cassandra wanted me to take it easy so I'll be sure to meet with her tomorrow…or some other time."

"Of course, Herald. Although, before you go, I do have another question." Leliana stiffened then turned to face Eleri. "What happened to her?"

"You wouldn't tell me." Eleri met the icy blues then looked away again, "But, she was…not there."

"Ah, thank you." Leliana nodded and went back to her work. Eleri took that as a dismissal. She went to find Vivienne in her corner of the Chantry. Their conversation was short and awkward, the two not knowing how to mesh their different personalities off the battle field. Eleri asked after Vivienne's health and the enchanter did the same but other than that, not much was said.

"I'm glad you are feeling better, dear." Vivienne commented as Eleri began her farewell.

"Thank you. Same to you." Eleri's smile was short lived as an Antivan accent drifted down from the back of the Chantry. Vivienne raised an eyebrow as she took in Eleri's reaction. "I need to go. Now."

"I will provide a distraction then." Vivienne smiled then walked toward the voice. "Josephine, dear? I have a suggestion about the _awful_ food served by your cooks."

Eleri got as far as the Chantry doors, only to find Dorian leaning against them with arms crossed. "I thought you fancied the lovely ambassador?"

"Not now, Dorian. Though I was going to look for you. Come on." She grabbed his arm and dragged him behind her as she rushed from the Chantry. She heard Josephine ask if it was Eleri she had just seen. The elf in question let out a sigh as the doors shut behind her.

"Interesting." Dorian stated as he watched her.

"Shut up." Eleri glared at him half-heartedly as she started walking.

"It is! But I will let it be. For now." He smirked. "How long have you been up?"

"A few hours. What's happened since I was out?"

"Meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Oh, and concern. I've never been asked so many times about someone else's health."

Eleri hummed with a nod.

"We met to talk about what happened, met to talk about your report, met to talk about what to do with the mages, met to talk about what to do about you, met to-"

"What do you mean 'what to do with me?'"

"Well, my friend, your stunt with Alexius has spread like wild fire and it has not helped the wild Dalish rumors. Your lady love has tending to public relations since." Eleri's ears reddened, earning a smirk from Dorian but he didn't comment on it. "But, not everything about the event was negative. The city of Redcliffe is fully behind us. Their people, at all levels, are beyond thankful to you. The mages are fiercely loyal as well. It was not a popular decision with your advisors but I think you made the right move. With their freedom, the only thing they've wanted, the mages will follow you almost blindly, I think."

The duo stopped in front of Eleri's cabin. She looked at the door. "Where are you staying?"

Dorian gave her a questioning look at the random topic but answered, "Near the apothecary. Though I do not think Solas is fond of the company so near to him. But enough about me, you need to relax. No need to sleep," Dorian raised a hand, placating the look in Eleri's eyes, "but do sit. Read or draw as you love to do. Just get off your feet for a time."

The next morning, Eleri jolted awake again. Paper and graphite pieces fell to the floor from the sudden movement. She took calming breaths and shivered from her cold sweat as the morning air hit her shoulders. She peered outside to gauge what time it was. Dawn, maybe before. She rose to splash water on her face and dress.

A knock, like the day before, sounded against the door. It was softer, polite and a bit timid. "Mistress Lavellan?"

Eleri groaned as finished getting dressed. "One moment." She called out. Talking to Josephine was not how she wanted to start her day. Mixed with the guilt that settled low in her chest at making the ambassador walk to her cabin in the cold morning instead of going to talk to her yesterday soured her mood even more.

An anxious Josephine fiddled with her sleeve cuff on the other side of the threshold. Her brown eyes were full of worry.

"I hope I did not wake you. The guard told me you were awake."

"Still being watched am I?" Eleri asked as she motioned Josephine to come in. Her eyes did a quick scan of the room. She should have at least made her bed before opening the door. Her drawings and graphite pieces still littered the floor too.

"Cassandra mentioned you were having trouble sleeping. She just wishes you to feel safe enough to get an adequate amount of rest."

"Cassandra should mind her own business." The ice that came out with her words surprised Eleri. She sighed, running a hand partially through her hair. "I'm sorry. The concern is appreciated but I am fine."

"Are you?"

"Yes, Lady Montilyet. I am, really." She said gently.

"Your report was…disturbing." Eleri nodded. "I only wanted to be sure that you were holding up."

"Thank you."

"Yes, well…" Josephine seemed not to know what to say and Eleri let the moment of silence stretch, not knowing herself. "I should get back to my office. There is much to be done. Do come visit. I am sure I will be in need of a break today."

"Of course."

Then Eleri was alone and smiling because Josephine had asked her to come distract her from work. A hardened Orlesian voice drifted through her head, _you should think about telling her when you are back in your time._ She wouldn't. Not now but maybe soon. She just needed to know more about how humans went about these things. She should ask Dorian…


	8. A Soldier's Story - Inquisition Soldier

"Haven was in chaos. An army was marching down from the mountains, cutting off our only chance of escape. You were there, you saw how everyone ran about." Harrison recounted for the woman walking the pilgrimage path next to him. She had been gathering supplies on Sister Leliana's orders, had not seen what truly happened. "But, army didn't quite match what that force really was. They were _Templars_ , thousands of them. Attacking us…I mean, we barely had the numbers actually in Haven to be more than a glorified militia. Just new recruits and trainers."

Harrison shook his head and side stepped a large rock in his way, he reached back to help the older couple behind him navigate it as well. "The monster that was at the head of that army. It was massive, and gnarled. Not human or if he was, he was possessed by the most terrible of demons. They called him the Elder One, the council did. We would have fled if not for the Herald and Commander Cullen spurring everyone into action."

His voice took on that of admiration. He would be the first to admit that he had his doubts on the young, Dalish, female elf that had been dubbed the Herald of Andraste, chosen one to save all of Thedas but now, now, Harrison would fight for the Herald's honor against even the most fearsome of foes. She deserved that and more in his opinion.

"At first the battle was under control. The Templars were sending small parties down to assault the gate, see if they could get in without use of their entire force I think. But slowly these…creatures appeared. They seemed to be Templars but red lyrium, that's what the Commander called it, jutted from their skin and armor. They used it as swords. A few of the bigger ones, massive beasts! They could shoot daggers of the stuff at you."

"The red Templars, they changed the tide of war. We started losing ground. A few of the trebuchets were lost to them. Commander ordered us behind the wall but then a dragon appeared and it looked a lot like the drawings I've seen of the last Arche Demon but I don't know if that was what it was. Don't go telling people I said that is really what it was. We don't really know yet." The woman nodded, engrossed in his story. Harrison was forced to pause as a young girl ran up to him and clung to his leg. "Pardon, ma'am. What is it, Clary?"

"Pa, when will we be where we're going?"

"When we get there. Now, where's your mother? I don't want you to hear this." The child pointed up ahead and when Harrison looked up, he saw the mess of curly brown hair that could only belong to his wife. He waved and dislodged his daughter from his leg, giving her a gently push toward his wife. The his wife returned the wave, Harrison pointed toward their daughter to signal the girl was heading that way.

"Sorry about that, where was I?" Harrison thought. "Ah, right. We retreated back but the Herald, she had a plan. I was running by, trying to get everyone safely to the Chantry as Commander ordered. I had just gotten one of the smithies in when he pulled me aside on my way back out."

Harrison gave a proud smile as he recounted. "I was ordered, along with two others, to go with the Herald and protect her while she took one last shot at that Elder One. So me, and the other guys, Thomas and Kale, suit up and follow the Herald out like we were told. And she takes every which way to get to that last trebuchets. She was finding people that needed help, those who hadn't checked in with the Lady Ambassador, and she saved them! At first I didn't understand it. I was annoyed that we seemed to be taking the longest way and wasting time but then there were people in danger."

"Once we found who she was looking for, the Herald took us through the wreckage and to the trebuchet. There were Templars but we easily dealt with them. That Herald may be small but you should see her fight. She's a sight, that's for sure." Harrison spoke, enamored by the image of his newest hero as he recalled the memory. "Most fight either dual-wielding or in combination, you know what that means, with a sword and shield?" At the woman's nod he continued, "Good, well, she did _both_. Was _amazing_ with both. She started with two, an axe and a dagger, a weird combination when I first saw it but one thing about the Herald is she's full of surprises. I'll never doubt her again!"

"But, she's still mortal and as she got tired, with wave after wave of those blighted Templars coming down, she switched to her shield to protect herself."

Harrison grew quiet. His eyes sought out his small family as he remembered the feeling of defeat as he watched those Templars stream down without end. He had known what Commander Cullen asked of him when he ordered Harrison to go with the Herald and he had eagerly accepted, but not until he was faced with his death did he think it was possible. That he would have never see his family again. If not for the Herald.

"She cranked the trebuchet on her own, leaving us to keep watch but when it was all but ready, that Elder One and his dragon made their descent." Harrison shook his head. The woman he was telling, and the couple listening from behind him, gasped when they heard this. Most of Haven had been on the path already. No one knew this part, not really. "She told us to leave, to get out of there while we could."

"The Herald turned to me, said she saw me with my family and she would be damned if she let them lose me. I tried to stay, I argued that my duty was to stay and help her but she refused. She told me my duty was to my little girl and my wife. But, my arguments didn't matter. As the dragon swooped close overhead, the Herald saw the flare sent up that the villagers had all gotten out of Haven. That we could flee now and that was what convinced me to go."

Another pause. This was difficult for Harrison to admit. He felt like a coward. "She pointed to the flare and said she would be right behind us, that she just had to fire the trebuchet so we turned and fled through the village. As I slowed, noticing there were no footsteps sounding behind me, I saw the Herald wasn't with us and when I looked, I could just make out her form still on the trebuchet. Alone and cornered by that dragon and the Elder One. I'm ashamed to say that I only took enough time to gauge that I could not make it to her in time to help, that her and I would both die. Her request that I make it to my family replayed in my ears and before I could stop myself, my feet were moving once more to the Chantry and the path to safety."

Harrison avoided the gazes of those around him. The Herald was gone and he might have been able to save her but instead he selfishly ran toward his family. Away from his duty. A hand from behind was placed on his shoulder. The old man gave him a stern look.

"She knew what she was doing, Ser. The Herald saved you from her fate and gave your daughter her father back and your wife, her husband. Do not feel shame."

Harrison nodded, thankful for the man's words, and continued to the end of his story. "I felt more than saw the trebuchet fire. I was just stepping onto the path and when I looked, I watched the avalanche annihilate the trebuchet where the Herald had just stood facing off with that monster and its pet. The dragon was high in the sky, escaping any harm but I couldn't see the Herald nor any sign of her."

They fell into the melancholy silence that seemed to follow the survivors of Haven up the mountain path. Their hope was gone. A hope that Harrison had just found, only to be crushed. But, the Herald gave them time. And she gave them their lives. Surely, they would be able to fight back. At least Harrison hoped the rest of the Inquisition would think that way. He knew he would give his life for the same cause the Herald did.


	9. A Long Way Back - Eleri

Cold. Hard. Wet. A slight breeze. Eleri tried to assess her surroundings without opening her eyes. It seemed dark but her eyes _were_ closed so it could be her imagination. Her fingers grazed along the surface she laid on. It was rough, iced over rocks. That would explain the cold, hard, and wet that she felt. She slowly opened her eyes as a blinding pain seared through her head. Eleri immediately squeezed her eyes shut again, cradling her head to her stomach and pulling her knees up to protect herself from the pain. A short lived pain, replaced by the daggers that laced through her back at the movement.

Eleri quickly rolled onto her back but something was in her way from laying comfortably. She squirmed to the side to move whatever it was. The item was her shield, broken in half from the fall. After chucking her beloved safeguard to the side, she laid with arms out to her sides, breathing through the pain. Her mind was hazy, like she was trying to think through a thick and painful fog. It took her a moment to be thankful she hadn't run herself through with the weapons still holstered to her hips.

What happened was blurry. The memories slowly surfaced through the fog. She remembered Corypheus and the avalanche. Then running toward the pit she had seen, the snow following her in. She looked up as the pain in her head started to subside the smallest bit. Broken wooden beams jutted from the ice above her. That explained why her body hurt so bad. She must have hit one, or a few, on her way down. The planks that were scattered around her were evidence enough to support the theory.

She sighed and rolled experimentally onto her stomach. It hurt still but the pain was manageable. Eleri waited a few more minutes before pushing onto her hands and knees, then to her feet. She steadied herself against the tunnel wall once she stood. She didn't straighten entirely, her body already protested the movement. A strain in her muscles that warned Eleri not to push herself.

The glow of her hand caught the elf's attention against the light gray of the walls. She lifted it, examining why it remained active. There was no rift as far as she could tell. It must have not calmed since Corypheus had man-handled her. Eleri staggered forward. Her steps felt clumsy like she had no control over her legs and as she got farther in, she found herself thankful for the active mark since it was the only source of light in the dark cave.

The tunnels were odd. They went from civilized stone, set with intent to natural rock that was mined without care for how it looked. And they stretched for what felt like miles. Eleri was forced to rest often. At times she only made it a few steps before she sank back to the ground. Her ribs burned, her back screamed with every movement, and her head was maddeningly heavy and slow. The cold, while the least of her worries, was a constant bother on top of it all.

She needed to get out. She needed to find shelter, warmth and food. What she really needed was to find her Inquisition and be sure that everyone made it out of Haven.

The tunnels opened to a chamber up ahead, signaled by a lit torch. Eleri blinked at it. She had not expected to find anything that hinted at civilization. Her hand twitched painfully. Beyond the torch, two wraiths stood watch on the room. The lone elf froze. In perfect condition those wraiths would be difficult to manage but in her current state? It was certain death. Yet, she had no choice. Her only option was to keep moving forward.

Eleri pulled her dagger and axe from their holsters. The scrape caught the wraiths attention and Eleri charged. Each step was agony but she pushed through. She took advantage of a rock near the steps leading down to the chamber floor, launching herself off of it to come down with both weapons on the closest wraith. The creature shrieked. It lashed out with a claw, catching Eleri's shoulder and throwing her away from it.

Eleri jumped to her feet, ready for the next assault but unprepared for it to come from her own hand. She dropped to her knees as her good hand gripped the opposite wrist as it rose in the air. A green ball of energy burst from Eleri's palm and seemed to suck the life from her enemies.

When Eleri came to, again, she was in the middle of the chamber where the wraiths had been. She jolted up, eyes scanning the area for any signs of the creatures. There were none. The moment of reprieve allowed Eleri to notice that her body was in less pain. Aches and pains were still there and her back protested any movement but it wasn't nearly as excruciating as before. The gashes in her shoulder from the wraith were healed enough that they stopped bleeding. The only aliment that wasn't at all better was her head. The foggy haze persisted. She stood and allowed her eyes to wander the chamber again, this time looking for a passage. Eleri followed on to her left. It left the torch light behind but her hand still sparked and illuminated the way.

Some ways down, the tunnel opened to an identical chamber. Another torch sat near the mouth of an entrance. She gazed out at the howling wind and swirling snow that provided no visibility outside of the tunnel. Eleri had no way of knowing where she was.

"You're kidding…" the frustrated elf muttered to herself. Eleri wrapped her clothes tighter to her frame and hugged her torso as she stepped into the blizzard. It wasn't her best decision but obviously Haven's survivors had come this way. It was the only solution Eleri could come up with that explained the torches in the otherwise deserted tunnels. Maybe she wasn't that far behind; she could catch them by nightfall.

But she didn't. All she had found by the time the sun sank, a further darkening of the gray sky her only indication other than her internal clock that any time had passed, was a cold set of fire rings. A miracle she had found them at all in the whiteout conditions. Eleri huddled against a tree trunk, thankful for the low pine branches as she repeated to herself that at least it was proof she was going in the right direction.

The next morning was no different. Snow blasted into her tired eyes as she trudged forward. She wandered blindly through the mountains. She was freezing, starving, exhausted. Eleri would not be able to continue in the snowy mountains for much longer.

The snow drifts were beginning to be an issue too as they grew deeper. Eleri's legs snuck to her knees with each step, forcing her to expend more energy than she could afford and taking her longer to travel. More often than not her steps caught, tripping her and sending her into the snow. She had thought she knew cold before but now it had truly seeped into her bones. Her fingers were numb, her hands felt like clubs; even her eyes felt frozen.

Eleri slowed for a much needed rest as more trees began to appear around her. It was an unnerving change. There was no way to anticipate their arrival because of the snowstorm that still raged. Eleri would simply walk and then out of nowhere there would be a tree to her side or in front of her. The first time it happened she yelped thinking the symbol she had taken comfort from her entire life was an enemy. When several of the pine-coated sentinels surrounded Eleri, she stopped to try and get her bearings. The snow had died enough to give her at least ten more feet of visibility but it did nothing to help her navigate. She allowed herself time to catch her breath then trudged on.

By night fall the wind had quieted, but still bit through her clothes with a persistent chill, and the snow had slowed. Cliffs loomed in front of her. She stumbled over the rocks that extended from the ground as she crept closer to the shelter the cliffs would provide from the wind. As she lost her footing on a slick patch and fell painfully to one knee on a rock, Eleri saw another set of fire rings. Upon further inspection, the embers still held a small trace of warmth. She was close! A laugh escaped Eleri and to her own ears it sounded close to tears.

The snow drifts were deep in the cliff's mouth, causing Eleri issues as her tired legs attempted to clear the snow with each step. The hill toward the mouth was steep and the snow made it difficult to climb. She must have looked to be crawling as she used her hands to steady herself in the snow.

Once she reached the top, she saw the glow of fires burning. Her eyes blurred. She thought from her head but as she hit her knees with voices calling out, she felt the tears burning a path down her freezing cheeks. The outlines of people rushing toward her was the last thing Eleri registered as she let herself slip away. She was aware of strong arms catching her as she fell forward but not who they belonged to.

Next, Eleri was aware of warmth surrounding her and weight covering her from her shoulders down. It was quiet but not completely silent. Murmured conversations could be heard and the crackling of fires. The most comforting was the whinnying of the horses. The second most comforting was the arguing that was clear even from its distance. Eleri could hear Cullen and Cassandra were going at it as Leliana cut in angrily whenever Cullen attacked the former right hand, and Josephine attempted to calm them. Their voices soothed Eleri's heart. Her advisors were safe. They had made it.

With that realization, the elf opened her eyes. The tent she was in was open on the sides but the several fires burning within kept the cold out. She pushed herself up to her elbows and gazed out across their section of the camp at her bickering advisors. But, bickering would not do their heated conversation justice. Her council was all but flat out yelling at each other. Mother Gisele, who must have been watching over her, turned as she noticed Eleri rise.

"Shh, you need rest." The Chantry woman advised.

"How long have they been at it? It looks like hours."

"You are not far off, Herald, but, they have that luxury thanks to you. The enemy could not follow and with time to doubt, we turn to blame." Mother Gisele looked back at the fighting Inquisition infrastructure. "Infighting may threaten as much as Corypheus."

Eleri let the conversation fall off. She was tired and it drained her to continue. Her eyes fell on the friends she was so afraid for. The bags under Cassandra's eyes were visible from where Eleri sat but the woman was otherwise fine to the eye. Cullen's shoulders were tense, Leliana's expression was murderous but their banter was no more explosive than it had been in Haven. They seemed to be going through the motions the more Eleri listened. And Josephine, the ambassador lifted the anxiety Eleri had been feeling for so long. Each of her other advisors could take care of themselves, they could survive. Eleri knew that, they had proven it but Josephine? Eleri had no idea how the ambassador would fare. Not that it mattered. She stood, for better or for worse, feet from Eleri. It was enough.

"Do we know where Corypheus and his forces are?"

"We are not even sure where _we_ are. Which may be why, despite the numbers he still commands, there is no sign of him."

Another long pause surrounded them.

"That, or you are believed dead. Or without Haven, we are thought helpless. Or he girds for another attack. I cannot claim to know the mind of that creature, only his effect on us."

Eleri made to stand. The options Mother Gisele laid out only reminded her of their hopeless situation. A firm hand on her forearm stopped her. She looked at the mother.

"If they're planning our next steps, I need to be there. I have to help."

"No, you need to rest. Another heated voice won't help. Even yours. Perhaps especially yours. Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed. We saw our defender stand...and fall." Eleri sat heavily, her eyes drifted from Mother Gisele. She did not let Eleri's eyes wander far before a gentle yet firm hand guided them back to her own. "And now, we have seen her _return._ "

Her hand dropped but Eleri maintained eye contact. The mother continued with her speech. It was needed. Eleri's own morale was dangerously low.

"The more the enemy is beyond us, the more miraculous your actions appear, and the more our trials seem ordained. That is hard to accept, no? What 'we' have been called to endure? What 'we' perhaps, must come to believe?"

"Are you trying to convert me, Mother?" Eleri grinned at the woman who slowly shook her head. The elf knew that was not her goal but she couldn't let the joke go unsaid. "I escaped the avalanche. Barely, I'll grant, but I didn't die. I did not return from the dead like you make it sound."

"Of course, and the dead cannot return from across the veil. But the people know what they saw. Or perhaps, what they needed to see. The Maker, as I believe or your own gods as you do, works both in the moment, and in how it is remembered. Can we truly know the heavens are _not_ with us?"

"No. I guess not. But you saw Corypheus. If the heavens are with us than who is with him? Do you think he truly assaulted the heavens like he claims? And if so, how are the heavens still with us?"

"Scripture says magisters, Tevinter servants of the false old gods, entered the Fade to reach the Golden City, seat of the Maker. For their crime, they were cast out as darkspawn. Their hubris is why we suffer the Blight, and why the Maker turned from us. If such is the claim of this Corypheus, he is a monster beyond imagining. All mankind continues to suffer for that sin. If even a shred of it is true, all the more reason Andraste would choose someone to rise against him."

Mother Gisele leveled Eleri with a knowing look. She seemed to be daring the elf to challenge her reasoning and while Eleri did not believe in the Maker, she could not find fault in the argument. And who was to say the Marker wasn't another side to her own Dalish gods. No one truly knew who or what drove the world.

"Corypheus said he found only corruption and emptiness. Nothing golden."

"If he entered that place, it has changed him without and within. The living are not meant to make that journey, young one. Perhaps these are the lies he _must_ tell himself, rather than accept that he earned the scorn of the Maker. I know I could not bear such."

So much talk about belief, scripture, and gods was frustrating. It was such a small thing to base the entire world's fate on. At least in Eleri's opinion.

"I just don't see how what I believe matters. I don't even _know_ what I believe. Lies or not, Corypheus is a real, physical threat. We can't match that with hope alone."

Ashamed for admitting her doubts, Eleri stood and walked to the edge of the tent. She leaned against a post holding the canvas up as her legs gave an unnerving lurch under her weight. Her vision blacked out momentarily from standing so quickly. When it passed she walked out deeper into the camp.

Josephine had retired to a bench in front of the fire, she leaned on her knees as a hand ran over the back of her neck. Leliana sat on the ground next to her. She spoke quietly to the Antivan with her shoulder brushing the other woman's leg. Cullen stood awkwardly outside the fire light. He looked dejected and remorseful. Cassandra stared at the map on their temporary war table without seeing it, a sadness settling onto her features. It looked odd on Cassandra, out of place.

The scene was depressing. Each of her advisors, the people she turned to for strength and guidance, seemed to be giving up. The hope Eleri was barely clinging to slipped just a bit more from her grasp. Then there was singing coming from her tent.

Eleri turned to watch Mother Gisele walk toward the fire and raise her voice. It was some Chantry song but the melody was soothing, almost eerie in the cold night. Eleri listened and let her mind wander with the words. When Leliana's voice joined Mother Gisele's, Eleri allowed her eyes to travel to the spymaster. Her voice was deceptively beautiful. Something that shouldn't have been a surprise. Other voices joined in and by the end of the song it seemed as if everyone in camp was singing.

"An army needs more than an enemy. It needs a cause." Mother Gisele began as the echo of her song still lingered in the camp. Then the woman walked away without looking at Eleri.

The solitude lasted only seconds as Solas came marching up to Eleri. He stopped for barely enough time to ask for a moment of her time. Then he stalked out of the camp. Eleri faltered at the edge. The fire light would be left behind with a few more steps. Snow and wind assaulted Eleri's senses regardless of the clear night. Solas stared impatiently which hurried her steps toward the other elf.

The darkness was short lived as Solas conjured the pale fire that she had become accustomed to from lighting them around Thedas in their travels. It provided little warmth but the light was greatly appreciated.

"The humans have no raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting." Eleri contained an eye roll. Solas had been so adamant that he was _not_ Dalish. The thought of them being the same in his eyes was ridiculous. "Her faith is hard-one, Lethallin, worthy of pride… Save one detail. The threat Corypheus wields? The orb he carried? It is ours."

Eleri paid attention as best she could as Solas spoke. But his recount of what Corypheus did, how the monster survived and how 'they' must prepare for the reaction that would happen when others found out the orb was elven was boing. Of course he would only look for solidarity when issues arose.

"It won't matter."

"Pardon?" Solas looked insulted that Eleri would interrupt him.

"I'll go tell them now that the orb is elven. I won't be blamed for ancient elven magic if I'm trying to stop it. And, anyways, not all humans are blamed for their ancient crimes."

"You underestimate them." Solas's voice was cold. He abruptly walked away, the veil fire extinguishing with his departure. Eleri froze. The darkness, cold and wind closed in on her. Booted feet remained rooted as her mind screamed to run back into the camp. Thoughts raced as seconds passed. Eleri wasn't sure how long she stood out there but the tremors that shook her body told her it was long enough for the cold to sink in.

"Mistress Lavellan?" Eleri's ears twitched at her name but she couldn't put together the words to answer. "Mistress Lavell- oh. There you are. Maker! You're shaking! Come, let us get you near a fire."

Josephine came up beside Eleri, looping her arm around Eleri's to guide her back to the camp. The Antivan pulled Eleri down next to her on a bench that was situated closer to the fire than the other ones. The heat felt thick and prickly as it rested on her skin but the arm still around hers was pleasant.

"How are you?"

"Well. And you?"

"Really, Herald? You survive an attack from an ancient magister and a dragon by collapsing a mountain on yourself then find your way back to us in a blizzard with nothing but the clothes on your back. Not to mention I just found you shivering in the dark. Are you sure you are indeed 'well?'"

Eleri laughed, her anxiety dwindled now that she was within the camp and in Josephine's company. "Yes, Lady Montilyet. I am well enough."

"Josie, please." She requested softly. "Or at the very least, Josephine."

"As you wish," Eleri smiled. A wide, genuine smile that hurt her face after not expressing herself as such in so long. "But, you have to call me by my name too." The other woman nodded and both sat in silence, focused on the fire crackling in front of them.

"You never answered my question, Josie." The smile that the name earned Eleri ensured that she would never again call the ambassador by anything else. It set butterflies free in her stomach and lifted the weights that rested on her chest.

Josie hummed as she thought about her answer. "I, too, am well enough. These past few days have been trying but I think that things will start to look up. Master Solas shared the location of a stronghold he knows of. It is promising as our next base. But, it is unnerving to not know what exactly our next step is."

"Josie, I was wondering if- I did not realize you had company." Leliana grinned roguishly at her friend. Josie flushed and pulled slightly away from Eleri. The elf would have been offended if she hadn't done the same.

"What did you need, Leli?"

"Only asking if you had eaten yet. Lavellan, have you?"

"Um, no. I have not but I'm not hungry. Thank you."

"So you'll eat, then." Leliana decided. "Follow me."

Josie glanced at Eleri before pulling the elf to her feet by the hand. She dropped it as Eleri fell in step with her behind Leliana. The spymaster chatted on about such casual topics that Eleri wasn't sure where she got them from. There was no way that normal things were happening after what they had just survived. They sat at a middle table in the make-shift mess hall that had been set up. The food was simple and sparse but it was warm. Despite her lack of appetite, Eleri ate if only for the warmth.

"They need to see you." Leliana commented in a low voice. An explanation to why she dragged Eleri around the camp. "Word of your survival spread like wildfire once we found you but for them to see you with their own eyes makes it real. It lifts their spirits."

"You are a symbol to them but it is important for them to see you as a person." Josie added. Eleri remained silent. She sipped her soup as she listened. Her eyes drifted to the crowd around her. Many of the eyes stared back. "Smile, Eleri. They are your people."

Green eyes widened as that fact set in. The weight of the eyes replaced the weight of anxiety that Josie had lifted by the fire. Her sense of duty kicked into overdrive. She thought of the men Cullen had assigned to her back in Haven. How they fought her to stay and fight _for_ her. The Inquisition forces believed in her.

"I need…a moment." Eleri stuttered, standing abruptly. She navigated the maze of tables then tents back to her own. It was open but on the edge of camp. She would have a modicum of privacy. Solitude was desperately needed in order to deal with the responsibility that settled on her shoulders with Leliana's and Josie's words.

"Sometimes I forget how young you are." Leliana leaned against the tent pole with arms crossed. Eleri looked up from the edge of her cot. "You accomplish these feats that few warriors even aspire to. It ages you, Lavellan."

Eleri didn't know where the conversation was going so she remained silent. The approach seemed to work for her in the past so why try a new strategy. Leliana walked into the tent and sat beside her.

"I understand that this is a difficult situation for you. You are in a new environment with magic you don't understand but you can do this. This council is behind you." Leliana motioned to the advisors that milled around the fire.

"When do we leave for Solas's stronghold?"

Leliana grinned. "At first light, Herald."


	10. Chapter 10

I actually hate these kind of updates because it makes you, as a reader, so excited for something new but really it's just a let down...so, sorry! Normally, I wouldn't even bother with this. But:

In April, I have a long term sub job until the end of May.

Early June, I have coaching responsibilities like ALL day for about a week and a half.

Mid June, I am leaving for 35 days of travel.

End of July, I have a family vacation (there may be some writing done here).

All of these run into each other and just means that I won't have time to write DAi related things in the distant future. And currently, I just lost that spark for this story; nothing I write seems to fit right now (exhibit A is Something I Need. I tried to push through but it just seems weird to me so I think a break is needed). I don't want to churn out content I'm less than happy with. If you're going to read my stuff then I want it to be as close to quality as possible! I might post some stuff, maybe different fandoms but I make no promises.

Thank you for reading my stories and for reading this bad news bomb. Please bear with me. I won't abandon this. Pinky promise, kiss the thumb.


	11. Distractions - Dorian

**A/N: I'm back. Sorry it took so long. I have another, much longer chapter that should be up later today. I hope you enjoy!**

The selection in Skyhold's library was small but the quality of the content was interesting. It needed to be expanded, that was without a doubt, but the few, old books it had held wonderful nuggets of forgotten information. Dorian smiled to himself as he flicked through another book before placing it on a shelf. He had claimed the library as his own, choosing quarters not far from the small area. Both were in horrific disarray but all of Skyhold was. He, and maybe Solas or Vivienne, would spend the most time in the library so he took it upon himself to restore it; he wanted to do his part.

Help had been offered and taken advantage of. Many of the new mage recruits had brought additions, some aided in organization but mostly it was Dorian, relaxing after the chaos of the past month. He smirked to himself as his thoughts transferred from the travel to Skyhold to Eleri's expression when her council named her, officially, the inquisitor to their inquisition. The young elf was stunned and anxious. Dorian remembered the hushed, frantic conversation she had with her council after accepting the sword then her thrust of it in the air while facing the people. She had felt out of place, that much was obvious to Dorian and probably any of the companions who fought with her, but she played it off admirably. The people of the Inquisition wouldn't notice anything amiss; they would only see their leader addressing them for the first time. A lopsided grin found its way more naturally onto her face the longer the roar of the crowd carried on.

Dorian paused to look around him. The more he thought about it the more library didn't seem to fit the space. There was a nook, lined with book shelves but the rest of the shelves were pocked around his level of the tower. It was more a hallway with many, many bookshelves than a true library. He smiled as he continued his scrutiny of the area, walking and surveying the amount of work left to do. It fit the inquisition. At least the Inquisitor's inner circle of companions. A hodgepodge of talent thrown together to save the world. He chuckled at the thought. A head of long, partial dreaded and partial shaved hair with slim, pointed ears caught Dorian's eye as he completed his circle. He watched Eleri climb the last step and turn where she would normally find him. Her head swiveled side to side before she turned to leave, almost running right into the man she sought.

"Oh, hi. I was looking for you." She smiled at him but it was nervous; she seemed almost disappointed at having found him if Dorian was a gambling man, and he was.

"You didn't seem to look very hard, my friend."

"Yea, uh, I figured if you weren't here it just meant you were…at the tavern. I was going to check there next."

"I'm sure you were." He lifted a hand to direct Eleri toward the shelved cubby. He lounged in the cushioned, high back chair and motioned to his friend again so she would take the other seat. "Now, what can I do for you?"

Sharp brown eyes observed Eleri reaching up to tug at her ear, licking her lips and letting out a short breath. She _was_ nervous which meant this could only be about one thing. At least, it could only be about one thing if she was coming to Dorian about it. Everything else that made her nervous, usually her lack of knowledge about Thedas's politics, found the ambassador's ear.

"Am I to guess? Have you made a new game for us to play?" Dorian teased, he reached a hand up to twirl the end of his mustache in mock thought. "You wish to get my opinion on your attire? No, no. Ah! On how best to get Sera to stop tormenting the workers. We both know I will be of no help on that front. I do enjoy her pranks, as long as I am not the target of course."

"Dorian." Eleri muttered, shaking her head.

"What? I'm only trying to help loosen your tongue. We both know the reason you're here, Inquisitor. You would be better off just beginning the conversation you wish to have." Dorian smiled, hoping to convey the support he would always show her. Eleri nodded but her eyes scanned the open room around them before they fell back to Dorian, a thought clicking in his head. His teasing nature forgotten as he slipped into the role of caring friend. "Would you like to speak somewhere a bit more private?"

He didn't wait for her answer, beginning to stand before she gave it. Eleri followed behind as Dorian lead the way to his room. He apologized for its state as he swung the door open. It was a large room with a large fireplace. A cabinet, chest, desk, and bed the only pieces of furniture besides a chair and rug by the fireplace. Two small windows let in a little sunlight but not enough. Dorian moved to light candles as he spoke, "Please, make yourself at home. Take the chair by the fire." Once done, he dragged his desk chair over and settled into it in front of Eleri. He crossed one leg over the other and laced his fingers on his knee before he began speaking, "Now, what do you wish to talk about?"

"Josie."

"I gathered as much." He leaned to pat Eleri on the knee. "What about her?"

"I don't know. I guess I want to know how bad of an idea it would be to…uh, court her."

"Not a bad idea at all! This was easy, is that all you needed?"

"It is _not easy_! How do I know she won't be put off by my feelings?"

"You don't."

Eleri ran her fingers across her eyes, ending in a pinch at the bridge of her nose. "How do I know that she even likes…women? Vivienne told me that Antivans are passionate people, that they love anything to do with love and then acted like that was my answer. That doesn't mean anything!"

"You talked to Vivienne before me?!" Dorian feigned offense, a hand flying to cover his heart, in an attempt to lighten Eleri's anxiety over the conversation.

"No, she cornered me and asked." Eleri huffed with her arms crossed and slumping back, looking the child she was still so close to being. "I had no choice."

"Well, she isn't wrong. Antivans are known to be the most lenient and understanding when it comes to matters of the heart. Josephine herself is a romantic even if she hides it due to her profession."

"That still doesn't help me, Dorian! How do I know that she will feel the same way?!"

"You can't." Dorian shrugged. "That's the thing about love." Eleri blushed at the word. "All of that uncertainty and still taking the leap to tell someone how you feel gives it meaning."

"Why can't it be easier?" Her head fell into both her hands with a groan. "I don't want to make things awkward, Dorian! I have to work with her…a lot."

"Doesn't matter. If this is what you want, Eleri, then that is what you need to do. Just take some time, think on it a little longer. Your answer will come to you eventually." Dorian stood, clapping his hands together. "Now! Come, help me with the library! We can talk more about the gossip around Skyhold and maybe you can come up with an answer."

Eleri slowly stood from the chair and followed Dorian out. He prattled on and on about nothing in particular, trying to lighten the elf's mood. She was thinking so hard, much too hard, on the topic. Dorian knew she would wear herself out and have no solution if she kept it up much longer. They stacked books while Dorian carried the conversation. Slowly, Eleri participated more and more. Her shoulders lifted just the slightest and she smiled more easily.

"Forgive me if this is a rude question but can you read, Inquisitor?" Dorian looked the book over in his hand, flipping a few pages to skim the content.

"Not well. I was taught to read in Dalish but the common tongue is still difficult for me."

"Well then, let us kill two birds with one stone then." He turned and held the book out. Its cover was bare, no title on the front or spine. The edges were battered and the pages yellowing. It fared better than some but worse than many in Skyhold's collection. "This may help you make a decision."

She turned the book over in her hands, her index finger tracing the spine before flipping it open. "What's it about?"

"I read it once before, a long time ago but the story is very well done. The writing is good but not difficult to understand so it should be perfect for you to work on your literacy. As for what it's about, well it's about making a decision. Much more exciting than it sounds, I promise." Eleri nodded but stood still, staring at Dorian as if she didn't know what to do next. He sighed with a chuckle. "Go. Sit. Read."

He shooed her to the high backed chair he was sitting in earlier. She sat stiffly with face scrunched in concentration. Dorian let another small chuckle out as he scanned the shelves for a book for himself. He plucked one and set it on the table next to the other chair. He took the arms of Eleri's chair and pulled it to face his, her eyes darted up, wide but she didn't say anything. Dorian collapsed in his own seat, hoisted her legs up and laid them across his lap then grabbed his book.

"Reading is more enjoyable if you're comfortable, my friend. Now relax and if you have any questions, ask me."

The afternoon passed in silence with the only interruptions the turning of pages and hushed questions of what certain words were or meant. Eleri had slowly relaxed after Dorian forced her. Now when he glanced over at her, there was no furrowed brow or look of concentration. The only time he saw that was when she asked him a question, accented with a faint blush. One of Leliana's agents interrupted them with a request of Eleri's presence in the war room.

"Can I take this with me?" She asked before leaving.

"Of course!" Dorian beamed from his seat. Eleri thanked him then took off. He watched her leave and wondered if the book would actually help her decision. At the very least it would provide a distraction so the poor elf didn't think herself into a coma.


	12. A Mind Changed - Leliana

**A/N: This got _way_ away from me but Leliana is one of my favorites. Also, there will be less game dialogue and stuff as we get farther into the storyline. Thanks for reading :) PS...this is _long_...**

"Leliana?" Josie called out as she neared the top of the stairs to the rookery. Past experiences have taught her to call out her presence to her old friend, it would save her the trouble of walking into a situation she didn't want to be in. Leliana had been sure to keep her oldest friend's hands as clean as possible. When no answer came Leliana heard the steps slow and Josie called out again, "Leli?"

"Come up, Josie." Leliana called out as the door to the battlements shut. "Sorry," she continued once Josie was in sight, "I couldn't answer at first."

She took in Josie. The small smile and lack of clipboard. She wanted a distraction and begrudgingly Leliana would agree. Her eyes lingered at her hands as they smoothed her dress, tugged at the ruffles to get the imaginary wrinkles to lay still. Leliana quirked an eyebrow at the anxious gestures. Maybe this wasn't a simple distraction from work.

"What kept your answer?"

"Work, as always." Leliana smiled even though the mission she just assigned was a gruesome one. She pushed the guilt out of her mind. What was one more dirty deed if it saved Thedas?

"Ah, well, I was hoping I could tear you away from work but if you are too busy?"

"Not at all Josie, not for you." She arranged some papers into a more organized mess at her work table before rising and meeting her friend near the stairs. She looped her arm with Josie's. "Shall we?"

Their walk took them across the courtyard, around the battlements, back through Skyhold's main hall and into the gardens. The time filled with innocent rumors within the Inquisition, old stories, and laughs. It was calm, all soft voices and light topics. Each time she accepted the distraction of Josie's walks, Leliana never understood why she ever declined. Josie led them to a bench in the sun, leaning back to let her face soak in the warmth. She sighed. "I miss heat. Natural, warming, amazing, sun-generated heat."

"Hopefully we'll have you back to your beloved Antiva in no time. Until then, fire-generated heat will just have to suffice."

"How very sympathetic of you, Leli. Maybe you can make sure that my fire never dies down or that my wood supply stays stocked." Josie giggled.

"You act as though I can't make that happen." Leliana smirked, taking note of her dearest friend's needs. It was as simple as a few more coins in the hands of a worker to ensure her fire stayed at the temperature the coastal native needed to be comfortable.

The silence that fell around them was familiar, comforting in the ever-changing, vicious world they now lived in. Neither woman rushed to end it. Leliana let her eyes wonder over the various sizes of pots the Inquisitor had moved into the courtyard to make it a proper garden. Some small plants were starting to pop up. No real flowers but buds that seemed ready to bloom. It warmed her cooling heart that the Inquisitor wanted to bring life into Skyhold, to create a retreat for all within the walls and under their protection. The young elf had been adamant about the decision and ecstatic once it was granted permission. It had then become a habit within Skyhold for all to search for seeds while out traveling. The variety of plants that were beginning to bloom was inspiring.

Her eyes flitted to the small pot that held her Andraste's Grace. The stems, heavy with shy flowers, struggled to stand tall. Leliana mused they would bloom soon, a few days. Maybe less. Josie leaned forward and began messing with her dress again then smoothing her hair back; she tugged her sleeves into place. Nervous habits. Moments of this went on before Josie began to speak but Leliana didn't rush her, knowing her friend would get around to the topic eventually.

"You spent extended time with the Dalish during your travels with Tristian, correct?" Josie was using her ambassador tone, detached and formal.

The unexpected mention of the Hero of Ferelden caught Leliana off guard, her heart clenched tightly and her heart jumped to her throat. She subtly swallowed until the lump was manageable. She composed herself quickly so that Josie wouldn't feel guilty; her friend was not aware of the turmoil of her heart thanks to the masks of her work. Talk of the warden kept Leliana from pretending she didn't miss her, at least during the day when duty demanded she be the spymaster. Leliana nodded, interested, despite the flare of longing, in where this conversation was headed.

"How did they view…" Josie paused before fully facing Leliana. "I have growing feelings for Eleri." She laid out plainly. "I believe they may be mutual but I have no idea what the Dalish views on such a relationship would be. I refuse to broach the subject without knowing if I would offend her."

"I don't think you should broach the subject at all."

"What?" Josie's brow furrowed as she frowned. An assumed reaction. Josie knew almost every detail of Leliana's relationship and its origins. A situation much like the one currently plaguing Thedas.

"This is not the time to be chasing after romance."

"You of all people are cautioning me on timing? Not even a week ago you were teasing me for my attraction to her!" The heat in Josie's voice was unsurprising even though it earned the gaze of passing workers. Many thought she spent all her time as a diplomat, both in and out of the office but Leliana knew that wasn't true. Far, _far_ , from it. She had been on the receiving end of Antivan fire many times for many different reasons.

"Yes, me of all people because I know the consequences. Do you think I enjoy being apart from her; that I enjoy surviving on letters? Do you think I would wish for anyone else to live this half-life?" She ignored the comment about her teasing. She had thought it harmless at that point.

"When did you become so jaded, Leli?" Josie sighed. "You and Tristian survived a blight, being torn away by the Chantry, you are surviving the calling. Yes, you're apart but she _will_ come back."

"Josie, I do not wish to talk about this. You _do not know_ what you are talking about." Leliana looked away, her eyes itching and voice iced over. A familiar fight for them. Fire vs ice. Blue eyes narrowed as they looked toward the sun. "I will hear you out as a friend because you are my very best but you know my stance. Please don't ask me to give you advice that I do not believe."

A nod but neither spoke for several more minutes. Leliana was too busy getting her emotions back under control and Josie let her. Tristian continued to be the only thing that could set them loose. A smile and shake of her head as the thought crossed her mind. She flexed her fingers out wide, dropping her eyes to the ring that was the only adornment that was not Inquisition or Chantry based, the only thing that was hers.

"How do Dalish view the relationship between two women?" Josie asked before adding with her hands flying out in front of her, "Or men, for that matter."

"It depends on the clan but mostly they do not approve because two women, or men, cannot have children. The Dalish are deeply concerned with survival of their culture and race. Anything that does not help them achieve that goal is frowned on."

"So she will be uncomfortable if I speak to her of this?"

"Not necessarily." Leliana allowed. Josie was asking questions that kept her opinion out of the conversation and Leliana would always answer her friend truthfully, even if the subject was something she didn't agree with. She would give anything to save Josie the pain Leliana felt on a daily basis even if it was a sweet, self-inflicted pain but she wouldn't lie. "They don't view it as something sinful as some cultures do. It just doesn't assist them specifically. With that said, I do not believe it is uncommon within clans."

"You are incredibly unhelpful right now." Josie frowned with a small shake of her head that caused a small laugh to escape Leliana. "Can't you just tell me if I should? I don't even know if she feels the same way."

"No, Jo. I will not because if I do, I will only tell you that you shouldn't." Leliana sighed, knowing that Josie would read into what she was about to say. But, honesty was something to cling to with loved ones when her job demanded secrecy and lies. "But not because she will react poorly."

…

Despite what she said to Josie, Leliana became more observant when around Eleri. She lingered when the ambassador and inquisitor were together and thought themselves alone, inquired with a few of Eleri's more trusted companions, and paid attention to body language during war council meetings. How Josie could only guess at the reciprocation of feelings was beyond her but those closest to the situation were often blind to it all.

Only a week of lazy surveillance was enough to prove her suspicions of the two but she would do nothing about the new knowledge. Leliana was unyielding on the advice she gave to her friend. She watched their flailing flirtations for days after with only a slight pull of guilt on her conscience. Situations such as theirs only bred tragic love. There were not often happy endings when love was found amid bloodshed. Maybe she was jaded as Josie had said. She paused, standing in front of her desk in the rookery and let the parchment in her hands drop from her attention. Josie's opinion is one that many would agree to if asked, Leliana guessed. She could only imagine what her agents thought of her personally. Her mouth set in a firm line as she reminded herself that she didn't care.

Rushed footfalls coming up her stairs pulled Leliana out of her personal reflection. She set the parchment on the desk and leaned onto the surface, the tips of her fingers grazing the small dagger she kept within reach. A paranoid habit she could not shake and refused to try. A guard, in full armor, came charging into the room. He slowed, attempted to speak but his breaths were too jagged for words.

"Deep breaths, soldier. Calm yourself." Leliana straightened and walked around her desk, her nerves on fire. She could not think of a positive reason for a guard to sprint to her room in full armor. She watched as he nodded and started gulping down air instead of trying to talk.

"You are needed…in the courtyard, Sister Nightingale…Lady Montilyet sent…me. There is a…commotion on the trail." He stuttered out, still delayed by his breathing. Leliana's brow furrowed. She would have been alerted of a 'commotion' on the trail. She had her scouts. Her eyes drifted to the window, toward the trail that lead to Skyhold's main gate.

"Very well. I will hurry down. Take your time, soldier. I appreciate your urgency in getting me this information. I will make sure Commander Cullen hears of this."

"Thank you, Sister Nightingale." The man replied, a relieved sigh following Leliana down the stairs. She would have allowed herself a small smile at the sound of his armor collapsing against the brick wall and his reaction but his news was too worrisome. Her steps hastened. Josie's office, the main hall, stairs down to the courtyard in front of the main gate, all a blur. She stopped beside Josie and Cullen, catching the back end of their conversation.

"My men have braced the door, it will hold. Only an individual traveler has been confirmed but I would rather not take any chances." Cullen was informing Josie.

"What is happening?" Leliana cut in as Cullen ended his thought. "Why am I just now being notified? Where are my scouts?"

"Your scouts have taken custody of a heavily armed traveler. She was aggressive and it took the four you had assigned to subdue her. My men informed me once they caught sight but I do not know what is happening. Intelligence has come in just recently that the traveler has calmed but demanded to see you. It reeks of ambush."

"Who is she?"

"She won't answer. Her only demand is that she sees you. Your scouts describe her as desperate. She only calmed once they informed her that she was being escorted to Skyhold. And from how they describe it, calm is used loosely."

A soldier jogged over and the advisors' conversation was halted in order to hear the update. "They are nearly at the door, Commander. If we are to grant them entrance, the gate needs to begin opening now."

Cullen looked to the two women with him. "Is there the option to deny them entrance?"

Josie looked to Leliana, leaving the question to her. This was out of her realm of expertise. Without the inquisitor in Skyhold, the decision fell to the three of them. "No, not with our people out there. If there were more, an ambush waiting, I believe we would know. More than a handful of fighters would be obvious, I think we have the manpower to handle anything that could go without our notice. Especially with the choke point of the main gate." After Cullen nodded in agreement, she turned toward the guard waiting for an answer. "Open the gate."

The doors slowly creeped open, loud pops sounding as the giant hinges were stressed. Leliana watched as puffs of smoke followed the sounds, dust and dirt dislodging itself. The wait was a test of patience. Just enough room was opened for a small company to make it through the massive doors. This ensured that their choke point was maintained. Through the gap, the party with their captive was in view. Leliana's breath caught but she brushed aside the thoughts. It couldn't be.

The silver and blue armor. The crossed laurel leaves that she thought she could make out on it. A familiar shield and sword carried by agents. Light brown hair in a thick braid that, as they got closer Leliana could see, remained unruly. And the closer they got the less Leliana could deny what was in front of her. Nor could the captive. She started pulling at her restraints, shouting. Desperate as they said.

"Leli…" Josie trailed off, knowing who was in front of her and how the situation just evolved.

Leliana took three steps then turned back to Cullen, uncharacteristic tears threatening to pour over. There was an edge to her voice, a shake that she would curse later. "Tell them to let her free. Now."

"Release her!" Cullen bellowed. The order was relayed through guards until it reached the agents. The party stopped but the traveler, _Tristian_ , struggled still. Then her limits were cut and the warden-commander took off at a run. Leliana took two more steps then stopped. The surreal moment too much. Too many emotions flooding her after pushing them away for so long. Tristian barely slowed as her arms encircled her waist as her body crashed, almost painfully, into Leliana. A sob bubbling out in the time it took Tristian to connect their lips in a bruising kiss.

Barely, Leliana was aware of Cullen shouting out orders, of Josie shooing away those in the area. She could have cared less. All that mattered was the woman in her arms. The woman who should not be at Skyhold. A woman whose emotions did not make sense. The kiss was broken as another sob erupted from Tristian, her face finding the crook of Leliana's neck. The spymaster rubbed one hand up and down her love's back as the other wiped away the tears that escaped. Mumbling was felt against her neck more than heard, prompting Leliana to guide Tristian's eyes to hers. Tristian resisted, pulling tighter at Leliana.

"It is hard to hear you with your lips to my neck, love." Leliana spoke gently, attempting humor. It felt wrong in the moment, "You must pick between kissing me and talking to me. You cannot do both at once." She felt the embrace loosen.

"I thought you died."

"What?" Leliana pushed Tristian to arm's length, looking into watery hazel eyes. Tears refused to stop falling but the broken, pure anguish that met her caused a crack in her heart that mixed with shock at Tristian's words. "What made…why would you think that?"

Josie approached them before she could get an answer. An apology evident all over the ambassador's face before she spoke. "I apologize for interrupting but maybe this is a conversation best had inside?" She looked to Leliana, barely sparing Tristian a glace for the sake of her near hysterical state. Ever the diplomat. "I cannot give you the privacy I think you both deserve out here."

A nod was her only answer. Then Leliana threaded her fingers with Tristian's and pulled her through Skyhold. Her warden remained silent as they walked but she kept a tight hold on her hand that was unlike the loose, unrestricting touch Leliana was used to.

They took turn after turn into the belly of Skyhold, toward Leliana's room that was kept hidden from the traffic of the hold. Josie was right. Privacy was paramount. The rookery, where she spent more time than anywhere else, was the last place she wanted to be. Not for this conversation. Leliana glanced back several times as they neared her room. Each time Tristian's eyes were on hers as if trying to burn the image of Leliana into her mind. She didn't know whether to feel love or worry. An odd mix of both filled her.

Finally, they reached her room. There was barely enough time to fully shut the door before Leliana was engulfed in another crushing hug.

"Tristian, love. You're hurting me." She ground out. The pressure of the hug and the armor was an unpleasant combination. Like before, in the courtyard, the embrace loosened but Tristian didn't move. She kept herself as close to Leliana as she could. A rare display of desperate need. Leliana let out a confused giggle, again reaching for levity. "What has gotten into you?"

It was not reached. Tristian flung herself away, seething. An anger that seemed to come from nowhere. A jolting transition from just seconds before. "I thought you died!" She struggled to keep her voice level. "I thought that you had left me and I was alone! That's what has gotten into me. I mourned you, Leliana. I spent weeks thinking my heart had been ripped away from me."

"Why?" Leliana didn't move, didn't try to erase the distance between them or stop Tristian's erratic pacing. It pained her, this confused her but the distance was how she would get answers. She could comfort Tristian after.

"I went to Haven." The warden stopped, shoulders slumped and anguish clear. Her emotions ricocheting off each other. "I received a letter from Josephine, she said you had been keeping to the village. I was heading for the temple and I thought I would surprise you."

The smile she gave was broken and apologetic but Leliana couldn't figure out why. Her mind whirled with questions. Why would Josie send a letter without telling her? How did she not know anyways? What was its purpose? She settled for the easiest and farthest from the topic.

"Why were you going to the temple? It was destroyed."

"There were rumors about the ashes and the calling. I needed to see if they survived, I found out about the possibility after the conclave." She rushed out, clearly unhappy for having to explain herself. Her anger coming back.

"Why wouldn't you have asked me? I would have looked for you."

"You were busy. The searching alone took me _weeks_." Her voice exploded but then Tristian ran a hand down her face, an effort to calm down. This was not the composed woman Leliana was used to. "That is not the point. It doesn't matter anymore. I went to Haven, expecting to see you and finally surprise you for once. I was expecting…so much but nothing close to the destruction I found. I searched everything. I found your tent, your things. I thought I lost you."

Leliana closed the distance between them as Tristian's voice caught and tears fell, the anger disappearing completely. She cupped her warden's face, bringing their foreheads together with soft, soothing words and gentle thumbs brushing her tears away. Tristian's hands rested on her hips.

"I thought…I couldn't believe that anything survived. I mourned." Her broken voice forced tears to Leliana's eyes. The guilt obvious within the shaking, almost whispered cadence of Tristian's accent was shredding Leliana. "Leli, I spent weeks in Haven. I almost didn't search the temple but I did because I wanted to remember our time there." A watery laugh bubbled out. "So stupid but I did. I wanted to feel close to you somehow."

"You didn't lose me. I'm here, I'm right here."

"But I thought…" Tristian broke off as more tears fell, harder. Her hands clutched at Leliana again, fingers pressing hard. She needed reassurance, physical contact. Leliana trailed her hands down Tristian's neck and over her shoulders, a hand at her neck pulling her to Leliana. Their lips met, slow and comforting. Leliana let her lips linger but pulled away as a shaky sigh escaped Tristian, opting to pepper light kisses to any part of her warden's face that she could reach. Her lips traced the scar along her cheek, her jaw line, the tip of her nose and eyelids until she returned to Tristian's lips and found their corners slightly turned up.

Neither woman moved nor spoke after Leliana pressed their foreheads back together. Both were content to let their breath mingle and assure each other of their own realness. The feel of Tristian under her fingertips seemed like a dream and Leliana was loathe to break the sacredness of their silence but questions continued to burn in her mind.

"How did you know to come to Skyhold?"

"More rumors. Whispered plans of pilgrimage to pledge oneself to the Inquisition. After the temple, I returned to Redcliffe and then Denerim. It was talked about in dark corners of taverns, on the roads, anywhere out of hearing of the Chantry."

The warmth was coming back into Tristian's voice, the shake dying down. She brushed her nose along Leliana's then gave a quick peck. When she continued her voice was soft but stronger.

"Skyhold didn't have a name nor did it have a set location. Just somewhere in the Frostbacks. I needed to believe you were still alive, the acceptance of anything else was crushing me. I would have written but I didn't know how to get it here."

"How long did you wander the mountains?"

"It doesn't matter. I would've searched the deep roads for decades to find you, you know that."

"But I want to know." Leliana pulled away again, holding Tristian at arm's length once more to look her over. In the chaos of their reunion she didn't notice how thin she looked, the scratches, scuffs, and dents in her armor and worse of all, she didn't notice the cuts that littered any exposed skin and the dark bags under her eyes.

"A few weeks. Skyhold is well hidden." She smiled and Leliana tried to focus on it instead of the worry that didn't matter now.

"Did you bring anything other than armor?" Lithe, skillful hands already moved to the straps of Tristian's armor before her answer. A sheepish smile lit up the warden's face.

"Would it surprise you if I said no."

"Not at all." Leliana kept working, ignoring the eyes that stayed trained on her own. "I don't have anything that will fit you. You'll have to wait as Josie finds you something befitting your station. She'd have a fit if you walked Skyhold in anything less than what is expected."

Strong hands folded over hers as they moved. "Leli, look at me please."

Nothing happened at first. She didn't want to and Leliana couldn't place why. Gentle fingers trailed along her jaw and into her hair, waiting. There was no rush, no impatience. A complete turnaround from not even an hour before.

"Leli." Blue met hazel, finally. "I'm fine and so are you and I just want to be here with you. Clean clothes can wait."

Tears threatened once more so Leliana did what she did best with Tristian, she attempted humor. "They won't if you want to sleep in my bed."

Tristian's chest shook with a quiet laugh. She let go of Leliana's hands to let them continue their mission. Leliana pressed against the two pieces as she waited for Tristian to take hold of the front plate, moving around to remove the back. A wince and gasp escaped the warden as she removed the plate, nearly dropping it. Leliana quickly set down the back and stepped back in front. Dried blood stained Tristian's collar and trailed down her chest.

The shirt peeled away stiff. The wound was short, no more than a few inches but it was deep. The skin around it whiter than the rest, looking infected and painful. Leliana probed the skin around it as Tristian sucked in air and clenched her jaw. It was hot. Not a good sign.

"When did you get this?"

"I'm not sure. A few days ago, maybe more." Tristian tried to look down at it but it was too close to her neck, her jaw blocking the view. She winced as she craned her neck back trying to catch a glance.

"Stop that." Leliana scolded. "We need to get you to a healer. Josie be damned."

Tristian chuckled but accepted the help getting back in to her shirt then followed Leliana. Many gave them odd looks as they walked through Skyhold but none stopped them. Once Tristian was in the hands of the healers, Leliana tried to excuse herself to go speak with Josie, secure clean clothing, but Tristian would not relinquish her hand. Her eyes begging Leliana to stay even though she would never beg in front of others. Leliana shook her head, wishing the silly warden knew she never needed to beg.

The mages probed the wound and found it healable through natural means, sending them to a physician. It irritated Leliana but it was her own guidance that steered Eleri to pass the edict to only magically heal those who were severe enough to not make the recovery on their own. The couple left the tents with a jar of salve to apply three times a day and Tristian in a sling.

"Ah, Tristian. Hello." Josie greeted as the couple entered her office. She faltered once her eyes traveled down to Tristian's wardrobe. "Please tell me you are on your way to change?"

Leliana laughed at the hopefulness of her friend's question. She almost hated to be the bearer of bad news. "Unfortunately, no. I was hoping you could find her something suitable, Josie."

"Of course. I need only measurements but I am afraid that I must banish you. I have Orlesian nobles in route for a tour of the hold. I'd rather them not see you as such, Tristian. We have a hard enough time keeping our reputation above disreputable at the moment. It looks as though you could use the rest anyways."

"Of course, Lady Montilyet." Tristian smiled, keeping to formalities that would please Josie even though Leliana knew what was coming next.

"Please, call me Josie. Your measurements?" Tristian rattled off the numbers as Josie jotted them down on her clipboard. "Right. I will have these to you within a few hours. Now, off with _both_ of you. Yes, you as well, Leliana. I will not stand for you to be working. Do not make me send for Cassandra. I will if I catch you!"

Leliana let Tristian pull her away as Josie's voice drifted back to them wishing Tristian a swift recovery, only taking the lead when she realized the warden didn't know where she was going. This walk much different than earlier. Tristian's loose hold on her hand was back but her eyes retained a hint of desperation. Their day was spent in leisure. Leliana's plan to banish that look from Tristian's eyes. A long bath that Leliana melted in with Tristian's arms around her. They shared a late lunch in the kitchens with the sound of Tristian's boisterous laugh bouncing off the walls causing Leliana to find her giggle again; she spent the beginning of the meal with her hand hiding it before Tristian pulled it away with a kiss to her knuckles and placing it on the table. The rest of the day was spent in bed. A foreign feeling to the spymaster. She couldn't remember the last time she spent more than just a couple hours in one for sleep. Let alone several for relaxation.

Their conversation had died down to a comfortable silence with archer's fingers running through brown hair. The light feeling she had been missing slowly being replaced in her soul. It set her on a train of thought she never believed she would be reconsidering. "Tristian?" A hum sounded in answer. "Do you think I'm jaded?"

The woman shifted, lifting her head to meet Leliana's eyes. Then she propped herself up on her good arm. "I think you have seen the worst of the world, you have suffered, and when you finally found happiness it was taken to only be given back in small doses." Tristian leaned in for a short kiss before continuing, taking away the sting of truth in her words. "I believe you still look for the good around you but it isn't like before. Your job demands you be weary."

Leliana nodded, reaching for Tristian to pull her back down. "I told Josie not to go after love because I did not want her to go through this."

"What is 'this?'"

"The unbearable emptiness of missing you." The hand resting on her stomach gripped her shirt. The only comfort Tristian was able with the sling. "The uncertainty of knowing if you'll survive. The crushing realization that I am not in control of my own life."

"Leli…"

She could hear what the next words would be. The guilt and sorrow lowering her love's voice. "Don't apologize, please. It isn't your fault. It is my life that continues to separate us. I was the one pulled away to be the left hand, now I'm the one supporting an inquisition. But we digress as always."

"Do you not think that it's worth it?"

"Of course I think it's worth it!" Leliana looked down at the top of Tristian's head, eyes wide that she would even question it. "I would not change a thing."

"Then why did you tell Josie no?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either but I know I don't like when you are this introspective. I thought it was my job to second guess every decision I have ever made?"

"When did you learn the art of humor?" Leliana asked, admiring the playful gleam in Tristian's eye as she looked up at her.

"I knew I needed to bring something new to the table when next we saw each other. Do you like it?" She teased.

"Not really, no." Tristian laughed at her lack of sugar coating. "I like it better when you're the one laughing."

…

"Inquisitor, may I have a word?" Leliana pushed herself off the wall she was leaning against as she waited for Eleri to pass by. The Inquisitor had been back in Skyhold for several days, long enough for debriefing and rest. Long enough for Leliana to veer from business. The elf slowed with a nod, her eyes nervous. Leliana allowed herself a smirk at the reaction.

"I've noticed you've paid Lady Montilyet a number of compliments." She began as she matched Eleri's pace and not wanting to play at small talk.

"Uh, yes. I enjoy her company." Eleri replied, even more nervous. She rolled her shoulders back resulting in a small pop.

"An entanglement with our ambassador seems most unwise." As she continued, Leliana let ice seep into her voice. She knew what this conversation would lead to, that Eleri would discuss it with Josie and most likely it would force their feelings into the open but she would not waste an opportunity to be sure Eleri knew the wrath that waited on the other side of a hurt Josie. "I asked Josephine to join the Inquisition because we needed a diplomat. Not so she could be toyed with."

Eleri slowed to a stop and faced Leliana. Her deep green eyes flicked to and from Leliana's own, nerves obviously trying to steel themselves. "Whatever's between me and Josephine hardly seems like your concern."

"I disagree, Inquisitor. I brought her here." A weathered smile. "Josephine's no stranger to courtly intrigue." Eleri scrunched her brows, prompting Leliana to explain further. "Being sought after in the most innocent of intentions." A nod to continue, "But love? Love in such a situation as ours? There she is an innocent. Though she has suspicions, she has no idea you are truly attracted to her. Are you?"

Poorly hidden panic took over the slim features looking back at her. Eleri looked away effectively putting the redden tips of her ears on display. "Sh-she knows?"

Leliana stifled her laugh but not well enough as Eleri's blush deepened. "You are not as secretive as you think, Inquisitor. But, whatever is between you, I ask that you treat her with kindness. For her sake as well as your own."

"Did you just threaten me?" No malice was infused with the words but incredulity oozed from them. A small laugh pushed out with them.

"I'm aware how little my opinion counts in matters of the heart."

"That's not true." Despite the blush that still lingered, Eleri's face was set with a determination to make Leliana's worth known. "Your opinion always counts. You're my spymaster. I don't really want to be talking about this, let alone with Josie's best friend but I will always value your opinion."

"And if it is not what you want to hear?"

"I said I would value it, not follow it." Eleri shrugged with a crooked smile.

"I will not trouble you any further…but I do watch over my friends and as you said, Josie is my very best. Good day, your worship."

And with that, Leliana walked off. She glanced behind her as she turned a corner to find Eleri still standing in the same spot. A look of bewilderment on her face. Leliana let another laugh loose with a shake of her head. The young Inquisitor was hopeless. As she walked, her thoughts turned to her behavior. She had not laughed this much since well before the conclave. Tristian's influence without a doubt. Her heart lifted then immediately sank as she thought about their impending separation. She hurried her steps to the rookery, needing to check in before taking the day off. Yet again. Tristian's influence once more.

Her room was dark when Leliana got back. Odd since it was nearing midday. She walked to the small window, the only window, and pulled back the curtains just enough to let a strip of light in. Her eyes adjusted quickly, landing on Tristian's still sleeping form in the middle of her bed.

"Love," Leliana gently shook the warden's good shoulder before cupping her face, "it is time to get up. You need to apply the salve."

Tristian stirred but didn't wake. She mumbled something before trying to roll over, directly onto her wounded shoulder. Tristian yelped and shot up, clutching at her shoulder with curses flying. She looked pale and a slight sweat covered her forehead, the bags under her eyes that had been disappearing during her time at Skyhold starting to show themselves again.

"Do you feel ill?" Leliana asked as her hand went to Tristian's forehead to check her temperature. She was warm but not alarmingly so. Not yet.

"Just tired, Leli."

"You look worse than tired, love. Let me see your shoulder."

Tristian shifted on the bed so she was sitting on the edge with her wounded shoulder closest to Leliana who carefully removed her shirt then the bandage. The gash was an angry red, the stitching looked frayed but the skin around it no longer looked spongey.

"This does not look good. We need to get it checked again."

"What does it look like?"

"Red with stitching that looks half ripped out. You never told me how you got this." Leliana asked as she began applying new bandages.

"I ran into a few bandits. I thought there were only two of them but they had a rogue. She jumped me from behind. If she were more skilled I would probably be dead. She didn't take into account my armor; the blade didn't go deep enough to do any real damage."

"This looks real enough to me." Leliana pulled the knot harshly. Tristian inhaled quickly but let out a chuckle. She leaned in to steal a kiss before Leliana could pull away.

"If you are going to inflict further pain, the lest you could do is help me put my shirt and sling back on. Did you have your talk with Josie?" She asked while struggling to get her shirt right-side-out. Years ago they would have fallen into a shouting match but Tristian dealt with their limited time with forgiveness and a short memory. Leliana stood and took the shirt from her.

"No, I decided to go a different route but this conversation can wait." She watched as Tristian winced through the shirt then cradled her arm close to her body. Leliana gently placed the sling around her neck and guided the arm in. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For pulling the bandages too tight." She pulled Tristian up by her good hand and into a hug. "I get worried and the thought of you fighting alone frustrates me."

"I'm fine. I probably just need the stitching replaced. Nothing some rest won't fix. I've survived worse with less medical aid. You've witnessed it."

"How foolish would it be to ask you to stay?" Leliana asked suddenly, quietly with her head pillowed on Tristian's shoulder. A long sigh was her answer. She squeezed her eyes shut at the words that would follow. The rejection that needed to be.

"You've taken four days completely off of work since I've been here which, from what Josie has told me, is out of character for you. As is the fact that you've been sleeping through the night. In your own bed. I would stay in a heartbeat, Leli. It isn't even a question if it were up to me. But we both know it isn't. How much of a distraction would I be?"

"Tristian, you have only just returned to me after so long apart. Devastated and injured. Would you rather I ignored you for my duties? Let you see me but for one night then disappear to my work?"

"I didn't mean to upset you. It was only a question."

Leliana ignored her, seething but knowing the truth of her words. She _had_ been slacking on her work. Their main goal hadn't suffered for it but how long could that good fortune last? She thought through all of the possible outcomes if Tristian stayed as they walked to the healers' tents. Her jaded mind, because she was finally accepting herself as she truly was, came up with only negatives.

She held Tristian's hand through the ripping out of old stitches and application of new. She listened intently as the healer gave strict instructions on her new care. She picked at her food through their lunch and then held Tristian as she slipped into a medically-induced sleep. Her thoughts remained pessimistic, her heart slowly cracking. This would be her last day off.

"I can hear you damning the world." Tristian mumbled hours later with eyes still closed. Leliana hadn't slept, hadn't even tried. And she was right, that was exactly what she was doing.

"I thought I told you I didn't like this new funny bone you found." She teased back.

"What's wrong?"

"You were right. You can't stay." Leliana kept her eyes down, studying the material of Tristian's shirt instead of the emotions in her eyes. Her warden didn't respond or attempt to make eye contact. Then, Tristian's head pushed against hers.

"Would it be foolish if I asked to stay?" That snapped her eyes up causing their noses to collide. Tristian chuckled with a scrunched face, "I'll take that as a yes then?"

"What about our earlier conversation, my work?" Leliana's eyes frantically darted between Tristian's, looking for some sort of deception or lie but finding nothing close. "The calling?"

"Leli, with everything you know of me, just based on what is going on in the world, would I be able to leave this inquisition to hunt after a selfish cure to the calling? Would I ever turn my back on Thedas if I could help in any way? No. I only hesitated at first because I was so far away." She scooted closer, giving her restricted hand the help it needed to close the distance and wrap itself in Leliana's shirt. "And I'm tired of walking away from you. Nothing is turning to fruition. I do not want to spend the time I have left without you. Nothing scares me more than the possibility that there is no cure and I wasted so much time searching for it instead of loving you."

Emotions warred inside Leliana. She was elated that Tristian was choosing to stay. Though she couldn't tell if she was devastated that her warden would sacrifice their future to do so or that their future was not as bright as they once thought.

"We can still search. The Inquisition has many allies."

"Allies that should be focused on ending this new version of a Blight, not curing a single warden."

"We have access to Grand Enchanter Fiona, her mages are with us. At the very least you can speak to her. I refuse to give up on this, on us."

"The calling will not come any time soon, Leli. I would feel it and I don't. I'm not giving up either. Now, please. Can we celebrate that I will not be leaving?" Tristian smiled, an alluring display of teeth and lips, of unadulterated happiness.

Leliana closed the distance between them for a short kiss, murmuring against Tristian's lips, "We can truly celebrate when your shoulder heals." Then she was pulling away with a giggle, up and out of bed. _Their_ bed.

"You're cruel." Tristian laughed, trying to maintain a pout.

"And you are due for your next does of salve and sleep." Leliana grabbed the supplies along with the bread and cheese she had brought to her room. "Here, eat as I apply this."

Tristian dutifully obeyed as Leliana undressed and then redressed the wound with fresh salve applied. It already looked volumes better thanks to the new stitches. It was still an angry red but no longer did it look as if it was festering.

"Drink." She pressed the cup with the mix of herbs that would aid sleep into Tristian's hand.

"I would like to talk with the Inquisitor tomorrow so that I can officially offer my help."

"I would like you to be healthy before you started offering anything to anyone, officially or not. Can it wait, please love?"

"Careful, Sister Nightingale. Those under your command may think you soft if they heard you right now." Tristian smirked, handing the cup back and settling back into the comfort of Leliana's bed.

"And they would be corrected. Harshly." Leliana gave a wicked grin back. She ran her fingers through Tristian's hair, savoring the sight of it free instead of in its rebellious braid then gave a sweet kiss to her warden. "Speaking of work, I must attend to a few things. I should be back by the time you wake up. If not, I'll send Josie."

Tristian nodded as sleep pulled her away. Leliana smiled, content to watch for a few moments longer before getting up to leave. She reveled in the lightness and ease that accompanied the action, knowing that they may still be on borrowed time but it was measured in years and not days.

…

The sling was pulled off slowly and with wincing from Tristian even though she tried to hide it. Leliana leveled her with an arched brow that let the warden know she was not successful. After a few mobility assessments from the physician, their fifth trip to the tents since Tristian came to Skyhold, the sling was judged to be no longer necessary. The stitching came out, a new salve applied and explained.

"I would advise against any strenuous activity for another few days. Five at the most, three at the least." The natural healer explained. "No sparring, no heavy lifting. Give the muscles just a little more time to fully heal."

"But in three days I can?"

"Five." Leliana interjected before the physician could answer. Her eyes met those of her lover. Tristian didn't put up a fight but the set of her jaw spoke for her. This would be a conversation had later.

"Three to five, yes. I would continue to roll your shoulders, do some arm circles to keep it loose but don't overdo it. Three times a day, ten times for each movement. When you wake up and before you go to bed most importantly then fit in the third whenever you can."

"Understood. Thank you." Tristian stood and nodded at the healer. Her hand reached for Leliana but the stubborn set of her jaw was still there. She sighed taking the offered hand. Barely midmorning and today was already shaping up to be a long day.

They reached the rookery, walking in silence, and found it empty. Tristian dropped her hand but not harshly before she began. "You are not my mother, Leli. I don't need you to be. I will begin sparring and training when I see fit."

"You're right, I'm not your mother but you do not think clearly when injured, Tristian! I have seen you push through pain and at that time it was necessary. Which is no longer the case!" Leliana kept her voice at the same level but threw her words at the woman in front of her. Tristian had a high pain tolerance and an even higher caliber of willpower to surmount any injury she suffered during the Blight. She would fight through even when she no longer had to because it has been so long since there was any other option. "You have time to heal and I am begging that you take it!"

"I am healed _enough_. How can I sit by and favor a minor injury when I am more than capable of fighting, of helping?" Tristian's voice was raising, the anger Leliana was familiar with from long ago when pain was necessary making an appearance. It had been ages since the last time they had an actual fight that she had forgotten the force behind Tristian's voice and the passion she argued with. It had not been unleashed often but Leliana remembered each time vividly.

"Enough is not enough, Tristian!" Leliana closed the distance between them, right into Tristian's face to get her words across. "You are more useful to this Inquisition fully healed than with some half injured shoulder that could have killed you if you had not gotten here sooner!"

"Would you advise any of your agents to take the time to heal?" Tristian fired back. "Any of the guards?"

"No. No, I wouldn't but you are not them! Why must you always throw yourself in harm's way? Why can't you be content to just push back the danger for even a few days more?!"

"That is not who we are, Leli." Tristian's voice calmed. She took Leliana's hands in each of her own. "We are not the people who allow ourselves the time to heal when there are others out there hurting. I'm not asking to be sent out, Leli. I promise you that but I have been here for weeks, healing. No sword in hand. No activity at all. I _need_ to start again if you wish me to return once I am sent out."

She was right. Leliana knew she was right but that did not make it any easier. It had been so long since she had seen Tristian injured. It was harder than she thought it would be to let go. "Four days." Leliana murmured.

"Three and a half?" Tristian tried with a smile.

"Four." Leliana challenged with an eyebrow raised. "Unless you want me to go up to five again."

"Then let me talk to the Inquisitor today. I'll explain my situation but let me do _something_."

"Somehow I am not surprised to find that the Hero of Ferelden stands down in the face of our Spymaster." Came Dorian's voice from the stairs. Leliana moved around Tristian to address the mage. He held his hands up, palms out, in front of him. "I apologize for the interruption. I would have knocked but," he shrugged, "no door."

"What can I do for you, Dorian?"

"What? No introductions? I'm insulted, Leliana!"

"Dorian, may I introduce the Hero of Ferelden, Tristian Cousland. Tristian, Dorian Pavus. Our very own Tevinter mage."

"Pleased to meet you, Dorian." Tristian offered with a smile, always the charming noble she was raised to be. When it suited her of course.

"The same to you. Now, may I be nosey?" He didn't wait for permission. "What is the status of relationship between the two of you?"

"Dorian." Leliana warned but Tristian answered over her, a hand slipping into her left and holding it up, fingers out to show off her ring.

"Married."

"I _knew_ it! Oh, how I wish I could have been at that affair. From the stories I have heard of your past, dear Spymaster, I am sure it was an extravagant affair."

"It was rather simple, really." Tristian looked to Leliana with a smile, remembering the day. "A few friends, little family."

"Ah, but the king didn't let it end there I'm afraid." Leliana allowed herself to share. This was not a secret that needed protecting. "King Alistair threw us a party with barely any notice to us."

Tristian laughed, loud and clear. "He knew we wouldn't have gone if we knew what it was really for. But, it was fun. I'm glad he did that for us."

"You did come for a reason, Dorian? Or only to inquire about my past with my wife?"

"I ran into an irate Josephine Montilyet. I thought you should be warned and notified that she is looking for you."

"Ah, yes. I was wondering when this would find its way back to me. Thank you, Dorian." He nodded and departed. Leliana turned back to Tristian. "Go find the Inquisitor. I need to have a talk with Josie." She leaned in for a kiss, staying close as she issued her threat. " _But_ , you need rest before you begin again. I will find out if you tell her differently."

Tristian kissed her again then started to walk away with a shrug. "You know I wouldn't go against your wishes if I can help it, Leli. Happy wife, happy life."


	13. Confessions - Eleri

**A/N: I didn't feel like proof reading…so I didn't. Sorry for the mistakes! Also, sorry for the messed up format and thank you Schnarf for letting me know!**

"Leliana said I was an 'innocent in love?'"

"More or less." Eleri muttered, watching Josie pace in front of her but Josie didn't seem to hear her. She spoke right on the heels of her own question. Eleri stifled a sigh.

"Leli has _not_ known me or my life on a deeper level than letters in _years!_ She has no idea what she is talking about!" Josie hit one side of the rug, spun and stalked back the other way. Eleri struggled to keep her nerves calm with the marching and fuming in front of her. "Of all the- I am quite capable of understanding our association!"

"Well, she isn't exactly –"

"And, to think she went over my head to you! You have much more important things to focus on than some frivolous gossip of attraction!"

"Josie."

"How _dare_ she! I have not thought our interaction or that your intentions have been overly romantic. I assure you, Your Worship. You have been perfectly professional."

"Josie. Please?"

"I cannot believe she would do this or that she would speak so lowly of my ability to ascertain the depths and parameters of our interaction. The fact that she believes me to be _innocent_ is not only offensive but completely _un_ true." Josie scoffed as she completed yet another lap of Eleri's rug and turned to begin another. "I swear if she –"

"Josephine!"

The ambassador stopped passing and turned at the raised voice. Eleri rose uncertainly. This was not going how she hoped. Josie wasn't supposed to be pacing angrily, wearing a trail into her rug. She wasn't sure how to start but the words pouring from Josie weren't inspiring any confidence in what she wanted to say. Something needed to be said.

"What?"

"They were meant to be romantic. My intentions, that is."

"Oh."

" _Yea_." Eleri deflated with a sigh. She tried not to collapse back on to the couch but wasn't sure how graceful her movements were in the wake of her heartbreak. "'Oh.'"

"No, Your Worship." Eleri turned away at the title. She hadn't heard it from Josie in ages. Now it was only an indicator of their roles, used multiple times and each a cut to her heart. A reminder that there were to be no romantic intentions in any uncertain terms. As if she knew, Josie switched back to her name. "Eleri. I did not mean it like that. I did not…I had no idea. I hoped but was not sure."

That caught the elf's attention. But, she didn't face Josie. She didn't want to jinx it. "What does that mean? Exactly what does that mean."

"It means that I let my irritation with Leliana get in the way of what is important. That you have been courting me and I did not realize it. And _that_ is important because I would like nothing more than for you to continue to do so." Eleri turned, a cautious smile beginning to break free. "Well, I may enjoy a closer relationship a little more than courting."

Eleri exhaled dramatically and let her shoulders slump, finally facing Josie with a wide grin. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."

"I believe almost as happy as I am." Josie laughed. She took one of Eleri's hands hesitantly. A nervous smile making itself known. "But there is something I think we must discuss that will dampen the mood a bit."

A deep sigh and a stomach plummeting were Eleri's initial reactions. She pulled her hand out of Josie's light grip to run them both on the top of her thighs. They felt clammy and tight.

"What?"

"As the inquisitor, you have monumental influence across all of Thedas. I think it is in your best interest if we keep our relationship quiet for the time being." Josie rushed her last words. Very un-ambassador-like. Her hands clasped and unclasped in her lap and she let out a shallow exhale when she was finished.

"Why does my influence matter?"

"Because I am your ambassador and some may see our relationship as a move to have influence over _you_ and thus major power in Thedas. Which," she put her hands up in a stop motion before they returned to her lap just as quickly, "is not the case. I would never do that to you or the Inquisition. Also, there are those in some country who may not view our relationship as right."

"You think it's best?" Eleri couldn't argue with her reasons even though everything in her wanted to. There was too much riding on how people saw her.

"Unfortunately, I do."

"And it's only because of the Inquisition. Not…me?"

"Eleri, no! Maker _no_. My only worry is how it will affect your standing and the Inquisitions effect in Thedas during this upheaval of conflict. I would love nothing more than to shout it from the battlements that you are mine!" Her smile soothed some of the worry ricocheting around Eleri's chest. "It just cannot be now."

"Can I tell anyone?"

"I believe that our inner circle has proven to be more than trustworthy. I only mean that we keep it from the public and political players within Thedas. You can tell Dorian."

"He probably already knows. He is the worst rumor wench I have ever met." Josie let out a deep laugh at that. Warmth and pride at being the cause of the sound replaced the remaining worry. "Okay, you're right. We should keep this quiet for a while."

"Hopefully not too long." Josie reached for Eleri to pull her up and out onto the balcony. "Luckily I know someone with private quarters with an excellent view where we can hideout at."

…

Quick steps lead to Josephine's office. Eleri hadn't been this excited in a long time. Sure, there had been victories at the war table and in the field but this was excitement without the taint of blood on it. There was no catastrophe nearly avoided with their success. This was a present for to give to Josie. In their new relationship. That thought slowed Eleri's steps. Maybe this was too big too soon. But, she had been on the lookout for this item long before their relationship became official so it couldn't be viewed as overly eager or…whatever else it might be.

Eleri stopped completely and pressed her hand flat against her eyes. Her thoughts were ridiculous. There was no reason to be nervous. The nerves behind her anxieties were unfounded. Doing something nice could never be viewed as over eager or clingy or obsessive or...something. This was simply a nice gesture that Eleri would do for any of her friends. She nodded to herself and started up her path to Josie's office. The heavy bronze statue in hand.

Two knocks and a summons into the office. A quick breath in, a glance down at the gift she had been looking for for weeks then Eleri pushed the door open, making sure it was completely closed behind her then strode into the room. Josie's eyes rose as she got closer to the desk and a warm smile lit up her face. Eleri mirrored it. Her walk was awkward with both her hands clasping the statue behind her back but the surprise would be worth it.

"Eleri, what a nice surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I have a something for you." Eleri answered. She rocked onto her toes then back down, a giddy feeling spreading through her. A few nerves, a lot of excitement. "But you have to come over here and close your eyes."

"I'm not sure about this surprise." Josie answered even as she began to rise from her desk. "This has nothing to do with Sera I hope."

Eleri smiled bright and shook her head. When Josie was in front of her she reminded the Antivan to close her eyes. Her hands remained behind her back until Josie's brown eyes were hidden then slowly she moved the statue, the one Josie described to her so long ago, around to hold at her waist. Eleri took a quick deep breath then lifted it higher. "Okay, you can open your eyes now."

An adorable look scrunched up Josie's face then cleared as her eyes opened and fell to Montilyet family crest that rested in Eleri's hands. She didn't say anything at first. Her eyes roved over the bronze statue then up to Eleri's eyes and back again.

"Where did you find this?" Her hands reached for it then paused, "May I?"

"Of course, Josie. It's for you." Eleri pushed it into the hesitant hands that seemed afraid to close the distance and prove that the statue was real. "Dorian pulled me into a booth in Val Royeaux and it was just there. I swear I had checked there before but I don't know. The merchant must have gotten new stock since then."

"You checked before? You've been looking for this? I asked you weeks ago. I didn't even think you were paying attention after everything I'm sure I prattled on about." Josie's eyes rose in disbelief to meet Eleri's, a break from the disbelief of the statue and instead switching to the disbelief that there had been a search. Her brows scrunched together and her lips quirked up in a slight smile.

"You said you wanted it and there was a chance that it might be found so yea, I've been looking for it." Eleri answered with a shrug. "Is that okay?"

"Is that okay? _Is that okay?_ " Josie repeated with a shake of her head. Eleri watched, confused, as Josie turned and set her family crest on her desk then tried to mask a squeak of surprise with a cough as Josie flung her arms around her neck and squeezed. "Eleri, it is so much more than okay. I've never been given such a thoughtful or meaningful gift in my entire life!"

"You're welcome." Eleri spoke into Josie's shoulder, her oxygen supply slowly being cut off but she didn't care. The laughs and the pure happiness that was coming from her attacker were worth it. Then it was even more worth it as Josie loosened her hold enough to lean back and look at Eleri. She was beaming and beautiful and those weeks of useless searching would be done again if she could.

"I can't explain to you how much that crest means to me." She glanced over to the item in question. It was old, undeniable so but Eleri had attempted to polish it to make it shine as if new. It was dull in some places, darkened in others but Josie didn't seem to care. "My family sold them all after we lost our ships. My father says his grandfather couldn't bear to look at them and what they meant. I never thought I would actually see one, much less own it."

She placed a gentle kiss on Eleri's cheek then stepped back. A smile still on her face but smaller this time. Her eyes wandered back to the crest. They remained there as she continued to speak.

"I have been thinking that it may be time to inquire about my family's chances of being reinstated to trade within Orlais. It wouldn't allow us the same amount of success as before but it would be _something_." She turned her smile, tinged with sadness, back to Eleri. "They cannot remain in our family estate for much longer as things are."

"Then you should look into this reinstating. If it can help your family than I don't understand what would stop you."

Josie motioned to the chair in front of her desk, once Eleri took it she walked around to her own seat and sat down. Eleri watched her fingers lace and her chin drop on top of them. She tilted it side to side before she began. "It's a long process and I don't know what I'll find. Orlesians enjoy making others jump through their hoops. I don't know if it is even a possibility. It hasn't been that long."

"I think you should do it."

"I'll discuss it with Leliana later today. She should be able to help me expedite the process."

They spoke for a few minutes longer before Eleri excused herself. But not before Josie hugged her and kissed her cheek again with a dozen more words of appreciation for the crest. It lightened Eleri's step as she carried on with her day.

…

"Eleri, may I speak with you?" Josie's voice drifted along with the hustle and bustle of Skyhold's main hall. Eleri turned back to see her with a hand raised. Her eyes softened and her hand waved a bit when their eyes met. Eleri excused herself from Varric and Dorian. She closed the distance between them with long strides. The rigidness in her posture became apparent as Eleri got closer. "In my office?"

The door closed with a gentle click of the lock as the click of Josie's shoes narrated her approach. She trailed a hand along Eleri's shoulder with a soft order to sit that Eleri dutifully obeyed. Josie began speaking before she was to her seat. "I have a request to make. As you know, I have been working with Leli to get the ball rolling to allow my family to trade within Orlais once more. There has been a development. Of sorts."

Her tone turned nervous. A hunch that was proven as Josie smoothed down the papers on her desk, rearranging a few. Eleri was quickly learning that a nervous Josephine always needed something to do with her hands. She wasn't liking what this was going to mean, she could feel it.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I know why I have not yet heard from the couriers I sent out. They were killed and the documents destroyed. Leliana just informed me this morning."

Silence. Thick and tense and Eleri didn't know how to defuse it. Josie stared hard at her hands pressed flat to her desk; obviously distressed at the news.

"Josie," She knew this was going to fall on deaf ears but it was the truth and Eleri didn't know what else to do. She didn't know how to comfort Josie other than what she wanted to do and she didn't know if that was okay. "Their deaths are not your fault."

"They are. I sent them out, on personal business no less, and now they are dead." Eleri moved to the edge of her seat and reached across the desk. Her fingers slid across Josie's and folded around them. Hers followed suit with a squeeze. "Leli says there is a comte in Val Royeaux who knows the reason behind the couriers' deaths. He is willing to meet with me –"

"Then you should go. We can make do without you if it means your family will be taken care of." Eleri cut her off, hastily giving Josie the inquisitor's permission.

"He has a condition and you do not have to agree to it but he will only help me if you come with me to meet him in Val Royeaux."

"I'll go. No question that I'll go."

"Eleri, no. I must insist that you think this over. There is a very good chance this is a trap. I cannot ask you to take that risk for me when so much rides on your wellbeing."

"Josie," Eleri leveled her eyes to Josie to drive her point across, "I wander across wild territory in search of missing rings, to deliver letters that may have no destination, or any other ridiculous reason. I will not turn away someone I care about when they need help."

"I don't know if I am relieved to hear you say that or disappointed."

"I think it depends if you ask Josie or Ambassador Montilyet." Eleri answered with a smile.

She nodded with a short laugh. "When would you like to leave?"

"We can leave in the morning."

"This is time for you to rest." She pulled her hands from Eleri's hold to press them to her temples with a sigh. "You need it."

"I'll be fine. You need this taken care of so you can rest easy for the entire time you are with the Inquisition. And anyways," Eleri sat back with a wave in the air, "I doubt this will be as exhaustive as I'm used to. It'll be like a relaxing vacation. I've always wanted one since Cullen told me about them."

Josie laughed at the wide, toothy smile stretched across the elf's face. "The morning it is then. Thank you Eleri, truly."

"You're welcome."

"Now shoo! I have matters to attend to before we depart as I _know_ you do as well." Eleri groaned as she slouched out of the chair. Josie met her around the desk and started pushing the elf toward the door. Eleri let most of her weight lean back, letting out more groans and complains, and a giggling Josie ushered her to the door. Eleri yelped as Josie let go over her shoulders and she fell back. A small, breathy laugh came out after realizing Josie had caught her in a hug from behind. She placed a kiss on Eleri's cheek. "I will see you in the morning."

Then Eleri was unceremoniously shoved out of a door that was just seconds ago closed and into the hall, all before she even knew what happened. She looked back at the closed door with a laugh. Josie had a point, she did have much to do before they left. Eleri made her rounds to Cullen, Cassandra, and Leliana to inform them of her upcoming trip. She arranged for two soldiers, Vivienne, and Dorian to accompany them. Eleri had argued that they didn't need an entire party but that was haggled down to two trusted, and versed in the Game, companions as well as two guards for Josie's personal protection. Eleri couldn't argue the last point. She had hoped for a quiet trip with just Josie but her advisors were being logical and it was better safe than sorry.

Leliana had laughed and provided that a war torn country was maybe not the place for romantic trips. That had Eleri red all the way up to her ears and stomping out of the rookery where they had met to make preparations. She grumbled her way through her stop at the hold's alchemist and then choosing a book to take along, her progress in reading was soaring much to Dorian and Josie's delight. Her chagrin only lessened once she was alone in her room to pack.

She pulled a light hunting pack out of her chest. It was astonishing that it had survived the Conclave explosion and the fade. She remembered the shock when Cassandra had given it back to her after she woke in Haven. There were a few tears that had to be mended, a few scorch marks but it was no worse for wear. She placed a few changes of clean clothes in the bottom, a sharpening rock, the journal Josie had given her to draw with on the road, and her book next. She carefully and slowly placed each of the different potion bottles in the pockets along the outside of the pack. A sense of calm came over Eleri with each motion. It felt familiar. As if she was only going out for a hunt.

In a sense, she was. This hunt wasn't for the meat it would require for her clan to survive the winter but for the means for Josie's family to survive and be successful once again. She allowed her mind to wander to the differences of her priorities from now to before the Conclave with the packing of the rest of her essentials. It used to be surviving and preserving, finding ways to have fun along the way. And now, it was the same. Her scope of who to help survive and what to preserve was the only difference and Eleri was grateful for that change.

Her clan was generally accepting of humans and other races but they still held their discriminations. They didn't trust. That hurt everyone's chances of surviving. The one thing the Inquisition has shown Eleri is that all races were better off when they were able to work together. Now, she knew that it would not always work out that way. There would be problems and disagreements but attempting peace was without a doubt the best solution for Thedas. Even without Corypheus threatening to destroy their chaotic, war-torn world. As if her thoughts were timed to her actions, Eleri moved to the cabinet that held her armor. She looked at it, hung up as if it rested on invisible shoulders. Cullen and Cassandra had been nagging her to go heavier. It seemed that recently their attackers had focused their efforts on her but she couldn't bring herself to trade the lighter, more flexible suit that had survived her well up to this point.

She began at the bottom, pulling the light chainmail greaves then worked her way up to the cuirass and gauntlets. She rubbed a generous amount of oil into the armor. The sun was peaking just its top edges above the mountains by the time she finished. Then she attended to her axe and short sword; their edges were sharpened and their grips oiled to keep the leather strengthened. She prayed none of preparations would be needed in the next several days.

The sky was a brilliant mix of deep blue, light purple, and a hearty pink with a sliver of burning orange still clinging to the mountains. It was mesmerizing to look at. This was a view that Eleri would never have witnessed if the world wasn't about to be destroyed. She opened her balcony doors and walked out to lean on the bannister, the colors painted in the sky demanding her attention. Many moments like her current one, new experiences that necessitated gratitude, peppered her time spent with the Inquisition. And she _was_ grateful but it always felt wrong to be.

"I thought you might be out here." Eleri jumped slightly at the sound of Josie's voice. She turned and watched her new love walk out to join her. "I was knocking for quite some time."

"I didn't hear, sorry."

"It's impossible to hear anything out here, what with the wind and sounds carrying up from the courtyard. Do not worry about it. I was hoping you would be here actually."

"And why is that?"

Josie gestured to the panoramic view in front of them. "The stained glass behind your throne looked especially beautiful tonight. I assumed the sky would be much better."

"You were right, as usual." Eleri teased. Josie rolled her eyes and linked her arm around the one resting on the balcony bannister and leaned her head on Eleri's shoulder.

"I have a bad feeling about this trip."

"It'll be fine. I'll be there. Not to mention your colleagues made me agree to bring Dorian, Vivienne, _and_ two guards like I can't protect you or something."

"It is not for my protection that they are sending them, darling."

"No, no. The two guards are. Leliana almost put me at knife point to make sure I agreed. They are to be with you whenever I am not."

"Then she too has a bad feeling about this whole mess."

"It's going to work out."

"How do you know?"

"Well there was a hole in the sky, wasn't there? I fixed that right up. I'm sure I can do that for you too." Eleri shrugged, jostling Josie's resting place. "If you ask nicely that is."

"I'm still not sure how I got so lucky." Josie questioned, looking at Eleri as she looked out at the sky. The confidence of the moment quickly fleeing the elf who began to blush. A smile tugged at her lips but thankfully Josie mentioned nothing. She simply rested her head back down and watched the sun submit to the dark sky. "I shall better get going. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

"But we get to spend it together."

"I wish it was for that relaxing vacation like you wanted."

Eleri smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "Maybe after I fix the world."

"I would like that." Josie smiled and gave a kiss of her own. "Good night."

Bright light poured through the curtains that were forgotten the night before. Eleri attempted to turn away from the intrusion but her mind was clawing its way back to coherence and the reminder that they would be leaving for Val Royeaux soon. She sat up, her blanket pooling around her waist. Her eyes squinted against the intense morning mountain sun. By the time she was stumbling into her pants, a series of knocks echoed up her stair case. Then steps were creaking under the weight of her visitor.

"It would be much appreciated if you would wait before climbing the rest of those stairs." Eleri called out when the steps seemed close enough. "I'm not yet dressed."

"Yes, Inquisitor." Floated up to her.

Eleri quickly did the laces of her pants then pulled on the long sleeve shirt she preferred to wear under her armor. Its own laces dangling down the front but she was decent enough, no sense to leave whoever it was waiting. There were hours that she could expect workers being sent to her quarters. This wasn't one of them.

"You can come up now."

"Yes, Inquisitor." Came again. One of Leliana's agents approached her with a rolled piece of parchment. She handed it to Eleri as she explained. "Sister Nightingale sent me. She wishes to speak with you before you leave. I was to leave that note had you been asleep. It will explain more."

Eleri thanked the agent and unrolled the note as she took her leave. She had just spoken to Leliana less than 24 hours ago. Her mind whirled with possibilities of what could have happened in such a sort time that would have warranted a summons. All of what she came up with was not good. In her hast to figure it out, she almost ripped the note trying to unfurl it faster.

 _Inquisitor, please meet me in the gardens before you leave with Josie for Val Royeaux. I want to discuss the situation I believe you will be walking into. I had agents report late last night with information that may be of use._

Eleri was used to the unsigned notes. She also had become familiar with Leliana's long, elegant script. She admired the thin letters that seemed to stream across the paper. Her own handwriting was cramped and ran together. Rarely practiced and poorly executed. Being sent various alerts from the inquisition gave her time to know her advisors' and companions' handwriting. Eleri loved how it reflected each of them so uniquely. With the content not being urgent, Eleri allowed herself a small amount of time to finish getting ready.

A slight chill met Eleri as she stepped out of the hall and into the gardens she had been working on. She inhaled, a smile following as the different plant life sweetened the air from old stone and dust. Leliana was knelling in front of her small pot of Andraste's grace, inspecting the leaves and petals with a small dagger in hand. Periodically she would slice off a dying leaf.

"They're coming in nicely." Eleri commented as a way of greeting.

"Yes, they are. They'll be lovely in a few days."

"I like them now." Eleri squatted down in front of the pot. "New plants have a certain charm about them. A hope of sorts."

She stood to a smiling Leliana who said nothing but directed them toward the gazebo she and Josie had been making retreats to throughout their budding romance. She spoke as she walked.

"My agents have reported. They believe the comte is dangerous. Now, I could have guessed at that and have warned against it but I am suggesting you go in armed and with Dorian and Vivienne."

"What if he isn't dangerous until we provoke him with a battle party at his door step?"

"Patience, Eleri." Leliana let out a laugh. A light melody that contradicted how deadly and ruthless Eleri knew she could be. No matter how often she heard it, and it was much more often now that Tristian had joined them, it would never seem to fit the Leliana she knew. They walked past the gazebo and it seemed as though they were only going to circle the gardens once in order to finish their conversation. "I was getting there. Leave Dorian and Vivienne to trail behind and wait for any trouble instead of going in force. This comte is harmless. I have met him but his request for a meeting is bold, for any lesser noble. I don't like it."

"And the guards?"

"Leave them at your camp and yes, much to Josie's soon to be dismay, I want you to stay outside of the city. The inns of Val Royeaux can be crowded and anyone can hide in a crowd. They can stand watch while you are gone."

"Josie told me she has a bad feeling about this trip too."

Leliana stopped walking. She looked at the rows of potted elfroot then turned to face Eleri. "Then it is up to you to keep her safe. I may not need to threaten you any longer over your relationship but I am begging you to not let anything happen to her. This is nothing you have not encountered before but it has been a long time since Josie has been out of her office and in potential danger."

"No harm will come to her. I promise."

"Don't promise, Eleri. They're hard to keep in our lives." A sad smile accented her words.

"Tristian promised to come to you, didn't she?" Eleri ginned. "Sometimes they work out."

"I suppose you're right." Her eyes focused behind Eleri and she nodded in that direction. "I think someone is looking for you." Eleri turned and saw Josie standing at the edge of the garden with a small wave. "Have a safe trip, Inquisitor."

Eleri turned once more to bid her farewell but Leliana already had her back to her and was half way across the garden. Her silent steps making her seem as though she were floating. Eleri shook her head with a thought to how terrifying of an enemy Leliana would be.

"Are you packed?" Eleri turned, again, to face the woman who was now standing in front of her. She allowed herself a once over of Josie who was, much to Eleri's surprise, wearing pants. Not a dress. Pants. She rose an eyebrow in question that Josie expertly picked up on. "It is hard to ride a horse in a dress and speaking of, we need to be leaving soon."

"I packed everything last night. I only need to put my armor on."

"I'll help you if you'd like."

"I'd like nothing more."

Donning her armor was filled with fumbling, giggling, and questions. Turns out that Josie was not experienced in anything that had to do with armor. It took much longer than usual but it was also much more fun. They walked down from Eleri's quarters hand in hand but each dropped the other's when they reached the hall. Josie offered an apologetic smile that Eleri shrugged away.

Their travel party was waiting for them at the stables. Six horses for the six members as well as a horse with a cart to pull their things. Each were inspected, farewells were given, and then they were off. Eleri was surprised how well Josie handled the rough travel. No complaints, no slowing down to accommodate her. Eleri could only describe her as making the best of it. She chatted on with the guards who flanked her, spent time to getting to know Dorian and Vivienne better when they camped out, and, Eleri's favorite, opted to share a tent with her during the night.

"You don't mind, do you Inquisitor?" She asked. The title had made a reappearance thanks to the guards with them. Eleri laughed and shook her head with a smile then watched as Josie moved her things into the already set up tent. As Eleri watched her mind, and nerves, caught up with what was actually happening. Her and Josie. In the same tent. Sharing a tent. They hadn't even spoken about this step. Was it _the_ step? Or just a step? She hadn't blinked and her eyes felt daze, a look that must have been obvious because Dorian was soon at her side with a clap to her shoulder.

"Relax, friend. Don't overthink this. You're only sharing a tent." He spoke quietly so the others wouldn't overhear. "I highly doubt our lovely ambassador would plan for your first time together to be in such a semi-public setting."

" _Dorian_." Eleri hissed as her cheeks and ears flared hot. He chuckled with a wide smile and a shrug before walking away. She watched him walk away with thoughts of the mistake it was to tell him about their relationship. Her eyes caught Vivienne's who tipped her head with eyebrows raised and a small shake of her head. A decision of needing her private life to actually be private was made and then Josie was calling her name and motioning her to join them by the newly made fire.

The group enjoyed conversation as they cook, ate, and relaxed for the night. Dorian and Vivienne's back and forth was amusing as always. The guards were good men with good senses of humor that blende right in. Josie was a master of the spoken word as always. Eleri opted to listen mostly, throwing in a comment at times but content to witness instead of participating. Dorian volunteered to take first watch before disappearing into the night to take up a post which prompted the guards to excuse themselves to get some sleep to relieve the mage later in the night. Vivienne did much the same but with a teasing look at Eleri before making her way out of the circle of firelight and into her tent. A look that Josie definitely caught but let go without mention.

"This was nice." She said instead. "Relaxing enough for your vacation?"

"I hope there is no need for a watch while on vacation. That sounds too much like work."

"True." The crackling of the fire became dominate in the silence. A gentle wind carried the sparks to the west and rustled the leaves around them pleasantly but also brought a chill that caused a jerky shiver to move down Eleri's body. "Shall we go to bed?"

"Um, yes." Eleri answered. She was still a bit nervous despite Dorian's attempt at placating her earlier. Even just sleeping together was nerve-racking. "It is getting a bit cold out."

The stood and walked back to their tent. Each step felt slow to Eleri. She focused on breathing just as slowly. It was stupid to be feeling like she was. This was Josie. They had been together for over two months now. She was more than comfortable around her.

"Will you need help out of your armor?" Josie asked as Eleri held the flap open for her to enter. She ducked in with a look over her shoulder for Eleri's answer. It brought the memories of earlier in the day and the struggle of putting it on to the front of her mind. She let out a laugh.

"Not really but it would make it easier. Plus, you could use the practice if this morning is anything to go by."

"Oh Maker." She laughed. "I must admit I have not dealt with much armor in my life."

"It is easier to take off than to put on."

"Thank goodness for that."

Eleri did believe it was easier to take off than put on but there were still plenty of mishaps. She laughed through her instructions and narrowly missed her single pauldron smashing her foot as the buckle loosened too quick for Josie to ease it off.

"How do you do take this off and put it back on every day while in the field? It takes forever!"

"I often sleep in it." Eleri answered as she pulled the aventail over her head and let it fall heavily to the ground. She rolled her shoulders in relief. Her cuirass was still on and heavy but the relief was almost instant just from a little less weight. She couldn't fathom wearing the heavier armor that her advisors wanted.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" Josie looked at her in disbelief. Her hands began undoing the buckle for Eleri's faulds.

"It isn't so bad and it's usually pretty warm. It keeps in body heat."

"What if you aren't in a cold area?"

"I wear lighter layers underneath. And suffer." She added the last with a small laugh. A joke that wasn't a joke. She hadn't had to struggle through heat often. Thankfully the areas they frequented the most in Thedas were cooler in temperature even in their mild seasons. "Once we get my cuirass off I can manage the rest on my own. Remember, that once you have the bottom buckles undone that we _both_ need to push the pieces together! You get on side and I'll undo the other. I don't want another scare like this morning."

"I know, I know." Josie laughed as she began with the bottom side buckles. She worked her way up and once she finished the bottom three she placed a hand flat to Eleri's back, in the middle of her shoulder blades and pushed. Eleri's own hands pushed on her chest. She undid her last buckle then moved around Eleri who only undid the other when she felt the weight on her back get heavier, signifying that Josie was pushing it.

"I'll take the front off then help you with the back, okay?"

"Okay."

Eleri let the front piece drop off with less care than she normally would. She reached her hands to the back piece to help Josie. "You know I could lift it myself, right? I am not some weakling."

"I know, Josie but you're already helping me. I don't want to make you do too much."

"I think your armor would appreciate if you did." She motioned to the front piece of Eleri's cuirass that laid haphazardly on the ground.

"It's made to withstand a beating. I'm sure it can survive being dropped." Eleri began shedding the rest of her armor. Her boots then the mail and various pieces that protected her legs. There was so much of it. "I miss my Dalish armor."

"Why don't you wear it?" Josie asked from her sit on her bedroll. She had taken her hair out and was brushing through it, head tilted and watching Eleri.

"We didn't live in such cold. I'd be frozen from lack of layers. Also, I was a hunter then _Ghil-Vallen_ and did not need the armor necessary to withstand battle. I'd be hacked into little pieces a long time ago if I wore my old armor."

"Do you not like your new armor?"

Eleri moved her armor into an organized pile along the wall of their tent before stretching her tight muscles. She thought as she answered. "I do…but it's much heavier than I'm used to. I've had to get accustomed to the weight and how it effects my fighting style. The advisors wish I would upgrade to even heavier armor but I won't. I'm just now getting used to this set. I feel comfortable in how I fight in it and that it protects me efficiently enough. I think if it were up to Cassandra, I would be in a steel box with just a hole to stretch my arm out of when the danger is over and I can close rifts." Eleri laughed at her own joke and the image it conjured.

"She does worry over you." Josie nodded. Eleri averted her eyes with a blush as Josie began to shed her outermost layers leaving her in just a loose tunic and her riding pants. She laughed, "You can look now." Eleri did with her blush in full force, a thin smile to hide her embarrassment. Josie stood to face her. "How would you like to do this? I will not hide my intention of innocently sharing a bed with you but if you don't want to than I would be content with sharing a tent."

"Oh, okay. Well, I think we could probably sleep together. If that's what you want, then yea."

"Is it what you want?" Josie stepped closer and put a hand on Eleri's arm. "You will not hurt my feelings if it isn't.

"It is, Josie. It is. I wasn't expecting it now is all." Eleri smiled through her butterflies and hoped it would put the woman in front of her at ease. She stepped closer with a kiss. "Let's go to bed."

Getting into bed together for the first time was awkward. Eleri wasn't sure how to lay, how close Josie would be okay with her being, how close _she_ wanted to be to Josie. Her breathing sounded too loud, she couldn't seem to stop moving, and was suddenly worried about the fact she hadn't changed from her clothes that had been traveled all day under her well-worn armor.

" _Relax_." Josie's voice was accompanied by her hand on Eleri's stomach. Then the other woman was snuggling closer, forehead against Eleri's arm and her hand wrapped around her bicep. "Just go to sleep. We have another long day tomorrow. I would like you to be well rested for it."

"Okay." Eleri exhaled. "Good night."

…

The news that the comte shared was outrageous. The idea that an assassination contract could be still valid after _100 years_ was one thing. That that contract was to be exercised against _Josephine_ was quite another. Eleri's fist tightened under the table. She had promised Josie that she would do her best to keep this meeting nonviolent but the man in front of her was testing that promise. She clenched her jaw and fist as she listened to the man and Josie discuss the contract at length.

"Unpleasant as it may be, the House of Repose is merely fulfilling its contractual duties."

"But this contract is ancient and the family is no longer nobility. How can the assassins still think to honor it?" Eleri asked, keeping her voice even like Josie taught her to do when in the presences of those outside the Inquisition.

"A contact is a _contract_ , Inquisitor! Orlesian businesses live and die by their reputations. The whole guild's welfare would be endangered if an agreement was tossed aside on a whim or time or fate."

"She's quite right, Your Worship." The man lounging on the other side of the table interjected. "The House of Repose is doing what it feels necessary. By its standards."

Eleri turned toward Josephine in an attempt to have a private conversation with her. "I assume you have an idea of what to do?"

"The Du Paraquettes still have descendants under the common branch. If we elevate them to nobility than a Du Paraquette could annul the contract on my life."

Attempt at privacy aside, the man stepped back into the conversation. His wine glass waving in the air as spoke with it. "That would take time, Lady Montilyet. Time in which the House of Repose will be obliged to hunt you."

Something seemed to click for Josie. She sat forward in her chair and her eyes narrowed across the table at the comte. It put Eleri on edge. Her clenched fist relaxed and moved to the hilt of a small dagger at her belt. Not as intimidating as her sword or axe but swifter, allowing Eleri more time to protect Josie if it came down to it.

"Will they now?" Josie sat taller, an edge to her voice as she went on. "You are _exceedingly_ well-informed. Your note to us said you'd heard rumors at best?"

"A bit of subterfuge. This contract on your life is an ugly business, one the House of Repose deeply regrets." Josephine had spoken as if she had caught the man in the act but he still seemed at ease. He set his wine down and spoke with an edge of his own. "But this is Orlais. Even an assassin's word is his bond. The contract on your life, Lady Montilyet is so unusual, we felt the courtesy of an explanation was in order."

"It is appreciated, monsieur." Josie glanced down to her dress, brought specifically to be worn while in Val Royeaux, and smoothed the fabric over her lap.

"Your idea to seek out a Du Paraquette to revoke our orders is an interesting one. I wish you luck." The man stood with those words and Eleri mirrored him. She would be damned if she allowed an assassin who flat out threatened Josie's life to leave the room still breathing. She stepped into his path and he stopped and adjusted his gloves. "I did not come to shed blood today, Inquisitor, only to speak. Might I pass?"

"Like hell –"

"Eleri," Josie interrupted. Her voice hinted at defeat but rang strong to reel in the elf, "let him pass. He has done me a considerably favor by informing me of the situation. He is owed his life, at least for today."

Eleri stood still, struggling to obey the request against her gut feeling to end the man in front of her. Finally, she stepped to the side but made sure to stay close enough to make him feel uncomfortable as he walked by her. "Go then." She bit out.

"Good day, You Worship, My Lady. I pray we never meet again."

Josie stood and walked to Eleri's side. Her hand wrapped around her gauntlet-clad wrist as they watched the assassin walk out.

"I didn't think our meeting would end like this." Josie sighed.

"Why did you let him leave? He's an _assassin_ sent to _kill_ you, Josie! And you let him walk out of here without a fight!" Eleri struggled to keep her voice even, to not yell at the woman she cared about but she did not understand.

"I know it is hard for you to understand but he took a considerable risk informing me of the contract. It is unprecedented that the House of Repose do such a thing. Decency demands that I –"

"Decency demands that you do _nothing_ when your life is in danger."

"But I am not in danger today." Eleri was shaking in her anger, and fear. This was insanity. She had never let a direct threat merely walk away to strike at a later date. Josie stepped closer and rested her hands along Eleri's jaw. "I am not in any danger."

"Yet, Josie. You are not in any danger _yet._ "

"He showed interest in my idea with the Du Paraquettes. He may allow me the time to accomplish it before attempting to fulfill the contract."

"I don't think we should take the time."

"That is not your decision." Josie withdrew her hands and took a step back. "Nor is it one we should discuss here. We both have duties to attend to back at Skyhold. We should begin the journey back."

The journey back was tense. The couple still spent their nights together but the attempt to avoid the issue at hand weighed on their interactions. Eleri was still angry and Josie was not standing for it, firm in her own decision.

"I am sorry, Eleri. I never thought my family's trading status would have put us in an assassin's plot."

"Not us, Josie. You. If I were this would have been taken care of."

"Even so, I apologize."

Eleri sighed and dropped her head back to look at the sky. She looked at Josie as she began again. "I apologize as well. I'm merely frustrated but you're safe here, Josie. I'll see to that."

"Thank you, Eleri." The battlements swallowed them as they crossed through Skyhold's west gate. "I will begin search for the Du Paraquettes immediately. I wish this done as quickly as you do but in a respectable manner."

…

"I have tracked down the last Du Paraquettes. If they become gentry, they can annul the contract on my life!" Josie announced as she rushed up the last few stairs into Eleri's room. The elf lowered the book she was reading and sat up a little straighter in her bed. She had reluctantly agreed to Josie's plan. That had been a two weeks ago. Guards had been posted at her office, at the door to her bedroom. Eleri had Cole following her in day to day duties. "We only need a noble from Val Royeaux to sponsor them, a judge to provide documents, a minster to ratify them –"

Leliana came charging into the room. A murderous look on her face. "It is so like you to take the longest course of action, even when your life is at stake!"

"I assume you already know everything about this mess?" Josie's shoulders slumped from her excitement of just seconds ago.

"No thanks to you. How was I not informed of this?" Her anger was turned to Eleri who held her hands up, book still in one of them.

"I was told she was going to tell you."

"Traitor." Josie mumbled.

" _Josephine_." Leliana barked. "This is your _life_ we are talking about. There is a faster way. The original contract on your life is in the vaults of that assassin's guild. My agents could infiltrate it and destroy the original contract. No contract, no obligation to chase you."

"Leliana, please. I want no blood shed over a personal affair."

"Don't be so stubborn, Josie!" Leliana threw her hands in the air as she stalked closer to her friend. Eleri watched from her seat on the edge of her bed, unsure what to do. She wanted to support Josie but Leliana was making much more sense. Josie's well-being was more important than a diplomatic process. "How long will it take to gather these favors in Val Royeaux? Hm? How many more weeks, months maybe, will your life be in danger before you can raise this man to nobility and then how much longer to nullify the contract?"

She turned to Eleri then and fear iced the elf's veins from the look in her eyes. "Why are you saying _nothing_?"

Eleri stood at that. She may have been intimidated into action but it was needed. "Josie, she has a point. How long would this take? If destroying the contract would be quicker than maybe, we should go that route."

"But I'm _sure_ my plan will work, Eleri." Those brown eyes were pleading, almost desperate. The dagger to the heart of Eleri's determination. Leliana looked between the two women and let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"Whatever happens, I'm assigning you more guards. The House of Repose won't stay idle long. I have a feeling we have outlasted their generosity." And with that, she stormed back out much like how she came in. Eleri relaxed a bit with the majority of the anxious energy leaving with Leliana.

"It will work." Josie said again.

"I'm sure it will, Jo but do we have the time to let it work? That's my only concern."

"I believe so. Plus, with the guard detail you have on me in addition to Leliana, I doubt Corypheus himself could lay a hand on me." Josie cracked a smile as she moved to rest her arms on Eleri's shoulders. "What did you just call me?"

"Jo?" Eleri panicked momentarily. "It kind of just came out."

"I like it when you say it. Leli used to call me that during our time together in Val Royeaux. A _long_ time ago." She kissed Eleri's nose then pulled away. "Now I have favors to cash in to start this process off. I'll be in my office if you wish to help."

"Of course I _wish to help_." Eleri scoffed and followed Josie to her office to get to work.

…

The woman standing in front of her, in a horrendous dress/mask/hat combination, had been going on about the Marquis's party that Eleri had no interest in. Josie had sent her to petition for a sponsor for the Du Paraquettes, not small talk. Finally, the woman got to the point.

"Why should I assist you in muddying the waters of Orlesian nobility further?"

"They used to be noble. I hardly believe that restoring an old house of Orlais could be viewed as making things worse, my lady."

"Yes but restoring it far too late. They are now simply traders, farmers even! That is what you wish to bring to nobility? The very thought causes me pain, Inquisitor." She pushed a hand out to examine her nails. "But there is _one_ thing you may be able to do for me that would make this whole ordeal worth my time."

"And what would that be, Minister?"

"Only but a night of your time."

"A night of my time?"

"Yes, Your Worship. Imagine the advantages I could reap with the rumors swirling that I bedded the Inquisitor, arguably the most powerful woman in all Thedas."

Eleri flinched at the suggestion as if she was struck. This woman had to be joking. Orlesians in general had to be joking. This was ridiculous! Not to mention Josephine. She would be appalled at the suggestion and at the implication that it was a respectable version of politics.

"I'm sorry, Minister Bellise, you're a very…attractive woman but I must decline your offer."

"Really? I was informed that women were to your liking."

"They, uh, are but even so, I still decline."

"May I ask why?" Hidden by a mask as they were, Eleri was sure she saw something glint in her eyes. It was a question she thought she already knew the answer to.

"Because I am already committed to another and do not intend to break that commitment."

"Very well." Her exposed lips curled into a malicious grin. "What else could you offer me?"

"Diplomatic connections that reach far beyond the boundaries of Val Royeaux perhaps?" Eleri had her offer at the ready. It was what she had discussed with Josie to barter with. The Minister's smile stretched even further, putting Eleri ill at ease.

"Hmm, I might make use of _your_ ambassador. The Montilyet's aren't what they were, but at least they're from proper stock." Eleri's blood cooled then boiled at the woman's implications. "Arrange for me to be introduced to the court of Antiva. I hear winter is most pleasant by their sea. Fulfill this bargain and I shall raise the Du Paraquettes into lordship."

"It'll be done." Eleri gave a stiff bow. This would please Josie. Things were falling into place nicely for her plan to pan out.

…

Josie's office was warm and when combined to the late hour of the night, Eleri's eyelids were beginning to get heavy. She closed her eyes and stretched her neck muscles by tilting her head side to side. She had been drawing in front of Josie's office fireplace since Josie had expressed needing to work later than usual. Her nights lately had been cut short. The House of Repose was still lurking and Minister Bellise was working her magic with the Orlesian court but that was still taking time. Eleri had agreed to stay with Josie. She sent Cole on his way, thanking him for watching over Josie for so long. He smiled with some riddle and walked off with a wave over his shoulder. He was odd but Eleri liked him He had a good heart even if he was a demon or spirit or whatever.

The guards remained stationed outside Josie's main entryways. Four in total. Leliana was working in the war room to decrease the distance between her friend in case of emergency as well and Cullen had doubled the gate guards. Eleri also remained armed at almost all times. Normally in Skyhold, she would be without armor or weapons but since the House of Repose had warned them of their duty to their client, Eleri kept her short sword and a hunting dagger at her waist.

"Josie?" She looked over at the hunched over ambassador as her hand flourished across a piece of parchment. The stab of her quill into the ink well was aggressive in a manner that made Eleri smile. She didn't seem to hear her name so Eleri tried again with just a bit more volume. "Jo."

Josie hummed in response but didn't look up. It would be annoying if Josie's dedication to her work wasn't one of the things Eleri admired about her. Instead she let out a low chuckle and got up to walk over to the desk.

"Ambassador Montilyet, I'd like to schedule a time to go to bed. Maybe sometime next week if you can fit it in?" Eleri leaned on the desk with hands placed wide and dipped down to catch brown eyes. A smirk and raised eyebrows waiting to be noticed.

Josie looked up with an exasperated smile but whatever her response may have been was forgotten as someone knocked at the main hall door. Eleri looked at her with a smile before pushing off the desk to answer it. The door was not even wide enough to see who was on the other side when an excruciating pain bit into Eleri's gut. Her eyes dropped down to see a dagger sticking out of her abdomen then up into the eyes of a masked person. The dagger was left in and Eleri was shoved over. Eleri panicked as her shoulder hit the wall then her back and the rest of the office was in view. Her attacker was slowly approaching Josephine, who was locked up with another assassin, from behind.

With her teeth grinding together, Eleri pushed off the wall. She ripped her dagger out of its place and drove it into the base of her attacker's neck with a scream. It was enough to distract both Josie and her assailant for a split second. Eleri stumbled as pain ripped through her, her hand fell to the wound where blood quickly covered it. She tried a few more steps, watching as Josie successfully pushed the assassin away from her. She took several steps back only to run into her desk. The remaining assassin moved to follow. Another yell from Eleri pushed her to move her feet faster, putting herself in between Josie and the masked intruder. The intruder who stopped then fell to his knees. Behind him was Leliana, bow in hand and rushing toward them.

Hands grabbed her from behind and in front as Eleri's legs began to tremble and give out. A strangled breath escaped as the movement jostled the dagger sticking out of her. Leliana called out into the hall then moved her hands to Eleri's face, framing it and forcing her eyes to hers. Her hands felt sticky and warm. Each breath was irritating her new injury. She took in a sharp inhale as they leaned Eleri back into Josie.

"Stay awake, Inquisitor. You're going to be fine."

"How did this happen?!" Josie voice was strained and close to Eleri's left ear.

"I don't know." She answered then met Eleri's eyes again. "Do you know what's going on?"

"I have a dagger in my gut." Leliana let out a dark chuckle. Eleri grimaced through a smile but it was a smile that seemed to put the woman in front of her at ease. She reached a hand up to rest against Josie's that was stretched across her chest.

"I need to put pressure on this. It will not be pleasant but the dagger isn't stopping much of the blood. I cannot pull it out until I have supplies to bandage it."

"How bad is it?" Josie asked.

"I do not think it is fatal. She was not the target and I doubt the House of Repose would be willing to kill the only person who can save them from the rifts if possible to avoid it. Her reputation far proceeds her and may have just saved her life tonight."

Eleri's focus was slipping as they waited. Leliana's hands at her stomach sent shocks of pain in all directions whenever they shifted. Josie spoke quietly in her ear, comforting even through the pain. Time was irrelevant. It didn't trickle by, it didn't fly. It didn't seem to do anything. Eventually more people joined the trio. The dagger left Eleri accompanied by a scream then whimpering as pressure was reapplied to the wound.

"It definitely isn't fatal. It was inserted at an angle to avoid most organs. It may have nicked a few, we'll have to have a mage check but mostly this is muscle damage." Eleri looked up into the face of the man hovering over her. She didn't know him. He didn't even look familiar.

"Where's Vivienne? Or Dorian?"

The man chuckled. "Sorry if I am not who you were expecting, Inquisitor. Your friends will be here soon. My name is Edward. I'm the physician on night watch."

"Pleased to meet you." This time Leliana let out a bark of laughter and Eleri felt a kiss pressed to her cheek.

"I would not call this a pleasant meeting, Your Worship." Leliana quipped. She was rocked back on her heels, a hand pressed to her temple. They were a streaky pink that only happened when trying to wipe off blood and she looked pale.

"It may not be, Lady Nightingale." Edward granted her then spoke to Eleri. "But I'm pleased to meet you as well, Inquisitor. I'm more than sure you'll be just fine."

"How severe is her blood loss?" Another question from Josie. Her voice was tight and clipped.

"Not life threatening but extensive. She'll need to rest, get her strength back but like I just said, I'm confident she won't suffer long term from this."

"So she can sleep? Now."

"She can certainly try."

"Then rest _amor_. There is no need for you to be awake with this pain."

"I'd rather wait to fall asleep in bed, when I'm not bleeding out."

"You aren't bleeding out and we can fall asleep in bed, I promise but right now I wish you would rest. Vivienne or Dorian will be in soon to heal you up good as new. I hate seeing you in pain when it was my fault."

At that Eleri pushed herself up on her hands, wincing and short of breath. Josie's arm around her tried to pull her back with exclamations of being careful that were echoed by Leliana and Edward. They were promptly ignored. Instead Eleri turned as best she could to look at Josie.

"This is not your fault. I knew the risks of what you asked at the beginning and again when we found out about the House of Repose. I accepted those. My actions, and thus the fault, are my own." She was breathless at the end of her declaration but she needed to say it. Eleri would not stand for Josie to blame herself over this.

"Okay, _amor_. Okay. Please lay back down." Eleri let herself be guided back against Josie's chest and felt the pull of sleep which she didn't fight. She said her peace and now Josie could have hers. The last thing Eleri was aware of before she fell into unconsciousness was Josie speaking quietly against her ear again. "When you wake up, I'll tell you a story."

…

Explanations of bards and balls, subterfuge, and Orlesian games swirled in Eleri's head. She was tired, blood loss still weighing heavily on her but she hadn't wanted to sleep. Then, Josie was giving her a glimpse at the woman before she became the immaculate ambassador. The innocence of a young Josephine, wanting adventure and romance, found a special place in Eleri's heart. Right next to the woman who took up most of the open spaces. She watched Josie watch her for a reaction. Her brown eyes were wide with nervous anticipation as she gave considerable effort in keep her hands still. She looked beautiful with her hair just a little messy, pieces of it falling out of her tight bun. Her clothes had been changed and tossed. There was too much of Eleri's blood to salvage them. She sat now in a light, flowing long sleeve shirt and linen pants with bare feet.

Her story had been long, a little confusing and Eleri wasn't exactly sure why it was told but Josie needed her to be okay with it. To accept this other version of her.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say but that something should be said." Eleri tried, being honest. She desperately wanted to give Josie what she wanted or needed. Josie's chin dropped with a quiet sigh.

"I want you to say whatever you feel." Her eyes lifted to look uncertainly at Eleri through her lashes. "I thought you deserved to know the foolishness of my past and the mistakes that I had made. You deserved to know the caliber of woman you are involved with."

"Josie. No. Your past doesn't define who you are now, your reactions to it do. How you let it shape you. The man you killed, he was sent to kill someone else. You took a life to save one and you saved yourself." Eleri laboriously moved closer to Josie. She tucked a few of the loose strands behind her ear and smiled. "And, I think you're forgetting what it is I do here."

"And what is that?" Josie gave a small smile back, placing her hands on Eleri's knee that rested near her lap.

"I kill people. A lot of them." The smile that was so easily given disappeared and Eleri hastily continued. Levity quickly abandoned. "But they are people who would hurt others. They wish for the world to end and innocents to be hurt or taken advantage of. That is what makes it, not okay but what makes it possible to find peace with myself."

She stopped to let Josie process her words and respond but a response didn't seem to be coming. Her eyes were focused on her hands and the tracing the seam along the outside of Eleri's leg. Time was given, silence allowed but Eleri needed to bring that smile back. Soothing Josie's churning soul was of top priority.

"Jo, look at me. Please." She waited for those big brown eyes to meet hers. "You did what you had to and you became a better person for it. You are forgiven. You have let it make you into a peaceful diplomat that strives to forego bloodshed; a mindset our council so desperately needs with the likes of Cassandra _and_ Leliana on it. You have saved more lives than you have taken. That isn't something many can say in these times."

Josie let out a long sigh. "There aren't many I have told this too. I am ashamed of it."

"I'm honored you told it to me. I don't see it as shameful but I won't discount your feelings. I will say that I'm happy you did it."

Josie looked taken back and hurt. A not surprising reaction to being told that her biggest regret brought joy to a loved one. Eleri didn't let her voice the question.

"If you had not pushed him, he might have succeeded in his task and that would probably mean you would be dead. I'm happy you're not dead."

"As am I but that is not what is important."

"Yes, it is. That's the only thing that's important."

"We are talking in circles." Josie shook her head.

"We are." Eleri allowed. "I would very much enjoy it if you laid with me for a while? It is getting uncomfortable to sit like this."

A wince accompanied the words. Josie nodded and scolded Eleri for not saying something sooner, for pushing herself for no reason. Eleri smiled through the barrage of words as she snuggled back into her pillows. It continued even after Josie was comfortably laying against the elf, carefully avoiding the jagged pink line that was left after the healing.

"I didn't properly thank you or apologize for all of this. I had not meant to put you in harm's way. But, you have given my family their livelihood back as well as the honor that was stripped of us. I don't think I can ever thank you enough."

"You don't have to. I am more than willing to help any in our inner circle. They have become my friends and you have become much more than that to me."

Her fingers brushed under the hem of Eleri's shirt and trailed the angry pink scar causing a sharp intake. Josie muttered an apology that Eleri brushed aside. It hadn't hurt as much as surprised her. "I just wish you had not been injured for me."

"Circles again."

The trail stopped and Josie's warm palm rested flat on the curve of Eleri's ribs. She didn't say anything further. Eleri let her eyes close and a content wave settle over her. The pain was manageable, just at the peripheral of her consciousness. Josie took up the rest. Her soft hair against Eleri's jaw and neck, the weight of her head and arm, the smell of honey and flowers, ink and parchment.


	14. Universal Pain - Eleri & Tristian

**A/N: There is rape mentioned but nothing other than mentioning it happened and reacting to that news. Towards the end.**

It had been a hectic day spent mostly in the war room hunched over the map, letters, and missives. Cullen pushed his pieces around the Hinterlands, trying to assess the best movements for the troops he was sending to protect against any lingering mage/Templar threats. Leliana was in and out of the room with more messages to add to their pile, updates on agents or soldiers in the field, and the status of the Inquisition name throughout Thedas. Josie shifted through the papers, pausing to scribble out notes for letters and paperwork as she went. She would filter in and out as Leliana did but not nearly as often. Eleri had her own pile of papers to work through. Slower than Josie but her progress was much better than it had been in the past. Her eyes stung, her back and neck were sore from leaning over the papers from her seat, and her stomach was grumbling but there wasn't time for a break.

The Inquisition was growing. More people flooded their gates each week and more and more correspondence was coming from various nobles, governments, and organizations. With getting Skyhold livable and settling their people, the council had gotten behind. Eleri's mind wandered to Tristian and Cassandra. They were dealing with the darkspawn issue on the Storm Coast. Bull had gone with them as well as Tristian's mabari, Maddox, but Eleri still worried. The Storm Coast was unrelenting in its horrible weather, harsh terrain as well as the threats that wondered the land. They hadn't been able to send out Inquisition soldiers to take care of the straggling mages who refused to give up their fight, not to mention that red Templars. Add in the darkspawn and Eleri could barely focus. Another reason her work was so much slower than Josie's.

"Eleri, _amor_?" The elf looked up with a smile that instantly fell when she saw the look on Josie's face. She held out a piece of paper that Eleri didn't want to take. She took a breath as her eyes slowly grazed over each word, her mind piecing together the message. She forced herself to read it again to make sure she was not making any mistakes.

 _Da'len,_

 _I would not trouble you normally. You have enough on your shoulders, fighting ancient Tevinter magisters while representing your people. Unfortunately, the rifts that plague this land have spread chaos and fear along with them, and many seek to take advantage of it._

 _Bandits are attacking clan Lavellan. The raiders are well armed and heavily armored, and they come in numbers our hunters cannot match. We had settled in a small unclaimed valley not far from Wycome, a safe place with few rifts—but these bandits may force us to seek a new home. If your Inquisition can help, you might save our clan much hardship._

 _Dareth shiral,_

 _Keeper Istimaethoriel Lavellan_

"When did we get this?" Panic and helplessness seeped into her voice. Eleri could hear it but she didn't care. Her clan was in trouble. Her _family_ was in trouble. They were a large reason why Eleri fought through all the issues that arose while being Inquisitor. She handed the letter to Cullen who came around to stand at Eleri's side.

"I don't know." Josie admitted. She was nervous, Eleri could see it in her eyes and hear it in the slight shake to her voice. "It was in the pile we have been working through."

"We need to send help. Now." Cullen excused himself to get Leliana as Eleri issued her demand.

"We have options." Josie explained while walking around the table. She put her hand on Eleri's forearm with a comforting squeeze. "We will do all we can to protect them but you need to stay calm as we plan this out. I _know_ ," she emphasized the word as Eleri attempted to interrupt, "it is not easy to do but it will help us make a decision quicker."

Eleri nodded and took deep breaths. Josie stepped closer, now rubbing her arm up and down Eleri's bicep. She didn't say anything. Eleri was grateful. There was nothing to say that would help. She bit back the urge to sprint from the room then from Skyhold all together to her clan. Finally, Cullen and Leliana walked into the war room.

"We discussed possible plans on the way down." Leliana began. "We believe a mixed force, mostly agents with a small contingent of soldiers for added muscle, would be best. I have elven agents that can go in first, assure your clan of their intentions before bringing in the soldiers. With the attacks, we should not go in swords flashing with battle cries. Your clan needs to know we are there to help."

"I'm going."

"No." Leliana's voice was firm, no room for argument but that didn't mean Eleri wasn't going to make room for it.

"They are my people, my clan. My family is there. I cannot stay here while they are being attacked! Who knows how long ago we received that letter!"

"You can and you will."

"Leli, please." Josie shot her friend a look then pulled Eleri to face her, back to the other advisors. "She is right. We need you here. I apologize and I wish we could let you go but the Free Marches are still in upheaval from the mage/Templar war. We barely sanction missions there."

"Jo. I _need_ to help them."

"And Thedas needs you to help it. It is not fair, _amor_ , and I am so, so sorry but you are needed here. Our agents and soldiers will protect them. Maybe we can have them escort your clan to a safer area and then you can go visit them. See for yourself that they are safe."

They were right. She was the only person in all of Thedas who could close the rift. She was the face of the Inquisition. She could not run off into an area that was arguably the most dangerous in all of Thedas. She wanted to and hated that her advisors were right but Eleri gave a nod.

"Send them now." With her order, Eleri walked out of the war room. A quiet spot at the top of the battlements by herself was the only thought she allowed. She needed to block out her fears and imagination. Cold stone, cold wind, and isolation would help her do just that.

…

The war room was silent. No plans being discussed. Papers weren't being shuffled around. The mountain air didn't seem to be whipping outside of the windows, shaking the panes as it normally did. Five sets of eyes followed Eleri as she walked up to the table. She met each of them, dread pooling in her stomach and fingertips. Cullen looked nervous, Leliana as stoic as always, and Cassandra seemed uncomfortable. She shifted from foot to foot with her lips set in a thin line. Both Tristian and Josie seemed worried or something that Eleri couldn't quite put her finger on.

She had been throwing herself into work or training. It had been three nights, today being the third day since their force left for her clan. Eleri worked until she couldn't keep her eyes open then collapsed into nightmares only to wake up much earlier than she normally would to do it all again. She had trouble eating but attempted when Josie or Dorian, sometimes Varric, brought her a meal.

"News?" Eleri asked. Her voice was oddly detached and cold, even. No hint of the emotions swirling into every inch of her body. Leliana stepped up to answer. Never a woman to fear the moment or what might come after.

"Our force arrived late last night. They sent a bird immediately, we just received it." As she held out the rolled parchment, Eleri met her eyes and saw the stoic façade falter. Sympathy is what shone from those blue eyes and, as she let her eyes slide back to Tristian and Josie, realized what was never worry. The young elf's heart plummeted.

 _We dispatched of the remaining bandits, reclaimed what we could but there are no apparent survivors of clan Lavellan. We will search the surrounding area but otherwise wait for orders._

The words blurred together. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest and her breathing stumbled through parted lips. Eleri pressed her teeth together and swallowed then blinked hard. She needed to give orders, she needed to be the Inquisitor. Not part of clan Lavellan. But orders are not what came out. She shook her head, unable to process.

"Eleri?" Josie attempted but Eleri didn't look up at her. The paper crumpled as her hands began to fist. "Eleri, we should –"

"We should have let me go!" Eleri's voice was loud, tight and clipped. "I could have gotten there in time."

"We do not know that."

"Do we know how we missed a letter asking for help?!" She yelled, eyes darting up. "Do we?! We should have known! That is unacceptable."

Eleri was yelling now. She didn't care. All she felt was an empty pain in her chest and her stomach churning. She briefly thought she was going to be sick but then more words were crashing out of her mouth.

"We are the Inquisition. Our job is to help the people of Thedas but how do we do that if we are not even aware of the letters we receive? My _entire_ clan is _dead_ because we are incompetent. What is the point of what we do here if that is the case?!"

"Inquisitor, enough." Leliana stepped forward and reached for Josie, putting herself between the ambassador and inquisitor. Her voice was vicious, causing Eleri to look at Josie, one of the only people who would make her react that way. Tears fell silently from Josie's downcast eyes. Eleri pushed the guilt back, unwilling to feel it, as she turned on her heel and stalked out of the door.

…

Tristian watched as Leliana tried to comfort Josie, who burst into tears as the war room door slammed shut. Leliana was fuming. Tristian could see it in the set of her shoulders, the crease in between her eyebrows. It was cemented when she spoke. Her voice was icy stone.

"Cassandra, go find the Inquisitor. Bring her to the rookery _at once_."

Tristian put an arm out to stop Cassandra. "I'll find her but I'm not bringing her to you, Leli."

"What? Yes, you will. Her behavior is unacceptable."

"Leli." Tristian sighed. It had been so long since Leliana had lost her own family and, now, her position as spymaster required her to push her feelings down, as already stunted and buried as they were. She wasn't able to think as was needed right now. "She just lost her entire clan, she said her family was with them. Everything she knew has been permanently taken from her."

Leliana looked away and most would see it as a stubborn gesture but Tristian knew it for what it really was. A silent relenting. A subtle admission of being wrong.

"Josie." Tristian stopped near the distraught woman on her way out. "She didn't mean to yell at you. She lashed out at what was in front of her. Trust me, she didn't mean for it to be you." Tristian looked at Leliana again to drive her point home to the woman who would hold onto the anger longer than her friend who was actually hurt by Eleri's words. "She did not mean this."

"Thank you, Tristian." Josie spoke, water logged. "Please go find her. I don't want her to be alone but I don't think I am the one she wishes to see."

Tristian smiled then left the room. Her thoughts paged back to the moment in her own story that her world was decimated. Duncan had been on the receiving end of her anger. He silently bore it until the night before they reached Ostagar. Duncan wasn't cruel but he had been harsh on the unacceptable nature of her reaction. It wasn't the anger, he had explained, it was her treatment of him because of it. She barely talked after that. He had been right but she couldn't seem to brush away the desire to snap at others. It wasn't until Leliana, much younger and much more optimistic about the world, coaxed her into a more amicable mood. Tristian smiled as she remembered Morrigan voicing her favor for her gloomier self. Less pointless chatter she had cited as the reason.

There were a number of places Eleri could be. But Tristian quickly discarded many of the options. If she had not been pulled from Highever and forced to travel to Ostagar, if she was trapped inside those walls, Tristian would have wanted to escape them. She would look for Eleri outside of Skyhold before she looked within it.

The mountains were calm. No harsh wind or biting cold. A mild day that Tristian was thankful for. It would be harder to conduct her search in a storm or even simply the wind kicking up loose snow. The gate guards had pointed off to the left when she asked after the Inquisitor but so far, no sign of her. Tristian trudged forward in the snow. She refused to leave the young elf alone with her grief. She was around the same age, maybe younger, as Tristian was. The thoughts that had occupied her mind right after her family's deaths were not what the head of a world saving organization needed and Tristian was sure they would be there for Eleri too.

She heard something muffled. Tristian stopped, closed her eyes, and listened. Once she caught the direction of the noise, she walked toward it. The muffles became louder, clearly sobs, and Tristian picked up her pace. Eleri came into view as the warden rounded a rock formation. She was sitting on her haunches, forehead to knees with one hand wrapped around her legs and the other, Tristian assumed, was pushed against her mouth. She was leaning with her side against a rock.

Tristian didn't try to touch Eleri. Instead she walked to a rock opposite Eleri and slid down to sit with her back to it. She sat and waited. The cold seeped in. The wind picked up but the worse was kept away by the rocks. When Eleri's breathing started hiccupping, Tristian moved closer. She placed her hand lightly on Eleri's back and tried to coax her into taking full breaths. Eleri initially jumped at the contact but didn't shy away. Nor did she look up.

"There we go." Tristian spoke quietly and encouraging as Eleri seemed to be calming down. "There we go."

"Why are you here?"

"Because you shouldn't be alone."

"I am alone."

"No, you aren't. At least right now you aren't but if you push everyone away, like you're trying to do right now, you will be."

"How do you know? What do you know of what I'm feeling?" Eleri snapped, shrugging Tristian's hand off. The warden simply sat next to the inquisitor. She remembered this pain, this reaction.

"I know a lot more than you think I do. When I was younger, maybe just a little older than you, I lost my parents when our home was invaded by someone my father thought was his friend. I thought I had lost my brother at the battle of Ostagar only to lose him again a couple years ago but this time to a disagreement."

Eleri was as silent as Tristian knew she would be. The pain is easy to centralize, to make yourself a martyr because it doesn't seem possible for anyone else to feel as bad as in that moment. Tristian continued.

"That's why I came here for Leliana. She's all I have left, my brother made it clear I wasn't welcome back in Highever or in his presence, so when I found Haven and thought she was gone, I couldn't bear it. The Calling be damned; I won't leave her again."

"How did you deal with it?"

"I didn't at first. I was a lot like you. I lashed out at Duncan, the grey warden who recruited me, until he had enough and told me in no uncertain terms that I was being an ass and that he wouldn't tolerate the way I was treating the people around me. Then I stopped talking for the most part. I couldn't fathom how I was supposed to be pleasant to others when I felt so horrible.

Then Ostagar happened and I had no choice but to forget my own personal issues. I was surrounded by people who I needed to lead. I still spoke rarely but then Leliana joined us. I don't think you would believe me if I told you what she used to be like." Tristian laughed. Really Eleri wouldn't be able to. She had heard the young elf speak in awe of her wife. She was terrified of her in a way that somehow endeared her to Eleri. "Let's just say that she did not brood as much then and wouldn't let me either."

"I don't think I can do this." Eleri admitted quietly. She had looked up at Tristian as she told her tale but had put her head back down.

"Do what?"

"Be the Inquisitor. I fought for them."

"That's not true." Tristian answered gently but sternly. A combination she had learned from Leliana all those years ago. She wanted to laugh at how her role had come full circle. "You fight for the people you surround yourself with, the people who have become your friends. Josie, Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana, Dorian, Bull and all the rest. You fight for all the people who you have met throughout your traveling of Thedas. You fight for your soldiers and agents and their families. Your clan may have been a solid post you hung your determination on but only because it was easier to grasp than all of the people you fight for. The people who count on you."

"Does it get easier? Hurt less?"

"It never hurts less but it does get easier. It becomes manageable. You start to realize when the pain will come, what causes it and how to avoid most of it but it is always there. I struggled, more than I care to admit, until I was able to confront the man who caused my pain." The thought of her revenge against Howe brought an idea with it. "Would you like to go to your clan? I'm not sure how the Dalish go about it but you can pay your respects. It may provide you with the same type of closure I was able to find."

"They won't let me go. I wanted to go when we sent the agents."

"Then we won't tell them." Eleri's head raised and Tristian offered her a smile. "Two isn't exactly a noticeable travel party. We can get around without any issues."

"How do we get past Leliana and her agents? She sees all."

"Leave that to me. We'll leave at midnight." Tristian stood and offered a hand to Eleri. Pleased when she took it.

The two made their way back within Skyhold, parting ways at the doors to the main hall. Tristian watched Eleri go. Her eyes fixed to the floor and her steps quick. Varric caught Tristian's eye, an eyebrow raised in question that she shook her head at. Eleri was attempting to avoid speaking to anyone. Poorly but the attempt to get through without interaction was clear. Varric turned back to his book without another question. Tristian made her own way up to the rookery. Leliana would need to be informed. There was no way they would make it very far without her knowing. Now Tristian only needed to dig up the past and remind her that she knew what Eleri was feeling and needed.

Leliana was standing at one of the rookery windows with her arms crossed. Tristian stopped at the top of the stairs to take her in. The afternoon light added to the halo affect that Tristian always saw when looking at her wife. "You look beautiful."

"You're married to me, you have to say that." Leliana smirked but didn't turn. Tristian walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her chin on Leliana's shoulder.

"Doesn't mean it isn't true." Leliana took a deep breath and leaned back. Maybe Tristian wasn't going to have to dig up as much as she thought. Something was obviously weighing on Leliana.

"I can't imagine." She started, quiet. "I've been through much, lost my own mother and now both women who helped shape who I am and who I viewed as mother figures but I cannot imagine everything I hold dear to be ripped away from me. At once."

Leliana turned in Tristian's arms. She brought her hands up to cup Tristian's cheeks as she looked into her eyes with guilt, compassion, and worry. Overall, with the love that made Tristian's heart ache in a painfully blissful way.

"I thought I understood, so long ago when you were going through it but I was not there when it happened. Your pain seemed old to me by the time you told me what happened. Not old in the sense that it was unwarranted but that you could move forward to heal." Tristian nodded her understanding. "You had already been mourning. I did not deal with the out pouring of fresh pain. I shouldn't have yelled at her."

"She needed to be reined in. Duncan had done the same thing to me. Although, not without letting me verbally lash out, once physically. I believe you did nothing wrong, Leli." Tristian paused, unsure how she would be received. "I need to speak to you about something."

"You want to take Eleri to her clan."

"I'd be surprised but you _are_ good at your job." Tristian smiled with a quiet laugh. Leliana smiled back but hers was accompanied by a shake of her head.

"I know you and I know what finally let you move forward. Howe's death did what I could never do for you. But there is no revenge to be taken for Eleri."

"No. There isn't. That isn't exactly why I want to take her there. Do you remember what we did after I killed Howe?"

"We held a ceremony of sorts for your parents." Tristian nodded. A fresh wave of old pain hit her but like she told Eleri, it was manageable.

"I put them to rest in the only way we could at that point in our journey. Now, we could do that here at Skyhold but Eleri can actually leave to put her people to rest. She can get the closure I was denied until we went back to Highever. She can get in a few days what took me over a year to have. Her responsibilities are greater than mine, Leli, she cannot afford to crumble like I did."

"You did not crumble." Leliana leaned forward to leave a gentle kiss on Tristian's lips. "You saved Ferelden."

"Thanks to a certain bard, and my other companions of course."

"Of course." Leliana laughed and gave another kiss. The sound of her laugh, and the kiss, were sweet. Things Tristian had missed since they separated for their different paths. "When will you leave?"

"That's it?" Tristian leaned back to look at her wife, more than a little shocked. "No other questions, warnings? No further convincing needed?"

"I trust you. No other questions, warnings, or convincing. But, Tristian, nothing can happen to her. Thedas needs her. Thedas needs all of her which is why I'm agreeing but we can't afford anything bad to happen."

"I'll take Maddox as well but no one else. We'll slip through easier."

"You should opt for less armor as well." Leliana joked. "Your silver and blue may stand out."

"I'll go light." Tristian chuckled. "How's Josie?"

A long sigh preceded the answer. "She's hurt and feels guilty. I tried to explain it wasn't her fault. If anything it would be mine before hers. My agents are the ones who receive and send the messages that come and go to her."

"It is no one's fault. A better system may be needed but there is no blame to be laid at anyone's feet. Except at the bandits', who have already been dealt with."

"Still. It should have been handled better."

"When did I become the voice of reason against self-blame and holding onto failures?"

"When the weight of making the decisions fell from your shoulders."

"Ah. I knew something felt different." A shot at levity. They both knew that blame and trying to convince each other that it isn't theirs was a battle fought in circles. She switched back to their previous topic. "I don't think you should tell anyone we're leaving."

"Why? Actually, hang on." Leliana stepped out of Tristian's loose embrace and walked to perch on her desk. She picked up a note then wrote something on another. She looked back to Tristian as a sign she was paying attention.

"I don't think the world needs to know that Skyhold is without its Inquisitor. Especially when all her companions are still here."

Leliana gave a half smile, obviously enjoying Tristian stepping into her world of deception. "And what should we do when someone comes asking after her?"

"Release the information that her clan was attacked and left with no survivors and that she wishes time alone to mourn. Don't give me that look." Tristian smiled and pointed at Leliana, "It isn't lying. Simply omitting where she wishes to mourn."

"Lies of omission are still lies, love." Leliana laughed. "But, I see your point and I agree. You'll leave tonight, no? What time?"

"I was thinking midnight. Not too late so that we can cover enough distance from Skyhold and her main roads under the cover of night but also late enough that most will be asleep or in their chambers. Less risk of being seen. And on second thought, I'll leave Maddox. He draws the eye."

"I have forgotten how good you are at this." Leliana teased knowing Tristian was not fond of the sneakier aspects. Her upbringing in Highever, under her honorable father, taught a more direct and honest approach to life. She made a face at Leliana. Just like the laughter and kisses, the teasing was made all the sweeter simply because they were able to do it.

…

Inquisitor and Warden stood side by side. Inquisition forces had been sent home with direct orders not to report back to the council. Odd looks had been on the receiving end of that command but no one questioned it. Eleri struggled to keep bile down as she looked around. The agents and soldiers had obviously tried to clean the aftermath of the bandit attack but it didn't help. Aravels were turned on their sides or in pieces and tents were shredded and barely standing. The pervading smell was of blood and smoke. Bodies still lay scattered though many were moved into one area in preparation for whatever the Inquisition force was going to do with them. Her eyes drifted shut as tears pricked the back of her eyes. Maybe Tristian's idea hadn't been for the best. Eleri wasn't sure she could deal with the tangible sight of what happened.

"What do the Dalish do with their dead?" It was asked with more compassion than the question warranted, it seemed like something asked of a scholar but instead it was being asked so that Eleri's clan could be properly laid to rest. If there were any more pieces to break, her heart would've done so.

"Dalish Death Rites." She managed, choking on the words. Death was not meant to be horrible. Her keeper taught them that death was needed for life. Goodbyes were given and mourning was allowed but death was not inherently bad. Eleri didn't feel that way anymore. "We can't do them."

"Why not?"

"I don't know the songs and we bury them, plant a tree over their graves. There are too many to do that. We don't have the seeds to plant." Her words were running into each other as Eleri realized not one person she had loved growing up would get the burial they deserved. "Falon'Din won't be able to find them and guide them to the afterlife."

"Hey, it's okay." Tristian's hands grabbed Eleri's upper arms to force her eyes away from the devastation in front of her. Eleri focused on the hazel eyes and the grip of her hands. The concern in both of them. "We'll figure something out. They would understand. Falon…din, right? He, or she, would understand."

Eleri knew there was appreciation for Tristian trying to comfort her but she couldn't properly feel it. Her wide eyes just kept staring at the woman in front of her. Panic and pain settling into her bones and muscles.

"In Highever, we burn our dead on a pyre. Their ashes given to the families to spread wherever their loved one would have liked to been laid to rest. I know it isn't Dalish but that is how I would put those I love and respect to rest. I think it is the best we can do. Later, at Skyhold, we can figure out how to plant trees for them. Okay?"

Eleri nodded. She dragged air into her lungs and pushed it back out. She needed to be under control. There wasn't the option to leave clan Lavellan strewn across a Free Marches valley.

"I'll prepare the pyre. We should….we should probably get the other bodies to where your soldiers began moving them to."

Eleri nodded again then turned to roam the wreckage. She began with the bodies furthest away. To this point she had refused to look at any faces but now, she had no choice. Tears began a steady, unceasing flow down her cheeks. There was not one person in her clan that she did not know. There may have been people she did not care for, two she had actually hated, but she was taught to fight for the good of the clan. Personal feelings meant nothing when it came to survival.

Her movements were mechanical. Find a body. Carry or drag it to where the pyre would be. Cry. Repeat. Time moved as steadily as she did. A small flicker of hope had kindled itself without Eleri's permission. She had yet to see her family's aravel. It was unwise to think they had escaped. The agents who had scouted for survivors reported none but the hope was there regardless.

Then the familiar wagon was there. Turned on its side and charred. A sob bubbled out as Eleri saw it. She ran toward it, tripping and stumbling through the wreckage. When she saw what was on the other side, she lost the battle with her stomach and retched what little it contained. She let out an anguished wail as she looked at the bodies of her parents. Her father's torso was hacked into a grotesque jumble of muscle and flesh with a few arrows sticking out. She took a step to do…something but she halted when she realized she had no idea what. There was nothing she _could_ do. To his left laid her mother. She was less mutilated but that did little to comfort Eleri. She moved forward and tried to wipe the dried blood that had trickled down her chin. Her thumb scrubbed furiously before she gave up with another sob, her hands coming to rest on her cheeks and her forehead resting against her mother's.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. Please Mamae. Please. I love you. I'm sorry." Eleri sat like that, whispering apologies. Her mother had put up with her inability to hold responsibility, the jokes, and attitude. She had loved her father but not like she loved her mother. Her mother let her dream, baked her nut bread when she was sad. She told stories when Eleri was sick. She imagined her mother's thin, soft hands brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead, forcing Eleri to lean down once she outgrew her mother. Her favorite motherly habit.

Slowly, the tears calmed and Eleri raised her head. There was one other member of her family that should have been with them. Mari should have been with them. Eleri jumped up as she searched for her older sister. Mari was brave, responsible and brave and she would have run to their parents as soon as the fighting started. Eleri could see it. Her mind created the scene. Bandits invading, arrows slicing the air and Mari running through it all to protect their parents.

Mari's body was at the back of their aravel. The sight of it causing Eleri to look away. Fresh, heavier tears escaping. Her stomach clenched and forced her to her knees. She braced a hand on the side of their wagon, nothing leaving her painfully. She heard Tristian calling out but she couldn't answer.

"Oh." She heard following the steps that stopped next to her. "Oh, Eleri. It's, I'm…"

The older woman trailed off. Then she was squatting next to Eleri and pulling her into an embrace. Eleri crashed into it, her arms squeezing to feel some sort of grounding.

"Who was she?" The answer was choked and stunted, whimpered through but Tristian returned the tight squeeze once it was given. "I'm so sorry." She whispered. "I'll move her for you. Don't wor–"

"No!" Eleri pushed out of the embrace. Anger flaring along the pain. "No. It's my family. Do _not_ touch them."

"Okay, okay." Tristian had fallen back onto her butt from Eleri's push. She moved her hands out in front of her to placate the elf. "I won't but if you need me, I'll just be gathering up your clan's things. Is that okay?"

Eleri nodded. Guilt at lashing out at the woman helping her joined the anger and pain. She would apologize later. Now she needed to regain the respect and dignity that was taken from her sister. Eleri watched Tristian walk off before getting to her own feet. She fixed her sister's clothes then lifted her, nestling her head as best she could to her shoulder. Mari was as light as she remembered.

They had fought growing up as any set of siblings did. Though younger, Eleri was bigger. Mari had always been slight; thin and tall. The other kids unfortunate enough to tease her about it had called her a stick bug. Eleri had handled that with force, though Mari could do it herself if they had ever done it to her face. Eleri had picked Mari up countless times for piggy back rides or when they hugged because Mari hated it. She had been used to the weight of her sister pinning her down whenever their fighting got out of hand. Eleri's head bowed to rest against her sister's temple. This is not how she wanted to remember it.

Her mother was carried in the same manner. Eleri's heart obliterating with every step she took. The final blow was realizing that she could not carry her father. Regardless of the strength she acquired with the Inquisition, she wasn't strong enough. The thought of dragging him, though she had other clan members, was unacceptable. Then Tristian was at his feet, a single nod to Eleri as she bent to grab around his knees. They lifted and carried Eleri's father, placing him next to his family. Tristian rested her hand on Eleri's shoulder as the elf looked down at them.

The discovery of her keeper was met with a blank stare and a few tears. Eleri thought she had nothing left to give. A thought that was proved wrong later when she came across her childhood friend. Eleri simply sat next to her body with her face in hands, weeping silently. There were no more explosions of emotion. She truly had nothing left.

Her clan wasn't large but it still took a long time to gather their bodies for the pyre. The sun was setting as Eleri and Tristian finished their grim task. The warden picked up a torch, wrapped an oil soaked cloth around its end then lit it with their already established fire. She handed it over wordlessly.

"Hahren na melana sahlin. Emma ir abelas. Souver'inan isala hamin, vhenan him dor'felas in uthenera na revas. Vir sulahn'nehn. Vir dirthera, vir samahl la numin. Vir lath sa'vunin." Eleri's voice trembled as she spoke the words. Her keeper had sung them but she couldn't. They felt wrong rolling off her tongue as it was. They weren't enough, not on their own but it was all she knew. All she could give them. Curses rang out for not paying closer attention instead of thinking she had time to learn them as she grew older. Eleri, with those somber thoughts, walked the edges, lighting the tinder patches then threw the torch into the middle once she reached her starting point. The flames slowly snaked through the overly large pyre.

Tristian stood silently next to her. She had her hands clasped in front of her with her head bowed. The universal gesture of respect in mourning. When her head rose, she spoke quietly as if not to disrupt the moment. "What did that mean?"

"Elder, your time has come. Now I am filled with sorrow. Your weary eyes need resting, heart has become grey and slow in waking. Sleep is your freedom. We sing, rejoice. We tell tales, laugh and cry. We love one more day."


	15. Hello to Hawke - Eleri

Words floated around the room and drifted through long ears; they may have been urgent but fell flat anyway. Everything seemed to have dulled. Meetings felt lethargic, playing host to dignitaries lost its nervous edge. Even the blunted tips of training weapons hitting home were missing their sting. Eleri was going through the motions and doing her best to be doing more. She felt drained, tried even after a full night of sleep. Sometimes more if she didn't have any work to get done and thus no reason to get up. The people around her were walking on eggshells, it was easy to see but she couldn't, or maybe wouldn't, do anything about it. Worse yet, the ache in her heart because the distance between her and Josie was so eclipsed by the yearning for her family that Eleri barely felt it at all. They had barely spoken since Eleri's return. A few work related words and even fewer personal ones. She couldn't bring herself to face the hurt she caused Josie, even knowing that her cowardice was making things worse. Nor could she bring herself to care properly. And Josie, her sweet love, was allowing Eleri the space she thought she needed to mourn.

"Inquisitor?" Eleri hummed as her attention was brought back. Her unfocused gaze sharpened to take in Cullen's worried eyes that flashed around to the other advisors before coming back to Eleri. "We were discussing Orlais and the upcoming ball. Uh, what is your opinion on stationing a band of Inquisition members in the city to, uh, have a finger on its pulse, so to say?"

"If that's what we think is best." Eleri gave a single nod. "The benefits could be crucial for us since we don't have much to go on."

The reply was a shoddy attempt at feigning attention. Eleri had no idea what those benefits might be. Or the consequences. She merely picked up on the fact that they had been discussed as she was zoning in and out. The room remained silent. All eyes were still on her. She looked around, no idea what they were waiting for.

"What?"

"That's it?" Leliana questioned, incredulous.

"Leli."

"No." She cut Tristian off. "Inquisitor, I understand you are going through a difficult time and I won't pretend to know what you're feeling."

"Leliana." This time Cassandra tried with the same results as the Hero of Ferelden.

"She needs to hear this. Eleri, it cannot be easy but chaos was what those bandits took advantage of to attack your clan." Eleri's heart clenched at the outright discussion of it. "Chaos that _Corypheus_ created. You cannot check out of this war. More clans, families, _entire_ villages and cities will suffer the same fate if we do not succeed. Is that what you wish?"

There was no answer. Leliana was right. That didn't make it any easier. She took a subtle glance at Josie, hoping for support but only saw the top of her head as she kept it lowered and focused on her clipboard. No bailout would be given. Eleri swallowed her pain, pushed it so far she pretended she could no longer feel it. Then she cleared her throat and stood a little taller.

"You're right. Send the team. Two agents, a healer, and one of Cullen's best. They'll be in the worst of it. Only those prepared and willing are allowed to volunteer and we will only allow volunteers to go. I will not send someone into a potential death trap unless they are prepared to do what is necessary. Be sure they are properly equipped and send them out as early as possible."

No one spoke. Silence was her only answer. Except for the scratching of Josie's quill.

"Josie, reach out to what few contacts we have in Orlais. Invite them here. I'm in a mood to entertain." The joke was cold. A chill was the only thing it produced. "Cullen, that means we will need volunteers from your force to aid construction. As is, Skyhold is not presentable. Nor do we have the hands to make it so with the workers we have. From what I hear of Orlesians, the state of our fortress may matter more than mine. We need their favor so make it happen.

Cassandra, you, Varric, Dorian, and Blackwall will go to Emprise du Lion. Take care of any Venatori, red Templars or lyrium you find in the area. Help the people if you can. Send Solas, Sera, Bull, and Cole to do the same in the Exalted Plains. I'm sure the Empress will appreciate the safety of her people enough to overlook us overstepping into her territory. You'll leave tomorrow or the next day. Whichever allows you the time necessary to prepare."

"And what of Madame de Fer?"

"Vivienne will stay to aid with whatever Orlesian nobles make an appearance. She spent time in their courts, she may give me an edge. Creators know I need it. Leliana, I need to know everything you can find on the elven resistance in Orlais as well as Gaspard. As we discussed from Alexius's future, her death is what unravels the world." Eleri paused. "That's all. We're done. Please see to your tasks."

Eleri tried to make a clean get away, escape to the solitude of her room, but Tristian's voice called her back. Leliana lingered until her wife shooed her. Leliana took an equally lingering Josie out with her. Eleri briefly made eye contact with Josie, noticing the concern, but dropped her eyes.

"What of me, Inquisitor?"

"Spend time with your wife."

Tristian shook her head. "I may have come back for her but I'm here to help. Send me where I'm needed."

"You're needed here. With Leliana." Eleri held up a hand, annoyance creeping in. "Help her; keep her sane. I've dealt with Leliana without you. She is a better spymaster, a better advisor in general with you _here_. I have no pressing matters or dire situations that require you, Tristian."

Eleri's voice was hard. Inquisitorial and matter-of-fact. It had been that way from the moment she spoke up during the meeting. They wanted an Inquisitor. Now they had one.

"Don't lose yourself trying to save the world, Eleri. Emotions must be felt."

"I do one and I displease your wife. The other and you. Pick. One." Eleri bit out. It was as if the floodgates had opened. A moment ago, no emotions. Now they were too much and all wrong.

"Everything in moderation, my friend." Tristian advise with a small bow before walking out. There was no winning. Someone was always going to be upset. More times than not it would be Eleri. The pessimistic thought darkened her mood further.

"Eleri?" Josie called out as she all but stomped through her office.

" _What?"_ Eleri snapped, turning hard to face her. She saw the hurt before Josie looked down to hide it. Eleri closed her eyes with a deep breath. Instantly feeling bad. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"Varric asked for you to meet him on the battlements." She stated, her ambassador's voice in full effect. "Immediately, he had said."

"Josie…" Eleri trailed off, not knowing what to say or do. The decision was made for her as Josie resumed her work. "Okay. Thank you."

The guilt was sharp now. A stab with each beat of Eleri's heart, or maybe with each step she took further from Josie. It was too constant to tell. She knew Josie didn't deserve how she had been acting. Of course no one did but definitely not Josie. The Antivan had doted from afar. She didn't hover like Eleri knew she wanted. At first, right when Tristian and Eleri had returned, she had asked daily how Eleri was but that was quickly put to an end by Eleri's distance. Now it was subtler. Tea waiting when Eleri woke up. Dinner brought to her room. Any work that needed Eleri's direct attention was likewise brought to her room, anything else was taken care of by Josie.

The guilt sank deeper with her thoughts. So much thought went into Josie's actions but Eleri hadn't given any to her own, hadn't even meant to react as she had been. She put her mind to the conversation she would be having with the other woman as she headed for Varric.

When she got there, a woman, with dark hair and a large angry scar across her nose and cheeks, was standing with Varric. Their corner of the battlements was otherwise deserted. The woman was in mage's armor with a staff in hand, held at arm's length with tip to the ground.

"Josie said you were looking for me?" She asked as a greeting. She felt tired now that she felt guilty. This was the last place Eleri wanted to be but Varric had said immediately.

"You hurt her feelings again, didn't you? Ah, come on, Sparkles!"

"Varric, I know! Okay? I know." Eleri ran a hand over her face. She didn't need this now and especially not in front of a stranger. "Not now, please. What did you need me for?"

"Okay but we're talking about this later. Eleri, meet Marian Hawke," Varric hand that had been pointing at Eleri toward the woman next to him, "the Champion of Kirkwall. Hawke, this is the Inquisitor."

"I don't use that title much anymore. Pleased to meet you." Hawke greeted with a nod. "Varric thought I might be able to help with Corypheus." Hawke looked Eleri up and down, a curious look on her face. "You aren't what I thought you would be."

"I've been told that. Several times." Eleri's annoyance was coming back. She worked a deep breath in and out of her lungs. It would be best to not offend the only person to ever come in contact with Corypheus and was willing to help.

"I'll leave you two to it." Varric announced. He shared a look with Hawke then walked to the other side of the battlements. He seemed unwilling to leave Hawke on her own. He seemed worried. Hawke walked to the half wall and leaned her elbows to it, looking out over the courtyard below them.

"I'm not sure you'll want my advice. You're Dalish?" Eleri nodded. "Did you hear what happened in Kirkwall? My _advice_ nearly tore that city apart. Some champion." Hawke gave a humorless chuckle.

"Josie, our ambassador, told me what happened. As has Varric to a degree. Would you have rather those decisions fell to someone else? It may not have ended with roses but you did the best you could with what you were given. Would anyone else have made the decisions you did with Kirkwall, and not themselves, in mind?"

"No."

"That's why Varric thinks you can help. It's why I think you can help too and why I would like your advice. From what Josie and Varric have told me, Kirkwall would have went down in flames much sooner if it hadn't been for you."

"I'm flattered." Eleri took in the flat tone, the air of indifference. This was a woman who has been through too much without any reprieve from her thoughts that were obviously eating away at her. "I'll tell you whatever you think will help."

"Varric said that you've fought Corypheus before?"

"Fought and _killed_. Back then, the Grey Wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them. He got into their heads, messed with their minds. They were turning against each other. If they've disappeared, they could have fallen prey to him again. History may be repeating itself on a grander stage."

"I pray not. Ferelden's Warden Commander is with us. She has not been active in sometime but she's reached out to her second in-command, who was left in charge. So far we've received nothing back."

"I doubt you will. I've not seen a single Grey Warden until coming to your fortress, Inquisitor, and you have two. Lucky you."

Eleri clenched her teeth. Marian Hawke was infuriatingly pessimistic. Even in her current state of mourning Eleri had more hope for the world. Not that their current situation warranted much. "So Corypheus has the Venatori, red Templars, and now possibly the Wardens as well?"

A wry smile crossed Hawke's face. "I didn't come this far just to give you bad news. I've got a friend in the Wardens. He was investigating something…unrelated for me. His name is Stroud. The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Wardens' ranks."

"You just said you haven't had contact with any Wardens?"

"Had you let me finish, I have not heard from Stroud since he wrote to me of his worries."

"Corypheus would definitely qualify as corruption in the ranks. Did your friend disappear with his fellow Wardens?"

"No. He told me he'd be hiding out in an old smuggler's cave near Crestwood. I have no idea if he is still there but it's a lead we can follow."

"We?"

"I didn't come this far for just bad news and to relay information. I'd like to stay and help if you would allow me to, Inquisitor."

"What was your friend looking into for you?"

"I hardly think that matters."

"It would put my mind at ease. I don't enjoy secrets being kept from me." She threw a look to Varric. "I recently had to break up a fight as a result of one that was thought to be harmless."

Hawke followed Eleri's gaze. She smiled with a breath of a laugh. "I'm guessing Cassandra found out Varric knew where I was."

"Leliana's agents reported your approach a day ago."

"Don't blame Varric. He worries too much. He's afraid I've become fragile after Anders." As she spoke that name, Hawke's eyes dropped and her mouth set hard. Then she was looking back at Eleri as if nothing had changed. "As for the Stroud's investigation, I came across the Templars of Kirkwall using a strange form of lyrium. It was red."

"Yea, surprisingly enough we call it red lyrium. We've come across quite a bit of it."

"I'd hope the Wardens could tell me more about it but it seems like you know of it."

"Corypheus has Templars with him. They seem to be altered by the red lyrium. They're stronger, have unusual abilities. It takes them over, both mind and body. Some turn into these monstrous forms. It's dangerous and is causing us more than a few problems."

"If we find Stroud, he may know more about it."

"Welcome to the Inquisition, Hawke." Eleri fanned her arms out to her sides then let them drop. There was no fanfare in the words. Hawke had useful information, would be a useful ally but Eleri wasn't sure how she would be as a part of her inner circle that she had to work with day in and day out. "I'll take whatever help I can get at the moment."

"I apologize that it has to come in the sorry form of a washed-up champion." She began to walk away then turned back. "Corypheus is my responsibility, Inquisitor. I thought I'd killed him before. This time, I'll make sure of it."

"We'll need to have a council meeting." Eleri called out to the woman's retreating form. "Immediately. I'd like you there. Varric will show you to the war room."

"You got it, Sparkles." Varric answered for Hawke as he closed the distance to his friend. Eleri watched them go, ensuring she would not catch up to them on her way to Cullen's tower. She needed to process the information more firmly. Her voice and steady opinion would be needed during this meeting. As she walked in, she was met with Cullen leaning over his desk. His arms supporting him but they didn't seem to be doing a sturdy job of it. He looked up with the door. His face was drawn, pale, and had dark bags beginning under his eyes.

His hand reached forward to close the lid of a rectangular wooden box that sat in the middle of his desk. He stood up, then made to walk around his desk to face Eleri.

"Inquisitor, what can I…" His words trailed off as a groan trickled from him and his legs gave out, forcing Cullen to catch himself on the edge of his desk.

"Cullen?" Eleri rushed her steps to help steady him. She planted a firm hand on his shoulder, her other gripping his forearm. "What's wrong?"

"I never meant for this to interfere."

"I'm sure you didn't but Cullen, what's interfering and what is it interfering with?"

"Lyrium." He said simply. He allowed Eleri to help him stand straight then lean back onto his desk. A shaky hand ran the length of his jaw. "Templars take it to enhance their abilities. It's a holy drug that ties them to the order. An order I no longer want anything to do with."

"Why?"

"Do you remember when you asked me about the Ferelden circle?"

"You said you didn't wish to speak about it. You don't have to now."

"No. I do. This decision, to stop taking lyrium, may affect my ability to do my job. I need you to understand why I'm taking that risk. What do you know of the fifth blight and what happened while Tristian was enacting her treaties?"

"Not much. My clan didn't spend much time in Ferelden. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been there before the Conclave. I only know that she was successful and lived through killing the Archdemon."

"You'll have to get Leliana or the bard at the tavern to tell you the tales. They are hard to believe they are so amazing." A smile at the thought was quickly wiped away as he kept speaking. "One of those treaties was for the mages. When she arrived at Kinloch Hold, the main tower in Ferelden, it was overrun by corrupt mages and abominations. The Templars were going to enforce the Rite of Annulment. Do you know what that is?"

"It doesn't sound good but no."

"No, it is not good. It can be necessary though. When a circle tower is deemed lost beyond hope, the Rite is enacted. All inside the tower are killed. Everyone. Elders, children. It's a last resort. When Tristian arrived, I was not there and have been told this after the fact, the Templars agreed to seal the doors behind her and if she did not return by dawn they would enact the Rite with her inside."

Cullen shook his head. "I was not the man I am now back then. I was angry. I had watched my friends, _good_ Templars, slaughtered and tortured. I was trapped and forced to watch as the mages' council turned against us. By the time Tristian, Leliana, and the others of their party found me, I was shouting threats. Angry beyond consolation. I never understood why Tristian allowed me to keep my life. I'm not sure I would have in her position.

But even still, after that ordeal, I wanted to serve. I was transferred to Kirkwall. I blindly followed my knight-commander as her fear of mages led the city to madness. The circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. I did _nothing_ to stop it."

Eleri listened intently. She had known Cullen had not lived an easy life. She knew that he struggled with his conscience. She had no idea that it had reduced him to this.

"I want nothing to do with that life. I refuse to be a slave to their ways any longer."

"I understand. Cullen–"

"Don't! You _should_ be questioning what I've done. I thought this would be better, that I would regain some control over my life, but these thoughts won't leave me…How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause. I will _not_ give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it! I should…"

His voice had gained steam during his rant only to fizzle out at the end. His pacing was erratic. His hands flailed with his words. Then he was slumped against the wall. Torn between what he wanted and what he thought he needed to do. Eleri was unsure how to handle it but felt for the man who always did the honorable thing. As well as the man who had always accepted her.

"Cullen, if you do not want to take it then don't. I trust you. I also trust those we have surrounded ourselves with. If you are this concerned about being able to do your job, I'll assign Cassandra or Tristian, whoever is in Skyhold when needed, to aid you."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't. I'm offering it and actually, no. I'm ordering it. I will not let you continue to feel tethered to a life you don't want. But you have to communicate with us. A council is for support. Not just mine but all of us." He nodded with a sigh." Good. Now, we need to have a council meeting. I've spoken with Hawke and there are matters to be discussed."

"When?"

"Now. See that Leliana and Tristian are informed. I'll see you in the war room."

"Eleri?" The elf turned at her name, half out of the door. "Thank you."

"Of course, Cullen."

Eleri left with thoughts of what other hardships those around her have faced. Their lives were plagued with disasters. It put her own in perspective. Most of them may be broken but they were still functioning, exceptionally so all things considered. If they could deal then so could she. That meant that a bridge needed to be mended between her and Josie.

Eleri walked normally into Josie's office but it somehow still felt like she shuffled in, tail between her legs. She wasn't sure how to have this conversation but it needed to be had. She couldn't keep treating Josie, a woman who meant so much to her and who she was falling hard for, like she meant nothing. Luckily an emergency council meeting was the perfect excuse to start a conversation. There was an Inquisition attendant speaking with Josie by her desk so Eleri hung back to wait them out.

"Josie?" Eleri asked once the woman left. "Do you, um, have a minute to talk?"

"I actually do not. I'm sorry." She never looked up from the papers she was pouring over. Her voice was still that of Ambassador Montilyet.

"Oh, okay. Um, will you be available later? Whenever your free would work for me."

Josie let out a long sight, finally letting the paper in her hands drop from her line of sight. She looked up, studying Eleri who refused to look away. She hoped she looked as apologetic as she felt. Eleri was sure she did. The flipped switch of emotions was overwhelming.

"I'll stop by this evening." Eleri felt a small smile take over. Josie returned it before dismissing her. "I really must return to my work."

"I spoke with Hawke. That's why Varric was asking for me. We need to have a council meeting. The others should be waiting for us by now."

"It seems as though I do have a minute then." Eleri cringed at the tone of her comment. "Lead the way."

…

The meeting was beyond tense. There was obviously lingering hard feelings between Hawke and Cullen. The woman was anything but polite to him. Eleri wanted to intervene but didn't think it was her place. Hawke, a mage, had been personally affected by Cullen's lack of action. Varric had demanded to be in the meeting, still refusing to let Hawke from his sight. Cassandra had calmed since her argument with him but anger still lingered between them. But information was given, plans were drawn up. Josie had avoided Eleri before, during, and after the meeting. The sole time Eleri had tried to speak with her awkward words were exchanged briefly before Josie excused herself. She had watched the ambassador walk off with a heavy heart that was only her own fault. Eleri's slowly lifting mood had plummeted with her dismissal by Josie. She walked the perimeter of Skyhold's inner walls, trying to take her mind off of it. The weather was pleasant and the sun was shining brightly.

"Inky!" She heard shouted with just a hint of crazy as she walked past the tavern. Sera was leaning out of her window, her waist pressed against the window sill. Eleri worried for her balance which was quickly forgotten as she worried for her own safety. Her eyes made a quick sweep of her surroundings. "Oh, don't worry. I promised your little Josie I wouldn't mess with ya for a while. Not while you're all mopey. Anyways, what fun would an easy target be?"

More guilt. Josie, of course, had covered everything that could add to Eleri's dark mood. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to when talking with Sera. Sera filled any gaps necessary.

"Which, yea, about that. How about we go and prank some people? It'll be fun! We can go get that stinky Solas. He's so smug. We'll put him right in his place!"

Sera's smile was wide, excited. Eleri almost hated to say no but pranks with Sera held no interest for her. It was tiring just thinking about it. Sera's incessant talking while she thought about it only added.

"No thanks, Sera. Maybe another time."

"Aw, come on! You're no fun. What happened to my fun Inky?! You haven't even been in to drink lately! Just come for some fun. It'll cheer you right up. Yeah?"

Eleri internally massaged her temples. Her short fuse was getting shorter but she had decided not to take it out on her friends anymore.

"No, Sera. Not today."

"Whatever. Come get me when you're done being boring."

Then Sera was gone, swallowed by her window with it shutting hard. Eleri sighed, knowing that Sera was disappointed and feeling bad for disappointing her but it didn't change the way she felt about spending time with the other elf. It weighed on her how much she affected her companions. She was one person. Perfection was nowhere near the words that Eleri would be described with so why did they allow themselves to be so easily swayed. Her thoughts were interrupted by yet another shout of her name. She looked toward it to find Blackwall walking towards her.

"Inquisitor." He greeted in his gruff voice.

"Blackwall. How are you?"

"I'm well. And you? How are you holding up?"

"Grand." Eleri drawled out. Blackwall was not Eleri's favorite person. He asked for too much then complained when they needed him to go into the field. His constant questioning of or disagreeing with Eleri had worn on her early. She was grateful that he had joined, any help was needed but she wished he would be less vocal about it. This conversation was not what she wanted at the moment. Regardless of whatever it was about.

"I was wondering if I could make a request."

Here we go, Eleri thought. "What is it?"

"With the disappearance of the Grey Wardens, I was wondering if we could make more of an effort to be on the lookout for signs of them."

"We are."

"No, I mean if we could do more. There has to be things we're missing. I don't think our parties are giving it enough attention. Entire ranks don't just disappear without a trace." He chuckled condescendingly.

Eleri ground her teeth together. She was included most often in the parties that went out into Thedas. She was always with the first official party sent to each region they venture into. It felt as if Blackwall was subtly saying Eleri wasn't doing her job. It was too much when added to the day she had been having. From no emotions to the gambit of negative ones. Eleri couldn't keep calm much longer. Then Blackwall opened his mouth and sealed his own fate.

"Now, if we had real vision out there, someone who was focused on a set mission then we could find the Wardens more quickly. Some real progress could be made."

"Blackwall," Eleri stopped walking and turned on him. Her voice lost its level tone as she continued, "why don't you go ask your _Warden Commander_ for help? This is not my most pressing matter! We are doing our best! _I_ am doing my best!"

"Well…I have not approached her because, uh, I just thought that since she…is not active that it would be inappropriate."

"I. Don't. _Care_. Go bother someone else with your petty issues on how some real progress can be made. And the next time you want to question my command, I suggest you do not come to me with it." Eleri's voice quieted dangerously as she took a step closer to the man. "It will not end well for you."

Eleri made to storm away but walked into Dorian's path which was a beeline for her. He was smiling, fake, as he got closer. He grabbed her arm, looped it with his then tugged her away.

"Inquisitor! My dear Eleri, how about we spend some time in the library?"

"Dorian, get off of me." She tried to pull away but his grip tightened. His voice dropped as he commented back.

"Look around, Eleri. You are making a scene. It is best if you walk away calmly. People are already talking about your recent foul mood."

"Maybe my mood wouldn't be so foul if I was not responsible for shouldering everyone else's problems while ignoring my own." She cracked back but he was right. Everyone else was always right. Those in the immediate area were watching. Few had the decency to try and hide it. Most were blatantly staring. Dorian didn't say anything more to her. He continued to drag Eleri to his corner library then pushed her into the chair she had claimed as her own. Next a book came flying into her lap.

"Sit. Read. I'll be right back."

"Dorian, _no_. I'm going to my quarters."

"So you can sulk? I think not. You are going to sit with me, read, and drink tea. Now stay put." When Dorian returned, Eleri was indeed sulking. Almost because he had told her not to. She glared at him as he placed a cup on the table next to her. "I told you no sulking. Drink up, my moody little elf. Honey and mint. Just how you like it."

"Thank you." Eleri mumbled. She sipped gingerly at the hot drink. It felt good going down and spreading warmth into her chest. She looked over to Dorian and found him with a book open already. His head tilted while his eyes danced across the page.

She opened the book he had given her. It was something on pirates from Rivain. The first pages could not hold her focus. The words bounced around her head with no meaning. Realizing she lacked the mood to read, Eleri placed the book down; opting instead to wrap both hands around the teacup. She closed her eyes and took measured, continuous sips. The sound of Dorian's pages turning added to the calming effect of the tea.

When the drink was finished, Eleri continued to sit with her eyes shut. She reflected on her outburst. It was regrettable but at least it was to Blackwall. They had no real relationship to damage. If anything maybe he would stop asking her for things. Not that she had been against looking deeper for the Wardens. Their entire purpose of traveling to Crestwood would be to do just that. It was the implication that it was incompetence that had kept her from doing it sooner.

The calm quickly fading, Eleri excused herself. She needed a better distraction. "Dorian, I'm going to go up to my room. I need to attend my armor before we leave for Crestwood."

"Very well. You know where to find me."

"Thank you." She added as she stood. "I appreciate you looking out for me. I apologize if I have been…unpleasant lately."

He chuckled. "You have been _very_ unpleasant but it's okay. I am not the one you should be apologizing to anyway."

"How do you always know everything?"

"Leliana isn't the only one who enjoys knowing all the rumors first." He smiled wickedly. "I have my ways."

Eleri thought about stopping by Josie's office as she made her way to her room. The way Josie had excused herself from Eleri's attempt at conversation after their meeting and her promise to make time for Eleri in the evening stopped her. Josie had been patient. It was Eleri's turn.

She was almost done oiling and polishing her armor when the telltale clicks of Josie's heels on the staircase echoed up. Eleri glanced to her windows, noted that the sun was hanging low. It was still a bit early for Josie to be taking a break though. Her attention went back to her work as Eleri waited for Josie to reach her room. She didn't want to appear overly eager. The nature of their conversation was nothing she was eager for but having her Josie back was.

"You don't leave for a few days yet. Normally you wait until the night before for this." Josie's steps stopped in the middle of the room. Eleri took a deep, steadying breath before meeting her eyes. She had opted out of her gold dress, dressed down in a soft, willowy white dress. It was one of Eleri's favorites. Josie most often wore it when she was expecting to be up late working. Her hair was still in its bun but Josie had clearly loosened it, letting stands fall and relieve the pressure at the back of her head that she always hated by the end of the day. She looked beautiful. Eleri's version of Josie.

"I needed the distraction."

"I heard of your disagreement with Blackwall." Josie walked toward the desk in the corner of Eleri's room. She perched on the edge with her arms crossed.

"I'm sorry." Eleri said softly, avoiding Josie's eyes now. She looked down at the dirty cloth in her hands.

"What happened?"

"I overreacted to a question he had."

"That cannot be all. You may be dealing with some difficulties but it would take much more than just a question to coax that sort of reaction from you. Regardless of your mood lately. From what I've heard, you were explosive, Eleri. What really happened?"

"He asked for a favor then proceeded to imply that I am not able to properly do my job as Inquisitor because I have no vision, focus or a real mission."

"He _what_?" Eleri's eyes shot up at her tone. Josie pushed off the desk and began pacing. "It is not his place to question your leadership. And he did this in front of others? Unacceptable. This will need to be dealt with immediately."

"I think I already took care of it, Josie."

"What? How?" She stopped to listen.

"I, uh, threatened him. Kind of."

"Oh, Eleri." Her shoulders slumped. "You cannot go around threatening your companions."

"I normally wouldn't, you know that! I was just sick of him and how he is always implying _something_. He was so condescending as if I am just some child who doesn't know what they're doing. Then I was feeling guilty and annoyed. I didn't mean to react like that."

"It seems as though that is happening often with you." And there it was. Eleri was wondering how this conversation would switch from work to them. It wasn't subtle like she thought it would be. Much how Josie's voice was harder, though still spoken softly, than she had known it to be.

"Yea. A lot." Eleri set down the armor she had still in her lap and stood up. She crossed the room, stopping in front of Josie. She steeled herself for whatever reaction this would receive. Whatever it was, she deserved it. "I am so sorry for the way I have been acting toward you. I should not have yelled at you when the first report came back. I should not have brushed you off when I got back and I definitely should not have snapped at you all the times that I have.

I didn't think about how I was acting. I wasn't registering who it was I was snapping at. You were there for me but I pushed you away. I don't want you to be so far any more, Josie. I should have never acted that way. It doesn't matter what I was feeling. You didn't deserve it. You _don't_ deserve it."

Josie didn't speak at first. Just looked at Eleri, who had trouble keeping eye contact. The guilt was heavy still. She needed Josie to forgive her but she wouldn't fault the woman for not doing so. Eleri had acted horribly. While she didn't talk, Josie did take Eleri's hand, holding it in a gentle grip. Their fingers intertwined at their ends. Delicate and loose.

"You hurt me, Eleri. I know that you were hurting more and I tried so hard not to take it personally. That didn't mean it hurt any less. People came to me, worried about you but I had no information to give them. No status update that may put them at ease. I wanted to be there for you."

"I want that. I do but before…I don't know what happened. It won't happen again." Eleri lifted their locked hands and placed a kiss to Josie's. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I forgive you." Eleri moved forward, wrapping her arms tightly around Josie's waist and burying her head into her shoulder. Josie's arms slid around more gently but her hold was firm. Eleri felt the tension slowly leave her body. She had missed this, Josie's hugs and comfort. Neither woman was willing to end the embrace so they stood, in silence, as the room continued to darken around them. Eleri began to speak, remembering what Josie's white dress usually meant.

"Do you have to get back to work?"

"Not right away but eventually."

Eleri put some space between them but kept her arms lightly around Josie's waist. "Go now. That way you can come to bed. I'll wait up for you. I've missed falling asleep with you."

"As have I." Josie leaned in with a soft kiss. "We still have much to talk about, Eleri. This doesn't just go away but I do forgive you. I care deeply for you."

"I know we do. We will. Tonight if you want?"

"Maybe in the morning. It will be late by the time I finish."

"Okay." Josie tried to move away, to get back to work as they discussed but Eleri tightened her hold. "And I care for you too, Jo."

Josie left with a smile. A sight Eleri hadn't realized she missed so painfully. She made her way back to her armor. A weight off her chest. She wouldn't worry about what dreams she would have tonight. She would be getting enough sleep before this mess with the Grey Wardens was looked into. All because of her sweet, forgiving Josie.


	16. Apologies - Josie

**A/N: Sorry for such a long period between chapters. I started the next which will cover Here Lies the Abyss but it is turning out to be a** ** _lot_** **longer than I anticipated and for some reason that intimidated the ideas right out of me. So, here's a little something while I power through and get some quality work done. Thanks for reading :)**

Josie sighed as she set her quill down. She could barely focus. Her thoughts did not leave with her when she walked out of Eleri's rooms. It was now only a few hours later and Josie's thoughts were jumping from the conversation they still needed to have to the absolute joy she felt at having begun to mend the rift that sprung between them. She had tried to wrestle the thoughts to something more productive, specifically to a letter to several viscounts in the Free Marches asking for support in return for soldiers sent to help protect their cities, but they only submitted for so long. Then it was back to green eyes and timid smiles. She brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose and let out an airy chuckle. Maybe the rest of the night would be better spent with Eleri than attempting the work she had left to do. She could at least be productive in one area of her life.

Without thinking of the possible consequences, Josie rose from her chair and set about blowing out candles, leaving one to guide her way. She slipped from her office and into Eleri's room easily. The late hour ensured that there were not many still awake or roaming Skyhold. Each step up her stairs bounced and echoed off the walls as Josie walked. She had to remind herself it was only the late hour and the shared desire to keep their relationship a secret that enhanced the noise and made her jumpy.

Her relief of finally reaching the top, though, was short lived. True as it was that Eleri's quarters were the biggest in Skyhold, they weren't big enough for her to hide in. She had said she would wait up for Josie. Yet there was no sign of her. Josie's head swiveled as her eyes swept the room, finding nothing. She checked both balconies only to find them empty as well. She stood with hands on hips thinking. All the candles in the room were still burning, the fire was roaring. All signs that Eleri should be in her room. Josie walked to the washroom connected to Eleri's room, knocking. "Eleri?"

No answer. She then moved to the bed and sat quite ungracefully with a huff. Where _was_ she? A chuckle from behind and above caused Josie to jump. She whirled around with a hand to her chest, her heart beating rapidly under her hand, to find Eleri leaning on the railing of…whatever that room or area was.

"You _scared_ me! Do not do that!"

Eleri laughed louder this time. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I thought you were going to be working late?"

"I couldn't focus." Josie stood there, unsure what to say next. Eleri made no move to come down so they continued looking at each other. When Josie felt her heart slow, she tried again. "What are you doing up there?"

"I was bored." Eleri shrugged and pushed herself up so her hands were now resting on the railing. "I've never really been up here but there's a chair so I brought up a book."

"Are you going to come down?"

The uncertainty was clear on Eleri's face. Josie was feeling it herself. She was grateful and pleased they were no longer fighting but the conversation they still needed to have was daunting and awkward. She knew they had nothing to be worried about but the doubts still pressed at the corners of her thoughts.

Eleri didn't answer her but she did move to leave the little shelf room. Josie watched her walk toward the ladder then disappear and reappear from one of her closets. Her steps stopped a few awkward feet from Josie, obviously unsure how to greet her. Josie reached out and took Eleri's hand, reveling in the contact she had missed. She gave a sweet smile and pulled Eleri to sit on the edge of the bed with her. They shifted to face each other and Josie took Eleri's other hand. Daunting and awkward or not, they were going to have this talk and she would do her best to make it easier for her love. Eleri didn't like discussing what she thought was weakness. Josie knew this would be like pulling teeth. Even in her apology, when trying to describe why she pushed Josie away, Eleri kept saying she didn't know what happened or what exactly was going on. Just that she was sorry.

"I'm sorry." Eleri's eyes dropped and her voice was small. It broke Josie's heart but she couldn't be soft, just let this go so easily. They needed to communicate with each other. They obviously needed to build a stronger foundation so something like this wouldn't happen again. She was supposed to be the one Eleri ran _to_ not away from when things like this happened. Josie's heart gave a painful stutter as that thought meandered through her mind. That had been what hurt the most out of all of this. She dropped one of Eleri's hands in favor of placing hers on her cheek to guide her eyes back.

"I know you are and I forgive you, Eleri but…" Josie sighed. This was harder than she anticipated. It would hurt Eleri and she didn't want that. "We need to talk through what happened. I'm," she faltered again, hating to give this thought to voice, "I'm supposed to be who you run to when these things happen, Eleri. Not who you push away. I know that our relationship is still new but it has been quite some time since we became involved. Enough that I thought I was that person for you. It…hurt realizing I wasn't."

Eleri's brows knitted together, her jaw clenched. She sat quietly and obviously hurt.

"Please talk to me. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I don't like that I made you feel like that."

"What else?" Josie prompted. "I need you to talk to me, Eleri. I want to know what you're thinking and feeling. Good or bad. It's okay."

"I didn't mean to push you away." Eleri's eyes drifted to and from Josie's. She was nervous, uncomfortable but trying. "I just…"

"You just what?" Josie gently prompted again when Eleri hesitated.

"I didn't…feel very good and I didn't have very good control over my reactions so I was trying to stay away from everyone. I didn't want to add more."

"Is that all?" Eleri shrugged. "I wanted to be there for you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Josie shook her head, a pained smile as she guided Eleri's eyes back to hers again. "You do not have to keep apologizing. We aren't talking about this to make you feel bad or so you can keep saying it. I only wish to better understand so if you ever feel like this again, you know you can come to me or so that I know how to better help you. I want to understand how your mind works, Eleri."

Josie ran her hand along the short hair on the side of Eleri's head then trailed her thumb up to the tip of her ear, the elf leaning into the touch but her eyes were still heavy with uncertainty and guilt.

"I was scared that I would lash out at you. More than I did. I wasn't in a good place, Jo." She paused. "I'm still not."

"And that's okay, _amor_. What you have been through is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But we need to talk about these things, as I have said. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? Tristian perhaps?" Eleri shook her head. "You cannot keep it bottled up. That makes you more explosive and things like this happen. It may be hard to speak of but it will make it easier for you to move on."

"I don't think I can."

"You don't think you can speak about it or move on?"

"Both."

"You can. I know you can. Do you want to try? We can talk about anything you want. What happened or you can just tell me about your family. You have never talked much about them."

Eleri was quiet. She met Josie's eyes, took a deep breath then looked down at the hand she was still holding. "We're okay?"

"We are, as long as we both communicate better with one and other. You are not the only one at fault in this. I should have come to you sooner. I didn't think it was fair to be upset with you when you were going through all of this. But, as I was telling you not to do, I internalized it and took it out on you as well. We cannot do that to each other."

Eleri nodded. "Can I hug you?"

"Of course." Josie answered with a small laugh, pulling Eleri toward her. An arm wrapped around Eleri's shoulders with a hand sliding into her hair as Eleri's arms rested around her waist. It was comforting and safe, a warmth flooding Josie's chest. She had missed this _so_ much that it hurt her heart, in the best way, to have it once again.

"I don't want to ever fight again." Eleri mumbled.

"Nor do I, _amor_." Moments longer they held each other before Eleri guided them back to rest against her pillows, never completely breaking contact from each other. When they were settled and arms were firmly back in place around each other, Josie spoke again. "I hate to possibly ruin the moment but I really do think you should talk to someone. Tristian, I'm sure, would be more than willing. She lost her family too."

"I know. She told me. Can I talk to you?"

"Absolutely."

But Eleri didn't speak. Not right away. Josie felt her tense in her arms and several deep breaths raised and dropped her arm that was resting across Eleri's chest. She let her prepare herself. Josie wouldn't push. Not when Eleri was willing.

"It, it wasn't what I was expecting to see. Somehow it was not as bad but so much worse at the same time. Everything was destroyed. Those bandits didn't just attack. They decimated everything and everyone I knew. And I mean everything. No aravel was left untouched, the supplies were _burned_. Bandits should've taken them but they didn't. They were there only to destroy my clan. Not steal."

Josie let her hand slide from Eleri's shoulder to cup the side of her neck, brushing her thumb along her jaw. The pain in her voice was raw and she wasn't even trying to hide it, like she couldn't even if she did. It was breaking Josie's heart to hear her speak of it. Tristian had given a report of sorts when they returned but it wasn't detailed. Though, it was clear in the warden's eyes and voice that it had been harder than she expected to see. Even for an outsider. Josie panicked. It had been a while since Eleri had lived through this and she _did_ need to speak about it but maybe it wasn't long enough.

"Eleri. Maybe you could just tell me about your family?"

"No. No, I want to talk about this." Josie nodded against her and braced herself. She had a feeling she'd be crying by the end of it. "I don't remember the Dalish death rites very well. I never paid much attention to them when I was with my clan, I thought I'd have time to learn them. The rites involve…so much. It is usually seen as a celebration. Our keeper always taught us that death wasn't necessarily bad. We bury them, sing songs and plant trees over their graves. I don't remember the songs and there were…too many for the trees. Tristian told me that in Highever, they burn their dead on pyres so we did that.

We carried the bodies to were our forces had started a," Eleri paused, swallowed hard and took a shaky breath, "to the area where they had carried the bodies. It was hard. My clan wasn't large. I had people I disliked, yes, but that didn't matter. I _knew_ everyone."

She stopped talking. Her chest was moving faster as her breathing hitched and caught. Josie didn't know what to do, how to comfort the woman in her arms so she tightened her hold.

"I let myself think my family escaped. It was stupid but I didn't see our aravel. I let myself have hope and when I found it…" Eleri's hands, that had been resting one on Josie's hip and the other on the arm across her body, tightened. Josie pushed herself up so she was looking down at Eleri. Her eyes were squeezed shut. Josie brushed her hair back, leaned down to kiss her gently. Eleri kept her eyes closed as she spoke and Josie remained where she was. "I found my parents first. I wasn't very close to my father. I was but we, we fought a lot because I didn't always act how he wanted. And my mother." Eleri shook her head. "I was close to her."

"She always made you nut bread, right?" Josie couldn't tell if that was the right thing to say or not as Eleri's face contorted and tears started to fall. She brushed them away. "I'm sorry."

"No. It's okay." Eleri's eyes opened, the pain in them stabbing into Josie's heart, and she smiled. It was weak but a smile nonetheless. "She did. Whenever she thought I was having a hard time. She put up with all my bad habits. She called them quirks." A watery laugh that sounded more like a cough broke up her words. "My father, he was in bad shape. He must have tried to fight. My mother was less so. My sister wasn't with them, not right there but she was…at the back of the aravel. She was–"

Eleri's eyes slipped shut again and her tears came faster accompanied by a stuttering breath that couldn't decide if it wanted to stay in her lungs or escape. Josie knew what happened to Eleri's sister. She had been with Leliana when Tristian, staring blankly in front of her, had revealed that detail. One of the few she did. Josie's heart had broken as Leli had taken the woman in her arms to comfort her but Josie could not do the same, at that time, for Eleri.

" _Shh_. I know. You don't have to say it, I know." She spoke gently, peppering Eleri's face with soft kisses while she wiped away her tears. A useless act since they didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. "Oh, _amor._ I am so sorry."

"I don't even remember the last thing I spoke to Mari about. I had been so angry and nervous about being sent to the Conclave that I hadn't been speaking to her."

"Why not?" Josie asked, curious and hoping that this venting would help the distraught elf.

"It was her idea. She volunteered me. I yelled at her when I found out, weeks before I left. I don't remember after that. We barely spoke. I didn't even say anything to her in the letter I sent back to tell them I survived."

Josie thought about trying to lighten the mood, tell Eleri that she would have thanked her sister for volunteering her but that would only add guilt to Eleri's pain. She was sure of it. Eleri broke down further. No longer able to keep the conversation going so Josie held her and kissed her, trying to impart whatever comfort she could. Slowly, Eleri's sobs turned to hiccups and the tears stopped. Josie could feel the exhaustion, mentally and emotionally, coming from Eleri.

Josie rolled and tugged Eleri with her. She wrapped both arms around her and began to hum. Eleri's hands grasped tightly at her dress. When they loosened, only the slightest bit, Josie looked down at her. Eleri's eyebrows were still scrunched together and her face was blotchy but her breathing was even. Josie sighed and let her own tears go. She had held them in. Determined to be strong for Eleri but now, she let them loose and couldn't possibly imagine the hurt her love was feeling. It broke her heart that Eleri had to live with this. She would take it all away if she could.

Instead, she would encourage Eleri to talk about it. With her but definitely with Tristian who could help her in a way Josie couldn't. Even Leliana would be able to help where Josie couldn't. As much as Eleri had tried, she would not survive this without a support system. Josie would be damned if she let her try any longer. Whether Eleri liked it or not.


	17. Crestwood 1 - Tristian

**A/N: So Eleri has a Scottish-ish accent and you'll probably have noticed that I use some Dalish and Italian between Eleri and Josie (Antiva = Italy for me) but haven't used French(Orlesian) for Leliana. I don't think she would. They say she considers herself Ferelden and Orlais kind of fucked her over in life so I think she'd avoid a lot of that. Not too important but that stuff stands out to me while I write so I thought I should share. Also, I couldn't find if Blackwall has an actual first name…I made one up. Also, also, This note goes for the next chapter too and hopefully I'll have the rest of Here Lies the Abyss done soon!**

A quiet night before an extensive journey turned into a conspiracy debate quicker than Tristian knew was possible. Her and Leliana had been tangled in bed. Tristian sat with her back and head resting against the headboard with her eyes closed and a hand running through her wife's hair as Leliana laid with her head on Tristian's shoulder while she rifled through reports from her scouts. Maddox was stretched out along the bottom of the bed. They had turned in early. Both knew that Crestwood and finding the wardens, Stroud in particular, could get messy fast. Two weeks had been estimated but one mishap could stretch it beyond that. A knock at the door sent Maddox darting for the door. He sniffed the bottom and paced in front of it but the noise didn't break through Tristian's half consciousness.

"Your dog might break down the door and attack our visitor if you don't go get him." Leliana nudged Tristian with her shoulder. "Go see who it is."

Tristian untangled herself to get up, almost landing on her face when Leliana wrapped her foot around Tristian's ankle. Tristian shot the best glare she could through her laughing. It only caused Leliana to laugh more.

"Maddox, back. Go back to bed." She watched as the mabari obeyed her. His large eyes remained fixed in case anything happened. Tristian sighed with an exasperated smile. That dog would be the death of her. Maddox was entirely too protective, only getting worse in his old age. But she was grateful Leliana had sent for him and Fergus parted with him. The kennels at Highever were no place for a dog who had seen as much as Maddox.

Tristian opened the door to find Eleri standing on the other side. The elf smiled wide. "Ir abelas. I hate to interrupt your evening but I need to talk with you. Both of you actually. Josie and Cullen as well. They're on their way down."

"Haven't we enough council meetings today, Inquisitor?" Tristian joked. She opened the door wider to grant Eleri entrance to their room.

"That is why I apologized but this isn't an official council meeting." Eleri's voice went from joking to serious as she took a seat in one of the chairs near the fire. "What we speak of cannot leave this room. I have suspicions I'm hoping turn out to be wrong."

"Is this why you have so many chairs in your room?" Tristian asked her wife.

Leliana simply nodded as she got up to put her reports on the desk in the room. She leaned against it with her arms folded across her chest. Tristian wondered how often those in the Inquisition saw Leliana as she was now, dressed down in a simple brown tunic with a wide neck and the form fitting linen pants she favored before bed. The entrance of the other two council members had her thinking that it was more often than would seem necessary. Cullen stood near the fire in a red long sleeve, no armor at all and Josie in a soft white dress. Now Tristian wanted to know how often secret meetings took place within her wife's room before she had come to Skyhold.

"Cullen?" Eleri asked once everyone was gathered close to the fire and each other.

"The guards are posted."

Tristian looked to Leliana, asking without words. "We post guards at the beginning of the hall to cut off anyone who may come down and overhear sensitive information. They are far enough up the hall that they won't hear a thing." Tristian nodded. "Now, what is this about?"

"Most of my questions are for Tristian." Eleri looked at her before going back to Leliana and the rest of her council. "But, I want you all here to hear the information. The other day, when I got into it with Blackwall, I told him –"

"Yelled." Josie cut in.

"Yes, well, I yelled at him to take his warden concerns to you, Tristian, as his Warden-Commander."

"He's a Ferelden warden?" Tristian had yet to meet Blackwall. He kept to himself in the stables and admittedly, she had been keeping to Leliana's side as much as possible. It may have been some time since she arrived at Skyhold but they had been apart for so long that the novelty of being reunited had not worn off. It was as if they were back in the beginning stages of their relationship, always wanting to be close to the other. They spoke briefly on Eleri's inner circle and mostly on those she was closest. Blackwall had been mentioned in passing as a warden but she had never heard of him. Tristian assumed he was not one under her command.

"I don't know. That's what I wanted to talk about. He's invested in them, that's for sure. But when I suggested he speak with you, he seemed apprehensive about it. Do you know him or of him?"

"Leliana told me he was a warden but no, I don't know him. I assumed that he was of Orlais or the Free Marches. There _was_ an Orlesian warden named Blackwall but it is a common name and he was Warden-Constable of Orlais. I sent letters off to him before I left to search for a cure, I never received an answer from him. It could be the same man I suppose."

"You've been away from your wardens a long time, love. Is it possible he is new?" Leliana asked.

"It's possible but unlikely. You said you found him recruiting?" Eleri nodded. "We don't send new members recruiting. Duncan, the warden who recruited me, had been at the end of his time, with the calling close. It is a sort of," Tristian rolled her hand in the air, looking for the right word, "a cool down job, a way to transition from duty so to speak."

"So Blackwall may not be who he says he is?" Cullen asked, thinking out loud. "What does that mean for us?"

"That we cannot trust him and that he is potentially dangerous. I'll deploy a contingent of agents into Orlais and the Free Marches to gather information. Tristian, write to Ariane. She is still your Warden-Constable, no?"

"Much to her dismay, yes." Tristian laughed thinking back to her first recruit. A Dalish warrior with more of a taste for blood than command but rebuilding the Ferelden ranks had left her with few Tristian trusted as much or had the ability to carry the weight of leadership. "I've been in touch since coming to Skyhold. She is less than pleased that I have not made it back to Vigil's Keep. It is simple enough for me to send another letter inquiring about Blackwall. I don't promise much though, Inquisitor."

"Any information is a benefit. Is your grey warden…base?"

"Vigil's Keep." Tristian supplied.

"Is it close to Crestwood? Would your second in command be able to meet us there?"

Tristian thought, tried to recall a map in her mind. She knew Ferelden intimately but she tended to undersell the distance between areas. "It is farther than Skyhold to Crestwood but the traveling is not as hard. If my message reaches her in decent time we should both reach Crestwood around the same time."

"I would prefer that. If Blackwall is dangerous, I'd rather not risk sending a message with what we know in it. Right?" Her question was aimed at Leliana who smiled with a nod. "Ask for her to meet us in Crestwood proper."

"I'll see it done."

"Now that Blackwall is more or less taken care of. What is our next order of business?" Josie asked from her seat on the arm of Eleri's chair.

"Stroud." Eleri answered. "What do you know of him? I want to be as prepared as possible for whatever we are walking into."

"Jean-Marc Stroud. He was trained to be a Chevalier before he was a warden, I believe." She looked to Leliana, her fact checker, who nodded. "His teachers urged Clarel, my counterpart in Orlais, to recruit him after his family was killed. Stroud wanted revenge but Clarel convinced him otherwise. He is an exceptional swordsman. He trains the recruits in Orlais. I met him when I traveled north to learn the tricks of the trade when I was first appointed Warden-Commander. If he has left the order than something is more than just wrong. Stroud is not one to go against command."

"So we can trust him?"

"I'm hesitant to say yes but from what I know of him, we can. He's a good man."

Eleri leaned forward, chin in hand as her elbow rested on the chair arm Josie wasn't, her brows knit together. The light from the flames flickered across her vallaslin. Tristian couldn't help but be struck at how this young elf seemed to demand the respect of a leader even in such a simple thing as sitting and contemplating. The air around her seemed to radiate that of the inquisitor. It shouldn't have been a surprise. Tristian had been close to her age when the role of commander was thrust on her as well as the end of the world. Her and Eleri seemed to be cut from the same cloth despite their differences. Leliana was right to place that weight on this young woman's shoulders.

"Okay," she seemed to finally decide, "I won't waste anymore of our time tonight. It is getting late and I'm sure we all have other things we'd like to be doing." Eleri stood and reached for Josie's hand, which she met halfway. "See you all in the morning."

Tristian paced the length of the rug in front of the fire as she thought and Leliana shut the door behind their friends. She had been ready to drift to sleep an hour ago. Now her mind wouldn't slow or empty itself.

"I should have looked into Blackwall earlier. It is odd that he hasn't sought me out. I've been here almost two months now."

"You had no reason to suspect anything." Leliana sat on the edge of their bed. Tristian glanced at her then focused back on her feet as they moved. "His story more or less checked out. I looked into it only enough to affirm he was indeed out recruiting."

"So he was?" Tristian stopped.

"He was but that doesn't mean anything. Most warden's live in isolation, your order the exception. It would be easy for him to assume the role. The Orlesian order is massive. They could easily lose track of a single name within their ranks. If he's Marcher than the same could be said. Their numbers aren't nearly what Orlais's are but still larger than yours."

"That's unacceptable." Tristian began moving. "He's not one of mine, Leli. I know that much. I may be absent but I have not abandoned them. I've made it back as much as possible in the last several years. He would have to be extremely new to be unknown to me."

"I know but he may be. It has been a _long_ time since you were last in Ferelden, Tristian. Has Ariane given you a list of new recruits? Do you even know how much your order has grown?"

Tristian stopped again with a frustrated groan, scrubbing her face with her hands. She has been away for far too long. "No."

She felt Leliana close the distance between them, hands coming up to lightly clutch her wrists and drag them down. Tristian looked into the blue eyes she loved. They gleamed with the smile that rested on the lips she loved. "Relax. We will figure this out and when this inquisition is over, we'll go back to Vigil's Keep and you can resume your duties if that is what you wish to do."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I will be with you whether it is at Vigil's Keep or searching for the cure. Whoever they appoint as Divine can find a new left hand. I have no wish to serve another. Now come to bed before you think yourself into a foul mood."

It was an easy decision to make; made easier with the hands pulling her towards the bed. Tristian smiled and, not for the first time, thought how lucky she was. Their road had been hard and torturous but Tristian would go through it a thousand times more for moments like this.

They fell into bed, snuggled close with arms and legs tangled. Leliana pushed her nose into Tristian's neck with a hum and light kiss. Tristian's eyes slipped closed at the contact but her mind didn't quiet. Instead of dwelling, she changed the subject and posed it to her wife.

"Eleri seems competent and comfortable as inquisitor."

Leliana hummed. "She is. She was reluctant at first but never shied too much from the responsibility. I think she feels like it's her duty after surviving the Conclave but she's doing quite well. Much better than you did."

Tristian shook her head at her wife's teasing and resulting laughter. She had never managed to avoid the teasing of her disaster of early leading. It was _not_ funny at the time but now, after everything they had been through and Tristian's position of power, they were able to laugh about it. She reached up to tap her finger on her chin in mock thought.

"I don't recall having a council of seasoned professionals backing my every move. Actually, I remember having an acidic, reclusive witch, a nervous train wreck that was the only other warden in our entire country, and a dog, easily the most competent of us all."

"Oh!" Tristian cut off whatever Leliana was about to say, "And, a chantry sister who waited to tell me about all of her abilities until _after_ I figured it out for myself."

Leliana giggled louder. "I would say it was not my intent to deceive you but we both know it was. You were too easy, Tristian."

Tristian scoffed, quickly rolling to pin her wife to the bed. She leaned forward and smirked. Leliana struggled beneath her but not fully. They had learned long ago, thanks to camp-side sparring, that they were evenly matched. Tristian's strength was negated by Leliana's speed and vice versa. She spoke in a teasing low tone. "You may want to take that back, bard."

"Never."

No more words were shared. Tristian leaned closer as a distraction, watching confusion bloom in Leliana's eyes before they closed. Before their lips could touch, Tristian let go of Leliana's wrists where she had them pinned to the bed and attacked the woman's sides with her fingers. Knowing what would come next, Tristian leaned up to avoid Leliana's involuntary head-butt as she jerked up shrieking and laughing breathlessly.

…

The decision to still send out the two parties Eleri had ordered to the field had been made easily. With both the Champion of Kirkwall and the Hero of Ferelden at their disposal, the Inquisition would be able to work on their reputation as well as handle the warden in Crestwood. Tristian stood by the stables with Maddox at her side and reins in hand waiting for whoever the council pulled together for their journey. She was unaccustomed to traveling on horseback. She had always preferred to go by foot regardless of the added time.

As a noble, and specifically a Cousland, she was well trained on horseback by the time she was ten but an accident around that same age has kept Tristian away from them. She eyed the Anderfel Courser that stood a few feet taller than her. How Josie managed to find one for her was beyond Tristian. She had hoped to live out her term of Warden Commander without having to ride one. Regardless of its size and notorious spirit, this particular animal seemed gentle. Tristian hoped it stayed that way.

"Don't look so worried, Commander." Master Dennet joked as he walked by. He stopped to pat the horse's neck. "They can sense your fear."

"Surely that's a rumor." Tristian replied. She stepped further from the animal. She had never believed her mother when she said the same thing. Being thrown from a horse warranted a certain amount of fear. Tristian had thought she held a healthy does. Dennet chuckled and shook his head.

"Horses are some of the most intelligent animals ever created and this one you got here is among the elite. That's why they were bred specifically for wardens. Relax and pet her. Get used to each other. You should probably name her as well. She'll take care of you if you let her."

Tristian looked into the big dark eye of her horse. Once she had liked the animals, perhaps she could once again. The Courser turned its head to look down her nose at her. She was a beautiful animal if Tristian put aside her negative biases. She had a sleek white and brown coat with a thick white mane and tail.

"You're not so bad, are you?" Tristian asked as she ran a tentative hand down the horse's neck. Maddox barked, causing her to jump. She looked down at him with a smile. "Don't get jealous. I can't ride you across the country now can I?"

He whimpered and laid down at her feet. She laughed lightly before returning her attention to the horse. A name would be appropriate, respectful even toward the animal but Tristian had only just come into contact with her. She knew nothing of the horse's temperament or personality. Her horse back home had been named Skip for the way it pranced around the field they kept them fenced in. A childish name for a horse she had gotten very young. Now, as an adult and a seasoned warrior, she was at a loss.

"I never thought we'd convince you to ride for this." Tristian turned as Leliana walked up. The worry and apprehension over the mission subtly written all over her face in a script only Tristian could read. She smiled in hopes of reassuring her wife.

"It makes sense. This is a time sensitive matter, and I'll be fine."

"The Hero of Ferelden does not baulk at an archdemon but cowers at the thought of horseback riding. If only that was believable." Leliana laughed, met by a glare from Tristian. "I only tease, love."

"Yes, well. Thankfully there isn't anyone who would believe it or I'm sure you would tell it to everyone we ever meet."

"It happens to be my favorite fact about you."

Tristian laughed. Her glare quickly forgotten. "Of course it is. Master Dennet has suggested I name her. I haven't named a horse since I was barely older than a toddler nor do I know anything about this horse."

"There are many horses in Ferelden legends. Maybe one of those will work for her?" Tristian shrugged with a nod. Suggestions were more than welcome. "There was Chollima who was said to be able to travel 500 leagues in a single day or Tulpar, a winged beast who defeated the armies that crossed the Amaranthine Ocean in the Glory Age. Byerley was King Lewys's mare that saved him from a darkspawn attack near Lake Calenhad. Any of those strike you?"

"I think I like Byerley." Tristian mused, still looking at her horse. She wasn't sure if it fit just because she liked it. The idea of naming her horse after another that protected its owner from darkspawn was appealing for obvious reasons, if not a little predictable.

"I thought you would." Leliana laughed and walked up beside Tristian to stroke the horse's neck. "I think it's a strong name and fits her well. What do you think, girl? Do you like Byerley?"

"It isn't a mouthful?"

"If you like it than no. This is not a dire decision, Tristian." She laughed again. "You are allowed to name your horse whatever you wish."

"I like Byerley."

"Good. I'm glad we have that settled because here come your companions for this mission, better put on a brave face so they don't figure out big, bad Warden-Commander Cousland is afraid of a little horse."

"They are not little!" Tristian hissed as Leliana laughed.

Vivienne walked with Hawke through the path flanked by merchant stands and toward the stables. A young servant trailed with what Tristian would assume were Vivienne's things. Hawke had her own pack slung over her shoulders.

"Thank you, dear." Vivienne turned to the boy and offered him some coins and a smile. He set the bag carefully near Vivienne's horse then accepted the money with a slight bow and a gapped-tooth grin before running off. "Dennet, please be a gentleman and see that my bags are secured?"

"Right away, Madame de Fer."

"How do you do it? I ask for help and everyone just stares at me here." Hawke asked as she began to secure her own things and check the saddle bags on her own mount.

"Money talks, dear. Lady Cousland and Sister Nightingale." She greeted. "Please tell me you have gotten reports on the weather in Crestwood, Leliana. I am hoping for mild and sunny."

"I'm afraid not. Rain is all I have heard." Vivienne groaned and ended it with a sigh before overseeing Dennet's securing of her things. Leliana turned back to Tristian. "You've packed extra clothes and tent cloth?"

"Even if I did, I'm afraid it would be wet before I could take advantage of them. Are you worried?"

"I have a bad feeling about what's going on in Crestwood. My reports have been…unsettling to say the least."

"We'll be fine, Leli."

"Stay as dry and warm as possible, and _come back_." Leliana stepped close to Tristian and wrapped her arms around her waist as an intense kiss consumed Tristian. When they pulled apart, the warden was slightly out of breath and very confused.

"Leli?"

"I told you, I have a bad feeling. Something is going on in Crestwood and my agents can't figure out what it is. I've lost one in trying to. Do you remember our first time in Haven?" Tristian nodded. She would never forget it. "It feels much the same as whatever is happening in Crestwood."

"We're better equipped for something like Haven this time around and you've warned me. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

"Finally." Hawke commented, cutting through Tristian's and Leliana's conversation. The women turned to see Eleri nearing them with Josie and Cullen. "Do you three always see the parties off?"

"We do. It is a chance to be clear on the objective of each individual expedition into Thedas. We cannot afford many mistakes in our current position."

"Took you long enough, Inquisitor." Vivienne greeted. "I wish to be off so we can come back. Leliana has said the weather is dreadful. Let us get this over with quickly."

"We are all in understanding of what you are to do?" Cullen asked, straight to business.

"Find Stroud. Get information. Report back." Hawke responded. She seemed bored, uninterested. So far Tristian was not a fan of the woman. She never took anything serious unless it had to do with her. She was dismissive of the Templar/mage conflict and spent most of her time sulking in the tavern. That was not how a champion of a city should hold themselves. But, Tristian thought to herself in Hawke's defense, Kirkwall isn't just any city.

"Yes. We also advise you to look for any additional help you may provide." Josie added. "If it seems as if it will be too much of a hindrance, record it and we will deal with it at a later date."

"My reports have been inconclusive. Be on high alert at all times. You are going in essentially blind. Scout Harding is waiting to rendezvous on the western edge of the area. Find her before anything else. Hopefully, she'll have something more for you."

Tristian had watched Eleri during the exchange. She had spent time with the young elf. When they went to her clan's last location to council meetings and even shared meals but rarely had Tristian seen her as the Inquisitor. Unlike before, when dealing with her losses, Eleri's eyes were clear and focused. They moved from advisor to advisor, absorbing the information laid out. She gave a curt nod when all were done and ordered departure in ten minutes then she turned and walked a few paces away with Josie. Tristian smiled and directed her attention back to Leliana.

"You've sharpened your sword?"

"Yes."

"Had your shielded tested? You haven't used it in a while."

"Yes." Tristian's smile grew. She had forgotten how much of a worrier Leliana was.

"And you _did_ pack extra clothes, correct? A cloak at the very least?"

"A cloak, yes. That's all though."

"That'll have to do."

"Relax, Leli. I'll be back before you even have time to miss me."

"Now we both know that's not true. I'll miss you before you're out of the gates." They shared a lingering kiss on the heels of Leliana's words. Not pushing, not wanting, just content to share the closeness before distance swept between them.

They parted once Eleri called out to saddle up. Leliana laughed her way through Tristian's awkward mounting of Byerley. The Warden-Commander of Ferelden was terrified but did her best not to show it. She had faced down countless darkspawn, demons, and all kinds of human threats. This _should_ be the least of her concerns but the memory of falling from her childhood horse would not leave her. Leliana rested her hand on Tristian's calf once she was settled in the saddle.

"Relax, love. She'll take care of you if you let her." It was much more comforting coming from Leliana than Dennet. Tristian took several deep breaths as she nodded.

"I'll see you when we get back, Leli. I love you."

"I love you too."

Then the party was moving out of Skyhold with the council behind them. Tristian spared a glance back as they passed through the main gate. Cullen stood dutifully with the two women who were seeing their loves off. He placed a hand on Josie's shoulder and she turned to smile at him. Then she was linking arms with Leliana and dragging her away. Tristian waved, letting Leliana know she didn't have to stay any longer, then turned in her saddle. Leliana wouldn't be the first to turn away. She never could. A heavy weight settled in Tristian's chest, one she thought she would be accustomed to after all this time.

The rain started out of nowhere once they reached a half day's ride from the border of Crestwood. It was as if they rode straight into a wall of raindrops surrounding the area.

"This rain feels unnatural." Hawke called out.

"I agree. There is something arcane about it." Vivienne added. The thought sent a shiver down Tristian's back, prompting her to tug the collar of her undershirt closer to her chin. Drops chilled her face and slid down the back of her neck. This was going to be an unpleasant few weeks if the rain kept up as it was. The black sky, giving the day the feeling of night, gave reasonable doubt that it would let up at all.

By the time they found Scout Harding's camp, the entire party was soaked through. Tristian dismounted, handing the reins to one of the agents that approached her for them. The rest of the party did the same as Eleri walked toward the dwarf to get her report.

"Glad to see you made it safe." Harding greeted. She seemed on edge, much more so than any other time Tristian had interacted her. "Crestwood isn't in any sort of shape to be traveling through. There's trouble here."

"Red Templars?" Eleri asked, easily transitioning from humor-filled travel companion to Inquisitor as soon as they neared the camp. This was business now that they had arrived.

"There's a few but they aren't our main issue here." Harding gestured with a nod to walk over to a low stone wall. It looked over a lake that glowed a vibrant green in the middle. "Crestwood, the original town, was the site of a flood during the last blight. Now, that isn't the only rift in the area but once it appeared corpses started coming out of the lake. You'll have to fight through them to get to Ser Hawke's warden friend."

"You don't mean to ignore this and go straight to Stroud, Inquisitor?" Tristian asked. They couldn't ignore this nor put it on Josie's list to come back to. There were citizens who would be in danger from walking corpses and whatever else decided to cross through the rift. Hawke cut in before Eleri could answer.

"We do not have time. We need to get to Stroud as soon as possible."

"And we will," Eleri answered, calm and commanding, "after we deal with that rift."

Hawke scoffed and walked away, complaining under her breath and Tristian let loose a sigh of relief. She was no longer in charge but her conscience would not have allowed her to walk away from new Crestwood's citizens; but, she no longer had the power to make those decisions, not on inquisition business at least. She would have to apologize to Eleri for butting in once they set off again.

"Are you and the other Inquisition members safe here?"

"A few corpses have wandered up but nothing we can't handle. Most head straight for Crestwood. Maybe someone down there can tell you how to reach the caves below and put an end to this. The mage Leliana sent with us has a theory this rain is a result of the rift as well."

"Hawke and Vivienne guessed as much as well. We'll deal with this first, Harding. Thank you."

"Be safe." Harding left with a slight bow.

They left the camp on foot, much to Tristian's delight. She had warmed to Byerley. The horse was well tempered and gentle but she was still uneasy in the saddle. Add in the rain and Tristian had been miserable most of the day. As they directed themselves toward the town, Tristian matched pace with Eleri.

"Inquisitor?"

"Please, call me Eleri. We're about to fight side by side. I'd rather do so without titles. Inquisitor is a bit of a mouthful if you're trying to tell me to get out of the way." Eleri laughed at her own joke as Tristian cracked a smile. "I'd tell you to never call me it but Josie says that it is necessary under certain circumstances."

"Very well. Only in court then?"

"Only in court. What did you need?"

"I wanted to apologize about interrupting with Scout Harding. I'm not used to following. It has been a _long_ time since I've had command only over Maddox. I shouldn't have questioned our mission."

Eleri nodded, looking at Tristian before back out in front of them. "I would be a fool to ignore your counsel, Tristian. Not only are you the Warden-Commander of Ferelden but you're married to my spymaster. You're the closest thing I have to my council at the moment. I appreciate the apology and would appreciate even more if you could save the questioning for in private but we are not always allowed privacy. Unless you are questioning my ability to lead, I will never turn away advice. I'm very far from perfect and very new at leading."

"Spoken like a true leader, Eleri. Your council chose well in making you Inquisitor."

"It's the glowing hand." Eleri smirked and rose her left hand but Tristian saw through the joke thanks to the light blush blooming across her cheeks. "It blinds them from who I really am."

The sound of fighting interrupted anything Tristian could retort with. Up ahead, on a bridge, were two grey wardens and a woman who were surrounded by corpses. Eleri drew her weapons and looked behind her to ensure everyone else had done the same. Tristian yanked her shield from her back and drew her sword following Eleri's brisk jog toward the fight.

The corpses didn't put up much of a fight but they were resilient as ever. Tristian sliced and slashed with her sword and bashed into the decaying bodies with her shield as sweat began to bead on her forehead. It didn't slow the undead down much at all. They would be knocked down and shamble back up and forward. When the last one finally fell, with its head barely clinging to its body thanks to Maddox's massive maw, Tristian took a good look at the wardens as they spoke to Eleri. They weren't Ferelden wardens. Their accent marked them as Orlesian.

"The grey wardens thank you for your aid."

"You're welcome." Eleri replied. "What are you doing in Crestwood?"

"A warden named Stroud is wanted for questioning."

"Why?" Tristian stepped forward.

"That is official grey warden business, ma'am."

"I am Warden-Commander Cousland of the Ferelden order. I believe that means you can share that information with me."

"My apologies, Warden-Commander." Both men placed their fist above their hearts and bowed their heads briefly. Tristian wasn't wearing her warden armor, opting for her lighter Cousland set due to the promise of rain. "We are under strict orders and they include secrecy from Warden Commander Clarel. We are to find Stroud and report back. We cannot even help the people of Crestwood."

Tristian turned to speak with the woman, an elf, as Eleri finished talking with the grey wardens. The woman was no longer with them though. Tristian looked up the road and saw a figure running up it. That must be her. There was a house further up that Tristian would guess she was headed to.

"They didn't seem corrupted." Vivienne commented once the wardens were out of ear shot. "None of them mentioned a new leader either. I don't think they are part of Corypheus's plot."

"Neither do I." Tristian responded. "The infiltration may be subtler than we thought. I hope Stroud has answers for us."

"If we get to him in time, I'm sure he will." Hawke turned to Eleri. "Their presence proves we do not have time to waste! They are searching for Stroud and we _must_ find him first!"

"We can't let Crestwood fall to the undead, Hawke. I understand the urgency but innocent lives have to come first."

"I agree with Eleri." Tristian hoped her vote would help their young leader deal with Hawke, bolster her confidence.

"They have yet to find them, dear, and it sounded as though they were giving up the search in this area. Now can we proceed to the village and get out of this horrid rain?"

"Hawke," Eleri rested her hand on the other woman's shoulder and was met with poorly concealed contempt. "We will find Stroud and we will figure this out but we can't walk away from this."

"Very well." Hawke shrugged off Eleri, stalking away up the road.

Tristian came to stand next to Eleri as the elf let out a sigh. "Don't worry. It gets easier. You won't be able to please everyone. I'd count it as win to have two of three agree with me."

"Yes, dear. We are the much weightier of opinions anyways. Court Enchanter of Orlais and Warden-Commander of Ferelden hold more sway than that of the wanted Champion of Kirkwall."

"Vivienne…"

"No offense to Ser Hawke of course." Vivienne defended. "Only pointing out the facts to put your mind at ease."

Tristian looked into the open door of the house they walked past. Inside the elven woman from before was hastily throwing things into a bag in the middle of the room. Tristian slowed then called ahead to her companions as she headed toward the door. "Hang on.

Excuse me, miss? You were with those wardens we helped on the bridge, were you not?"

"I am, my lady. They saved me! With your help of course but you're a warden too. I overheard you tell them so."

"I am. My name is Tristian Cousland, Warden-Commander in Ferelden. May I ask what you're packing for?"

"When I met them on the road, before the corpses attacked, they told me that the wardens are recruiting at Adamant Fortress. I'm going to join them!"

"Tristian, is that wise?" Eleri asked quietly from behind. Tristian shook her head subtly. The woman was so wrapped up in her excitement and packing that she was none the wiser.

"What's your name?"

"Jana, ma'am."

"And how old are you, Jana?"

"I'll be turning 27 next month."

"Why do you want to join the wardens, Jana? You're young. A house of your own." Tristian lifted her arms to gesture around them. "I would assume that means you have a decent job."

"I do, ma'am, but Crestwood is still weary of elves. They aren't as bad as most humans but I can tell the difference between how I'm treated. And those wardens! Did you see them? They saved me as if it were nothing. I want something more for my life and they said that I could join them."

"Adamant is far, Jana. Would it not make more sense to join the Ferelden wardens?"

"With all due respect, ma'am. I want to join _those_ wardens. They were the ones that saved me. I owe them that much at the very least."

Tristian didn't know how to persuade her without showing their cards. Just because she told Jana that the wardens she wished to join were suspected of being corrupt, it didn't mean she would listen. She could just as easily take that information straight to them and the inquisition would lose the upper hand.

"It is not safe, Jana. I must strongly suggest you reconsider this decision."

"I'm sorry, ma'am but no. This is what I want."

Eleri reached out to tug on Tristian's arm. "She's not going to listen. You've done what you can. We need to head out and take care of whatever is going on in Crestwood; we don't have time."

They left without another word. Jana didn't seem to even notice. Tristian prayed that her desire to better the world would end well for her.

Once they got into Crestwood, one of the villagers directed them toward the mayor's home. The knocked and found a very anxious man on the other side of the door.

"Maddox, stay." Tristian directed to the dog as they stepped in. The mabari sat with his back to the door, on watch while they dealt with the mayor who didn't bother to make sure they followed as he walked deeper into his house.

"You're the Inquisitor?" He looked desperate for Eleri to say yes. "I'm Mayor Dedrick of Crestwood. Are you…are you here to stop the undead?"

"More or less. This is Warden-Commander Cousland, Court Enchanter de Fer, and Ser Hawke. The Warden-Commander's mabari is just outside. We came on different business but we will deal with this issue. The undead are appearing because of a rift in the fade. It seems to be under the lake. How can I get to it?"

"The light in the lake? It's a rift, like the ones that demons come out of? Oh dear…It's coming from the caves below Old Crestwood. Darkspawn flooded it ten years ago during the blight. It wiped out the village, killing the refugees we took in."

"I believe we passed by a dam." Tristian offered up. It had been in the distance but she was positive it looked to be in working order. "Could we use it to drain the lake? We would be able to get to that rift then."

"Drain the – There must be some other way!" The mayor's eyes went wide at the suggestion. "Who knows what's under there and, and there are bandits! Yes, you'd have to evict the bandits in the old fort to use the dam. I can't ask you to risk your life."

"Really?" Hawke scoffed. "We can risk our lives to take care of the undead but not to evict bandits which we would _have_ to do in order to take care of the undead? Do you want our help or not?"

Her delivery left much to be desired but Hawke had a point. The man's behavior was odd and his apprehension over the dam was more so. He wrung his hands in front of him as he shrugged with a jerky nod.

"We have faced worse than bandits and the undead, Mayor. We will be fine."

"Then..." The mayor sighed heavily. "Then I have no choice." His choice of words struck Tristian as odd. There was more going on than they knew. Leliana's words of caution came back to her. Haven indeed. "This key unlocks the gate to the dam controls past the fort, in a back room in the old tavern there. The rift must be in the caves under Old Crestwood. I don't know how else the light would be coming from under the water."

Eleri reached out to take the offered key but when she tried to pull it back, the mayor held fast. "Inquisitor…I would not linger there."

"As you say, sir."

They walked out of the mayor's house and Crestwood in silence. Only once the village was a safe distance away did Eleri speak.

"Am I the only one who found that odd?"

"No. He's hiding something. No man is that unsettled to drain an old lake." Vivienne agreed.

"Leliana mentioned something was going on. Her agents couldn't find anything but I'm guessing this is what they were looking into. I've learned that anytime undead are involved, there was a deed for personal gain gone wrong." Tristian thought back to all the undead they had seen during the blight. The available bodies were countless thanks to the destruction of Ferelden and each time, there was some corrupted mage or demon at the center of it.

"Does it matter? Let's get to this keep and kill the bandits so we can get on with things. Coming up with theories will only slow us down. We'll find out soon enough." Hawke rolled her eyes at them as she spoke.

"I hate to say it, dear but she has a point."

"I know I do. Let's go." Hawke started to walk but stopped when Vivienne spoke again.

"Do you even know where we're going? Or are we just going to wander around until we find a big stone building with bandits around it."

Tristian laughed at their banter. She had missed this. So long had she been traveling on her own that she forgot how much better even the worst conditions were when you had the distractions of companions around you.

"The old keep is Caer Bronach." Tristian supplied. Crestwood wasn't too far from Highever, finding its way into her studies as a young girl. She was familiar with its landmarks. "I believe it is southwest of here."

"Southwest we go then."

The keep was easily found but not so easily taken. It was heavily manned with warriors, rogues, archers, and mages. Not to mention they had mabari hounds with them. The party's distinct advantage were their two mages. Vivienne and Hawke were invaluable during the fight. As soon as they stepped into the keep's courtyard two hounds charged them while archers rained arrows from above them.

"Maddox!" Tristian yelled as she took cover behind her shield. The mabari howled as he charged his enemy kin. She heard Eleri yell to their mages to focus on the archers.

A pair of warriors came barreling down the steps on either side of the makeshift stables the archers were standing on. Tristian nodded at Eleri then both were heading toward a separate warrior. As she hoped, one of the mabari hounds followed after Tristian and putting her one against two. She knew how to win this fight, she wasn't sure Eleri did. Maintain distance, distract, and wait for Maddox to join her. The man in front of her brandished his shield with a sneer as the hound lunged for her. Tristian struck out, striking it alongside of its head. The thick hide mabaris are known for prevented any real damage. The dog backpedaled, shaking its head from the blow.

That was when its owner decided to press the attack. He bashed his shielded against Tristian's, causing her to stumble. He shoved her a step then brought his longsword down across the weathered banded wood. The blow reverberated up Tristian's arm but she paid it no mind, opting instead to thrust into the man. She had aimed for his ribs but he got his own blade there in time to block it. She followed up the thrust with an upward swipe spanning from his left rib to right shoulder. His armor prevented serious damage but Tristian felt the leather split under its edge and knew that she had drawn first blood.

A deep bark sounded behind her, signaling Maddox's approach. The large dog went barreling past her and straight into the other mabari that had been about to pounce onto Tristian, recovered from the blow to its head. Tristian was barely able to gauge that Maddox had the upper hand before leaning out of the way of a downward swing. She punched him in retaliation with the side of her shield, landing squarely across his nose. Blood exploded and rushed down his face. The man let out a very girly squeal before growling and rushing Tristian. She sidestepped, dodged, and deflected strike after strike. Right as she was about to be backed into the keep's wall, she dove to the side and rolled to a knee. A well placed swipe along the back of his poorly armored knees brought the man crashing down with a scream. Tristian stood, switched her grip on her sword to bring it down into the juncture of the man's shoulder and neck, killing him as cleanly as she could.

She surveyed the courtyard as she turned back to it. The archers were sizzling piles of whatever mage fire and lightening left them as and Eleri seemed to be playing with the man in front of her. She danced around him as he swung wildly. He thrust out, aiming for her neck. She easily stepped out of the way and into him, dagger running the man through as his arm sagged onto her shoulder.

Maddox bounded around Tristian's feet, barking happily. She reached down to ruffle his ears.

"It's been a while since you've seen a battle, hasn't it, big guy?" Maddox reared up and playfully pushed his paws into her shoulders. She laughed with a not so stern command to stay down. She turned her attention toward the others. "Onward and upwards then?"

"How big is this place?" Hawke asked, eyes skimming over their surroundings, as they began their ascent into Caer Bronach; each with their weapons at the ready.

"Caer Bronach was built last age for Ferelden soldiers fighting the Orlesians. It was meant to house entire armies, more than one if they were from noblemen and not the crown." Tristian rattled off the fast facts. So easily thanks to Nan's strict oversight of their studies. "There are a few keeps larger than this one in Ferelden but not in The Bannorn or Coastlands. You're from Lothering, are you not?"

"Yes but I was not granted the education of a noble. I had more pressing things to learn. Like blending in with those without magic or how to plow hard, unforgiving land."

"Yes, well." Tristian trailed off awkwardly without having said anything of substance. She had not meant to come off as a pompous noble. Luckily she was saved by the appearance of more bandits. They handled this new batch much the same as the other. The mages took care of the archers, and the new addition of a mage, as Eleri and Tristian divided up the melee attackers. These bandits were more heavily armed, tougher than the ones before. Tristian got banged around, a few cuts and nicks from barely avoided deadly attacks but their group came out on top once more.

At the top of yet another staircase, the party carefully made their way through a corridor and out onto an overlook of the entire keep. In the middle and surrounded by lackeys is who Tristian would assume was in charge. The man was a behemoth in thick plated armor with a wicked war hammer that was almost as tall as she was. He hefted it into the air with one hand and a yell that set his men into action.

Tristian jogged the short distance to meet them head on as Eleri shouted out orders. From her peripherals she saw Maddox tackle a man and tear out his exposed throat then howl before finding his next target. Tristian herself ducked under a swung longsword and stepped into a thrust that sliced through the next man. A blow to her back, blunted by her armor, forced her a few stumbles forward. She whipped around and met the next strike with her shield before running her sword through the man's neck. Another quick, clean kill.

As the man fell, her view of Eleri was unobstructed. The elf was circling a man with a great sword, keeping her distance to expertly avoid his attacks. What she didn't see was another bandit coming up behind her, weapon poised to crash down on her.

Tristian took off at a sprint, shouting out, "Eleri!"

The elf turned in time to dive out of the way. Tristian brought up her shield and ducked her head down, plowing into the surprise attacker. Both fighters lost their footing, sprawling out on the rough stones. Tristian scrambled to get up. She forgot how quickly the fatigue set in and how much it affected her. Praise ran through her mind for opting for the lighter armor but she also berated herself for letting her physical condition become so lacking. Tristian's muscles screamed in protest with every movement and sweat streamed down her face, mixing with the rain. She dragged her arm across her eyes to clear them as her feet settled under her.

Eleri's blade came from over the half standing man's shoulder to slide across his throat. He dropped before he stood to full height. She nodded at Tristian before bounding back into battle. They had taken care of most of the bandits. Their leader, who had stood watching at the back, lumbered toward Tristian. She braced herself for the swing of his hammer, timing her escape for just the right time. Too early and he would be able to adjust his strike; too late and she would be sporting nasty bruises, if she even managed to survive the contact. Her muscles screamed at her again but now for action. Every nerve in her body was sending up a red flag, telling her that she needed to move but her mind knew that it was too soon. A breath before the massive face of head made contact with hers, Tristian ducked down and stepped the opposite way. She back-slashed with her sword, sparks flying as it screeched against his heavy plate armor.

"Vivienne!" Tristian yelled out, dancing away from the giant's attacks. She could feel her movements slowing. She didn't have the stamina to beat him the mundane way. "I could use a well-placed lightning strike!"

Hot air whooshed across her back, causing Tristian to yelp at the heat and step forward. The war hammer caught the back of her shoulder and sent her to the ground. She barely had time to register the pain as she heard the man grunt and the whistle of air speeding past his weapon. Tristian rolled out of the way, eyeing the smashed rocks where she just was. When she popped up, she placed several jabs to the weak points of the leader's armor. Gruff grunts were her only indication that he felt anything. He didn't slow. Tristian was able to survey her surroundings as she kept up her dance with the man.

A few feet from the smashed stones was a charred corpse. Perhaps she would have to rethink her views on Hawke since the woman saved her from a painfully surprising death.

"Vivienne?!"

"I'm a little busy, dear." Came the frustrated reply. And busy she was. Vivienne had erected a ward around her to keep off three bandits that had surrounded her. She sent out bolt after bolt, wearing at the bandits but not causing enough damage. Her staff being useless, bottom tip buried into the stone to power the ward, had weakened her but there was still a lack of punch to her spells. She's conserving energy, Tristian thought and decided on a course of action that a younger Tristian would have smirked at but a married Tristian knew would get her in trouble.

She worked some distance between her and her opponent then with a shout, she charged at the bandit leader in front of her. His hammer rose above his head, feet planted wide to steady himself, ready to rain down on her but halted in mid-air as Tristian let herself fall and skid between his legs. She kept sword and shield pressed to her chest. Once she was through, she stuck her shield hand out and pushed herself to her feet, dashing toward Vivienne.

The first of the mage's attackers was easy to deal with. The man didn't see her coming until her sword was protruding from his chest. The next two took some maneuvering, made harder by the knowledge that their leader would be looking to sooth his ego with her head at any moment. Tristian's feet seemed to slide along the ground as she worked between the two men. She blocked and parried, ducked and lashed out. They were not nearly as seasoned as she was but two on one without the element of surprise always slowed Tristian's flurried-style of attack.

A bolt of purple lightning dropped the man on her right as a thrust to the armpit ended the man to her left. Tristian looked to Vivienne, a thanks at the ready but her ragged breathing prevented anything other than a short laugh and a nod.

"Think nothing of it, dear. Now where did you need that strike of lightning?" Vivienne flexed her hands, purple sparks jumping along and between them. "I think that gave me just enough time to store a little energy for it."

Tristian's breathing had calmed but she opted to forgo words. Instead, she lifted her sword so the tip aligned with the man stomping toward them. How egotistical to simply walk to an opponent in battle, Tristian thought. All that accomplished was allowing her time to gather her strength. Vivienne nodded before working her hands. The sparks grew and their crackling became louder, she whispered words Tristian could barely hear but she knew she wouldn't understand them. Her time with the Witch of the Wilds had taught her as much.

A small tug of Tristian's heart accompanied the thought of Morrigan. With a furrowed brow she pushed the thought and the feeling away. A battle for a keep was no place for melancholic nostalgia. As a distraction, she focused on the bolt that struck just as the bandit leader's next step landed. The force shook the raised overlook they were on and split the stones underneath. A strangled scream and the smell of scorched flesh filled the air, making Tristian's eyes water.

The other bandits were likewise taken care of, though not in as dramatic of a fashion as their leader. Eleri was pulling her blades out of her last kill as the leader's body collapsed to the ground. Hawke simply fastened her staff to her back, walking to stand in front of the carnage. Maddox was sniffing around the landing off to her right.

"I always admired lightning magic though I could never bring myself to abandon fire to go after it." She seemed pensive, the hidden compliment thrown back haphazardly. Vivienne sauntered over to her.

"And _I_ never could bring myself to waste my time with fire. It's a frivolous thing, my dear. Pretty to look at, and has its uses, but there is nothing quite like the power of lightning coursing through your veins."

Hawke scoffed and the women fell into an argument over which school of destructive magic was most effectively dangerous in battle. Their bickering was annoying and soothing all at once. The pressure in Tristian's head, compounded by the tight soreness in her body, was opposed to the noise they were creating but her nerves and mind knew that their heated words were exchanged because all threats had been dealt with.

"We should search the remainder of the keep; be sure it's clear." Her voice was tight with the suggestion, faded and forgiven but still painful memories prompting it.

Eleri nodded and corralled the still arguing women. Their debate kept up for the entire duration of their sweep. Only pausing when they dealt with the few stragglers. Tristian had been impressed that Eleri had the forethought to grant the bandits an option of surrender, though none of them took it. It spoke of a gentleness to the young elf. Something that is often forgotten after the horrors of battle are seen. She had much more grace than Tristian did at that age.

"You know, Eleri, if you claim this keep it can be used to hold Inquisition forces. Our influence in this region would improve tenfold." Vivienne advised once they circled back to the overlook.

"How do I do that?"

"I doubt any other bandits have the numbers to take the keep so it is only a simple matter of informing our people back at camp that we have taken it. Then the appropriate moves will be made by your council."

"I just take it?"

"You already did actually." Hawke snarked, sounding bored with Eleri's confusion on the ease of claiming such a prominent keep. "Funny side effect of killing the gang of bandits squatting here."

Eleri shook her head, refusing to respond to her. "The mayor said the dam controls were accessible from the keep. We need to find them."

"No, the way to get to the dam controls is through the keep. I believe he mentioned something about them being in an old tavern." Tristian wrinkled her nose at that. Such an odd place for such an important tool.

"Right. I saw a sign back that way." Eleri threw her thumb over her shoulder. "It directed toward the dam. Let's get moving."


	18. Crestwood 2 - Tristian

Old Crestwood village had a haunted feel that was only made worse by the spirits floating around the barely standing buildings. They glowed a faint orange and seemed uninterested in their group. A fact Tristian was thankful for. Spirits had a habit of switching from benevolent to malevolent in the time it took to finish their sentence if they chose to speak at all.

"You! You there!" The entire party stopped in their passing of one of the rickety houses. Eleri's eyes went wide in her look to Tristian.

"There can't possibly be someone down here." She said. Her steps backtracked to the door and she carefully made her way in, one hand inching near the hilt of her sword. She stopped short; Tristian watched her shoulders relax then looked to the only being in the room with them. A larger spirit floated in the middle of the room, bossy and frustrated.

"You, yes. I order you to tell me why nothing in this infernal world heeds my command." Maddox bounded up to the spirit, sniffing around its spectral feet. "Away, hound!"

"Maddox. Heel." Tristian called out. There was no need to further annoy the spirit. It seemed on edge already if its tone was anything to go by.

"A lost spirit?" Hawke walked closer, stopping and crossing her arms next to Eleri. "This should be interesting. She isn't like the –"

"Silence!" The spirit spit at her. "Let the other one talk."

"It, uh, may be best…ma'am…if you let Hawke, here, or Vivienne answer you. I know little of the Fade's differences to our world except that there are many."

"Very well. Get on with it then. Why will nothing obey me?" The spirit seemed to turn its attention to Hawke who once again scoffed.

"Oh, I'm not helping you."

"Vivienne?" Eleri shot a look at Hawke as she asked for the other mage. It seemed all this woman wanted to be was difficult.

"Of course, dear." Vivienne said quietly, letting her hand rest on Eleri's shoulder in support briefly as she stepped up to the spirit. "What is your quarrel with our world?"

"It _ignores_ me! I order the rocks to part but they do not. I bid the sky draw close and it stays still! I don't know how you mortals stand it."

"This realm follows different rules. Things will only follow your command of their own free will. Your own will to ensure that command is heeded will not change our rules."

"Then what is the point of _your_ realm? I am power personified. I command whatever I please!"

"Is this, is she," Tristian amended, "safe?"

"I believe so but sometimes 'harmless' spirits still turn into demons."

"Nonsense! Have you not been listening?" The spirit asked haughtily. "I am in control of my fate."

"What do you embody?" Eleri asked, clearly interested after her interactions with Cole. Tristian herself had become more aware of the differences between spirit and demon. She had been learning much from the young man along with the clarifications from Solas. "All spirits embody something, right? Compassion, wisdom, justice?"

The spirit scoffed at the names of her counterparts. "Soft virtues, all. _I_ am Command. But what of you?" She hovered closer to Eleri. "I felt your coming. Is there something alike in us?"

"It may have been the mark?" Eleri lifted her hand and pulled off her glove, the faint green glow coming into view. It jumped in intensity sporadically.

"No." The spirit drawled. "It is something more. You command as well. What do you lead, elf?"

"The Inquisition."

"I knew it! Make your armies ready. Gather your loyal servants. You will need them all in the time to come."

Tristian didn't like the heretical tone to the spirits voice, her over-zealous passion coming through. They were treading into dangerous waters.

"Why don't you cross back into the Fade?" She asked, attempting to curtail the possible issue.

"I will not be denied. I refuse to leave until something obeys my orders."

"I'll do it." Eleri offered. The idea worried Tristian, though it had to be better than the thoughts of possession that came to mind. Eleri was not a mage. This spirit couldn't take advantage of her help too much. "What would you ask of me?"

"Excellent! I have only one command." The spirit lifted her chin as her hands clasped behind her back. The pose of a true leader. "A creature of rage had the gall to chase me across the lake. Destroy it in my name and be rewarded."

"Kill a demon? That's all?" Maybe there was nothing to fear of this spirit. Tristian's mind had been tainted with biased in her years. This was a spirit, _not_ a demon.

"That is all."

"Do you know where we might find this demon?"

"No. I cared not where he went to once he left me alone. You will have to find him on your own."

"Unbelievable." Hawke muttered. The venom in her voice caused Tristian to look over at her. She glared at the side of Eleri's head, the elf too focused on the conversation to notice. Tristian was going to have to have a talk with Ser Hawke. This was getting out of hand.

"Hawke, a moment?" Tristian asked. The mage stalked out of the remnants of the house. Before Tristian followed, she turned back to the spirit and tipped her head in a slight bow. "Command."

Hawke stood staring out into old Crestwood with a deep frown. Tristian sighed as she made her way over, Maddox on her heels as always. This talk would not go well. Hawke would not care what she had to say but she had to say it. She could not stand by while the woman worked to unseat Eleri in front of those outside the Inquisition. She was not a true member and thus not actually under Eleri's orders but no one in the field knew that. This one mission could disrupt everything the Inquisition had been working toward since they became one. Hawke needed to understand that.

Tristian took a good look at the woman who refused to acknowledge her presence next to her. She wasn't old, mid-30s if Tristian had to guess but her eyes aged her. She wondered briefly if the same could be said of her. The deep red scar across her nose only added to the tormented blue eyes. Hawke was a tortured woman. The stories that trickled out of Kirkwall could attest to that. But it was no excuse. They all had their own bloodstained backstories. Hawke could not continue to stand in opposition to Eleri. But…maybe Tristian only felt so strongly about that because she was agreeing with Eleri's decisions. The warden tried to put herself in Hawke's place. She tried but came up with the same course of action needing to be taken.

"So how does this work? I'm not used to being scolded."

"I find that hard to believe. From what I've heard, you were constantly scolded in Kirkwall, by idiots no less."

"There's a joke to be made about you being an idiot there but I'll let it slide. What can I do for you Warden-Commander Tristian Cousland?" Her tone was cold and bored, like before with Eleri. Tristian's title was thrown back at her as a calm insult.

"You can stop questioning Eleri's orders."

"I'm not under her command. I'm here to help because I offered it, not because someone told me too. I'll do as I please."

Hawke tried to walk away with a scoff, her favorite reaction it seemed, but Tristian grabbed her upper arm to stop her, pulling her so they were almost nose to nose. Her voice dropped low and dangerous. Maddox let a low growl rest in his throat as the tension between the women rose.

"Right now you are accompanying the Inquisitor on official Inquisition business. You _will_ adhere to her command."

Hawke looked down at Tristian's hand around her arm then back up. The light blue eyes were ice hard. "Or what exactly?"

"Or you can go home and live with the guilt of Corypheus on top of the guilt of Kirkwall."

Tristian let go and roughly walked past Hawke. She didn't bother looking back. That woman was infuriating. Slow breaths worked their way in and out of Tristian's lungs as she tried to keep her anger in check. Hawke could put them all in danger if she didn't start respecting Eleri. For now it was simply disagreeing with the order of completed tasks but it could mutate into Hawke going off on her own, putting herself in danger. Eleri, nor Tristian, would let her just walk away.

"Is everything alright?" Eleri asked as she met Tristian at the door of the shack, Vivienne behind her. The elf tilted her head slightly to look at Hawke over Tristian's shoulder, not understanding what was going on.

"Fine. Done?"

"We are. We need to get to those caves and end this. I'd like to be home soon."

"As would we all." Vivienne agreed.

…

Tristian fumed as they wandered the caves below Crestwood. It was obvious that many of the villagers and all of the refugees drowned down there on purpose. Most of the blame laid squarely on the mayor's shoulders but she couldn't help but to shoulder some of it herself. Those refugees had been tainted in _her_ Blight. She had failed them. She had never felt much guilt over Lothering or southern Ferelden; it had been before she was in charge and Leliana had helped her see that. But these people, she could have and _should have_ saved them. She added their names, even though she didn't know them, to the long list of the deaths she held responsibility for. The mayor would answer for this. As would Tristian.

Soon the caves gave way to Dwarven ruins. A haunting red light illuminated it, pulling Tristian back to Orzammar and the deep roads of the fifth Blight. Her breathing shortened, a cold sweat beaded on her forehead and in between her shoulder blades. A phantom itch at the back of her mind. The feeling that there should be darkspawn around every corner. Her hands twitched and shook sporadically, grip tightening and loosening on the sword she kept drawn. The only comfort she found was the lack of villager and refugee remains. One half of her guilt was easily pushed to the back of her mind. Maddox walked close to her, his side brushing her leg with each step. His large, intelligent eyes rising toward her every few steps.

"The whole area is still lit. Remarkable." Eleri commented, awe clear in her voice. "How is that possible?"

"The dwarves are just as secretive about their abilities, past and present, as the Dalish are." Vivienne answered. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"It's the rocks." Tristian answered, then immediately regretted it.

"How do you know?" Eleri asked.

"I spent time in Orzammar, met one of their builders."

"Really? I'd love to hear more about it. Dagna won't talk about Orzammar. She says it isn't worth hearing about but I don't know anything about Dwarves."

"Maybe another time, Eleri. Right now we have more pressing matters."

Thankfully the young elf let it go but she had a small smile on her face. Obviously excited at the prospect of learning something new. Tristian would've laughed if she wasn't wound so tight. That was another difference between the two leaders. Tristian had hated having to learn so much with so much pressure on her. It was a chore to sit with Alistair and listen to him drone on, even worse when it was Wynne. The only time she enjoyed it was when Leliana took the history lessons and turned them into stories. But Eleri. She soaked everything up. She asked questions, sat in rapt interest no matter who was speaking to her.

They rounded a corner and straight into a few shades and one of the biggest rage demons Tristian had ever seen. It stood half a body's length taller than her, the heat radiating off its molten flesh was stifling even from several feet away.

"That must be the demon our spirit was speaking of!" Vivienne called out as she unleashed a blast of ice at it. Surprised, Tristian glanced over her shoulder at Vivienne. "I _am_ a well-rounded mage, my dear. Please don't seem so surprised."

"Hawke, Tristian! Focus on the shades!" Eleri called out.

"Maddox, with Eleri!" She shouted as she rerouted herself and struck out at the nearest shade. It screeched, its back arching away from her blade before rounding on her with a counter of its claws. Tristian batted it away with her shield, following the same motion with her sword. The swipe landed cleanly, black blood fanning out in her sword tip's wake.

The demon fell, allowing Tristian to move on. She made quick work of the remaining shade with Hawke's help. She was grateful the woman wasn't as petty in battle as she seemed outside of it. Although she did have to sidestep the fireball that put an end to their shade. Instead of picking a fight or glaring like she wanted, Tristian ignored it and set herself to move to the rage demon. It was slowing, its attacks becoming desperate and sloppy.

The edges of Eleri's sword and axe glowed a dull orange from the demon's heated body. Her armored was scorched where the demon's attacks had landed but she didn't seem to be injured, no burns. Yet.

Tristian bellowed a war cry as she approached the demon, allowing Eleri to slip from its attention and flank it. The demon swiped out causing Tristian to hastily pull her shield up to protect her head, ducking under it as fire and heat curved past her shield as a force thundered against her shield. Timing for just as the demon was pulling back, she thrust out followed by a slash. Both hit home. Both created enough of a distraction for Eleri to deliver the final blow. A terrible shriek, like a high-pitched metal on metal scratching, sounded and the demon's back bowed. Before it could fall forward onto Tristian, it shrank into a pile of black and chalky coals.

"Thanks for the help." Tristian bit at Hawke as she slammed her sword into its sheath. The mage shrugged as she leaned on her staff. Tristian knelt to check Maddox for any serious burns. His fur was scorched but nothing had broken through his thick hide. She ruffled his ears then stood, glare in full force as Hawke answered her.

"You three seemed to have it under control."

"Let's move on." Eleri put a hand on Tristian's shoulder to force her to walk beside her. Once they were moving, Eleri lowered her voice. "There's no sense arguing with her. We didn't need her for that anyways."

Tristian sighed. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be but don't worry about Hawke. She's just frustrated. Once we're back looking for Stroud, it'll all be fine."

They walked further into the ruins silently with weapons drawn. But there was nothing in the ruins. Each door they went in was empty. Until they reached a door flanked by torches. Eleri held up a hand, halting the party. She stalked forward, her armored boots making no noise on the stone floor. A skill that always made Tristian jealous. The young elf peered around into the room. She jerked her head toward whatever was in there and motioned them to follow her.

When they were in, the silky green wisp that signaled a rift flared to life. Green lightening shot out and from it sprang several wraiths. An easy enough, albeit annoying, enemy to deal with. No orders were given. Each fighter went in a different direction to deal with the threat as swiftly as possible. Tristian and Eleri were both useless as the mages made quick work of the wraiths. The scattered green leftovers of the demons trailed back into the rift as they were taken care of. Eleri sprinted toward it, thrusting her hand up in the air. It connected to the rift, a bolt of the green lightening latching onto the anchor. Tristian watched as Eleri's face contorted. With the last wraith killed, the rift snapped off of Eleri's hand. The elf staggered but regained her balance quickly. Her breathing was heavy, the only noise as they waited for the next wave.

Shades and a few more wraiths exploded around them. The rift crystalizing as it came back to life. One shade was less than an arm's length from Tristian's left. She had started at the abrupt appearance but reacted quickly, thrusting her sword into the shades neck. Its claws shredded at her blade but it was no use. It fell into a pile of rags and the warrior moved on to her next target.

She slashed through a wraith and as the translucent green disappeared, she caught Eleri's eyes. She nodded toward the rift and Tristian nodded in agreement. The pair made their way to the green crystal. Tristian paced in a circle around Eleri, striking out at anything that got too close. The mages were doing a fair job of keeping the remaining enemies distracted from Eleri. Maddox darting in and out, his huge teeth tearing at the demons was a nice distraction as well. She heard the odd buzz and the pained gasp that signaled Eleri had connected once again with the rift.

The rift and the tendrils coming from it became silky, the buzzing stopped and Eleri's breathing picked up again. With the corridor becoming silent and still again, Tristian wondered to what the effect these rifts were having on Eleri. From what she witnessed of it, it couldn't be anything good. The concern was short lived as two lesser terror demons appeared. Tristian _absolutely_ and _desperately_ hated terror demons of any sort. The way they disappeared and attacked from beneath you. Their screams. Their long, gaping mouths and many eyes. Anything and everything about them made her skin crawl.

"Let's make quick work of these, shall we?" She looked at Eleri before she darted into the fray. Maddox on her heels. The closest demon to her had its back to her. Tristian picked up speed, launching herself off a few large rocks to bring her sword straight down its spine. The demon shrieked but threw her off. Tristian landed on her side with a grunt, skidding a few feet.

"Shit." She muttered as the demon turned its attention solely on her. Its arms rose, claws up, as it screeched. It disappeared and Tristian's eyes immediately dropped below her. She circled slowly. The stone floor glowed a bright green and Tristian threw herself back, almost avoiding the attack from the demon. A clawed hand came down on her shoulder, grazing her neck before scrapping down her chest plate. The sound and sparks caused Tristian's heart rate to pick up.

Then the demon stopped. Its arms hung limp and its head lolled forward. Tristian saw Eleri clutching her hand, the rift back to its silky green. She made quick work of the demon. Hacking and slashing until it crumbled before her.

"It still isn't over?" She asked, making her way toward Eleri and the still shifting rift. The elf shook her head tiredly.

With very little time between this wave and the last, a rage demon and a few lesser terrors appeared. The chaos was immediate. The demons focused on Tristian and Eleri, seemingly ignoring the mages who were firing spells at them. Claws and fire rained down in a blur. Tristian struck out semi-randomly. Some strikes connecting, many only grazing the demons around them. She and Eleri kept their backs to each other as best they could. Ensuring no surprise attacks were successful but also to avoid their blows hitting each other. As a terror went down, an opening was presented. Tristian reached out with her shielded hand and grabbed Eleri's shoulder. She shoved the elf out before the demons closed the circle again. "Close the rift!"

Tristian didn't have time to worry if Eleri heard her or listened. She needed to focus on blocking, no longer on the offensive at all. Spells sizzled and flared around her, adding to the frantic feeling in her chest. Claws came down on her back, her arms. She felt her shield jerked this way and that way, her sword being batted around. Luckily nothing extensive was landing. Her armoring doing its job. Maddox was a blur of fur she could barely see behind the demons. He couldn't seem to break the circle but he was slowing their attacks. With a strangled cry, barely heard over the demons, her circle of tormentors disappeared into green debris.

Eleri was kneeling under where the rift had been, her hand clutched to her chest as it flared green. She was sweating and panting but she stood on steady enough legs once the light faded. Tristian gave her a once over. Was she pale or was it the lack of red lighting that made her appear so?

"That should be it. Let's get back to Crestwood." Her voice shook but she strode away with her chin high. Tristian would have to speak to Leliana about the effects next time they spoke.

They exited the caves and Eleri made her way slowly to the abandoned shack to tell the Command Spirit that her rage demon had been taken care of. Tristian watched the way the elf moved. Her steps were clunky. Her shoulders were slumped. She kept craning her neck to the left as if it needed to crack. Tristian couldn't tell from Eleri's positioning but she was sure her hands were shaking.

"You're back" was barked at them as they entered the shack. Tristian hid a smile. The spirit's impatience was almost endearing.

"The rage demon in the caves, the one that chased you, is dead. As you commanded." Her voice was still lacking whatever made it distinctly Eleri. Her accent seemed flat.

"I had no doubt to your success." Tristian laughed as the spectral chin of the spirit lifted as she spoke. "Now that my sovereignty has been respected, I can depart this unchanging nightmare. Your reward. Use it well."

An amulet was dropped from the spirit. Tristian watched it hit the ground and when she looked back up, the spirit was gone. She smiled, happy to have helped. Eleri turned without saying anything and trudged back toward Crestwood. Even with the rain gone and the sun shining pleasantly, the walk back seemed to weigh on all of them. They would need to rest for the night before trying to find Stroud. This had been more trying than Tristian thought it would be.

The people of Crestwood whispered as they walked through it but no one stopped them. That thought grated Tristian's nerves as they stood in the mayor's empty home. They were rifling through his things, looking for a clue to where he would have gone.

"Of course." Hawke said to herself then announced to the group, "I found a letter. On the desk, where we should have looked first."

She handed it to Eleri who looked prepared to read it out loud until Vivienne took it from her to do it instead. "Inquisitor, it was not darkspawn that opened the dam and flooded Old Crestwood ten years ago. I did, in secret, the night they attacked. The undead you have been fighting are people I killed with my own hands. We'd taken in refugees from the Blight. Many were ill. We moved the sick to the lower part of Crestwood, and the refugees into the caves, to stop the disease from spreading. It didn't work. One confessed he'd seen blight sickness before. It was always fatal. When the darkspawn attacked, I knew the only way the village would survive is if the blight-sick drowned with the monsters. I cannot bear the sight of Old Crestwood now that the water is gone. I cannot stay. I'm sorry. Mayor Gregory Dedrick."

"I knew it." Tristian spat. She fumed and paced. She had suspected the mayor before but they had been in the middle of the mission. She was angry and she felt guilty then but she had tried not to focus on it. Before, she was going to question the mayor about his faulty story. The fully intact dam mechanism was her first clue but his confession enraged her. "We need to find him."

Eleri raised an eyebrow at her. Clearly confused as to the level of her outrage. Tristian ignored the look she shared with Vivienne.

"Oh no. Not now." Hawke began. "No, now we go find Stroud. We've wasted enough time as is. The mayor can wait."

Tristian rounded on her. Her calm composure, something she always prided herself on, crumbling. "All of those bones in those caves were innocent people. They didn't deserve to die like infested animals alongside those monsters. There were _children_ down there, Hawke. Don't pretend you didn't' see their small bones."

Two pairs of hands took Tristian by her arms, pulling her back.

"That is not our concern! There is nothing we can do about that now! What we can do is find Stroud and figure out what to do with Corypheus." She yelled back at Tristian. She knew Hawke was right but the guilt was eating at her. Those were her casualties. Ten years ago she was the hero. She was responsible for the lives of Ferelden and here was proof that she failed, at least in some degree. Hawke took a step closer, her voice dropping and dripping with contempt. "Looks like I'm not the one who needs to learn to live with their guilt. I'll be outside."

When Hawke was gone, Vivienne and Eleri let her go. Eleri stepped in front of Tristian. "What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"It didn't seem like nothing. You've been ready to strangle Hawke all day and now this."

"I apologize, Eleri. It won't happen again." Tristian clenched her jaw, the muscles standing out painfully as her teeth grounded together. She couldn't believe she let herself act out like that. She also couldn't believe she was struggling not to do it again.

"Okay." Eleri drawled out, confused. Tristian stood in front of her without breaking eye contact. Eleri's eyes shifted to Vivienne then back. "We should rest, head out tomorrow." Tristian nodded once. "There's an inn toward the northern border of the village."

Before they left, Tristian ordered Maddox to stay at the mayor's house. If the man was stupid enough to return, she wanted to know. The dog's big eyes and whine told her he didn't want to stay but after another command, she knew he would follow it.

Once at the inn, Tristian excused herself. Her own gold paying for all the rooms. Eleri had tried to argue with her but she was halfway up the stairs and heard Vivienne quietly tell her not to bother. The door to the small room slammed shut behind Tristian. She took several deep breaths. Her composure, what little was remained, left her as she exhaled the third time. Tristian collapsed against the door and slid down it as the tears started.

She hadn't felt this in so long. The guilt. The inadequacy. The overpowering feeling of being powerless. Those people had been infected. They were going to die painful deaths. All because she had not been efficient enough in her quest. So instead, they were murdered. Exterminated because she failed. Maker, she wished Leliana was there with her. That smooth, loving voice of reason. Tristian knew these feelings were ridiculous. She had been fighting a _war._ There were causalities. There was no way around that fact. Ferelden, and herself, were lucky that two wardens could even save it in the first place.

Tristian scrubbed her face with her hands, jerking her head back as the gloves rubbed roughly over a few new cuts. She pushed herself from the floor and walked to the water basin and the small mirror above it. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red and puffy, a bruise establishing itself along her right cheekbone. A few cuts littered that side of her face. Dirt was smeared across it. The scratch on her neck from the lesser terror had turned half of her neck red.

She looked down at her armor to find it in similar shape. There were gouges from her near miss with the terror demon across the front. She found rips and tears in her clothes as she took her armor off. She was in rough shape physically as well as mentally.

Tristian _needed_ to get it together before the next morning. Somehow, Warden-Commander Cousland needed to replace Tristian but she hadn't been that in so long.

It would happen. There was no other choice. This wasn't the first time she needed to do this. She doubted it would be the last.

…

The cave they found Stroud in was uncomfortably smoky. It billowed along the ceiling and scratched at Tristian's throat. She swallowed back a cough as they walked through a wooden door and into the main cavern. Stroud's head whipped around and his hand shot to the hilt of his weapon but he relaxed when he saw Hawke. They exchanged greetings and then his eyes landed on Tristian.

"Warden-Commander Cousland? I had not realized you were with the Inquisition."

"Stroud." Tristian greeted the man with a smile. "I am a new addition. I doubt many know about it. How have you been?"

"Admittedly not well with all that is happening."

"Right, which is why we're here." Hawke cut in. "This is Eleri of Clan Lavellan, the Inquisitor. Inquisitor, this is Jean-Marc Stroud."

"At your service, Inquisitor." Stroud bowed slightly.

"As am I, Stroud. I have been informed that the wardens are having troubles. We have a feeling it has to do with Corypheus."

"Yes, I believe they may be connected as well."

"What's happening with the wardens of Orlais? I won't hide that I have been away for quite some time, Stroud. My wardens seem to be fine, if the letters can be believed." Tristian asked.

"We will get there, Warden-Commander. But first, let me start at the beginning; with Hawke slaying Corypheus."

"The first time." Hawke threw in.

"Yes, the first time. We were happy to put the matter to rest in Weisshaupt but archdemons can survive what would appear to be fatal wounds. I feared the same would be true for Corypheus. So, I investigated. I found clues but no real proof. Then, not long after, _every_ warden in Orlais begun to hear the calling."

" _What_?" Tristian was shocked. She had never heard anything like it. "Every warden? Even your new recruits?"

"Why didn't you say anything, Stroud?" Hawke asked. The concern in her voice sounded wrong. So very un-Hawke-like.

"It was a grey warden matter, Hawke." He tilted his head toward Tristian. "We're under an oath of secrecy when it comes to these things. And yes, Warden-Commander. Even the recruits."

"That's impossible. It can be expedited, yes but it is a time sensitive curse. How did it just…start for everyone?"

"What's the calling?" Eleri asked, innocent but nervous.

"Right." Tristian breathed, controlling the anxiety in her gut. "The calling is what tells a warden their life is at the end. That the blight in their body will claim them soon. It starts with dreams and progresses to whispering in the mind."

"It is not pleasant." Stroud added. "The warden says farewell then heads for the deep roads to meet death in combat."

"Oh." Eleri breathed out. Her eyes were wide.

"And every warden in Orlais is hearing that right now? They all think they are going to _die_?" Hawke seemed as shocked as Tristian was.

"Yes, likely because of Corypheus. Are you sure none of your wardens are hearing this, Warden-Commander?"

"Tristian, Stroud. Call me Tristian. We don't have time for formalities." He nodded. "And to answer your question, I'm not sure. My warden-constable will be meeting us in Crestwood within the next day or so. I'll ask her but as far as I know, no. This is Orlais only."

"Even so, your numbers are still growing from the last Blight. If the Orlesians fall, who will stand against the next Blight? It is our greatest fear. What drives us to recruit even in times of peace."

"So Corypheus isn't controlling them. He's bluffing them with this calling, and they're falling for it." Hawke scoffed. "Of course."

"Wait." Eleri broke in again. Vivienne had been standing by her side, whispering clarifications but it obviously wasn't enough. "Controlling them how? And why? We just know they're disappearing. What are they doing? Is it some kind of last, desperate attack on the darkspawn?"

"I need you all to understand, wardens are the _only_ ones who can slay archdemons. Without us, there is no surviving the next Blight. We are the only hope against it." He paused, the disappointment and anguish he was feeling toward his order clear on his face. "Warden-Commander Clarel spoke of a blood magic ritual to prevent future blights before we all perish. When I protested the plan as madness, my own comrades turned on me."

Stroud shook his head then turned toward a map on an old table. He pointed to the far west, looking at the map as he continued to speak.

"Grey wardens are gathering here, in the Western Approach, at an ancient Tevinter ritual tower. We must leave as soon as possible. We may not be able to afford any delays. I don't know what they are planning."

"The soonest we can leave is in two days." Eleri said. "We have to speak with Ariane, Tristian's warden-constable. It is Inquisition business. I will also need to send word back to Skyhold and tell them not to expect us for a while longer."

"Very well. I will meet you there then. I cannot stay here much longer. I have seen wardens in the area, searching for me. I would rather not tempt fate." Stroud explained.

"Hawke," Eleri turned to the woman, "how would you feel going with Stroud? I would feel better if he wasn't traveling along. No offense, ser. Times are dangerous."

"None taken, Inquisitor. I would welcome the company if you are so inclined, Hawke."

"I'd love to."

"Then its settled. We'll meet you in the Western Approach as soon as we can."

The group dispersed without another exchange. Hawke and Stroud to the west, the rest of the group back to the inn. Once back, Tristian excused herself to go retrieve Maddox and to take some time for herself. She laughed as Maddox jumped around in a circle, excited to see her but not straying from his orders to stay. His nub of a tail twitching back and forth while the entire back half of his body swayed side to side. She patted her thigh twice and the huge dog barreled toward her.

"Hey big guy." She scratched his ears and flopped his head back and forth as she ruffled the sides of his head. "Let's go for a walk, huh?"

As the two walked Crestwood, Tristian let her mind wander. Ariane would be arriving soon. It had been a _long_ time since the two had spoken face to face. The elf was sure to be angry with Tristian but the thought only made her laugh. She missed her if Tristian was being honest. The fiery Dalish warrior with a sharp tongue. It'd be interesting to see her interact with Vivienne.

She hoped her wardens weren't under Corypheus's influence. She hoped her numbers were still growing as steadily as when she had left. She hoped she hadn't made the wrong decision leaving to find a cure. The wardens of Ferelden were her responsibility and she just left it to someone else. It had surprised Leliana when she made that decision. She had surprised herself when she actually followed through with leaving. Tristian shook her head, physically shaking the thought away. It was too late to worry about that anymore.

Her thoughts turned to Blackwall. He was interesting. If Ariane didn't know anything about him then there was a good chance he was not a warden at all. It didn't help that Eleri didn't like him. She seemed to be a good judge of character. But so was Josie and she seemed to think he was a good enough man. Her mild dislike stemming from Eleri and not her own experiences with him.

Tristian found herself back in front of the inn after a short time. Crestwood wasn't that large of a town. Eleri was standing with a young man, handing him a few coins and a piece of rolled parchment. He nodded once then took off at a run out of Crestwood.

"We needed to report back but I didn't want to travel out to our camps." She answered Tristian's questioning gaze with a shrug.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Tired but well. The caves were more strenuous than I thought they would be."

Tristian nodded, and understanding Eleri wasn't going to answer straight, she began to talk around the question she wanted answered. "That rift was particularly nasty."

"It was. One of the stronger ones but it was glowing from underground and under a lake. It only makes sense that it would be."

"I don't think I've seen one quite so big. Not since the breach in the sky was open."

Eleri shrugged and tilted her head as she thought. "They all kind of run together for me after a while. Green, floating, and spitting out demons."

"Does closing them feel different?"

"Yes." Eleri answered quickly then shrugged again. "I mean…" she huffed as she couldn't find a better, more convincing answer, "yea, they do."

"How so?"

"I don't know."

"Eleri, yes, you do. Don't lie to me." Eleri looked away. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Is it only different rifts that make it feel different."

"As far as I can tell."

"What about when you aren't closing rifts?"

"I don't notice it."

"I said don't lie to me." Tristian reminded her with a knowing smile. Eleri was stubborn. She was young. This wasn't surprising. Tristian remembered similar conversations with Wynne about nagging injuries she had sworn up and down weren't bothering her. She chuckled to herself at the thought of comparing her and Wynne. The old woman had been strict but caring and so, so wise.

"It hurts sometimes. Can we please stop talking about it? I would like to go lay down while I have the chance."

"Of course. Go ahead, Eleri. I think I'll sit outside with Maddox for a while longer, be on the lookout in case Ariane arrives tonight."

Ariane did arrive. She was wind-burnt, exhausted, and immediately jumped into yelling at Tristian. She ranted on about every issue since she had known Tristian, from being left in charge of the wardens all the way to being summoned to Crestwood out of nowhere with no information as to why. Tristian laughed and pulled the woman into a quick hug.

She hadn't changed much since Tristian had seen her last. Her auburn hair, Tristian thought, was longer but her vallaslin was still the same faded gray, just barely there. Her eyes were the same deep blue. She had gained weight but in a good way. No longer was she the thin, wiry young elf Tristian had been afraid to spar with. She filled out her armor and struck the intimidating pose her personality demanded. The years had treated her well.

"Now what is this about?" Ariane demanded as the women got comfortable in Tristian's rented room. She sat on the bed with Ariane as Vivienne leaned against the door and Eleri sat on the lone chair in the room. "I traveled farther than I have in years for this. It had better be important."

"You aren't out recruiting? I thought that's why I put you in charge!" Tristian joked. She knew why Ariane hadn't left Vigil's Keep.

"No." She scowled. "That's what Finn is for. _I_ stay and do all the other stupid work a _Warden-Commander_ is supposed to do. Does that title ring a bell? It should. It's _yours_."

Tristian laughed loud and watched Ariane try to hide a smile. "I'll be back soon, Ariane. I promise. I joined the Inquisition and once it's over, I'll come back."

"What? No. Go find the cure. I'd rather live a long, full life."

"I forgot how contradictory you are. But anyways, that's not important right now." Tristian motioned to Eleri. "This is Eleri of Clan Lavellan. She's the Inquisitor, my boss so to speak."

"Lavellan? From the Free Marches?" Eleri nodded. Tristian hoped Ariane wasn't going to say exactly what she said next. "I heard they were wiped out by bandits."

"They were." Eleri answered. Voice small and soft.

"Oh. Sorry."

"As I was saying, we have another warden within the Inquisition. His name is Blackwall, William Blackwall. We don't know a lot about him. Do you?"

"I don't know…it sounds familiar. I don't think he is one of ours if that is what you're asking. We've grown exponentially since you left so it is a possibility that he is slipping my mind."

"That's not a lot of help, Ariane." Tristian sighed. She was hoping for more.

"Well if you don't like the way I do things, come do your own job."

"I just offered and you denied me."

"I didn't say I wanted you back, just that if you didn't like it than you could do it yourself."

Tristian shook her head and looked toward her other two companions. "We still know nothing about him."

"He could be exactly who he says he is." Vivienne offered. "He has never said if he was Ferelden or Orlesian. We simply assume Ferelden because of his accent. Your wife considers herself Ferelden, does she not? Yet her accent is decidedly Orlesian."

"That's a good point." Eleri granted but didn't seem happy about it. "I'll have to speak to him about it when we return."

"Is that all you needed from me?" Ariane asked. "I could have answered that through a letter!"

"You could but then it would be so much longer before I saw you again. Would you really deny me seeing an old friend?" Tristian asked with a smile.

"Yes. Yes, I would have. I could be warm in _your_ office right now and not sore from traveling!"

"We were concerned about our letter being intercepted if Blackwall turned out to be a threat to the Inquisition. I honestly thought you would have more information."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Not your fault." Tristian waved her apology off. "Your room for the night has already been paid for. We must leave in the morning for the Western Approach. If you'd like to stay another night before leaving than I'll pay for that as well. I appreciate you meeting with us, Ariane, and it _is_ good to see you."

"As much as I hate to admit it, it's good to see you too, Warden-Commander. It's been a long time." Ariane replied with a smile. "Now, I would love to stay and chat but I am starving and exhausted. Wake me before you leave tomorrow?"

"I'd never dream of leaving before I said goodbye."

Ariane scoffed as she headed for the door. "You do it all the time."

Tristian smiled. It was true. She very rarely had told Ariane or Finn when she was leaving Vigil's Keep in the past. Although in her defense, she had only been back three times in the past ten years. Not nearly enough to claim she _never_ said goodbye.

"Shouldn't you two talk more about the wardens?" Eleri asked once the other elf was gone.

"No, I trust her." Tristian looked from the closed door to Eleri. "She has a good head on her shoulders and until I'm back at Vigil's Keep, I won't question her command. It isn't my place."

"There are many who would disagree with you, dear." Vivienne added. "Although, I think it speaks volumes of you to think that way."

"I _think_ that's a compliment." Tristian laughed. "Thank you?"

Vivienne didn't confirm or deny if it was a compliment. She let out an airy laugh and walked out of the room. "Goodnight, dears."

"You should get some sleep as well, Eleri. You're exhausted. I can see it from here and whatever happens in the Western Approach I have a feeling will not be pleasant."

"Yea, okay." Eleri answered, standing up and stretching her arms above her head. "Sleep well, Tristian."

"It's just me and you now." Tristian said to Maddox after the door shut. The two looked at each other before Tristian smiled and patted the space in bed next to her. Maddox yipped and scrambled to his feet, his claws scrapping the floor loudly. Tristian laughed as he jumped into the bed, pushing his head away as he tried to lick her.

"Quit, Maddox!" She laughed. She ran her hands across her face with a scowl as he collapsed onto her lap, looking up at her with his head on his paws. A smile cracked the scowl. "That's disgusting. You're lucky I don't make you sleep on the floor after that."

His tongue lolled out of his mouth as he rolled to his back, taking up half the bed. She scratched his belly then pushed on his side with both hands. The massive dog stood up and stepped over Tristian as she got closer to the wall, Maddox on the outside edge of the bed. She didn't worry about the fact that they were on top of the blanket. The inn was warm and Maddox was warmer.

Tristian drifted into a comfortable sleep. Her forehead resting against Maddox's back, her hand lightly scratching along his spine. Without Leliana, this was the most peaceful sleep she would find. Protected by her oldest friend and the only thing she had left from her previous life.


	19. Here Lies the Abyss 1 - Tristian

The Western Approach was stifling. No longer were they in the cool climate of Ferelden that Tristian had been born and raised in, that she preferred. The sun was scorching, the hardened sand radiating heat so the party was being cooked from above and below. Traveling had been slow once the temperatures had started to rise. They were dressed for a slight chill, not intense heat. Tristian thought she was melting inside her armor.

Eleri's fair skin was tinged pink along her high cheek bones and pointed ear tips; Tristian felt the tightness of sunburn on her face as well. The only one unaffected by the intense rays were Vivienne but she had not stopped complaining about the heat and the fact that she was sweating. It seemed she had no patience for any type of weather unless it could be described as perfect.

"We should reach Scout Harding's camp if we go down this path." Eleri pointed down a narrow channel. "Looks like they chose wisely."

And they had. A small but strongly flowing river ran along the bottom of one of the sandy banks that rose on both sides of them. Maddox happily pranced over to it, plunging in and splashing around. Tristian smiled. She had been worried the heat would be too much for him but he had soldiered on.

"As much as I would love to follow his lead," Tristian jerked her head toward her dog, "I think we should get to camp before relaxing. This still feels too open."

"Then let us be off. This sun is dreadful and I very much wish to change."

"Hopefully we have something more suitable to change into." Eleri commented as their horses started down the path. The three women would have loved to take the last stretch of distance in front of them at a gallop but their horses could not handle it. Not after how far they had come and the drastic change in weather. The poor animals were almost dead on their feet. A well-deserved rest, though sure to be a hot one, waited for them at camp. "Do you think the council got our message in time?"

"Well, dear, we did send it ages ago. If it isn't here already then it should only be a day or so behind us."

"I'm with Eleri." Tristian groaned, thinking about having to stay in her heavy, warm armor for any longer. "I _really_ hope our things are already here."

Once camp was in sight, a few plants started to pop up around them. It was almost like a small oasis. The river expanded into a shallow, narrow lake. The water was still crystal clear. Rough, pale green grass grew sporadically, fighting up through the unforgiving and malnourished dirt.

"Inquisitor!" Scout Harding called out with a smile and wave once they were close. Three officers approached them as they dismounted, taking the reins. Tristian gave Byerley's neck a gently swipe of her hand. She watched the officers guide the horses toward the water before joining Eleri, Harding, and Vivienne.

Byerley was growing on her. She had to admit it even if she still tensed and panicked with every surprise movement the horse made. The horse was sweet and, much to Tristian's surprise and pleasure, playful. She would gently nudge Tristian's head whenever the warden was standing and not paying attention to her then refuse to look at Tristian for a few seconds afterward. At first, Tristian had jumped and swore. Now she would push the horse back. Byerley and Maddox also seemed to get along. Maddox would playfully jump around the horse, attempt to flank her but the horse would keep her large eyes on him, slightly rearing when Maddox got close.

"Has Stroud and Hawke made contact yet?" Eleri asked. She was peeling off her gloves to pull at her collar with a bare hand. The heat was almost too much now that they were so close to a reprieve.

"They have but maybe you guys should lose some layers before we continue."

"Scout Harding," Eleri's tone turned playful, a charming smile crinkling her eyes, "are you propositioning me?"

"Oh, come off it." The dwarf rolled her eyes with a laugh. Eleri's own echoed off the high barriers around them. Tristian cracked a smile as Vivienne shook her head with a chuckle.

"Harding, darling, did the council send our things?"

"They did." She turned to point at the tents behind them. "Each of you have a tent and your belongings are inside. The Inquisitor, Madame de Fer, and Commander Cousland." She gestured to the tent that belonged to each woman. "The tents are…stuffy but the lack of sun feels nice. While you get ready, we'll refill your water supply and tend to your weapons. You'll need it, the Approach is just like everywhere else we've been: dangerous."

The women gave Harding their thanks and their weapons then quickly retreated to each of their tents. The flap of her tent had barely fallen shut before Tristian was yanking her armor off. She never treated her armor this way, flinging it to the ground without a care but she was _so hot_ , baking and on the verge of losing a battle with her composure. Instead of the whine that threatened, a heavy sigh of relief escaped as she stood in only her trousers and breast band. For the first time, she looked around the tent. There was a bedroll in the middle, a chest to the right, and a weapons rack to the left.

Tristian plopped onto the bedroll and scooted to face the chest. She opened it, pulling the letter she knew would was going to be there out and setting it beside her, and rummage through what her wife packed for her. She smiled at the light Inquisition crested armor. She was thankful for the cream colored leather the sun wouldn't abuse but wrinkled her nose at the red that accented it. She had never been a fan of the color. Leliana knew that, often teased her about it because of her wife's hair color. Tristian could only imagine the teasing the letter beside her contained. She fell back and reached for the letter. A tight feeling winding in her chest, one she was very familiar with. She smiled at the elegant script that had written her name. For so long that was her only connection to Leliana, the familiarity of her handwriting. That thought used to tear at her. The handwriting was comforting but she hated that it was instead of being comforted by her wife. Tristian carefully unfolded the paper.

 _Hello love. I hope your travels went well. You all deserve it if Eleri's report is anything to go by. I had no idea that Crestwood was in that poor of shape, although, as soon as I made the connection to Haven, I should have suspected. I'm glad you're safe and I eagerly await your return to me. I miss you. Be careful with the wardens._

 _I love you._

 _P.S – sorry about the red in your new armor, though, I thought it would be a nice reminder of who is waiting for you at home._

Leliana never signed her letters. But it didn't matter. Tristian didn't need her to. She chuckled thinking about her wife laughing at her own teasing, regardless of how bad it was. Tristian let the paper rest on her chest, a hand over it and let her eyes slip shut. She wished so badly that Leliana was with her. All this traveling and saving the world was stirring memories from the Blight that Tristian had hoped were forgotten. Or at the very least, dealt with by this point. Her longing of Morrigan. Fear of the Deep Roads. Guilt over…well, almost everything.

She allowed herself a few minutes of pity. Then, she got up and donned her armor. She had forgotten how comfortable light armor was. The armor was only where it needed to be, allowing the rest to be breathable and it was so. much. cooler. The gloves felt like she wasn't wearing any. Her shoulders sang joyfully without the weight she had become accustomed to after so many years of fighting in chainmail. Th hood that was attached was thin, see-through but would protect her from the wind and harsh sun. She tossed it over her head as she stepped back out into the camp.

Vivienne sat in white mage's armor with a gap cut out at her chest, a hood replacing her normal head piece. She was sipping a cup of water while she chatted with Scout Harding. The woman always seemed to be lounging, even when they were in the worst of conditions. A sense of elegance radiating off her. Eleri, radiating her own brand of elegance, stood in what she could only guess was traditional Dalish armor while studying the requisition table. It was pale green and deep tan. Leather leggings with light boots and a high collar with a willowy hood. She looked sleeker in it, a deadly stiletto dagger personified.

"Waiting on me?" Tristian asked as she closed the distance to them. An officer offered her a cup of water that she took gratefully. The liquid was thrown back quickly, cooling Tristian from the inside out. Vivienne laughed at her thirst and impatience of quenching it.

"Yes and no." Eleri answered and gestured toward the table. "I took care of a few things so it's fine. We should head out soon though. Harding said Stroud and Hawke left a day ago to scout where that ritual tower is located. I have the location."

"I'd be careful, Inquisitor. We've been dealing with the gas in the area but still. We don't know for sure how well our solution is working after long term exposure." Harding warned.

"We'll steer clear as best we can. Thank you, Harding." Eleri flashed her a wide smile before motioning with her head for the rest of the party to follow her. Tristian clapped Harding's shoulder as she passed by in her own thanks and farewell. Eleri explained their route as they continued away from camp. "Harding says it should be a straight shot to the tower but we do have to cross an expanse of flat desert that will put us in direct sunlight with no real cover from the wind. We'll need to be quick as the weather, or the wind I guess, is unreliable. We don't want to be caught in a sandstorm."

"Let's get a move on then."

…

The tower was not what Tristian had expected. It was crumbling and only an outline of what once might have been a beautifully constructed building. Only a portion of the main entrance, where Hawke and Stroud were waiting, remained. Further back, more of the tower had survived and aided Tristian's imagination in reconstructing the rest of it in her mind.

"Took you long enough." Hawke said in way of greeting. Tristian rolled her eyes. This woman was making it difficult to be civil.

"We're here now." Eleri responded, all business. Then she turned to Stroud, "What are we dealing with?"

"I fear they have already started. We tried to stay out of sight but the noises are not natural. I can only imagine what is going on."

"It has to be blood magic." Hawke supplied. Her eyes focused over her shoulder and toward the ritual. "We need to do something before more people get hurt." She brought her attention back to Eleri, "You take point. I'll watch your backs."

The details now shared about the situation gave excuse to Hawke's initial greeting. With the stories from what happened in Kirkwall, Tristian was both surprised and assured by her reaction. She was obviously unnerved by the irresponsible use of magic. Especially blood magic. It spoke to the woman's character.

Eleri indeed took point, Stroud at her side but a step back. Tristian walked side by side with Vivienne, a hand firmly clutching the grip of her sword. The mage next to her brushed her hand against Tristian's elbow. A nod was offered when their eyes met. An attempt to calm the obviously blatant nerves Tristian was dealing with. She had a bad feeling about what was about to happen and she felt guilty having to clean up after fellow grey wardens. Blood magic. Nothing else had to be said about that.

The tower's bridge was immaculately preserved. The stones were smoothed from use and its walls still held onto their carved details. Thin banners rippled in the wind at the end of the bridge. As hot and miserable as Tristian felt, she had to appreciate the alien beauty of the Western Approach. Especially when looking out across the deep ravine below the bridge and up ahead toward the tower and the vast expanse of sand that stretched for an undiscernible number of miles in every direction.

Beauty was quickly forgotten as she turned her focus to the task at hand. The top of the stairs seemed to be shrouded by some sort of sand storm, magical no doubt. The dread in Tristian's gut grew with each step she climbed.

At the top, that dread tightened into disgust and nausea. The corpses of several grey warden warriors, classified by their armor, were forgotten in piles of gore. Flies and other, larger, insects buzzed around them. The smell was a punch to the gut. Tristian swallowed thickly and clenched her jaw. This would not stand. Even through her anger, Tristian had the presences of mind to look to Eleri. The _young_ elf had seen so much carnage only a few weeks prior. Her clan's death still cleanly fresh in her mind's eye. But that didn't show on her face as she took in their surroundings. All Tristian saw was anger. She wasn't lost in her memories. It helped fuel her own anger.

The next thing that was noticeable, and she was sure it was the first thing to the non-wardens of their group, were the demons standing obediently next to the warden mages. They stood passively as a warrior was being cornered by a mage with a knife, fear clear in the cornered man's face and hesitation written in the mage's shoulders.

"Stop!" Tristian shouted. The mage turned with wide eyes and the warrior let out a short breath but the addition of a new man, decidedly not a warden, approached from a higher platform of steps.

"Warden-Commander Clarel's orders were clear." He ignored their intrusion of the inquisition party. The urgency in his voice was the only sign he knew he had company. The warrior turned around to address him.

"It feels _wrong_. We should not do this!"

"Remember your oath: in war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death…" The man trailed off, bored with the recital. The mage moved closer and plunged the knife to the cross guard into the warrior. A silky green rift appeared behind them. The man sneered as he drawled out the last part of the oath. "Sacrifice."

A rage demon exploded from the warrior's pool of blood. No one seemed to give the rift any thought. Tristian stepped closer to Eleri as the man ordered the mage what to do next.

"We need to do something. _Now_!"

Eleri began to move, to do something but stopped as the mage's hand glowed green. Green like her anchor. Sporadically as her anchor as the mage held it toward the demon. Her eyes popped wide as her lips parted in shocked confusion. Tristian was feeling something similar but the rage at her order being taken advantage of, or worse, willingly breaking laws of nature, moved her out of shock.

Tristian moved her hand from her sword and yanked a dagger from her belt. Her throw would likely miss but it would cause enough distraction to allow her to close the distance between her and the wardens in front of her.

Except, the blade didn't make it within five feet of the demon she had aimed for. She narrowed her eyes as they rose to the man at the platform. With a flick of his wrist the dagger went clattering to the side. His own hand flared red as he waved it in the air. The mage's eyes glowed the same red and the demon slunk to his side. Only then did the man address them.

"And who are you?" He looked at Tristian but didn't give her time to answer as his eyes slid behind her to Eleri. "Ah, Inquisitor. What an unexpected…pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your services."

He ended his introduction with a flamboyant bow. Tristian's blood boiled but she bit it back. Anger had not helped her in the past. She wouldn't let it rule her now. Stroud stepped up to speak next.

"You are no warden. You have no right to command these men."

"You're right on one account, I am not. But you are, the one Clarel let slip. And you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me." He shook his head condescendingly, "Shall we see how that goes?"

"Surrender, Erimond. I've killed demons before," Eleri slipped her weapons from her belt and stepped forward, "If I have to kill a magister and some corrupt warden mages as well, so be it."

"You can certainly try since I will not be surrendering. Now, how about a demonstration." Erimond turned to the warden mages who flanked the tower's floor. "Wardens, hands up."

The party watched as Erimond did first then the mages followed, as if they had no control over it. Their movements were identical to Erimond's. Right down to the gaudy twist of his wrist.

"Hands down." They followed again. "It seems our test has worked. Splendid. Would you like to see more, Inquisitor?"

"Corypheus has taken their minds." Stroud's voice was strained with despair. His eyes flitting between the mages around them. It was clear he knew many of them. Tristian's heart hurt for him.

"Nothing has been taken, ser warden. They did this to themselves. You see, the calling had the wardens terrified. They looked _everywhere_ for help."

"Even Tevinter."

"Yes. Even Tevinter. But don't sound so upset. Since it was my _master_ who put the calling in their little, gullible heads, we in the Venatori thought it only fair if we offered our help. I went to Clarel, full of sympathy of course, and together we came up with a plan: raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and kill the old gods before they wake. Simple."

"Except you will be marching a different way, won't you?" Vivienne scoffed. "Leave it to a Tevinter to get others to do their dirty work."

"If the work gets done, I don't really care who does it." He shrugged. Whatever words were going to come out of his opening mouth were forgotten as a fire ball hit him squarely in the chest.

"That is _enough_ talking." Hawke spit out, her staff flaring as she prepared for her next attack. Each fighter moved toward an enemy. No orders given. Erimond's own order of attack was strained from pain. Fire, claws, steel, and lightening erupted around them.

Tristian, having fought mages and their demons before, evaded the demons as she moved to exterminate their masters. The mages seemed to be fighting through a haze. Their movements were stiff and predictable. Tristian's sword impaled one mage, both master and demonic servant crumbling, before turning to another. The next enemy fell just as quickly. Tristian straightened to take stock of her companions. They were not faring as well. They were too focused on the demons.

"Ignore the demons! Get to the mages!"

As she scanned the battle field, Tristian noticed a distinct lack of Erimond. She left the remaining enemies to her companions and took the steps two at a time to find the man. The next level was empty. She couldn't figure out where he would have gone. The back of the tower was walled in. The desert out of the windows left nowhere to hide and showed no sign of him. By the time Tristian made it back, the battle was over.

"He's gone." She announced as she descended the last few steps.

"Demons, human sacrifice. Who looks at that and thinks it's a good idea?!" Eleri rounded on Stroud. The only one for her to take her anger out on. Tristian stepped closer and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, subtly pulling back. A strong reminder to calm down for only Eleri's attention. To anyone else, it would look simply as a comforting gesture. Instead of Stroud, Hawke answered her. Furious.

"The scared and foolish."

"They _were_ wrong, Hawke, but they had their reasons. They –"

"Reasons?! All blood mages have reasons!" Hawke exploded. "Everyone has a story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions…it never matters. That is not an excuse, Stroud. There is no rationalizing this away."

Stroud shook his head sadly at his friend. Hawke snarled at him then abruptly turned away and walked off across the bridge. He sighed, watched after her before turning to Eleri. "I believe I know where the wardens are, Your Worship. If Erimond is here, then there is only one place they would go." He pointed to the north.

…

Travel back from the Western Approach had been arguably as miserable as the way there. Maybe more so thanks to the exhaustion of traveling almost nonstop the past few weeks. The progression from hot to cold was not as pleasant as the reverse. Tristian's nose had begun to run, her lips chapped to the point of splitting, and her throat felt raw. She pressed her and middle finger against her temples and put the pressure of her palm over her closed eyes. They had no time to rest, this council meeting already tapping into their limited timeline but Tristian needed it desperately. A hand rested on her elbow, a gentle comfort that belonged to the voice that addressed the rest of the room.

"Adamant Fortress has stood against the darkspawn since the time of the second Blight." Leliana informed, mostly for Eleri's benefit. "It has stood the test of time to be sure."

"But, fortunately for us, that means it was built before the age of modern siege equipment. A good trebuchet will do major damage to those ancient walls. _And_ , thanks to our lady ambassador…" Cullen smiled like the cat who go the canary and looked to Josie who shared his look. Tristian's own lips quirked at one side. They may be preparing to go into battle but the advisors felt very good about their odds. Something that didn't happen often. It was nice to see their excitement.

"Lady Seryl of Jader was pleased to lend the Inquisition her sappers. They've already delivered the trebuchets."

Leliana's eyebrows rose in pleasant surprise but sobered quickly. "That is the good news."

"And the bad, Leli?" Tristian asked with a sigh and tired smile. There always had to be bad news. She sniffed in an attempt to clear her sinuses which earned her a sympathetic smile from her wife.

"Erimond called the ritual at the Western Approach, yes? He may already be raising his army of demons from the fortress."

"Our forces can breach the gate, I have no doubts about that," Cullen started, "but if the wardens already have their demons…I'm not sure how that will turn the tides."

"I found records of Adamant's construction. There are choke points we can use to limit the field of battle. It'll give us more control."

"That's good. We may not be able to defeat them outright but if we cut off reinforcements, we can carve you a path to Warden-Commander Clarel." He looked to Eleri, waiting for her opinion on their plan so far.

"That sounds…bloody. Taking this fortress is going to get a lot of good soldiers killed." Eleri looked down at the table with a shake of her head. Josie stepped closer and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Our soldiers know the risks, Eleri. And they know what they are fighting for."

"It'll be hard fought, no way around it." Cullen added. "But we'll get that gate open and we _will_ come out of this victorious. Their lives will not be lost in vain."

"I'd wager that some wardens may join us. Especially the warriors and rogues." Tristian mused. There was no way the sacrifices would follow as blindly as the mages. They weren't under Corypheus's control and they also lost the most. She hated to think that way. _In death, sacrifice._ But this was not true, just sacrifice. These men and women deserved better. "Though I doubt they'll turn against Clarel directly. You'll have to get through to her somehow."

"And the mages?" Eleri asked hopefully. That youthful optimism despite what she has already seen of the world and war always found a way to shine through. Tristian smiled at it with a silent prayer that Eleri didn't lose it.

"They aren't themselves. They're under Corypheus's command. They'll fight to the death."

With that somber thought, the room fell silent. No one focused on anyone else. All of their thoughts were on the upcoming battle. It would be bloody. Hard-fought. Trying. But, as Cullen said, they would come out as the victors. There was no other option.

"We've built the siege engines and readied our forces, Inquisitor. Give the word and we march on Adamant." Cullen announced. He gave a curt nod before walking out of the war room. Josie pulled Eleri from the room after the commander, saying something about rest and capitalizing on what little time they had to get it.

"A smart woman that Josephine." Leliana said softly as she stepped into Tristian. Her body hovered right at the edge of Tristian's nerves. She could feel her but not enough, no real contact. One of Leliana's hands reached up to Tristian's forehead before the backs of both hands rested against her cheeks. "You're warm."

Tristian shrugged and leaned forward until her forehead met her wife's. She let her eyes slip shut as Leliana's hands slipped to her neck. She did not feel well but it didn't matter. The had more pressing matters at hand than her health. She could fight and that was the only thing that mattered. She sighed as Leliana's hands slipped further and linked with her own and allowed her wife to pull her out of the war room and toward their bedroom. Even more compliant as Leliana stripped her of her clothes and guided her into bed. She snuggled into Leliana immediately. The comfort of Leliana's arms was possibly Tristian's favorite thing about being married to her. She knew exactly how to hold Tristian to express how much she loved her, to make her feel safe and at home.

"Will you be at Adamant?"

"I will. As will Cullen."

"Josie?"

"She'll remain her with a small force of soldiers and a few of my agents. Enough to protect the hold. I wouldn't put it past our enemies to try and catch us off guard. Cole will be staying for Josie's own personal protection. Eleri isn't happy about it but she was even more unhappy when I suggested that Josie join us." Leliana chuckled, bringing a smile to Tristian. "I thought she was going to explode trying to find a better option."

They were quiet again. Both thinking about what was going to happen soon. They only had a day, maybe two before they left for Adamant Fortress. They wouldn't be peaceful days. Preparations needed to be made. More than anything, Tristian thought on how she knew how Eleri felt. Leliana was a skilled fighter. She had a hand in stopping a Blight, after all but Tristian still did not like the idea of her being back in the fray. She had gotten used to Leliana being behind the scenes. Being _safe_.

"I want you to take Maddox." Leliana started at Tristian's voice. She had obviously begun drifting to sleep.

"I don't need him, love. I'll be staying back with the trebuchets and monitoring my agents."

Tristian shook her head against Leliana's chest. "No. I want him with you." She pushed herself up onto an elbow. She felt the furrow of her brows and tried to smooth out her worried look with a small smile. "Please? It would put my mind at ease."

"Your mind has no reason to be anything but at ease as far as I am concerned. I won't even truly be in the fighting." Leliana cupped Tristian's cheek.

"What if something happens?"

"Then not even Maddox would be able to save me."

"Leli…" Tristian did not like that version of possible events. They looked at each other for several moments. Tristian could tell she was wearing on Leliana's resolve. Finally, her wife sighed and ran her thumb over the skin underneath.

"Fine. I'll take Maddox but he will be bored with me."

"He's an old man. He could use the break after Crestwood and the Western Approach."

Leliana laughed and moved her hand from Tristian's cheek to the back of her neck, pulling her down on top of her. "Go to sleep."

Tristian hummed her cooperation. It took her no time at all to follow the order. Leliana's gentle hands trailing up and down her back, the smell of leather and Andraste's grace surrounding her, and the familiar press of her wife's body against hers were the sweetest lullaby.

Waking up to the same sensations was even better. Tristian inhaled heavily and nuzzled her face further into Leliana's neck. She sleepily pressed lazy kisses there. Her hands flexed, squeezing Leliana's shoulders, as she tried to get some feeling back into them. Once she felt pins, Tristian turned them and pressed against the mattress under her to raise herself up to look down at Leliana. She was met with a pout, the hands on her hips pulling her down. A useless act since only her torso was lifted off Leliana.

"We're not getting up yet; lay back down." Tristian shook her head. "Why not?"

"We're supposed to be preparing for the battle at Adamant. Do you remember how we used to prepare for our bigger battles?"

Leliana's pout was quickly replaced by a smirk and a raised eyebrow. A look that had always reduced Tristian to a bumbling idiot. A wide smile took over her own face.

"I think you may need to remind me." Leliana pulled again on Tristian's hips but this time more deliberately. Tristian hummed in response and leaned down to kiss her wife. Leliana quickly pulled back, one eyebrow raised high. "If you get me sick…"


	20. Adamant

**A/N: Ten imaginary dollars to whoever can guess why Varric gave Tristian her nickname. Sorry this took so long! I didn't really (at all) proof read this so also sorry for any mistakes. Especially any embarrassingly bad ones. Happy Thanksgiving to any 'Americans out there! Various POV.**

Cullen looked around their makeshift war room. A hastily set up tent with a newly constructed war table, little more than scrap wood nailed together. Rallying point for the Inquisition command. The Inquisitor stood to his right with Leliana and Cassandra to his left; all present companions in front of him, waiting for final orders. It was common military strategy to use your opponent's distractions against them. It made sense to leave Cole and Maddox, as well as a small force, at Skyhold but he feared they may need the extra man power. This was their biggest military conquest yet. And against Adamant Fortress, one soldier could turn the tide.

The Inquisitor made it clear that she was merely a pawn for the advisors to direct. Although, he had never met a more powerful or respectful pawn. Her words before battle would hold more weight than his. If only she'd listen to his, and the other advisors', belief in her.

Pulling himself to full height, with no more time to waste, Cullen steadied himself with a hand on the pommel of his sword. Time to command his army.

"Let's go over everyone's duties one last time. It is imperative that we all execute exactly to plan if we are to be victorious _and_ minimize causalities.

"The Inquisitor will be accompanied by Tristian, Varric, Hawke, and Stroud." Cullen turned to each as he said their names, looking in their eyes to drive his point home and, in such a small way, convey to them that they were more than just pieces on a map to be moved around as needed. Then he turned to the Inquisitor, "You will head straight for Clarel. Worry about nothing else. Stopping whatever she has planned is why we're here."

The Inquisitor gave a brisk nod. All business at the doorstep of battle. It was clear in her eyes, though, that she was not fond of such a direct task assigned to her. The advisors worried she wouldn't be able to comply. Her bleeding heart most often served them well but this was not about popular opinion or saving innocents. More lives would be saved by ignoring cries for help. Cullen prayed her young mind could comprehend it and that her young heart and soul could handle it.

"We have teams to allow the narrowed focus, Inquisitor. I cannot stress enough how important it is to get to Clarel, and fast."

"Got it, Cullen."

"Good." He turned to the others, following the same routine. "Cassandra, Sera, and Vivienne will take the choke points on the west side of the fortress. Solas, Blackwall, and Dorian, to the east. _You_ are responsible for anything that the Inquisitor much ignore. Bull, you and your chargers will take the bottom level of the fortress."

"Lots of demons, right?" It was unnerving how excited Bull got about fighting. The blood lust and hunger for battle was something Cullen had never felt. Even at his worst moments as a Templar. Bull's smile was wide and eager.

"Yes, we believe so. We aren't sure what you'll be going into but the belly of the fortress is the bottom level. Private quarters, barracks, the kitchens and dining rooms; dungeons too. We have even less idea of what might be in there, if anything. The Chargers are arguably in the most danger. Be careful."

"The most danger," Bull shrugged, "the most fun. We'll take care of it, Commander. The boys have been itching for some real action."

Cullen only nodded. The Chargers would be able to scratch that itch. He didn't want to think of the mental stability of those under Bull's command. "Leliana will have agents in and out of battle, running messages, fighting, whatever we need. They will be in green armor. Hopefully they stand out as planned in battle. Tell them what you need and they will report it back to Leliana.

"I will be leading the main force outside Adamant. Once we make it through the main gates, we will join the fight. I don't need to tell you how important this battle is for Thedas. We have not been tested like this yet. Haven was an ambush; this is our chance to take some measure of justice for those lost. We are fighting the first large-scale battle of this war. May the Maker, the elven gods, or whoever it is you believe in watch over you."

They all let the moment sink in. A loaded silence falling over them. There was no such thing as a calm before battle; nerves, worry, and a healthy dose of fear made it impossible. At least for Cullen.

"Inquisitor, last words?"

She chuckled, dark and morbid. "That seems a dangerous thing to ask before battle, Cullen."

"What? Oh…no! I didn't mean it like that!" The companions either cracked a smile or let a light laugh escape. Disarming the moment. The tension lightened. The Inquisitor seeming to know just what her soldiers needed. Cullen was fine to be the butt of the joke for the cause. Even if it wasn't what he needed. She smiled teasingly and apologetically then grew serious.

"This is for Haven. Or, it's for the wardens being sacrificed without knowing the true reason, for the Templars being turned into abominations, the mages used as fuel for chaos, the innocents killed in the crossfire of this war. This is for whoever you need it to be for.

"We will come out of this battle as the victors. We have no other options and with each of you fighting with me and our soldiers behind us, I know we will."

A roar of cheering erupted with the Inquisitor's words. It started with Bull and his Chargers then was taken up by the others. The warriors easily bellowing their war cries as Vivienne laughed and Dorian jumped in eagerly. Sera hooted and howled, cackling in between. Solas said nothing but an amused smile betrayed his indifference.

Cullen didn't join in. Too preoccupied with thoughts of the battle but he would never deny them this. The Inquisitor dismissed the group to get into position. A long battle awaited them. Cullen prayed they were ready for it.

…

The only benefit to the numbers of the enemy force was that Dorian didn't run out of fodder for his necromantic army. With each opponent fell, up again they would rise. Only to be defeated once again. They never lasted long but it was long enough.

The choke points were chaotic. As was everything that had to do with Corypheus. Chaos embodied. Demons attacked from all sides, their mage masters firing in spells from the safety of distance. Fire turned the air smokey, red flared at the edges of Dorian's vision as flashes of purple, green, blue erupted from staffs.

The siege ladders were pushed off. Put back up. Pushed again. Now their responsibility as well. It was almost impossible to know who was friend and foe. Even with the difference of armor. People would come in and out of the fray, unexpectedly dashing in front of Dorian only to be gone just as fast. Cut down or running.

The sound of metal on metal sounded seconds before Dorian was knocked forward. He hit the ground chest first. Pushing off his scraped palms to face his attacker. No, not metal on metal. Claw on metal. A shade toward over Dorian, stretching its claws high to come down on him. Cold flew over Dorian's head, smacking straight into the torso of the shade and freezing it solid. Solas's slender hand roughly pulling Dorian to his feet.

"Thanks!" He shouted before focusing back on the battle. Solas grunted then set to conjuring wards around them. One sent off in Blackwall's direction.

The warrior was surrounded but holding his own. A season fighter to be sure. He slashed, hacked, thrusted his way out of all potential danger.

Dorian began to feel optimistic about their odds. They were overrun with demons and corrupted mages but the Inquisition was not beaten. They were cutting down three demons for every one soldier lost.

A crash that reverberated across the stones and up Dorian's spine told him he spoke to soon. The entire battle seemed to pause. All eyes turning to behind them. Deep purple, scaled and huge, the pride demon rose from its crouch with a roar. _Lovely_ , Dorian thought.

…

"Go!" Bull yelled, eyes watching as Eleri and her party ran up the stairs and toward their own mission. "Alright, boys! Let's get to business!"

His own party moved toward the belly of Adamant. Warden mages and demons filing out to meet them. At least, that was what Bull thought until the bulk of their group pulled away and toward where Eleri just ran off.

Bull shook it off. Focusing on the battle in front of him. He fought his way toward the agent Leliana assigned to him. Her green armor standing out just like the advisors wanted.

"Hey! Canary! Go back to Red. I think we were sent to the wrong place." Bull was cut off by his own grunt, blocking a slash by a rage demon. Shoving it off then bringing his massive hammer head down on its skull. If it had a skull. Bull was distracted by his thoughts.

"Ser?"

"Right, yea. Tell Red what just happened, that they left and ignored us. We'll check the area but I'd bet we're alone down here now. They're assembling somewhere."

"Yes ser."

The agent melted into the battle. Her green hood bobbing in and out, away from enemies as she did as Bull asked. His Chargers fought on. Jokes and shouts between members. Bloody laughter sounding all around them.

…

Cassandra's arm grew heavier with each crash of her opponent's attack on her shield. Her head ducked behind it to protect herself. It wouldn't do well to hide longer. There were too many around her. She shoved right after the next attack landed, hitting solidly against the demon's recoiling body. A yell ripping from her lips as she drew back her sword and landed her own attack. The demon crumbled at her feet. Sweat dripped down her face, hanging at her brow.

They had been fighting too long. The enemy wasn't dwindling. If anything, it seemed their numbers were never ending. The siege ladders had been established, letting a stream of Inquisition soldiers into the battle but Cassandra couldn't tell if it was enough.

"Sera! Focus on the middle of their numbers!"

"Yea, yea. I'm on it your seekerness. Hey! Get that agent to get me more arrows. I can't put down the badies without any arrows."

Ignoring Sera's antics was easier in battle. Cassandra made her way to the agent, popping in and out of the fray with bloody daggers. She gave the man her message then ran back into the fight.

Her blade slid in and out of demons. None were excessively difficult to deal with. Their mage masters similar. It almost felt like a distraction. Cassandra's head snapped back as the end of a staff jabbed out, clipping her in the side of her head. A physical attack by a mage always hit its mark against her. She never expected it to block it.

She grunted, snarl in place. Sword coming down hard. The mage attempted to block it but his wooden staff came clean in the middle. He looked at it in disbelief, then to his chest as Cassandra's sword buried itself there.

"Cassandra!" Vivienne called out. Her own staff spinning, turning, and slinging with her spells. "We're being flanked!"

She jerked around and, sure enough, demons were curling along the outskirts of the battle. They couldn't be closed in.

"Press forward!" She bellowed. Mind whirling with movements and probability and causalities. "You," her sword zeroed in on a group of soldiers, "stay with Sera, let nothing near her."

To her left was a seasoned warrior, one of Cullen's higher ranking officers. To her right, a new recruit. She grabbed the young man as she made her way to the officer. "You two with me. We cannot allow those demons to flank us. There should be another wave of soldiers soon. We need to maintain control of the field until then."

They nodded. The young man had fear in his eyes but jaw set, determined. They charged forward. Cassandra hoped the three of them would be enough. They needed that next wave. Now.

…

The main gates were opened. The siege machine sitting off to the side, discarded as soon as the massive wood doors splintered and collapsed. Cullen barked orders, directed men, and prepared himself to join them. Leliana would send the next wave. Then the one after that. His duties as commander were at an end once his men were through the gates. Then, he'd be another soldier. Fighting for his cause.

His eyes followed the second to last group charge through. Two agents sprinting around them and toward Leliana's position. He looked up to the battlements where their parties were. There was nothing to see from the ground. The only thing he could give them was his hope they were not in dire need. "Go!"

The next group took off. Their metallic steps ringing off the stone walls around them. Cullen charged with them, at the head. Sword drawn and shield held tight.

…

"Sera needs more arrows. She was not out when I left but getting close."

"Status?" Leliana asked as she moved to hand her agent the large quiver of extra arrows. She knew this would be a problem. A stash of bolts laid next to the arrows for Varric. There had a better way to replenish them but Leliana couldn't give it any extra thought. She had enough on her plate already.

"They are almost overrun. The choke point is holding but enemy numbers aren't depleting as quickly as we thought they would. It is not lost but close."

"Alright. Get going. The next wave will join them before you do."

She turned to the other agent. Bull's agent. "What does Bull need?"

"Nothing except a new objective. When we made to go into Adamant a force of mages and demons came out but not all engaged. Only a portion, less than half but their numbers were high. I'd put them at 50 mages, about 15 stayed to fight. Bull believes they are assembling elsewhere."

"With Clarel. It's the only explanation." Leliana looked down to think. They hadn't accounted for Clarel to amass her entire army in one place. It could be a trap for Eleri. Or a last-ditch effort to complete their ritual. There were too many possibilities. "Tell Bull to make his way toward Clarel's position and tell him to hurry. Everyone will be converging there but not yet. This could be a trap for the Inquisitor."

"Yes. Spymaster."

The last thing they needed was a trap. Leliana didn't need to make another mistake. Haven was enough on her conscious, she didn't need Adamant as well.

"Send the next wave." She commanded her agent in the tent. The man ran off and her thoughts did too. Something bad was going to happen. The feeling began before Crestwood and would not go away. She itched to send the last wave right then too but steadied herself. Strategy was ruined by over-action as much as inaction. They were prepared, they would win.

…

Tristian's breath came in short, painful bursts. They had been running since entering Adamant. A _large_ fortress with too many stairs. But the fear of wasting time kept their feet moving. Her head pounded, her nose and eyes feeling tight. The sweat sliding down her back and chest was cold but her skin felt too hot. This was not the time to be sick. She cursed the last couple weeks.

Eleri, at the front with her thin frame built for speed, slowed once a courtyard opened in front of them. It was filled with wardens and their demons. Clarel and Erimond stood above them all. The faint green wisps of an inactive rift swirled in the middle of the courtyard. The green replicated anchors of some of the warden mages sparked and connected to it sporadically. Like they were trying, and failing, to open it.

Clarel and Erimond seemed to be arguing but Tristian stopped, blood freezing, as the elf from Crestwood stepped up to Clarel. _Jana_ , Tristian thought, _her name is Jana_.

A scratched, crackling yell escaped her as Clarel slit the elf's throat. Another sacrifice. Another name to the list of innocents Tristian had failed. The blade slid across her neck slowly, a tender caress with an edge. Jana fell to her knees with blood cascading down her body. A smile on her face. A lie, her last thought. This was not how she should have died.

"Stop them! The ritual must be completed!" Erimond screamed out, hysterical, as he became aware of their presence. Eleri's hand stopped the scratching of weapons being drawn. Tristian itched to do so any way. Charge into the fighting. Right her wrong as best she could.

"You don't understand, Clarel!" Eleri pleaded. "Erimond is not who you think he is and this ritual is _wrong_. You know it is!"

" _Yes_ ," Erimond sneered, "the ritual requires blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but do not hate the wardens for doing their duty."

His flippant lying raked at Tristian's battle-ready nerves. Clarel needed to see reason. The wardens in front of them needed to see reason. They had the power to turn this war in the wrong direction and a few lies were going to convince them to do it.

"We make the sacrifices no one else will. Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them." Clarel responded with. Haughty and trying to convince herself.

"Not _these_ sacrifices, Clarel!" Tristian shouted. She stepped forward, shrugging off Varric's hand on her arm. "We die fighting darkspawn, we die stopping Archdemons. We do not sacrifice ourselves to further the agenda of an idiotic Tevinter mage and a self-proclaimed god!"

That stumbled Clarel's conviction. Her eyes darted to Erimond then back to Tristian. Her next words were suspicious and skeptical. "Who are you?"

"Warden-Commander Cousland of Ferelden."

"Enough of this! We cannot waste time!" Erimond stepped closer to Clarel. A manic light gleaming in his eyes, clear even from Tristian's distance.

"Your Tevinter ally is binding your mages to Corypheus, Clarel. Do not do this!" Stroud stepped next to Tristian, adding his support and rank to hers.

"Corypheus? But he's dead. You do not know what you are talking about."

Erimond closed the remaining distance, a hand clutching Clarel. Desperate and on edge. "These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel. They are lying, have no idea what they're talking about!"

A wary hand passed over Clarel's face. Tristian's went to the grip of her sword. Seconds ticked by. Thick and tense. No one spoke, no one moved. The wardens in front of them waited for orders.

"Bring it through."

"No!" Tristian yelled. She sprung to action as the green of warden anchors came to life. They connected to rift. Bringing it to life. She would have gotten to them, stopped them, if the other mages didn't meet her attack head on. A blast of fire knocked her back, watching from her back as Erimond banged his staff on the ground.

"My master thought you might come here! He sent me this to welcome you!"

All eyes watched as Corypheus's Archdemon descended on the fortress. A blast of electric fire sprang from its jaws as it dove in, skimming along the courtyard. Statues and towers crumbled as it flew into them. It landed atop one. A roar shaking them.

Then the dragon was forgotten as Erimond's shout rang out. He fell limp to the ground, Clarel's staff pointed at him. The old warden turned her crackling hands and staff to the dragon next. Erimond pleaded from his weakened place on the ground.

"Kill them all!" And then she was gone. Leading the dragon away.

Tristian prepared for that to include them but the warden mages turned their attention to the rift they had just opened. Demons pouring out.

The rift closed quickly. Arguably one of the strongest they had faced but with their party of five and the warden mages around them, newly formed allies, the demons didn't stand a chance. Tristian couldn't remember the last time she felled a pride demon in double the time it took them with this one.

"We need to find Clarel. She won't stand a chance against that dragon but all of us together might. That'd be a significant blow to Corypheus."

Stroud was right. Adamant would be a dagger to his plans. Killing his pet would be twisting it.

…

The sight of Erimond's spells being deflected as if he were an annoying bug was not what Eleri thought they would be running into. The likeness between Erimond and a gnat were fitting though. Clarel marched toward him, shoulders square and staff knocking away his attacks. She was yelling something but Eleri couldn't hear it over battle and wind.

In any other situation, Eleri might feel bad for the man being tossed around like a ragdoll over the rough fortress stones. But, Erimond deserved this. He reduced a proud order to disgrace with lies and foul play. She wasn't even going to step in to stop Clarel.

Maybe she should have. Clarel's last words were overshadowed by Corypheus's dragon landing heavily onto the stones. Gaping maw closing around Clarel's torso. That spurred Eleri into motion.

Before she could close the distance, the dragon took to the air. Clarel still in its mouth. It landed again with a sick, jerking shake of its head, spitting out Clarel on the back swing. Her limp body hit the ground with a wet smack. Eleri looked to her but quickly looked away. The blood seeped out. Body parts were set at odd angles.

Even without Clarel's injuries, Eleri didn't have the time to spare her a glance. The dragon stalked from its perch like a cat about to pounce. Low to the ground with slow, predatory steps. Eleri motioned her party back with a shake of her hand. On a good day they would have a hard time with the dragon on their own. Strategically, this was the right move. Realistically, what were they thinking?

Movement under the dragon caught her attention but she didn't dare a glance. Still, they backpedaled. The battlement was going to run out soon.

Then the dragon pounced. Stopped by an explosion from under it. It came skidding toward them, its momentum not stopping regardless of its weakened state.

"Move!" Eleri screamed, throwing her body to the side. She skidded across the rocks and hit the battlement wall hard. Her movements were stuttering, trying and failing to find purchase against the loose stones around her.

"Inquisitor! Get up! The battlement is crumbling!" Stroud was before her, hands pulling her to her feet and pulling her behind him as they tried to clear the damage.

It wouldn't be enough. Eleri could feel the rocks giving under her steps, then she could see the chucks falling away in front of her.

Freefalling was an odd sensation. It threw Eleri's stomach into her throat. She felt too light, too out of control.

A searing pain lacing from her fingertips all the way up to the junction of her shoulder and neck. Her hand stretched in front of her of its own accord, Eleri's other hand coming to her elbow as a scream was ripped from her lips. A flash of green and then she was surrounded by it.

…

 _Shit_ , Hawke thought. It couldn't bode well that they all stood on different planes, abiding by different laws of gravity. Stroud was standing at an impossible angel while the Inquisitor was upside down completely. It was giving her a headache. "We're in the fade. Aren't we?"

"I think so. The Inquisitor opened a rift for us to fall through."

"It looked much different the last time I was here." Hawke mused. This was so much more hostile than before. The swirling, green mass of the breach in the sky was the biggest difference. "The stories say you walked out of the fade, Inquisitor. Was it like this?"

"I don't know. I still don't remember what happened." Eleri called down. Or was it up. They needed to get on the same piece of solid ground. "It doesn't matter though. We can't assume we're safe now. We need to get moving, try to find our way out of here."

"You mean you don't know?" Hawke couldn't believe her ears. "You just opened a rift without knowing how we were going to get out of it!?"

"Hawke, stop." Tristian snapped at her. The woman was grating and Hawke would be damned to let her talk to her like that.

"No. She put us in here without any known way out."

"Enough, Hawke." Varric said softer and more amicably. "Sparkles has a plan. She always does. Sparkles?"

"I don't know." Eleri shrugged. "I didn't mean to do it. The anchor just…came to life, I had no control." The anchor was still sparking, seemingly trying to prove its owner's story.

"On our side," Tristian started. Hawke tried to stop the eyeroll that threatened. The commander had lectured her on following but seemed to struggle with it herself. "The rift the demons came through was in the main hall. Can we escape that way?"

"Your guess is as good as any of ours." Stroud admitted. He smoothed his moustache down. "It's the best we have to go on though."

"Inquisitor? Final say is yours."

"If it works for the demons, it should work for us, right? And Stroud's right. It's our best bet."

"Let's get going then. Talking to you all like this is giving me a headache." Hawke was eager to get out of the fade. Nothing good every happened there.

As they walked through, the fade only got more desolate and creepy. Skulls, candles. Waterfalls falling from nowhere. Red lyrium grew irregularly. The green sky, green water, and green fog put Hawke on edge. Green wraiths adding to it. It was quickly becoming one of her least favorite colors.

The Inquisitor was steadfast on helping the souls lost there. Something about fears and dreams. Hawke didn't understand her insistence to help when they weren't in position to do so. They weren't even sure if they could help themselves.

A thought nagged in the back of her mind. A reminder of the woman she had been in Kirkwall. A woman who helped anyone and everyone. _But_ , Hawke told herself, _it proved to be wasted time in the end._ Stroud's voice snapped her from her thoughts.

"By the Maker, could that be…?"

His shock was mirrored in every member of their party. Tristian, especially, looked a mixture of shocked and troubled. A result of her wife's devotion to the woman in front of them. Hawke's shock was merely because the woman shouldn't be there. A divine didn't rank high enough in her book to warrant deep emotional reaction.

"I greet you, Wardens. And you, Champion."

"Aren't you…I thought…" The Inquisitor's eyes were wide. Guilt coloring her face.

"I fear this is not the Divine, Inquisitor. She is indeed dead. It is likely we face a spirit…or a demon." Stroud stepped up to speak lowly in the Inquisitor's ear.

"You think my survival impossible, yet here you stand alive in the fade yourself. In truth, proving my existence wither way would require time we do not have."

"I'm sure you can understand our concerns and explain what you are." This… _thing_ had to be kidding. The party was supposed to simply just trust it without an explanation? Hawke didn't like that plan.

"I am here to help you. Trust that." It, she dismissed Hawke. Turning to the Inquisitor, "You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor." The elf shook her head. Shock, incredibility still governing her actions. "The memories you have lost were taken by the demon that serves Corypheus."

She turned to look out into the fade in front of them. "It is the nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fears and darkness, growing fat upon the terror. The false calling that terrified the wardens into making such grave mistakes? Its work."

"Then I would gladly avenge my order against this demon." Stroud spat. Hawke couldn't imagine feeling so betrayed without any warnings. She knew betrayal but she also knew the signs of it.

"You will have your chance, brave warden. This place of darkness is its lair." Hawke observed the women as she spoke. Usually with demons, they were somehow fuzzy around the edges. Some proof that it was false. This Divine seemed solid but this was the fade. Who knew what kind of quality the demons here could achieve.

"Can you help us get out of here?" The Inquisitor asked, seemingly finding her voice.

"That is why I am here. When you entered the fade at Haven, the demon took part of you. Before you do _anything_ else, you must recover it."

"What?" The Inquisitor started.

The Divine gestured to the path in front of them. Green orbs floated, several of them. "These are your memories, Inquisitor. Collect them."

The Inquisitor walked carefully up to the first. She looked back, at the party or the Divine. Tristian stepped up beside her, hand on her shoulder and words in her ear before backing off again. Slowly, her anchored hand crept through the air toward the orb. A pained gasp accompanied the crumpling of her face. Clearly in pain.

Green light snaked up her arm, the side of her neck, disappearing at her temple. Jerking her head to the side as if she was struck. Words rung through the air, coming from nowhere. But, as Hawke thought about it, they were coming from the orb.

The Inquisitor soldiered on through the remaining orbs. Each one stronger than the last. Echoed words rang out. The Inquisitor's voice. Corypheus's. The Divine's. Finally, only one orb remained. The moment the Inquisitor's fingers made contact, it blasted her back. A scream replacing her gasps. The green didn't just snake up her arm, it seared. Arms of green reaching for any part of her it could. Still up her arm, neck, down into her chest and across her collar bone. The entire side of her head.

Her hands shot to the sides of her head as she thrashed, eyes squeezed shut. They were all thrown into the memory. The wardens surrounding a magically suspended Divine and Corypheus with some sparking green orb. Then the Inquisitor.

When they all came to, back to the present, the Inquisitor was gasping. Still on her back on the ground. Tristian and Varric rushed to her side.

"So your mark did not come from Andraste. It came from the orb Corypheus used in his ritual." Stroud pieced together out loud. Hawke wanted to scream 'of course it wasn't Andraste' at him but she had long ago come to terms with the blind faith of others.

"Your first clue should've been that I'm Dalish." The Inquisitor tried to joke from her now seated position, being supported by the two at her side. Her voice was still tight with pain.

"Corypheus intended to rip open the veil," The Divine went on as if no one said anything, "use the anchor to enter the fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City. Not for the old gods but for himself. When you disrupted his plan, the orb bestowed the anchor on you instead."

"Mistake or not, I have it and more importantly, we _need_ to get out of here." The Inquisitor leaned on Tristian as her legs steadied.

"You cannot escape until you regain all that the demon took from you."

"I just got back the memories! What else is there!?" The Inquisitor was losing her composure. Her jaw clenched, her eyes blazed. The look on both the warden's and Varric's faces spoke of their unease but Hawke liked it. The more she was herself and not the title she owned, the better off the Inquisitor would be. Titles corrupted people.

"You have recovered some of yourself, yes, but now it knows you are here. And it still has something of yours. Each of yours. Make haste, I will prepare the way ahead." The Divine turned to leave but hesitated. Her wrinkled face deepened with concern. She was leaving something unsaid. "Be strong."

"Well, that was weird and ominous." Varric quipped but Hawke ignored it. There were more pressing matters.

"Those were grey wardens holding the Divine in that vision." She turned to Stroud. Accusation and disapproval clear in her voice. "Their actions led to her death, to this mess we are all in."

"What are you saying? The wardens would never voluntarily help Corypheus. You have seen him take their minds firsthand." Stroud sighed, taming his defenses. "Come, we can argue after we escape this dark place and are all safe."

"Oh, I intend to." Hawke sneered back, walking off in front of everyone. She eventually fell to the back as the Inquisitor made her way through more soothing of fears for the trapped spirits. The banter about the nightmare demon they were soon to face bored her. It was just another demon. Who cared that it stole memories or helped Corypheus? It needed to be put down no matter what.

They put down wraiths, spiders, the occasional shade. The appearance of the stronger demon forced Hawke to reassess their situation. They were nearing the nightmare and things were about to take a turn for the worse; she could feel it. The air tasted different, charged with… _something_.

She monitored their surroundings as they went further into the demon's home. It was changing. More and more building-esque qualities were popping up. Pillars and stone walkways, stairs. The enemies were getting stronger too and the air maintained the tang of magic.

"Ah, we have visitors." An ethereal, bone-chilling voice began. All of their eyes searched for its source but found none. "Some foolish little elf, and her friends, comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders. You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay. Forgotten."

They walked slowly. Each waiting for the attack that was sure to come. There was no other reason for the demon, because that had to be the source, to speak to them if it wasn't going to strike.

"You think that pain will make you stronger? What fool filled your mind with such drivel? The only one who grows stronger from you fear is _me_." Its voice hardened, became possessive but quickly turned again. Sickly sweet and confident. "But, you are a guest here in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten."

The strike came then. On the heels of his words. That same damned green came down in a lightning strike onto each of them. Black overtook Hawke. No feeling, no senses. Only black.

When she came to, Kirkwall was in flames around her. Still she felt nothing. The heat from the fire was nonexistent. The bodies of those she loved around her. Carter. Her parents. Bethany. Anders. Fenris. Merrill. She stared. Eyes wide as her heart pounded painfully. The air in her lungs took too long coming in and out.

"The Champion of Kirkwall." The demon's voice surrounded her. "Doesn't a champion have to win to be called such? You won _nothing,_ Marion Hawke. You failed everyone who ever put any trust in you and you always will."

There was no reaction to give. These thoughts, _fears_ she corrected herself, have lingered since the day her family fled Lothering and lost Carver. The first innocent whose blood covered her hands.

"This destruction, their deaths, it is your fault."

"No." She breathed out. A feeble attempt to defend herself.

The bodies in front of her rose. Their wounds still gaping and bleeding, eyes seeing nothing. They began speaking. Over each other. A din of noise she couldn't distinguish words within but she felt their meaning. All. Her. Fault.

"Even the ones who survived. They left you, Hawke. No one stayed. You drove them away. Aveline and Isabella. Even Varric left you, he's only back because your useful again. Though, you'll find a way to destroy the Inquisition if you stay."

"Stop." Hawke's voice was stronger. Her head moving back and forth, her steps putting space between those in front of her. "You're wrong."

"I am _wrong_?" The demon laughed. "History is written, Kirkwall was left in pieces. I am not wrong."

"I did all that I could. Their deaths, Kirkwall. There was nothing I could do. I tried everything to save them. I did my best." Her back hit a wall, palms flatting against it. This was not real. She could get out of this. _Think, think, think_. Her heart still pounded, her nerves flared with fear but this was not real.

…

Stroud woke in chains. The musty stench of a dungeon thick in the room. Once his eyes adjusted to the low light, he took note of his supposed captures standing around him.

"What's going on?" He asked, voice croaking and breaking as if from disuse.

"Jean-Marc Stroud." A voice directly in front of him boomed. "You are found guilty of aiding Corypheus's plot to destroy Thedas."

"No!" What was happening? This is not how things were supposed to go. The wardens were used!

"You are sentenced to death. As are all grey wardens. The corruption must be dealt with."

"No! You don't understand! The wardens have been pardoned! The Inquisitor, she –"

"The Inquisitor has no power here. There is no one to save your order! You have failed Thedas and will pay the price!"

Another voice joined them in the dungeon. No one else seemed to pay it any mind. "Warden Stroud, there is nothing you can do. The wardens have been tried and sentenced. Your order will be nothing."

"My order _will_ not be reduced to this. Clarel is the only one who is guilty!"

"That matters not." The demon laughed. His presence meant this was only a dream…or a vision of what _might_ come. "They are doomed."

Stroud straightened his posture as best he could on his knees. He would no longer entertain this demon. Wherever he was, it was not reality. The Inquisitor would stay true to her word. Sparing the wardens who surrendered. His order was no doomed.

…

"Varric." The dwarf stirred but didn't wake. "Varric, get up."

His opened then widened. Standing in front of him were his parents. Bartrand standing slightly behind them. "Alright, so I know the fade is wonky but what in Andraste's ass are you three doing here?"

"You miss Kirkwall. We miss Orzammar. We thought we could help you cope." His mother said in her soft, low voice. Varric very slowly shook his head.

"And don't act like you don't." Bartrand spat at him in his aggravatingly endearing manner of speech. "All you do is mope about it."

"It'll kill you, Varric. You left Kirkwall so just forget about it."

Varric couldn't respond to his father, he couldn't respond to any of them. They were wrong. Sure, yea, he missed Kirkwall and his friends but he wasn't…not like they missed Orzammar. Varric was still living, he was happy with things.

"No, you aren't." That same voice from before corrected him. His family nodded in agreement with it. All of them somehow inside his head and reading his thoughts. "If you were happy, you wouldn't tell the same stories over and over again. You'd find other games to play than Wicked Grace in the Herald's Rest."

"I'm a drunk storyteller. What else would I do except tell stories, gamble and drink?" His tone was joking but Varric's insides had turned cold. He swore to himself that he would never end up like his parents or Bartrand.

"But you are, Varric. You are exactly like them. You long for Kirkwall and your friends so much that you have imposed their likeness on the new ones you've made. The Inquisitor is more positive than Hawke but she's the leader and struggles with her emotions, always makes the hard decisions. Close enough. Sera is odd like Merrill. Cassandra and Aveline hold the most similarities overall, you barely had to try with them. Is it Leliana who reminds you of Isabella or Bull and his lack of tact?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." _Deny, deny, deny_ , Varric told himself. It was wrong. He was not his parents. "So what if I seem to gravitate toward a specific friend type? Doesn't mean anything except that they make for good stories down the road. And yea, I miss Kirkwall but _so what_? I'm sure you miss whatever hole you crawled out of. This is stupid. I'm done with all of you."

…

Tristian woke to black. Everything around her was simply black. Her body was visible, like some sort of light was emitting from her but she was completely alone in empty space. A hole in her chest gaped, a feeling she was familiar with but multiplied to an intensity she didn't think possible.

"She's going to leave you." The demon's voice draped heavy and sticky across Tristian's consciousness. "Death won't rip her from you; duty won't take her away. She's simply going to leave you."

Then there was light. A spot light on the back of the one person she would never get confused with another. And it was right. She was walking away. No glances back, no hesitation. Leliana was striding away confident with head high.

The hole in Tristian's chest expanded and contracted, pulsing painfully at the realization. Deafening despair coursed through her veins. Every noise, thought, feeling was chased away.

"And, why wouldn't she?" The demon hummed in question. Its voice not being drowned out. If only. "You cannot possibly give her the life she deserves. How many years do you have left, Warden-Commander? Ten, fifteen if you get lucky?"

Tristian's knees hit painfully against the…nothing under her. The black as hard as the stones at Adamant. They'd talked about this. Leliana knew what she had agreed to. What she was still agreeing to. She wouldn't. The cure was real. There were too many of the same rumors in too many different cultures. She would find it and they would be happy.

"You sound like a child, Warden-Commander. Think logically, _realistically_. There is no cure and even if there is, you do not have enough time to find it. Your wife is going to leave you."

" _No."_ The hole compounded. Anger collapsing it and molding it into fiery conviction. Determination. "There is a cure. I will find it. You. Are. Wrong."

…

Eleri stood in the middle of the Free March valley where she had found her family and clan. It wasn't real, she knew that. She had already lived it. That didn't stop it from hurting.

The difference between reality and whatever she was seeing were the groans and cries for help, the raging fires that consumed Aravels and supplies and belongings. Sometimes bodies.

"You couldn't save them."

"I couldn't." Eleri responded, empty. Shoulders sagged and eyes unfocused. The pain was there, burning its way through her body but she had no reaction for it.

"They needed your help, asked for it even but you weren't there."

"I wasn't."

The whole scene in front of her fizzled, fuzzy and blurry before becoming sharp again. The demon seemed to fall silent.

" _Eleri!_ Eleri, help me….please…." Even the voice that called out to her didn't break her façade of cold acceptance. There was no scenario this demon could conjure that she hadn't dreamt before. The young elf walked to the source. Her mother clung to her father's mutilated body, screaming out for her help. A hand reaching out.

She crouched in front of her, distance between them and not closing it. "I'm sorry."

Her vision pitched and fuzzed again, tension building in the air. Tension not from the vision. Then desperate screams were coming from the back of their wagon. Screams pleading for help, to stop. Eleri didn't walk back. She turned her head away, bile rising, and let her eyes slip closed.

When she opened her eyes the valley was gone. But the stench of fire, smoke, destruction, and death still filled the air.

Skyhold, ransacked, rose around her. Bodies were scattered. Familiar bodies. Eleri looked, she felt the fear, failure, and guilt but she ignored it. What she was seeing wasn't real. The first vision proved that. It was all the demon, unlocking and feasting on her fears. It wasn't clear how to get out of them but it was clear that her best bet was to ignore it.

"I can feel your fear, Inquisitor. I _know_ you. There is no hiding from me here."

She walked the grounds of Skyhold. Going through the motions. The smithy was in flames; Herald's Rest was half collapsed. The main gates, from her vantage point above them, were blown off their hinges. She turned toward the main hall, bracing herself. More destruction, more bodies. Steadfastly, Eleri avoided Josephine's office. That might have cracked her stone-face cover.

"This is your fate. You will fail. Thedas will be thrown into the chaos of a new god; no one you care for will survive and if they do, they will blame you."

"I won't fail." Her voice was monotoned. Flat and unwavering. The demon held her two greatest fears, one had already come true. Eleri was _beyond terrified_ that her failure would as well. And, she couldn't shake the feeling that one doing so meant the other was inevitable.

The demon's laugh slithered through the air. "Look around you, Inquisitor. Where do you think I conjured this image from? You cannot lie to me."

"Fear doesn't mean I don't have the courage to succeed. I would be an idiot _not_ to be scared."

The walk through Skyhold only revealed more damage and destruction. Dorian's library was a mess, all his books thrown to the floor. Ripped pages everywhere. No body. Further she walked, taking the stairs to the rookery.

"How does this work, demon? Do you keep me in this nightmare forever or kill me once you've taken all you can?"

Eleri rested her hands on Leliana's desk. Pausing to listen to the demon's answer. She needed to keep him talking as she thought of how to escape. Discreetly, she ran her pointer finger the dagger always kept on the table. Nothing happened. Eleri tried again, putting more pressure to the sharp edge. No cut, no blood, no pain.

"It works however I want. You are at my mercy, Inquisitor. As are your friends." Eleri bristled at the thought of her party being in danger. She pushed it back. No reaction. Instead, she turned her attention to the candle on the desk. Snubbing it out with her thumb and finger. Still no pain, no burn. A plan started to form. A very, _very_ stupid plan. Eleri hoped like hell it would work. "You say you won't fail, Inquisitor, but you can't escape. How do you propose you stop my master from the fade?"

"I don't."

With that Eleri vaulted herself over the desk, kicking the chair over in the process, and sprinted toward the balcony door. She exploded through it. The door banging open on the wall and bouncing closed with a loud bang. The battlement's rough surface scrapped her palms as she pushed off to run the curve of the balcony. Once the stable roof was visible, Eleri braced herself. Not slowing, up and over the battlement.

The sensation of falling was not her favorite. It was absurd but as she fell, hopefully, to her death, she thought about the time as a child when she fell out of a tree when learning to scout ahead and Eleri wondered if the scar on the inside of her forearm was still visible. She had no time to check.

Eleri jerked up with a gasp, sucking in air and whipping around to see where she was. _It worked,_ she thought. Around her, her companions were in various states of consciousness. Stroud was watching Hawke, Varric beside her, still not awake. Tristian sat stone-faced. Anger radiating off her.

"How long have you two been awake?"

"Not long." Tristian answered her. "Stroud was up before me. I don't know how much time we lost."

As if on que, the demon's voice fell on them. "You three may have escaped but I still have two. And I know you would never leave them, Inquisitor."

"We need to get them up." Eleri gritted her teeth. That ethereal voice was fraying her nerves. At their end as they already were. Aided by the pain pulsing from her fingertips up to her inner elbow. Her fist opened and closed. Trying to work out the pain. "Have either of you tried?"

"Talking doesn't do anything. It is like they are in a deep sleep and cannot hear us." Stroud explained. "I was tempted to try shaking them, or to do something else but I was afraid it might make things worse. The fade is a mysterious place. I did not want to take that risk without discussing it."

"I think we have to try. We don't have many options."

Tristian strode forward, grasping Hawke by the shoulder and smacking her across the face. Eleri lurched forward to stop the strike but wasn't fast enough. "Hawke! Get up!"

"Tristian, stop!" Eleri grabbed her wrist as she raised it again.

"We do _not_ have time for this, Inquisitor. None of us know how much was lost while we were trapped in those…visions, dreams, whatever. Anything could be happening at Adamant. We have no time to be gentle."

"Fine. But don't hit her again. There are other ways."

"How?" She barked back. Clearly shaken by whatever the demon showed her. Eleri knew they all were. And, the Warden-Commander was right. No more time could be wasted.

Eleri knelt in front of Hawke. She cupped her face and smacked it gently but rapidly, talking to her loudly. Nothing was changing. Stroud said speaking to them wouldn't work. Eleri didn't have any other ideas though.

Then, Varric was straightening. As if waking from a mid-day nap. "Well that was unpleasant."

"Varric!" Eleri dove over for him, hands at his shoulders. "You're okay!? How'd you get out?"

"Variations of telling my family to sod off with sarcasm until I let them have it good. What's going on?" His eyes slid behind her to Hawke. "She's the only one still out?"

"I don't know how to wake her up and we need to get moving. We tried talking to her, uh…more physical ways. Nothing gets a response."

"How'd the rest of you get out?"

"I, uh…I threw myself off the rookery balcony." Varric's eyebrows rose.

"We'll return to that once we're out of this mess. Stroud?"

"I was executed."

"Maker! What are you guys dreaming about?"

"They weren't dreams, Varric. They were fears." Tristian replied.

"And you?"

"I faced mine."

"Well, didn't we all? I'm gonna need more here."

"We don't have time for this. We need to get Hawke up. Now."

"No, I think we do have time. If we can figure out how we all got out, then maybe we can get through to her somehow and help her. Just because she isn't responding doesn't mean she can't hear us and let me tell you, her fears are probably worse than all of ours combined."

They all looked to Tristian. Waiting for her to respond, give more information than her painfully vague first answer. She stood stubborn. Her mouth in a firm line.

"Leliana was leaving me. I went after her. Then I woke up."

"Huh. That seems pretty easy. Good for you, Rose." Eleri watched Tristian's jaw clench but she said nothing. Keeping her emotions otherwise unknown and composed. "We need to get Hawke to face them. I'd bet my every sovereign that it's about what happened in Kirkwall, the people we lost."

"So how do we get her out of it?"

Varric shrugged. "Tell her it isn't real."

Eleri scoffed. It couldn't be that simple. They were in the damned _fade._ Nothing was ever that simple. She watched Varric make his way over to Hawke, settle down behind her and hold her to his chest. His chin on her shoulder as he spoke soothingly into her ear.

It felt intimate. Like Eleri and the others were intruding. The young elf looked away awkwardly, a little heat making its way into her cheeks. It struck her then, the loss walking away from Hawke must have been for Varric.

Tristian moved closer to Eleri, speaking low. "What are we going to do if this doesn't work?"

"I don't know. We can't leave her."

"Eleri." Tristian sighed. "We may have to. I don't want to either." She rushed with a hand up to stop Eleri's protests. " _But_ , sometimes there are things we can't prevent. All of the Inquisition relies on you making it back alive. Hawke would say the same thing if it were me still laying there."

"Saying what!?" Eleri barked back in a whisper. "That I should abandon you, her! Just leave her in the fade at that thing's mercy! No, Tristian."

"Your life holds more weight! Hawke cannot close the rifts. You can! This is not about Hawke or even you, this is about Thedas."

"You sound like Leliana." Eleri muttered, defeated. Once those words clicked, it was clear there would be no arguing her point. It seemed Tristian and her wife shared the same utilitarian ideals.

"I'm sure I do. We learned that from the same lesson."

Eleri watched Tristian grow somber. A memory playing behind her hazel eyes. A crease between her brows. She blinked hard, once. But before either could continue their conversation, Hawke came to much the same as Varric. Though much angrier.

"Fucking Kirkwall. If I never think about all of that… _shit_ again, it will be far too soon. Maker damn that whole place." She paused, shaking the unconsciousness away. "Oh wait. Apparently, He already did. What happened?"

"Fear demon trapped us. We had to face our worse fears to get out and no one has any idea how long we were out so we need to move." Eleri explained in a rush. Now that they could move, she was itching to. She had had enough of the fade for many life times.

Hawke was on her feet with Varric's help quickly. Nodding to Eleri to lead the way. She did without any hesitation. They jogged further into the demon's lair. Up staircase after broken staircase. Finally, they were yards away from the rift. Their own realm. Home. Eleri held up a hand to slow their progress. The area had opened drastically. The perfect point for ambush as they got caught up in their exit. "Keep alert."

A black fog began to form above them. The fingers of Eleri's still raised hand curled until only one took her companions eyes above them. "Very alert."

"Let's hurry it up, Inquisitor." Varric suggested nervously. "I'm not liking the looks of that."

"Too late." Hawke quipped.

A large…something was descending from that black fog. A demon, tall and lethally slim, stood in front of…it. Both beings blocking their exit.

"Maker, what is that?" Stroud asked. A bright light to Eleri's left startled her attention away from the demons.

"That is the fear demon." The Divine, or her glowing spectral form, explained. She turned to Tristian. "If you would please, tell Leliana 'I'm sorry, I failed you too.' I'm happy she found you again, Tristian. I never wanted to take her happiness from her."

"I will." Tristian breathed out, barely audible. The party watched the Divine float off. Right at the smaller of the demons. Her energy seemed to leak out, electrocuting it and killing it swiftly. A blinding light forced them to look away as her being collided with the remaining demon.

In its wake, the smaller demon was getting to its feet. _Not so swiftly then_ , Eleri thought as she pulled her axe and sword from their holsters, charging.

The battle was long. Drawn out. Exhausting. The fear demon was resilient. Rising from every strike, sending out its horrific spiders out to buy it time. Eleri collected several new scratches and bite marks. They stung and the blood seeped through her under shirt and pants.

She collapsed onto one knee, leaning heavily onto her sword stuck in the ground. A large breath escaped her, pulled back in quickly. Hawke's immolate finishing off the demon.

"Come on." Tristian pulled Eleri up by her arm, as gently as she could with the anticipation of leaving the fade permitted her. Eleri couldn't blame the impatient tinge to her touch. "Let's get out of here."

"I think this is the first time I can say I'm going to be jumping from the fire into the frying pan." Varric laughed, setting a leisurely pace toward the rift.

"Really, Varric? Just jinx it for us." Hawke glared at him. Eleri couldn't tell if it was playful or not. She had just been thinking the same.

"Faithful last words indeed. Above us!" Stroud yelled, his neck craned back to view the massive demon coming down on them.

"Didn't the Divine's spirit just kill that thing?"

"Apparently not!"

"Go!" Stroud unsheathed his weapon, waving them toward the rift. "I'll buy you time!"

"Stroud, no!" Hawke closed the distance between them and tried to pull the warden away with her. Then she twisted, putting Stroud between her and the rest of the party. Pushing him toward them. "The wardens need you. I'll stay!"

Eleri looked back, hearing the shouts. Varric was already at the rift. Tristian came back to her. Stroud and Hawke looked to her. "It's getting closer! Stop arguing and come on!"

"Stroud!" Tristian called out. The two wardens shared a look, Tristian nodding.

"What? No!" Eleri screeched. "We aren't leaving any one behind. Stroud! Stroud, let's go!"

"No, Inquisitor. Now go. I'll buy you time. It has been an honor."

A chance to fight further was denied her as Hawke and Tristian grabbed an arm each, pulling Eleri with them toward the rift. She watched Stroud run off. Her heart searing with despair and guilt.

"Eleri, come on." She turned in their grip. Allowing her own feet to carry her. She watched Varric and Hawke dive through. Tristian glanced at her, hesitating.

"Go. I'm right behind you. I promise." Tristian did. And Eleri followed her. Stroud's war cry and landing strikes following her.


	21. Goodbye to Hawke - Hawke

The green that swallowed them for the second time that day spit them out in the middle of Adamant's inner courtyard. There were more people this time. The thought made Hawke groan more than the new scrapes on her palms from the rough stones under her. She pushed herself up as Tristian and Eleri tumbled out next. She barely registered that the fighting was still going on when Eleri stood, stoic and menacing, with anchored hand raised and sparking. The clench of her fist sent the remaining demons back into the rift as it closed behind her. A loud cheer rang through the courtyard and beyond it. Eleri staggered but regained her balance as she addressed her soldiers. Hawke hung around long enough for her to declare Stroud a hero.

"Hawke! Hey, Hawke!" Varric's voice rang out behind her. Only when they were far enough away not to disrupt what was surely a morale boosting speech from the Inquisitor, of course. Hawke rolled her eyes but slowed, enough to let him catch her. Not enough to think that she let him. "Andraste's ass, Hawke. Did you forget I'm a dwarf? Stubby legs, remember?"

"What do you want, Varric?"

"Where are you going?"

"Away from here. I thought that was obvious."

"Hey, come on now, Hawke. You don't need to be all icy champion with me. This isn't even fun sarcastic Hawke. Just…bitchy Hawke. It's me. _Varric_. Come on. Talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about?" Hawke rounded on him, using her height to bear down on him. She loved Varric, really she did but the last thing she wanted to do right now was argue about whether or not she was going to stay. She cut off his words with a raised hand. The question was meant to be rhetorical. "No. Don't. I know what you want to talk about but I'm not doing this. I'm leaving, Varric. That's it. No discussion, no debate, no argument about it. The Inquisition doesn't need me and that's perfectly fine because I want nothing to do with it."

Varric stared at her, hurt in his eyes but she didn't care. She'd done the champion thing. She obviously wasn't cut out for saving the world. One city had been too much for her as it was.

"Where are ya gonna go then?"

"I don't know. Anywhere that isn't here."

"Hawke, just come back to Skyhold. You don't have to stay." He said quickly at the look on Hawke's face. "Just stay until you know what you're gonna do next. Putting you up for a few days is the least we can do for all your help."

"I'm not staying."

"No one said you had to."

"Only until I figure out my next move."

"That's all."

Hawke was quickly deflating, exhaustion starting to hit. Varric took her by the arm and directed her out of Adamant. Not through the crowded courtyard though. "Maybe we can track down that pirate you used to be so fond of."

…

The Herald's Rest, or so it was called. Hawke had yet to see Eleri in the tavern but it was a decent place to get drunk. Especially since Varric wouldn't let her leave yet. He claimed it was for her own good. She needed to rest, get a plan. But she was rested enough and she had enough of a plan. Adamant was over a week ago. Erimond had been tried and found decisively guilty. His execution was attended by all Grey Wardens in Skyhold. Hawke thought it barbaric of them but who was she to judge? To each their own. She slammed back the fire whiskey and let her hand and cup fall heavily back to bar, catching the barkeep's attention.

"Another." If the Inquisition was going to foot the bill, might as well go big. She wasted no time doing the same to the new shot placed in front of her. "Another."

"Slow down Ser Hawke or I'll be forced to cut you off much earlier than you'd like." Cabot warned her. She waved the old dwarf off. He was mostly talk but she did take her time with the next drink. Sipping the searing liquid instead of throwing it back.

"I got her next round, Cabot." Varric yelled out, taking the seat next to her.

"You guys have gotten all my rounds, Varric, or did you forget?"

"Aren't you pleasant today." Varric pushed a few coins at Cabot as he placed a mug in front of him. "It was more of a gesture than anything else."

Hawke grunted. Opting to throw back the next shot despite the barkeep's warning. She grimaced as it burned down her throat and sat hot in her stomach. "So, when am I free?"

Varric sighed. "You aren't a prisoner, Hawke."

"It sure feels like I am."

"Well, you aren't. If you wanna leave, then leave." Varric snapped back at her. He'd been testy any time she tried to bring up leaving. Which was every time they spoke.

"Why don't you want me to? I'm not doing anything useful here."

"Is it really so hard to believe that I want my friend to stick around a little longer?"

"Yes. It is. Varric, we don't do this. We move and we adapt to our surroundings. We do what we have to do to survive. For you that seems to be tagging along to save the world. Me? Well, I think it best if I crawl back into the gutters again."

"Aw, Hawke. Come on. What are you talking about, gutters?"

"I'm talking about my rightful place in the world. I'm from Lowtown, Varric or did you forget? Before that I lived in a hovel of a town that was the first to go when the darkspawn came. No one needs a failed apostate champion around and that's fine. I'm fine with that. You're the one who isn't."

"Because it isn't true."

"Varric. I had a life before you started rewriting it. There are things about me you don't know. Are you one of the best friends I've ever had? Yes. Without a doubt. That doesn't mean you get to plan my life or tell me that my failures weren't catastrophic. It's time for me to fall off the face of the earth, become some legend that no one knows if it's true or not." Hawke slammed the shot Cabot placed in front of her then added quietly, "There's no coming back from Anders."

"Where will you go?" She ignored the hurt in his voice. Refused to even look at him. Varric played tough but was a softie when it came to those he cared about. She had hoped that the Inquisition would give him someone to fill the hole she'd left. He deserved better.

"Today? Nowhere. Cabot here," Hawke gestured to the man placing another drink in front of her, "has kept me well hydrated this afternoon. But tomorrow? I think I'll check in with Isabela. She should be back in port since our last correspondence with her. I heard Rivaini ships are quite good at falling off the face of the earth."

"And that's it? You'll just disappear again?"

"That's life, Varric. I thought we learned this a long time ago."

"Sorry if I'm not thrilled by the concept." Varric pushed his mug away, turning fully toward Hawke. She could see from the corner of her eye his immensely displeased expression. "You always were a defeatist Hawke but it was never this bad. I'll take the sarcastic asshole over _this_ any day. Give Bela my love and wish her luck for me. She's gonna need it with you."

Hawke didn't look up as he waited for her to. She didn't turn to watch him leave. He'd wait by the door to see if she would. No acknowledgement of her longest and truest friend walking out of her life for good. There was no point. Everyone leaves. That was life. They learned that long ago.

Hawke spent her night in the tavern until Cabot kicked her out and Bull carried her out to one of the empty tents in the lower courtyard. He'd been fun to drink with. A good man. Blunt and funny, blood thirsty in a sort of wholesome way. She slurred her goodbye to him. He answered with placating words thinking he would see her the next day. Hawke didn't correct him. She'd be gone before the sun was up. What any of them thought wasn't her concern any more. It never really was in the first place.

She laid heavy on the bed roll in the tent. So dark that she couldn't tell if her eyes were open or not. The only light at all was the dim orange she could barely make out if she looked toward the front of the tent. A watch fire. She didn't bother keeping watch any longer. Her mind started to wander.

Bethany and Carver. Her mother. Bertrand. Sebastian and Fenris. _Anders_. Now she had to add Stroud to that list.

She wouldn't add Varric and she wouldn't be the reason another fight for life was lost. Hawke was failure and she was death. No matter how hard she tried; she was death. Bela was good at evading death. Maybe a Rivaini ship at the end of the world really was the only place for her.


	22. Day Off - Eleri

**A/N: Two chapter upload this time (previous chapter: Goodbye to Hawke). Sorry I went AWOL! Next chapter, a decently long one, is in the works. By the end of this week if all goes well.**

She worked her neck back and forth, trying to relieve the stress built in her shoulders and up her neck. The sharp stab to the left of the base of her neck was the worst. The dull ache at her temples and behind her eyes was a close second. Josie had sent Eleri all over Skyhold. Seeking out that courier. Reporting to this captain. Haggling with that trader. Greeting those travelers. All things usually delegated to someone else, _any_ one else really. She was too tired for it and these people were wearing down her weakly constructed good mood.

Adamant was weeks ago, more than a month but she wasn't exactly sure. They hadn't stopped or slowed. They never stopped or slowed. After Adamant, Eleri was sent out almost as soon as she took one step into Skyhold. Emprise du Lion. The Exalted Plains. A return to Crestwood and the Storm Coast. The Hinterlands. Fallow Mire. There were rifts to be closed while their enemy was licking its wounds. She was dead on her feet. Mentally, barely present. Sleep was fitful and her appetite, usually the butt of many of Varric's jokes, was not even half as large. Eleri was trying though. Lesson learned after her breakdown. The Inquisition couldn't survive another one.

"What next…." Eleri fished the parchment Josie gave her, now creased and smudged from being folded, from her pocket. _See Vivienne for the Chargers' monthly wage. Pay them._ Many had been skeptical of Vivienne becoming the Inquisitions treasurer but she was more than competent at it. Eleri had fought it at first. She liked Vivienne, a lot and trusted her easily, but how was the mage supposed to keep track of their spending if she was out in the field with Eleri more often than anyone else. Besides Cassandra. She and Josie explained that Josie kept good enough records to cover while Vivienne was away and it allowed Vivienne to better track their spending throughout Thedas. What really convinced Eleri though was the amount of stress it took off Josie.

"Good afternoon, Inquisitor." Vivienne gave her cat-like smile as Eleri cleared the last few steps into her room. She returned it and tried to hide her tense muscles and headache behind a bright smile. Not hard to do when she genuinely enjoyed the mage's company. "It's a lovely day out."

Vivienne was laid out on a lounge chair, her balcony doors open wide to let in the sun and crisp breeze. It was amazing how often they got good weather. Eleri had thought the mountains would guarantee harsh conditions but that wasn't the case. It was cold, of course, but the sunshine was magnificent and today the air didn't hold its normal bite.

"It's warm."

Vivienne laughed. Eleri always liked the sound. It was clear like a bell and they didn't hear it often, not as often as the scoff she favored. They were similar, the two sounds. A single sound but the laugh was warmer. Something not usually found in the Lady of Iron. "I find it terribly sad that this is what passes for warm weather but I do agree."

"Anytime I can get away with just this tunic," Eleri plucked the collar of her long-sleeved shirt, "is good weather around here. I prefer it now actually. Anything warmer than this is just hot."

"Oh, not me dear. I _adore_ the heat." The lounging woman, who Eleri now couldn't shake the image of her as a lizard in the sun, got up and moved to her desk. "Josephine sent word that you would be stopping by today to collect the Chargers' pay, correct?"

"Yes."

"How wonderful of you to be running all these errands for her." The cat-like smile was back, all references to a lizard basking in the sun gone. The twinkle in Vivienne's eyes rose Eleri's suspicions but she couldn't place why.

"I'm happy to help, especially Josie." Vivienne hummed, shifting through papers then through a box of cloth bags that clinked each time they moved. She pulled a rather large one out and plopped it on the desk. It fell with a heavy metal clang. The noise of the coins sliding against each other as they settled raising the hair on Eleri's neck. She always found that noise uncomfortable. Vivienne placed another, smaller, bag next to it.

"This one," She pointed to the bigger bag, "is for Bull and his soldiers and this one," finger moving to the next, "is for Harding if you wouldn't mind dropping it off to her. I believe she frequents that Tavern almost as often as the Chargers do."

"Not a problem."

"Thank you, dear. That gives me more time to soak in this sun."

Eleri gathered the bags, not bothering to tuck them away. Harding's bag may fit in a pocket but the Chargers wouldn't. "Enjoy it."

Skyhold was calm today. Some hustle and bustle but there were no visiting dignitaries to entertain and keep happy, there were no prisoners that needed judgement and Eleri may be most grateful for that. Skyhold and her people's needs were the only things being attended too. Most construction was done. Many people were settled. The Inquisition seemed like a well-oiled machine instead of the chaotic, thrown together contraption it started out as. A few of the veteran workers smiled, dipped their heads and gave a quick 'Inquisitor' as she passed but many were too focused on their task to notice her walk by. As their numbers grew so did her anonymity, particularly when she was dressed down from her armor. Eleri enjoyed it. It allowed the weight on her shoulders to shift and become easier to bear. Knowing not every eye was focused on her actions for at least a little while allowed her to relax just a bit more than when they first started out. It may also be that she was settling herself, becoming used to the role she was playing.

Harding wasn't out in front of the Herald's Rest as she normally was. This surprised Eleri. The dwarf always said that Skyhold's weather was better than anywhere she was sent to so she liked to spend as much time in it as possible. But, it wasn't unheard of for her to go into the Tavern or to the quarters Leliana designated for her scouts. Eleri spent a few seconds searching the surrounding courtyard in case Harding was around. With no such luck, she went inside.

Herald's Rest was crowded as it often was but today there were at least double the patrons. Which explained the calm within the hold. Bull was easy to find. The loudest and biggest as always. Krem by his side, the second loudest but never the second biggest. The mercenaries spotted Eleri quickly even though she tried to make it to them before they caused a scene. The two bellowed in sync before pushing their way through the bar to hoist her up.

"BOSS!"

"INQUISITOR!"

Two sets of hands grabbed and hoisted. Eleri wobbled and prayed that their hands were sure even while drunk. Falling from average height shoulders would hurt. Bull's were a promised injury.

"Boss! I'm so glad you're here, now we can really get the party started!" A chorus of agreement sounded around them. She relaxed as Bull and Krem placed her, surprisingly gently, into an empty seat. Bull's recently vacated one Eleri guessed as he remained standing. "Barkeep! Another round! Two for the Inquisitor!" Another chorus of cheers. "You gotta catch up, Boss."

"Bull, I can't." Eleri looked to Cabot, shaking her head and waving off the drinks with both hands. She hoped he saw her but the drinks wouldn't go to waste even if she didn't drink them.

"Aww." Bull pouted and Eleri giggled. Seeing a Qunari the size of Bull pouting was an image she would never get used to. No matter how many times he did it. "Come on, Boss! It's not like we have any work going on. You can let loose a little, have some fun for once instead of being all 'save the world-y.'"

"I'd love to, really, but I'm running some errands for Josie and I don't think she'd appreciate it if I did them drunk." She clapped him on the bicep, too short to reach his shoulder without it being awkward. "I'm sure we have a few days though. I'll come out here tomorrow and we can get some drinks together. Deal?"

"Yea, yea. Sure, Boss. You tell Josie that I'm holding you to that so no stealing you away tomorrow, day or night!"

"Whatever you say, Bull. Drinks are on you though." Eleri tossed him the larger sack of coins. "There's your pay for the month. Don't spend it all in one place."

"You know we will!" Another, much louder, round of cheers erupted. Eleri loved the Chargers' enthusiasm and comradery. Even if it was a touch too boisterous at time.

Cabot pushed his way into the circle of mercenaries with mugs in each hand. Gruff voice telling them to shut up and be careful not to spill any on him in their rush to get their new drinks. Eleri smiled at the man then elbowed Bull's hip. "Make sure you tip him well, you cheap bastard. You guys practically live here and we all know that's not fun for anyone."

Bull's laughter roared through the tavern as he clapped Eleri on the shoulder, sending her stumbling a few steps. He often forgot his strength and her slight frame when drinking. "We will, we will. We always treat Cabot like one of the boys. Don't we, ya dirty barkeep?" Cabot's muttering was swallowed in the noise all around them but they saw his small smile before he turned to get the rest of the drinks the Chargers ordered.

"Don't give him too hard of a time. This place is crazy right now. I gotta head out, more on Josie's list but have you seen Harding? I can't really see anything in here and she wasn't out front."

Bull sobered a bit, at least in terms of his actions, and swiveled his good eye around the building. "I don't see her, Boss. Check upstairs though. Her and Sera have been spending some time together." He winked and Eleri giggled again. The lack of two eyes making it humorous. "If you know what I mean."

"I don't want to think further into what you mean…I'll be sure to knock."

"See ya, Boss!" Bull raised his mug into the air, slopping ale onto those around him. The Chargers not seeming to mind, though some other patrons did, as they called out their own farewells. Eleri threw a hand up and over her shoulder. The lack of formality around the Chargers was a nice change of pace. Her other companions held the same relaxed air, sure, but it was the idea of being in public, in a group of people she didn't have to be stiff and polite to that Eleri enjoyed most about the mercenaries.

Sera's door was shut. The noise from the tavern below and behind her, the second floor tables being almost completely occupied, made it impossible to hear if Sera responded to her knock. Eleri tried again. And again. All with seemingly no answer. Finally, she knocked and spoke up. "Sera. It's Eleri. I can't hear you so if you're saying come in or _don't_ come in, I have no idea. So, just, if you could come to the door this time that'd be great."

A few moments passed with no sign if she was heard or if Sera was even in her room. Eleri lifted her fist to knock again when the door flew open and revealed a disheveled Sera. Hair sticking up, shirt twisted around her and her cheeks were flushed.

"I'm a little busy, yea so hurry up with what you want."

 _If you know what I mean_. Eleri cringed, grimacing at Sera and hoped that she was busy with…something else. "I'm, uh…"

"Come on, come on, Inky. I don't got all day. Out with it."

"I'm looking for Harding and I was told she might be up here."

"Oh. That all? I thought it was gonna be some big important fancy business." Sera opened the door further and retreated into her room. "Well come in."

She was interrupting exactly what she was hoping not to. Harding sat up in Sera's bed, holding the sheets to her chest. Eleri's cheeks heated and travelled up to her ears. "Hey there, Inquisitor. What, uh, what can I do for you?"

Eleri grasped for words then shook her head and started to toss the coins to Harding before thinking better of it, sending them to Sera instead. "Your pay for the month. Sorry to interrupt."

Then she was hurrying out the door as Sera's cackle followed her. "I always knew Inky was a prude. Hey Inky! You can always stay and watch, yea? Might be good for you, learn something new!"

Luckily whatever else she yelled was swallowed by the tavern and the door shutting. Eleri shuddered, marching resolutely out of the Herald's Rest before Sera got any ideas. Taking the stairs up to the battlement instead of toward Skyhold's main hall where Sera would have her chance to badger her from the window as Eleri was sure she was waiting to do. At the top of the battlements, she stopped to pull Josie's list out again. _Clean your room._

Eleri scoffed loud enough for a duo of passing soldiers to cast her odd looks. She studied the list in front of her hard until they passed by and then a few extra seconds just in case. Her cheeks warm again. But really, clean her room? She wasn't a child. And! It wasn't even a mess. Or…it sort of was but it was her room and she'd barely gotten a moment of rest let alone time to tidy up! Why did it matter if it was clean!?

But, interrupting her own internal rampage of complaining, she promised Josie she would complete the list. Even if there were stupid tasks on them. Like cleaning her room. Eleri reasoned that Josie did spend about as much time as she did in her quarters. It isn't unreasonable that it be cleaned.

On her way up, one of Skyhold's workers stopped her. "Inquisitor, Sister Leliana needs you."

Eleri knew better than to put off Leliana. The last time she did, her spymaster sought her out at the most inopportune times. Early in the morning. Right as she was falling asleep. The moments her and Josie snuck away from their duties. That had stopped after the second interruption. Eleri isn't sure what Josie said to her friend but the look on her face when she told Eleri to wait in the gazebo as she stormed after Leliana told Eleri she didn't want to know.

"Eleri, my precious little Inquisitor. What brings you to the library?" Dorian greeted, picking his nose up out of his book as she walked by. He closed it with a snap of the covers.

"Not the library, the rookery and I'd love to stay and chat but you know how it goes." Eleri didn't slow down, offering her friend a shrug and apologetic look.

"That I do! Pity the fool who keeps our Leliana waiting, good luck."

The rookery always seemed to be stuck in perpetual night. Candles burning low. The few windows shuttered. Eleri thought it was odd that a rookery didn't have many windows but she hadn't seen many rookeries in her life nor did she presume to know anything about architecture. Her clan lived and travelled in tents and aravels, not many structures to study.

She found Leliana, for once, reclining in her desk chair with her head tipped back and eyes closed. Eleri doubted she was sleeping but still hated to disturb her. Leliana didn't rest enough. Josie constantly fretted and complained about that fact. Eleri was saved from disturbing her as the other woman began speaking, eyes still closed.

"Inquisitor. Welcome, how are you today?"

That wasn't what Eleri was expecting. It wasn't that Leliana had never shown an interest in her well-being. She just had never been summoned to that end. "Um, I'm well….and you?"

"Tired but when am I not?" Leliana opened her eyes and leveled them. An easy smile on her face. It made her look younger and Eleri guessed she was getting a glimpse of the Leliana Josie knew. "This is a rare moment of rest for us. Corypheus has been quiet. You closed all the known rifts. Our secondary forces are cleaning up the remaining threats from them and we have scouts in the Emerald Graves and Western Approach. I suggest we all take advantage of this time."

"What about the Winter Palace?"

"There will be plenty of time to prepare after some hard-earned rest." Eleri's brows rose. This was _not_ like Leliana. More like Josie. Her suspicions crept to mind again but still she couldn't place why. Something just seemed off.

" _Ooo_ kay. If you say so." She looked around the rookery, noticing the lack of a certain warden who was normally Leliana's shadow in Skyhold. "Where's Tristian?"

"She is taking advantage of this downtime and went to check in on her wardens. I believe she intends to look further into our friend Blackwall while there."

"What do we do if he isn't who he says he is?"

"That is up to you, Inquisitor. Though if it were me, I'd allow him to stay. He's proven his loyalty to us for whatever reason, especially at Adamant. We are not exactly in a position to turn down help from an experienced warrior. Regardless of his past ties."

Eleri nodded, taking in the advice as well as forming her own opinion. She couldn't find fault in what Leliana said, it had to be true if it changed the spymaster's original opinion. Not that she was fond of the idea of keeping a liar and imposter in her inner circle.

"That is another matter that can wait." Leliana drew Eleri from her thoughts. "At the very least until Tristian returns with more information on the subject. No sense thinking ourselves in circles."

"Was there a reason you summoned me, Leliana? Not to be rude but usually it isn't to simply chat. That's why Josie makes us have tea together."

Leliana smiled. They had both be obstinately against the forced time together. Always arguing they didn't have time. Josie had _none_ of it; so, they met twice a week in the gardens. "That was all I wanted. To check in on you. I know the past months have been trying for you. I worry and I have to listen to my best friend worry over you as well."

"Josie still worries?" Eleri asked nervously, almost afraid. She didn't want anything like their last fight to happen again. She promised she wouldn't treat Josie so poorly again but if she was worried that meant that she thought Eleri would and…

"Our dear Josephine would worry if you got a papercut from looking at your mail." Leliana chuckled. "It is not what you're thinking, Eleri. You have a lot on your plate and the events of late have only added to your burdens. She worries in a general sense, not over past arguments."

"So, she isn't worried I'll…um..."

"Hurt her again?" This was said with hard eyes and a lethal raise of an eyebrow. Even from her relaxed position, Eleri had to fight off a shiver in reaction to Leliana's threatening gaze. Softer than a glare but no less dangerous. The elf nodded. "No, she isn't." The look dropped with a quiet sigh. "Nor am I. I believe you've learned that lesson, yes?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, go on. I've wasted enough of your day off." She stood and rounded the table. "My own too. Perhaps I'll go for a walk. It is a lovely day outside."

The two women descended the tower together in silence but it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. Eleri always admired that most about Leliana. Her ability to manipulate quiet to fit whatever mood she needed. Today it was easy, warm somehow. Almost the same as it was with Josie.

"Inquisitor." Leliana nodded as they split off toward their separate destinations. Eleri returned the nod and continued on. She almost stopped into Josie's office but didn't want to until she finished the tasks given to her. Maybe then she could get Josie to take the rest of the day off, relax like everyone else. The thought of cuddling up with Josie in front of her fireplace almost made Eleri forget the list and turn back to her office but she promised the list would be finished so it would be.

Eleri stopped fast at the top of her staircase. Eyes sweeping the room with a confused smile. It was warmer than usual with only one set of balcony doors propped open. The other shut tight and the drapes closed over it. A fresh fire roaring in its place. Josie was fussing with the table that had been brought up and placed in the middle of the room. The room that was spotless and tidy. Not how she left it that morning.

"Jo?" Her voice was light, trying not to startle her, but Josie still jumped at the sound, a hand over her heart as she spun to face Eleri.

"Oh, _amor_! You scared me!" She giggled and crossed the room, taking Eleri's hand to pull her further into the room. "Well?"

"What is all this?" The table was laden with food. The main dish Eleri didn't recognize. A wine bottle in the middle of it all.

"I thought we could spend the rest of today together, try some Antivan food like you said you would like to."

Eleri smiled. This was perfect but… "What about work?

"What work?" Josie smirked and shrugged. Eleri laughed at that.

"Don't even try that, Jo." She tugged on Josie's hand, pulling her into a loose embrace. "I know you and I'm surprised you didn't break out into hives saying that."

"Work will still be there tomorrow, and I'm not putting off much mind you, but we do not often get days like these."

"Days like what?"

"Days when lives are not in immediate danger and there are not people needing you or that you ride off to some corner of Thedas to help them. Days that we can relax and spend time together outside of sharing a bed at night."

Eleri couldn't help but kiss Josie after that. Her brown eyes were so earnest and hopeful, that they could have days like today and many more of them. So in the now instead of planning for the next Inquisition task. Eleri almost asked about the Winter Palace but decided against it. No use ruining Josie's hard work.

"This is why you sent me running all over Skyhold for you?"

"It is." Josie said quietly, eyes still closed and moving her head down to rest against Eleri's shoulder and neck.

"Vivienne and Leliana were in on it too."

"They were. I was nervous you would finish too quickly. I was right."

"It's all perfect, like you."

Josie straightened at that, laughing and swatting a backhand at Eleri's chest. "Oh, hush you charmer." She pulled Eleri down into one of the chairs, next to each other instead on each side of the table. "You're losing your touch. That was cliché."

"I'll keep working on it then." Josie pulled a dish toward them. One Eleri didn't recognize. It smelled odd. Not bad necessarily but unlike anything she had smelled before. "What's that?"

"Have you ever had pasta?" Eleri shook her head. "Have you ever heard of it?" Another shake. "Excellent!" Josie clapped her hands together, a large smile on her face. "Pasta is popular in Antiva, not so much anywhere else. At least to my knowledge."

"Which means not anywhere else." Eleri joked. To her, Josie knew everything. Or at least a little about everything.

"Yes, well, the noodles," Josie pointed them out in the dish, "are made with flour, eggs, and water. Then they are hardened into different shapes. These are penne noodles. The different shapes go well with different sauces. Penne pasta is versatile so it goes well with almost anything."

She watched Josie explain. The way her hands gestured to the dish then cut and flew through the air with each word. The excitement in her voice. It was cute.

"Do you enjoy cooking?"

"What?" The interruption caught Josie off guard, mid-rant. Eleri didn't bother trying to repeat the question. She knew Josie heard her, just reacted before processing the question. "I do but only when I have the time or desire to. I don't think I would enjoy doing it for work. Why do you ask?"

"You know an awful lot and you're adorable when you talk about it."

Josie smiled and blushed, the color adding to how beautiful Eleri thought she looked. "That was much better than the perfect comment." She leaned toward Eleri to kiss her cheek. "Would you like to hear about the rest of the dish?"

"Very much."

"The sauce is a creamy tomato. It's made with white wine, tomatoes, water, cream, and spices." Josie always over-explained things to Eleri in an attempt to answer the questions she was bound to ask. "It's my favorite. There is spicy Antivan sausage as well as dried pepper flakes in it." Josie looked at Eleri, uncertainty and concern on her face. "Do you like spicy food? I supposed I should've asked before now."

"I don't know. I've never really had anything described as spicy. The Dalish only have what we forage for spices. Though a beautiful ambassador has told me stories about Antivan food and how much she misses it. I'd be willing to try it for her."

Josie narrowed her eyes, playfully muttering. "Charmer."

"Guilty."

"If you do not like it, that's okay! Not everything in Antiva is spicy so this is not the summation of our cuisine. There are also other options for tonight. You don't have to try this if you do not wish to."

"You said it was your favorite, right?" Josie nodded. "Then of course I'll try it. You said that spicy makes your mouth feel like it's on fire though. Maybe I can have some of that wine ready? Just in case."

With wine poured and a bite of pasta ready on her fork, Eleri took a deep breath then placed the fork into her mouth. At first it wasn't bad. It was delicious if she was being honest. Quickly the heat made itself known. She chewed quickly and then swallowed. Reaching for her glass. She drained half of it before exhaling with her mouth open, letting the air hit her taste buds.

Josie was watching her worriedly. Eleri tried to talk with her tongue out. The muscle still tingling from the pasta. She wasn't sure if it was a pleasant sensation yet.

"What?" Josie asked with a giggle.

"Ish haugh!"

"One more time, _amor_. I can't understand you like that." A still giggling Josie asked her. Eleri's eyes narrowed. Josie understood perfectly well and they both knew it.

"I _said_ it's hot!"

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know yet."

Josie gathered her own bite, moaning as she chewed it with her eyes closed. Eleri laughed at her reaction. " _Dio mio!_ It's not as good as my mother's but very close and still very delicious."

Eleri hazard another bite and surprised to find that she didn't need to scramble for her wine like last time. A drink was needed, just not as desperately. She wasn't sure how much she liked the spicy sausage but the sauce was good and the noodles were interesting. Different than anything she had tried before. They chatted on as they ate from the same dish. Mostly Josie pointing out the different ingredients as they came across them, how the pasta was cooked. The bread dipped in the leftover sauce was Eleri's favorite. It was less spicy and allowed her to enjoy it more.

"What did you think?"

"I think that it was very hot but good. I liked the bread and sauce a lot."

"I'll cook something with less spice next time. I'm not sure what I was thinking starting you off with this of all things!"

"You were thinking that it was your favorite and that's okay, I'm glad you made it." Eleri smiled as she leaned in, kissing Josie long and slow. "Your lips are kind of spicy now." Eleri frowned and pulled away. It wasn't the uncomfortable heat from the actual dish but not what she expected.

"I have something I think you're going to like much more than the pasta. I have to send someone to prepare it for us though. That will give us time to drink more wine and relax before we have dessert." Josie pecked a quick kiss of her own before getting up and descending the stairs to the main hall. Eleri decided to move their dinner party to the couch.

She grabbed the bottle of wine before putting it back to grab one of the tables by her bed and place it next to the couch, bottle of wine and glasses on it. Next she placed the bread and grapes beside the wine, snatching another breadstick as she got comfortable on the couch.

"Don't fill up on that." Josie whispered beside Eleri's ear before kissing her cheek. She let her hand trail across Eleri's shoulders as she walked around the couch. Then she was getting comfortable, draping Eleri's arm around her. "You are going to want what's for dessert. Trust me."

"Last piece. I promise." Eleri popped the last bite into her mouth, smiling as she chewed. Josie rolled her eyes and placed her head on her shoulder. "How long until dessert gets here?"

"Not too long."

"What is it?"

"Zeppolis."

"Oh wow. That tells me so much, Jo. I know exactly what you're talking about." Eleri deadpanned. Josie poked her side, right where Eleri was ticklish in retaliation. Earning a jerk and undignified squeal. "Quit that!"

"Don't sass me then." Eleri could hear the smile even if she couldn't see it. "I don't want to ruin the surprise so you'll have to wait and see what they are. Will you be hungry enough for them?"

Eleri's lack of appetite didn't go unnoticed by Josie. She tried not to nag Eleri to eat or pester her when she would skip a meal but it worried her. Apparently like Leliana said. Eleri wasn't trying to avoid eating, she just wasn't hungry very often. They made compromises though, like sharing a plate of pasta. The bread was extra and Eleri was feeling full but she'd make room for dessert.

"Hungry enough to try some of whatever it is." Josie nodded against her shoulder.

"How have you been sleeping lately?" Eleri tensed at the question. She had been trying her hardest not to wake Josie throughout the night. Her nightmares had been getting better but a few still snuck up on her each week. Josie's hand smoothed across her stomach to curve with her ribs. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

If the defeat in Josie's voice didn't hurt so much maybe she wouldn't say anything. "It's been better."

"But?"

"But I still have nightmares sometimes."

"Do they wake you up?"

"Yes." Eleri's voice was small. She didn't like talking about her dreams. To be plagued by something so small felt ridiculous to her but Josie, Leliana, Tristian, and Cassandra assured her it happened to even the strongest warriors. Even Solas had sought her out to assure her it was not out of the ordinary. Eleri was sure he only did so because Josie asked him too.

"If you need to, you can wake me up. I know you don't like to but I like being there for you. I wish I didn't have to be but neither of us can control that."

"Okay."

"And this?" Shifting to sit up, Josie took Eleri's anchored hand between both of hers. She pulled off the glove Eleri kept on practically at all times. Her thumbs smoothed along Eleri's palm, around the original mark. Now it covered her entire palm, green vein-looking tendrils snaked up her forearm. "Is it still bothering you?"

"Shouldn't that dessert be here by now?"

"Don't change the subject. Please."

Josie hadn't been shy about nagging her over the anchor. Go see Solas. How is it feeling today. Has it grown. Are you hurting. Have you asked Solas. Gaining her memories seemed to awaken the mark. It was more active now. Sparking and flaring sporadically each hour, searing up her arm with each rift interaction. The tendrils were new. They had been only on the back of her hand after Adamant and the fade but the focus of closing known rifts sent them growing up her arm. When active, they lit up all the way to her jaw. She swore Cassandra, Dorian, and Bull to secrecy. Josie was already over-worried without that added knowledge. Eleri sighed.

"It's manageable, Jo."

"That doesn't answer my question, Eleri! Please don't brush me off. I can tell when it is hurting you and I've heard unpleasant rumors about what happens when you close rifts."

Eleri cursed under her breath. No idea where those rumors had come from. "Who did you hear those from?"

"Does it matter? They're true. Aren't they?"

"I can't confirm them if I don't know what they are!" Eleri snapped and stood. Arms crossed and staring at the fire instead of at Josie. She shouldn't have reacted so harshly, it just bubbled out of her, but she was trying so hard to keep the anchor's progress up her arm a secret.

"Why won't you talk to me about this?"

"Because!" Eleri ran her fingers as far as they would go into her hair. Dragging her nails out across the shaved hair at the sides of her head. Her arms dropping heavily to her sides as she turned to face Josie. The woman she was quickly falling in love with. The woman she could lean on. The woman who was going to worry and be afraid for her no matter what information Eleri kept from her. "Because it's getting worse and no one, not even Solas, knows what to do. I didn't want you to worry any more than you already are."

"Eleri, _amor_ , it is not your decision to make whether I worry or not." Josie stood, placing her hands on Eleri's upper arms. Eleri kept her eyes downcast, not wanting to have this conversation. They'd been having conversations like this often lately.

"I know that. I just…didn't want to add to it."

"When I needed help did I keep things from you?"

"No."

"Even when I knew you wouldn't like what was going on, did I?"

"No."

"I didn't because I needed your support to help me through all of that House of Repose nonsense." Josie sighed, moving her hands up and down Eleri's arms. "I thought we were past the handling things on your own stage."

"I hate adding to your already heavy burden."

"Heavy burden? Eleri, you are not a burden to me."

Eleri looked up at that. "I know that, I do. I mean your work. You have so much going on and I don't want to add my problems to the long list of Inquisition problems you deal with."

"Oh, Eleri." Josie chuckled, a little sadly. "Even without how I feel about you, your problems would be at the top of that list. Without you there is no Inquisition." She brushed her fingers along the shaved hair at the side of Eleri's head then trailed the length of her ear. "Because I love you, there isn't even a list to put your feelings on. The way you feel is detrimental to the way I feel. I may not always be able to fix what's wrong but I can always be there for you."

A smile tugged at Eleri's lips and Josie smiled soft, having meant what she said and knowing what Eleri was going to say. "You love me?"

"I do. I thought it was kind of obvious."

"I love you too." Eleri whispered before she kissed Josie. Warmth reaching in all directions in her chest. The ache she's felt since her clan, since allowing Stroud to sacrifice himself was still there but it was lessened with Josie's words and her answering ones.

A throat being cleared startled them apart. I love you's exchanged or not, they were still keeping their relationship on a need to know basis. Random Skyhold workers weren't need to know. Not that Poppy was random. She'd been attending to Eleri's quarters exclusively since they claimed Skyhold. Still. "Excuse me, ma'ams. I'm sorry to…interrupt but here's the dish you requested."

"Yes." Josie answered, stepping away from Eleri and smoothing out her dress. "Thank you very much. I'll just take that from you."

Poppy gave a shallow bow but hesitated before leaving. "Ma'ams. If I may be so bold?"

Eleri readied herself for some derogatory remark. The woman was older, human, and, at her best guess, Ferelden; she'd never asked. They weren't known for the tolerance. Tristian and Leliana had mentioned it before. Poppy may have been wonderful to Eleri since she was assigned and good natured but that didn't necessarily matter. She could still harbor negativity towards them now. The hold of Josie's shoulders told Eleri she was bracing for the same thing. She answered curtly but still managed a polite tone. "You may."

"This is no surprise." She gestured between them. "At least not to me. I've noticed how frequently you both spend time up here. I only wanted to say that your secret is safe with me. Not a soul will know on account of me."

Eleri smiled and felt a small twinge of guilt for doubting Poppy. She'd been nothing but gracious, good humored and kind to a young elf who was at one time accused of damning the world. Really, she should have higher expectations of the woman. "Thank you, Poppy."

"You're welcome, sweet." Eleri blushed at the nickname. Up to this point no one else had heard Poppy use it. Josie giggled and the woman lit up with mischief. "The stories I can tell you about this one, Lady Ambassador."

"You don't have stories!" Eleri could hear the nervous edge in her voice. She wasn't fooling anyone with the attempt at calm and cool. In fact, Poppy did have a few stories. Namely the time a crazed bird got in her room and wouldn't get out. A trained and experienced warrior shouldn't shriek at small, winged animals like Eleri was each time the bird dove at her. Or the time Eleri fell asleep in the bath Poppy had drawn her. It was less embarrassing but still brought a blush to her cheeks. Those were the only two that came to mind. Poppy looked as if she had a few others stored away.

"I do and you know it!" Eleri couldn't help the smile that the old woman's comeback brought along. Josie looked between them, expecting more but Poppy put an end to it. "I'll leave you to your downtime. Inquisitor, Lady Ambassador." Another shallow bow, the only kind her aged back allowed.

"I didn't realize you were so close with your steward."

"Poppy's a good secret keeper." Eleri shrugged. "I don't think anyone even knows she's assigned to me unless they're supposed to."

"I'd say we should resume where we were before we were interrupted but these are best eaten fresh." Josie motioned to the plate and Eleri's mouth watered simply by how good they looked. She hadn't bothered glancing at the plate when Poppy entered. She was too nervous. There were a few fried dough balls, golden and sprinkled with powdered sugar. A small dish of what looked like melted chocolate sat in the middle of them.

"Those smell amazing."

"They taste even better. Trust me."

" _Gods._ You were right. You were so right." Eleri gushed around her first bite of the dessert. "What are these called again?"

"Zeppolis. They're just friend dough with sugar and chocolate. Simple and delightful."

"I think this is my new favorite food." Eleri ate two more of the doughy dessert before picking her wine back up as she moved back to the couch. Situating herself so she could still watch Josie. She nursed the drink, not having much room for it either.

Josie unashamedly finished the zeppolis. Poking Eleri's nose with a chocolate covered finger and a smile as she sat beside her, moving Eleri's legs to lay over her lap. Eleri went cross-eyed trying to look at the brown spot, making Josie laugh, before swiping it away and licking it off her own finger.

"What would you like to do with the rest of the day, _amor_?"

Eleri answered with a question of her own. "What does that mean?"

" _Amor?_ It means love in Antivan."

Eleri smiled without meaning too. Ducking her head down when she couldn't stop it. Josie's finger came up to trace a laugh line, as she leaned into Eleri, but didn't try to tip her head back up.

"In Dalish it's _lath._ Not quite as pretty as _amor_ , is it?"

Josie hummed. "I suppose not but I like the sound of it nonetheless."

"I'm sure you do." They spoke quietly, barely above the crackle in the fireplace or the wind outside. They were close enough that it didn't matter what volume they spoke. "We use a different word to get across the same meaning. Like how you use _amor_ to show affection. It's _ma vhenan._ Can you guess what it means?"

Josie tapped her finger to Eleri's chin while she thought as if it were her own, causing Eleri to chuckle and reach up to take her hand. "Does it mean most beautiful woman in the entire world?"

"No." Eleri laughed.

"How about…. the _smartest_ woman? That's a much more desirable title anyway."

"No again. Give up?"

"I do."

"My heart."

She looked up then, met Josie's surprised eyes and took in her reaction. The parted lips that turned up the slightest. The only thing keeping Eleri calm and away from thinking Josie's expression meant she said something wrong.

"My heart?"

Eleri nodded. "It's true. I've been thinking about it lately. I've known I love you for a while now and I'd always daydream when I was away about being able to call you _ma vhenan_ and what that means. It's gotten me through all the rift closing."

"What does it mean?"

"Well…" Eleri started to fidget with Josie's fingers. Was it too early to lay it all bare? Eleri decided no. It wasn't. It'd been months now and beyond that, she risked her life every day. If she didn't say it now, there was a very real possibility that she wouldn't get a chance to. It only took a single misstep on the battlefield or even along some of the more rugged terrain they travel across for her not to come home. "It's more than a pet name. It means literally what it means. My heart. _You_ are my heart. Everything I am, everything I fight for, everything I want is you."

Josie didn't respond verbally nor right away. First she simply stared at Eleri, eyes watery. Then her hands came up to frame Eleri's face. Fingers at her temples and thumbs brushing across her cheeks. Lastly, _finally_ , her lips crashed into Eleri's. They didn't get far before Josie's smile made them pull apart. Her hands stopping Eleri from pulling back too far. "Say it again." She whispered.

" _Ma vhenan."_

"I think that's my favorite sound: your voice saying those words."

"Then I'll say them every day for as long as you'll let me."

It was a lie. At least the every day part. They both knew it but it was comforting and the intention behind it was pure. Eleri would say it every day if she could, if her job didn't demand her presence in four different countries and at least twice as many cities all at the same time. Eleri would mean it every day. Regardless if she said it to Josie or thought it or felt it in her heart.

Josie pulled away and rested on Eleri's chest, her head above her heart and Eleri's arms wrapped around her. A sound of contentment bubbling out of her. "I needed today."

"Me too, Jo."


	23. Warm Thoughts - Blackwall

**A/N: This isn't the longer chapter I mentioned in last chapter's note. I thought I should set up some of the story a little more than just imply it. Also, the chapters have been dominated by Tristian and Eleri so mixing up POV seemed in order. Thanks for reading! (I didn't proof read…sorry).**

Skyhold was unusually cold. Not that Blackwall was bothered much. The fire blazing in the middle of the stables was high enough to keep the low temperatures out. His project for the day was also helping. The repetitive back and forth of the scraper against the wood was not only soothing but kept his muscles warm from exertion. He paused to wipe his forehead, take measure of his progress. Almost done smoothing out the surface. Next would be paint. Maybe Solas had that extra white he'd asked after last week.

Carpentry was one of the only habits he kept from his old life. The only one worthwhile in his opinion. Blackwall was a good man and good men had hobbies just the same as bad ones. And using one's hands to create was noble. Surely a realistic hobby for the new Blackwall. At the very least, it was one that didn't warrant questioning.

Blackwall ran a hand over the surface. Smooth, no risk of splinters. Exactly what he was working toward. On to paint. Which meant into the hold to Solas. Blackwall did his best to avoid Skyhold's halls. He got the distinct impression that the Inquisitor didn't like him much. The risk of running into that spymaster was also a factor. So far, he'd been able to escape her scrutiny. No reason to tempt fate. More than anything, the spymaster's wife, Warden-Commander Cousland, was a bigger risk. She was the most likely to find him out. More likely than her wife. Blackwall didn't need that when he was only trying to help, to right his wrongs.

Luckily, on more than one account, the only person he ran into was Lady Montilyet. The very beautiful and kind Lady Montilyet. "Warden." She greeted. "How do you do?"

"Fine, my lady. And you?"

"Attempting to stay warm. A feat I fear I will not accomplish. This is a wicked storm that has blown in. Are you quite sure you won't come into the hold? At the very least until this terrible weather passes?"

"That's kind of you but no. I've stayed in less in similar weather before." He chuckled, trying to put her at ease. Her concern was warming enough. "I assure you, I'll be fine."

"Do let me know if you change your mind." She smiled, looked about to continue their conversation when the call of her name sounded behind her. "I apologize, Ser Blackwall but I must go. Enjoy the rest of your day and stay warm!"

"You as well, Lady Montilyet."

Blackwall watched her walk off, speak with the worker who called out to her. He couldn't help it. Lady Montilyet's beauty reached far beyond the physical. Not that her beauty was lacking anywhere. At least not to him. She was warm, intelligent, had a smile that could knock him to his knees. Any man would be a fool to deny those simple facts. Fool he may have once been but Blackwall was not. Once she was out of sight, he made his way to Solas.

"Solas." He greeted.

"Blackwall, hello. What can I help you with?"

Solas didn't look up from his parchments. He looked at one then wrote something on the other. Blackwall didn't bother trying to figure out what he was working on. It was likely some mumbo-jumbo mage research that he wouldn't understand any way.

"I was wondering if you had that white paint I was after last week? I'm ready to start painting but need the white first."

"Oh. Yes, of course. My apologies. I meant to bring this out to you days ago." Solas walked over to his scaffolding; under which, sat several jars of paint in all different colors. He picked one out then paused, looking back over to Blackwall. "Were there any other colors you needed? I mixed more up so I have plenty."

"Brown, yellow, and black if you can spare them."

"You'll need something to carry them in then." Solas put the jar back down then disappeared into a doorway, a closet perhaps. He came back out with a small crate. "This should do. White. Black. Brown. And…ah, here we are: yellow." Solas plucked out each color and placed it in the crate, handing it off to Blackwall. "May I ask what your latest wooden creation is?"

"A rocking horse."

"Do you have many uses for a rocking horse, Blackwall?"

Blackwall let out a gruff laugh. "No. I can't say that I do but there are a few children here in Skyhold. I'm sure one of them can find a use for it."

"How kind of you."

"Thank you for the paint." Blackwall nodded before walking out. Not bothering to wait for Solas's farewell. He often didn't give one.

Lady Josephine wouldn't leave his thoughts. The walk back to his stables, the priming and painting of the rocking horse. Even as he stared into his fire, cooking his dinner. Her melodic voice and bronze skin and beautiful brown eyes. He had to admit to himself that what he thought was a passing fancy was turning out to be more, turning out to have meaning. Blackwall would be the first to admit he didn't have much of an imagination but it took the idea of Lady Josephine and ran with it.

It supplied him with answers to questions like what a dinner with her would be like, how would it feel to hold her hand, who would be the first to initiate a first kiss, when they'd find time to see each other throughout their busy days and where'd they sneak off to. The reasons why she would return his feelings. Just like her concern, the possibilities were warming.

In a week's time, the weather evened out. The sun came back in full force and Skyhold came back to life. Blackwall was still getting used to being back in civilization after living in isolation for so long but he had to admit that he didn't hate it like he thought he would. Especially when the poor weather gave him reason to hang around the main hall. Raising his chances of seeing Lady Josephine. He was rewarded for his efforts with several pleasant conversations with the woman. He hadn't minded the others around him.

Blackwall stood in the entrance of the stables, a view of the main gates at a distance, to watch the Inquisitor and her party depart now that it was safer to travel. Rarely was he asked to travel with her. This time it was the Seeker, Madame de Fer, and Iron Bull. He was surprised. Lately the Inquisitor favored Warden-Commander Cousland and Dorian with her. Blackwall didn't think overly hard about it. He resigned himself to the fact that he would never understand the young elf's decision making. She was far too inexperienced to be consistent about it. Regardless of that, he did need to check in, see if he had orders of his own. Blackwall's imagination took over again, supplying the image of a happy-to-see-him Lady Josephine as he walked through her office to the war room. Then, it went on to expand, change the possibility. Flowers would make her even more happy to see him. The thought excited him. Whatever parchment was waiting for him with orders in the war room could wait the short time it would take him to gather a modest bouquet. He smiled and set to work, making his way to the gates. All the best flowers were outside Skyhold's walls.

Deciding that wildflowers and a wild-looking man didn't go together, Blackwall stopped in the stables before going in. He held a small, barely reflective piece of polished steel up to try and get a look at himself. His fingers caught in the tangles of his beard. Swearing and wincing, at the slight pain and that he was so disheveled. Next, he smoothed his hair as much as possible. The end result wasn't ideal but it was better and that was going to have to do.

He caught a few strange looks as he walked up to the hold with his flowers but he did his best to ignore them. It didn't matter how uncomfortable those looks made him because the flowers were going to result in a smile from a beautiful woman. His excitement built with each step. Only to fall when Lady Josephine's office was empty. A frown was the only reaction Blackwall let show. She was a busy woman and was needed all over Skyhold. It was silly to think she would be waiting around for flowers. He placed them on her desk, awkwardly and hesitantly looking for a blank bit of parchment. _Thought your office would be brightened with these – Blackwall._

The disappointment only grew as there were no orders waiting in the war room. He needed to talk to Commander Cullen about this. It was a severe misuse of their resources to leave him without any work. Blackwall came to the Inquisition to help save Thedas from this Corypheus. Surely there was something he could be doing! He let his disappointment of missing Lady Josephine slip in and hide with his anger over being left at Skyhold once more and marched off to find the Commander.

The flowers seemed to work. Lady Josephine had sought him out later that day to thank him. Smiles and warm gratitude radiating off her. Blackwall had attempted to be charming and less gruff but he wasn't sure he succeeded but it didn't matter. Lady Josephine didn't seem to mind at all.

He made it his goal to seek her out at least once a day. Be it to simply say hello or chat for a spell, it didn't matter. Blackwall also brought flowers with him every couple of visits. Lady Josephine seemed to like them so much the first time. It was such a small, easy thing for him to do so he did.


End file.
